January 1, 2026 — 6:00 AM
The silence in the stone room was so thick it felt like a physical weight, broken only by the wet, ragged hitching of Gilbert's breath. He stared up at her—the literal Goddess of Rot. He knew those tarnished gold wings on her helm; he had died to them more times than he could count in Elden Ring. But seeing her here, occupying the same air as his stale laundry, was a sensory overload that made his brain stutter. He needed to take control. This was his skill. His Rank EX. In every light novel he'd ever read, the summon was bound by a blood contract. They were tools. They were waifus.
Gilbert scrambled onto his cot, the springs screaming under his weight. He stood on the thin, stained mattress, swaying slightly as he tried to gain enough height to meet Malenia eye-to-eye. He still had to tilt his head back. "I am Gilbert Wilton!" he announced, throwing his shoulders back. The movement caused his oily hair to flop over his glasses. He didn't wipe them. He tried to summon the deepest, most authoritative voice he could muster—the one he used when he was leading a raid—and plastered a smug, knowing grin across his face. "But you, my lady, can call me Master. You should be honored. You're lucky enough to be my first summon. Take grace in the fact that you've been welcomed into my presence." He folded his arms over his cat-girl shirt, looking like a king of a very small, very smelly hill. He glanced at the floating blue window, expecting to see the people of Utah bowing to his confidence.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
u-20329: "Is he... is he actually trying to alpha-male MALENIA? On a twin-sized mattress?" Utah_Mom_Jen: "Master? This is sick. Someone get that woman away from that creepy boy. Is there no police in this ghost world?!"
SLC_Skater_Kid: "Bro, he's standing on his bed to look tall. I'm dying. This is the funniest way the world could end." GamerGod_69: "Gilbert, you absolute moron, SHE IS NOT AN NPC. LOOK AT HER HAND."
Diesel_Truck_Dave: "I've seen some dumb things in Provo, but this takes the cake. He's talking to a seven-foot tall warrior like she's a waitress at Hooters." u-1255: "He just told the Blade of Miquella she was 'lucky.' It's been nice knowing you all. Utah is getting deleted for sure."
Gilbert saw the text, but his brain filtered it through a thick layer of delusion. They're just jealous, he told himself. They don't have the EX Rank. They don't see the vision. "Say what you will, Utah!" Gilbert shouted at the empty air, his voice cracking with cockiness. "Sooner or later, you'll all be begging for my protection. Don't be mad because I pulled a Legendary on my first roll. And for the ladies watching? Try not to get a female boner. I know, I know—it's a lot to take in." He let out a sharp, wheezing laugh, leaning back to gloat.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
SLC_Savage: "He did not just say 'female boner.' I'm voting for the aliens. Wipe us out. We don't deserve to continue."
RealEstate_Deb: "Can we mute him? I'd rather watch the silence of the empty streets than listen to this." u-8329: "GILBERT TURN AROUND. SHE IS LITERALLY VIBRATING WITH RAGE." LDS_TruthSeeker: "Heaven help us. The pride before the fall is real, and it's wearing a cat-girl shirt."
"Turn around? Why?" Gilbert smirked, eyes still on the chat. "It's just Malenia. She's completely docile to her Master. It's part of the—" The sentence died in his throat. A cold, metallic whir sounded behind him. Suddenly, the world tilted. A hand of cold, unyielding gold clamped onto the collar of his 3XL shirt. With a strength that felt like being snagged by a crane, Gilbert was jerked backward. He hit the stone floor hard, his breath leaving him in a pathetic woof. He looked up, and for the first time, he felt the true weight of what he had summoned. Malenia loomed over him, her winged helm casting a long, jagged shadow across his chest. She wasn't just standing there. She was oozing a pressure so intense it felt like the air had turned to liquid lead. The scent of rotting lilies became a suffocating stench.
"Master?" she whispered. The word sounded like a curse.
Gilbert's smugness shattered like cheap glass. "I—I see you don't understand your role," he stammered, his voice rising an octave. He tried to point a trembling finger at her. "Unhand your Master right now, or else I'll—I'll revoke your—" Malenia didn't let him finish. In one fluid, terrifying blur, she dropped her hand from his collar to his throat. She hoisted him up—all 185 pounds of him—and slammed him back onto the cot. The wooden frame groaned and cracked. She leaned in, her eyeless helm inches from his face. Gilbert could see his own terrified, sweaty reflection in the polished gold of her visor.
