Chapter 29: Gastronomy and Greatness
[A/N: So, my girlfriend told me today that I'm officially the weirdest person she's ever met. My immediate reaction? Cracking jokes at my own expense while passively roasting her (business as usual, honestly).
But wait, it gets worse. I was an idiot and challenged her to Mario Kart. The stakes? The loser had to wear a bunny girl outfit and dance to Rabbit Hole.
Long story short: I lost. Pray for my dignity.🐇]
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
Before we get to the beach, the trash, and the dietary choices that will haunt my brother's nightmares forever, we have to talk about the "Talk."
It happened right after the Uno Massacre at the Yaoyorozu estate. While the rest of the crew was busy arguing over whether a Draw-Four constitutes a war crime, All Might—looking like a sentient stick insect in a yellow suit—had cornered me in the hallway.
"Young Sunny," he started, his voice a raspy whisper as he checked the corners for eavesdroppers. "I must ask... how did you know? At the beach, before the incident... you recognized me in this form instantly. My secret is guarded by the highest levels of—"
I held up a white-gloved hand, stopping him mid-sentence.
"Toshinori, pal, look at yourself," I said, leaning against a wall that I'd briefly turned into a cushion. "You're six-foot-something of pure 'I used to be a Greek God' energy wrapped in a suit that could double as a circus tent. You cough up blood like it's a hobby, your eyes look like they were drawn with a Sharpie in a dark room, and you have two giant tufts of hair that defy the very concept of hair gel."
I leaned in closer, my eyes turning into magnifying glasses for a second.
"Also, I'm me. I see the world in high-definition vibrance. Everyone else has a standard aura, but yours? Yours looks like a neon sign that says 'RETIRED LEGEND' with a flickering 'HELP ME' underneath. You aren't exactly blending in, you're just lucky everyone in this city is too busy looking at their phones to notice the skeletal man breathing like a broken accordion."
All Might stood there, mouth agape, looking like a fish that had just been told it was wet.
"Oh," he muttered. "I... I see. I thought the disguise was quite effective."
"It's effective the same way a giant red nose is effective for a spy," I patted his bony shoulder. "Now, let's go. We have a beach to clean and a legacy to pass on via questionable methods."
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
The Dagobah Municipal Beach Park. Or, as I like to call it, the "World's Largest Collection of Sharp Metal Objects."
The sun was beating down on the piles of rusted refrigerators and abandoned tires. All Might was standing on top of a microwave, trying to give Izuku a lecture on the "Vessel of Justice."
"To inherit my power, your body must be a container strong enough to hold the pressure!" All Might boomed, throwing a dramatic pose that definitely hurt his back. "You have trained well under your brother, but today... today we begin the final refinement!"
I wasn't really listening. I was busy on my phone.
"Hey, Chaos Crew? Yeah, it's Sunny. We're at the beach. No, not a beach day. We're filming a documentary. A 'How-To' on losing your dignity. Who's available?"
Five minutes later, a pink blur and a golden flash appeared at the top of the stairs.
Mina Ashido arrived wearing a "DIRECTOR" cap and carrying a digital tablet. Toga Himiko followed, lugging a professional-grade cinema camera that was definitely too heavy for a normal girl, but she was carrying it like a toy.
"Sunny-kun!" Toga chirped, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "Is it time? Is Izu-kun going to do something embarrassing? I have the 4K lenses ready!"
"Total coverage, Toga-chan!" I grinned. "Mina, you're on post-production. I want filters, I want slow-mo, and I want a soundtrack that screams 'Mistakes Were Made'."
"You got it, Boss!" Mina saluted, already setting up her editing software. "I'll make sure this goes viral in the private group chat within ten minutes of the 'Event'."
Izuku looked over at us, his face pale. "Sunny? Why are they here? Why is Toga-san setting up a tripod? And why is there a 'Cringe Warning' logo on Mina-san's tablet?"
"Don't worry about it, Izu-chan! Focus on the Legend!"
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
The atmosphere was shifting. All Might stepped down from his microwave, his face becoming uncharacteristically solemn. The wind picked up, swirling the sand around his feet.
"Young Midoriya," All Might said, his voice echoing with a weight that actually made the Toon Force sit still for a second. "The time has come. My quirk, One For All... it is a torch passed from generation to generation. And today, I pass it to you."