"You speak of grace," Malenia said, her voice a low, terrifying hum. "You speak of luck. You are a creature of filth, residing in a tomb of your own making. Do not mistake my presence for your triumph." Gilbert clawed at her golden wrist, his legs kicking uselessly. He looked at the chat, his eyes wide and pleading. Help me, he thought. Do something!
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
u-20329: "LMAO GET HIM. This is the greatest thing to happen to this state since the 2002 Olympics. Beat his ass, Queen!"
SLC_Skater_Kid: "Worldstar! Someone clip that! The way his double chin wobbled when she slammed him... pure art."
Utah_Momma_Jen: "I don't condone violence, but that boy really needs to learn some manners. Go on, dear." GamerGod_69: "Gilbert, APOLOGIZE. She is literally going to use Waterfowl Dance on your windpipe. You don't have enough HP to survive a single frame of her aggro!" u-12452: "Is it bad that I'm rooting for the summon? Because I am. I hope she leaves him in a locker and represents us herself."
Moab_MountainBiker: "Look at his legs kicking. Zero calf definition. Meanwhile, her prosthetic has more torque than my truck. Gilbert, you're a lawn chair, and she's a hurricane."
Cottonwood_Karen: "I'm calling the System's manager. This is physical assault! Even if he is a creep, he's our creep! This woman is a menace!"
UVU_Freshman: "Karen, hush. He literally asked to rub her feet. This is self-defense. Honestly, she should have used the blade already. Total vibe check failed."
SouthJordan_Simp: "I don't care if she kills him. I just want to know if her armor is customizable. Also, Malenia... call me."
Gilbert felt a cold shiver of pure, primal terror as Malenia reached for the hilt of her blade. The Hand of Malenia—the five-foot-long katana—slid from its scabbard with a hiss of steel. She didn't draw it fully, just enough to let the edge rest against the soft skin of Gilbert's neck. The bravado was gone. The "Lone Wolf" was dead. "I—uh—um—I'm..." Gilbert's pride fought with his survival instinct, a pathetic war happening behind his fogged glasses. He looked at the blade, then at the eyeless helm. Malenia didn't move. She was as still as a statue, waiting for a reason to turn him into a kebab.
"I'm sorry!" he shrieked, the words bursting out in a spray of spit. "I'm sorry! Please! Don't kill me! I didn't mean it!"
The room went silent. The only sound was the hum of the smartphone on the table.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
u-20329: "There it is. The legendary Utah representative, everyone. Crying on a stained mattress while a fictional woman looks at him like a pile of wet garbage. We are beyond cooked."
SLC_Savage: "The apology heard 'round the world. Or at least 'round the Great Salt Lake. I've seen some pathetic things at the State Fair, but this takes the gold medal."
u-1234: "Malenia 1, Gilbert 0. Can we just make her the representative and put him in one of the crates? She's the only one in the room with a spine, and it's made of tarnished gold."
Sandy_Yoga_Mom: "I'm trying to stay positive for the sake of the children, but the state of that bedding... it's a health hazard. The 'system' should have summoned him a bottle of bleach instead."
Maverick_Coffee_Addict: "I've seen this guy at the gas station. He once argued for ten minutes over a double-coupon for jerky. Now he's apologizing to a goddess. Life comes at you fast."
Malenia stared down at him for another long, agonizing second. Then, she slowly slid the blade back into its sheath. She released his throat, letting his head thud back onto the pillow. "Stand up," she commanded. "We leave now. If I am to be tethered to a coward, I will at least ensure the coward is useful." Gilbert scrambled to obey, his hands shaking so hard he could barely grip his sneakers. He didn't look at her. He just stared at the floor, his face a deep, permanent shade of crimson.
Gilbert sat on the edge of the cot, his fingers trembling as he clutched the sleek black smartphone. The screen's glow reflected off his fogged-up lenses, casting a sickly violet light over his sweat-beaded face. Just as he was about to check if the "private browser" icon had somehow survived the transition, a loud, crystalline ping echoed through the stone room.
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION] Wave 1 Commencement: 10 Minutes to Start. Challenge: Survive 24 hours during a Chlorophyll Takeover. Environmental Shift: Rapid botanical mutation. The urban landscape will be reclaimed by the Verdant Surge. Beware of mimic-flora and oxygen-rich toxicity.
[COMMUNITY INTERACTION] Status: Viewers in the "Utah Sector" were permitted to vote on Trial Difficulty. Result: MAXIMUM DIFFICULTY (Tier: Nightmare) Note: The harder the Challenge, the higher the loot drop rate and rewards. (Or, the faster the elimination.)
Gilbert's jaw dropped. He frantically scrolled through the live feed, his eyes darting across the messages of his fellow Utahns.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
PraiseTheSun_88: "Voted Nightmare. If we're going down, I want to see this guy turned into plant food in 4K. If he can't parry a vine, he deserves to be fertilizer."
WestValley_Karen: "I voted for the hardest setting because the System said it would be more 'rewarding' for him. We're just being helpful, Gilbert! Grow a pair! My HOA doesn't even allow dandelions, so you'd better clear those weeds."
UofU_Alum: "Liar. We all know we just want to see if the gold lady can actually fight or if she'll just leave him to rot. #TeamMalenia #DeleteGilbert."
SLC_Savage: "I want to see if a Venus Flytrap can digest 185 pounds of Doritos and pure entitlement. Nightmare difficulty was the only moral choice for our entertainment. Pass the popcorn."
MormonMomma_4: "It's about the blessings! Harder trials mean more rewards. We are practically doing him a favor, like a very difficult trek. Use that 'Master' energy you were bragging about, dear." LagSwitch_Larry: "Imagine having an EX-rank summon and still being the most hated man in the mountain time zone. Nightmare mode, let's gooooo. RIP Utah, we had a good run with the fry sauce." BYU_Superfan_99: "If we had a representative from Provo, we'd be on easy mode and thriving. This guy looks like he's never even seen a hiking trail. Voted Nightmare for the chaos."
Ski_Bum_Jackson: "Nightmare difficulty means the plants are going to be moving at like 60mph. This kid can't even jog to the fridge without wheezing. I hope he's got good health insurance." Copper_Mine_Chris: "The sheer audacity of this guy. My whole crew at the mine just voted Nightmare. We'd rather the planet end than be represented by a guy who asks for foot massages."
"Why the fuck would you bastards make it more challenging?!" Gilbert screamed at the ceiling, his voice cracking into a high-pitched wail. He shook the phone at the invisible cameras. "'Rewarding benefits?' That's a straight-faced lie! You just want to see me get eaten! Whatever. Fuck this state! I don't have to worry about your petty votes." He cast a sideways, smug glance over his shoulder toward the corner of the room. Malenia stood there like a statue of tarnished gold, her arms crossed over her chest, the scarlet cape draped over her shoulders like a funeral shroud.
"I have Malenia here to protect me," he boasted to the chat, his confidence returning now that he felt he had a seven-foot-tall insurance policy. "She's the hardest boss in gaming history. Your little 'Chlorophyll' plants won't stand a chance against the Blade of Miquella." Malenia's head tilted slightly. The metal of her prosthetic shoulder gave a soft, rhythmic click. "I will not be your shield, Gilbert Wilton," she said. Her voice wasn't loud, but it carried a finality that made the air in the room feel ten degrees colder.
Gilbert froze. He slowly turned around, his eyes wide behind his smudged glasses. "Wait... what do you mean you won't be protecting me? I'm your—" He caught himself as Malenia's hand drifted toward the hilt of her katana. The memory of her hand around his throat was still very fresh. "—Ally! I was going to say ally!" he squeaked, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "Beside I believe we work well together, my lady. A gentleman like me... I could help alleviate your life hardships significantly. I know the 'lore.' I know what you need."
Malenia looked down at him, her eyeless helm conveying a sense of profound, weary disbelief. "You know nothing of hardship," she murmured. "You inhabit a body that has never known the bite of steel or the weight of a march. You summoned me not out of a desire for victory, but out of a coward's need for a nursemaid. I am tethered to you by this 'System,' but I am not your servant. I will fight to satisfy my own blade—to relieve the stagnant fatigue of being trapped in this airless hovel with you. But if you fall behind... if the vines take you... I will not turn back."
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
GamerGod_69: "SHE JUST CALLED HIM A NURSEMAID. THE DISRESPECT. I LOVE HER. It's official, Malenia is the MC of this series. Gilbert is just the annoying side-kick who dies in episode one."