I snapped my fingers. Suddenly, the sky turned a deep, dramatic purple. Golden spotlights shone down from the clouds. A full orchestral choir began to hum a low, epic melody.
"Sunny! Stop with the special effects!" Izuku yelled, though he was visibly shaking with emotion.
"I'm setting the mood, kid! This is history!"
All Might reached up. He grabbed one of those two giant, golden tufts of hair on his head. With a sharp pluck, he held it out.
"In order to receive the power," All Might said, his expression completely serious, "you must ingest my DNA. Any part will do, but this is the most... convenient."
He held the single, golden hair toward Izuku.
"EAT THIS."
The music stopped. The spotlights flickered and died. The "Epic" atmosphere collapsed into a heap of awkward silence.
Toga's camera zoomed in so far I could see the sweat on Izuku's forehead.
"I... I have to eat it?" Izuku whispered. "Like... just... raw?"
"It's the only way, Young Midoriya!"
I stepped forward, wearing a chef's hat and holding a bubbling cauldron that I'd pulled out of my back pocket.
"Wait! I have an idea!" I announced. "We're Midoriyas! We have standards! We don't eat raw hair like savages! Izu-chan, let me cook it for you! I'll make a 'Legacy Broth'! A 'Symbol of Peace Soup'!"
All Might blinked. "I... suppose the DNA just needs to be digested. Heating it shouldn't destroy the quirk factor. It probably works."
I didn't wait for a second opinion. I tossed the hair into the cauldron, added some salt, a rubber duck for flavor, and stirred it with a giant wooden spoon.
"Bon Appétit, brother!"
I handed Izuku a bowl of steaming, golden liquid with a single, limp hair floating in the center.
Izuku looked at the camera. He looked at Mina, who was holding her breath. He looked at the soup. He took a deep breath and chugged the whole thing.
We waited.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Izuku didn't glow. He didn't grow muscles. He didn't even burp sparks.
"I... I just feel like I swallowed a piece of wet carpet," Izuku groaned, clutching his stomach.
"Experiment failed!" I yelled, tossing the cauldron into the ocean. "The Toon-Logic has been rejected by the Sacred Torch! It turns out 'probably' isn't good enough for a quirk this old!"
"It seems," All Might sighed, looking deeply apologetic, "that it must be done the traditional way. Raw. No seasoning."
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
All Might plucked a second hair.
Izuku looked like he was walking to the gallows. Toga moved the camera three inches from his mouth. Mina was literally vibrating with excitement, her fingers hovering over the 'Upload' button.
"Do it for the future, Izu-chan!" I cheered. "Think of the statues they'll build! They'll leave out the part where you ate a man's hair on a trash-beach!"
Izuku closed his eyes. He took the hair. He put it on his tongue.
The look of pure, concentrated regret on his face was a work of art. He swallowed. He gagged. He looked like he wanted to turn inside out.
"Did you get that, Toga?!" I asked.
"4K, high frame rate, and I caught the exact moment his soul left his body!" Toga cheered, giving a thumbs-up.
"The lighting was perfect!" Mina added, typing furiously. "I'm titling the video: 'THE SECRET OF THE SYMBOL: GOLDFISH MEMORY OR HAIR DIETARY?'"
Izuku collapsed onto the sand, his face buried in his hands. "My reputation... it's gone. I haven't even started at UA and I'm already a meme."
"Cheer up, kid!" I patted his head, my hand turning into a giant foam finger for a second. "You've got the power of the greatest hero in history inside you! Sure, the video is already being sent to the Chaos Crew group chat, and yeah, Bakugo is probably going to make 'Hair-Breath' jokes for the next decade... but you're a Hero now!"
All Might looked at the three of us—the camerawoman, the editor, and the Toon—and then at his new successor who was currently trying to wash the taste out of his mouth with sea water.
"I have made a series of very interesting choices," All Might whispered to himself.
"Don't worry, Toshinori!" I grinned, slinging an arm around his bony waist. "The training starts tomorrow! And I've already got a 'Leg-Day' routine planned that involves a pack of sentient wolves and a giant treadmill!"
The camera flashed one last time. The legend had begun—and it was already being edited for comedic effect.