SLC_Savage: "Malenia basically said: 'Skill issue, get good or die.' Based. Honestly, I hope the plants are fast. I can't handle another ten minutes of this guy breathing into the mic."
RealEstate_Deb: "Does the System allow us to vote for her to be our Governor? She has my vote. She has a clear plan, she's decisive, and she doesn't leave orange grease on the furniture. #MaleniaForUtah" u-20329: "Gilbert is sweating so hard he's going to trigger a 'Humidity Takeover' before the plants even get there. Look at his glasses! They're completely fogged over!"
StGeorge_Retiree: "I don't understand these 'video games' but I know a loser when I see one. Why is he wearing a shirt with a cartoon girl on it?"
Crossfit_Chad_Orem: "5'6" and 185? His body fat percentage has to be higher than his survival chances. Zero functional strength. Zero. I'm embarrassed for us."
"Fuck you, chat," Gilbert whispered under his breath, leaning away from Malenia so she wouldn't hear his profanity. He panicked. If she left him alone in the city during a "Nightmare" wave, he was a dead man. He needed to secure her loyalty—or at least her proximity. He reached into his mental "Sacred Texts" for how to handle a high-tier waifu, settling on the only thing his warped mind could think of: The Bribe.
"Wa-wait! Malenia! Maybe we can agree on a compromise!" Gilbert scrambled toward her, stopping just outside her reach. "I'll let you sleep on the bed! By my si—I mean, you can have the whole bed! I'll sleep on the floor! It's fine!" Malenia didn't move. She looked like a predator watching a particularly confusing insect. "And—and I could even massage your feet!" Gilbert continued, his voice getting faster, a desperate, thirsty edge creeping in. He swallowed hard, his eyes lingering on her armored boots. "That's right... those sweaty and sore feet from all that fighting. They'll be nice and relaxed once I'm done treating them with such a kind... firm touch. I'm a pro at relaxation, Malenia. I've got the best hand-eye coordination in the state."
He gave her what he thought was a charming, reassuring smile. It looked more like a nervous twitch on a face that hadn't seen a razor in weeks. Malenia's response was a slow, deliberate step back. The air in the room didn't just get cold—it grew heavy with an aura of pure, unadulterated revulsion. The gold of her helm seemed to shimmer with a dark, violent energy.
"If you ever speak of touching me again," she whispered, the edge of her blade sliding an inch out of its sheath with a lethal shing, "I will ensure that your hands are the first things the 'Chlorophyll' consumes. I would rather walk through the rot of a thousand Caelids than suffer the touch of a creature as wretched as you." She turned toward the door, her cape snapping behind her. "Prepare yourself, Master of Filth," she spat. "The air is changing. The 'Takeover' begins. Try to stay alive long enough to be useful. I am going out to hunt."
Gilbert stood alone in the center of the room, the purple light of the phone flickering as the first vines began to crack through the stone floor.
[Wave 1 starts in 3... 2... 1.]
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
SLC_Savage: "She's literally going to leave him to die. Utah, start saying your goodbyes. It was a mediocre run, guys."
u-1255: "HE TRIED THE FOOT MASSAGE GAMBIT. IN A SURVIVAL APOCALYPSE. I CANNOT. My soul just left my body from the second-hand cringe."
ParkCity_Elite: "Is there a way to buy a 'Veto'? I will literally wire my entire 401k to the System if we can swap this guy for a Golden Retriever."
Provo_Mom_Sarah: "Does anyone have the number for the 'System' office? I want to report a hostile work environment. That poor woman looks like she's about to have a mental breakdown." TechSupport_Tim: "Look at the frame rate on her golden arm. 120fps minimum. Too bad the protagonist is running on a potato brain."
Just_A_Nurse_82: "185 lbs at 5'6" with zero muscle tone? He's going to have a cardiac event before the first hour of the 'Takeover' is finished."
Zion_Hiker_Ben: "Chlorophyll Takeover? I've spent my life in the desert, and even I know those glowing vines in the corner don't look 'natural.' Gilbert, get your shoes on or you're going to be a planter box!"
Anime_Was_A_Mistake: "I recognize that shirt. That's from 'Neko-Maid Adventure.' Gilbert, you are single-handedly destroying the reputation of every anime fan in Utah."
u-8821: "Look at the timer! 60 seconds left! Someone tell Gilbert to stop staring at her boots and look at the floor! THE FLOOR IS LITERALLY TURNING INTO A JUNGLE!"