This slap took Vegeta by surprise. He turned back to Kakarot's wench with a smirk. "Oh? Are you feeling so lonely?"
"What?!" she screeched, "I needed a break, certainly, but of course I miss my son!"
Vegeta was confused. "I meant for adult companionship."
"What? You! You disgusting cad!" she cried.
Vegeta scowled. He was clean and fit. "I'm not disgusting! What's a cad?"
"You are!"
"That is not a definition!"
"Get off my property and never come near me or my son again!" she screamed and slapped him a second time.
He caught her hand and said, "I'm committed to Bulma, so stop slapping me! It won't work, no matter how much you long for Saiyan cock."
The harpy's eyes nearly popped out of her skull. "You filthy, foul-mouthed, presumptuous—"
"I'm presumptuous?!" Vegeta complained, "You're the one who keeps slapping me! Stop coming on to me! I may not be mated with the woman, but I never want another—"
"Coming on to you!? In what possible way have I come on to you!?" the shrill woman cried. She yanked her hand away and settled them both on her hips, her spittle flecking Vegeta's face.
He wiped it with the back of his glove. "You slapped me twice!"
The woman opened her mouth. Closed it. Her eyes narrowed and she said, "Do you think slapping is some kind of…sexual…thing?"
"Yes, of course! It is!" Vegeta said with a snort.
The woman raised an eyebrow and said, "Goodness, you're worse than Goku." She chuckled.
"What!? No need to bring that clown into this discussion! He's the reason I have to take the boy as my ward!"
"You are not taking my son. You are a villain. Not to mention immoral and filthy and gods only know what other failings—"
"I'm the Prince of All Saiyans, he is my subject, and I am taking him as my ward. This isn't a discussion, harpy, this is me showing you the courtesy of a visitation. You have a choice, use this time to spend with your son, or use it to berate me, but you don't have a choice about whether he comes with me or not."
"You're kidnapping my son! I'll call the police!" she shouted.
Vegeta threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, by all means, I've been bored in my training lately, so I'm sure a passel of humans will provide a much needed challenge."
The harpy began to weep. Vegeta softened, despite his confidence that this was the best for Goten. "I will bring him by to see you regularly. You won't even be able to lift him much longer. You know this. If Kakarot were here, I would do the same. The boy needs a strong hand. The woman will make sure he is educated, as I know you value that."
She lifted her dark, tear-glazed eyes to meet his. "Gohan is here, it doesn't matter that Goku is gone—"
"Gohan is in school all day, and the boy is still just that: a boy. He shouldn't be forced into fatherhood just because his own father made a series of selfish decisions, not least of which was knocking you up before killing himself."
The woman crossed her arms tightly and said, "It was an accident."
"There are no accidents like that with Saiyan olfaction. He did it on purpose. He would have known you were in heat. I smelled you on him when he came to battle."
Her cheeks turned a deep red and her eyes dodged away. "You pervert!"
"Pervert?! I most certainly am not!" Vegeta said, appalled at her implication that that might be his reason for taking Goten as a ward. "I only want him to be raised as a Saiyan. He and Trunks are the last and they can each benefit from having a strong friend. They already do! Look at them!"
They turned to see Trunks and Goten playing happily in the grass. They were capturing butterflies and showing them to one another. Trunks demonstrated how not to crush them and after a few casualties, Goten was able to control his strength despite his Saiyan speed. Vegeta gestured and said, "See? Look how happy he is with Trunks. I know you dislike me, and you have many good reasons, I dislike me too, but I'm…I'm a good Saiyan father. It's different than Earth fathers, but…not lesser."
The woman smiled as Trunks hugged Goten, squishing their cheeks together. Trunks rolled lazily in the air, a levitating somersault, and Goten giggled and fell onto his back, holding his feet and saying, "Geetie! Geetie! Look Trunks!"
"I see him, boy, you'll be doing that soon, too," Vegeta said, smirking at the younger boy's nickname for Vegeta.
She sighed and said, "He's so much heavier than Gohan was, I think, but…but Goku took him a lot, so, I…I don't know. He also…well…he scares me at times. His chi is wilder. Gohan was a sweet boy. Goten is too, but more temperamental."
"Yes, he blew up a pigeon yesterday because I told him he had to go inside for lunch."
"You feed him?"
Vegeta's nose wrinkled up as he frowned. "Of course I fucking feed him. What the hell kind of father doesn't feed their son? I'm teaching them to hunt, of course, but I feed them now. They're young to be expected to hunt and dress out their own kills. Not to mention the woman has an enormous fridge and freezer and pantry. Hunting won't be necessary, but a vital skill, nonetheless."
She scrutinized him and said, "I meant that you handle meal preparation? Not Bulma?"
Vegeta cackled until he was bent double. After a moment, he looked at her and realized she was serious. "The woman? Prepare food? Oh gods, no, just…no. She can do the revolting pre-made things and she has amazing bots that cook passably. But if you want an actual cooked meal at Capsule Corp, it's me or Panchy. Panchy is a fine cook."
A chuff of laughter escaped the woman and she said, "You cook?"
"Of course I cook! I'm an excellent cook with all Earth's many spices and herbs and an interesting variety of produce. I can cook basic fare when I'm living off the land as well, but with a kitchen and the many ingredients, I can do much more."
She crossed her arms again. "If you impress me with a meal, I'll allow it."
"Allow what?" Vegeta said.
"You to nanny Goten. He's not your son. He will always be my son. But…you…you have a point about his strength. But I won't have him eating poorly. Let's go. Kitchen. Now."
Vegeta's head dropped to the side. "I…I'm taking the boy regardless."
She yanked him to her by his shirt front and growled, "You will not take my son if I don't feel you provide good, healthy food. If you're such an 'excellent cook,' it should be no problem. Hurry up. I don't want you in my house any longer than necessary."
Vegeta, considered just blasting the woman and going on his way, but the boys would be hungry soon anyway, so there was no reason not to add a small human portion to the meal he would have prepared anyway. Plus he had a suspicion that the woman would be mad at him if he harmed Kakarot's wife. The harpy's kitchen was small, but immaculate and intuitively arranged, so he went straight to work, making the mixed rice he liked, using various grains to add calories, protein, and flavor. He diced up a mountain of vegetables and meat. He swirled together a sauce using the ingredients he sniffed out in her cupboards.
She watched all of it like a judge. Which he supposed she was. He started things cooking while he cut up fruit, made a salad. He turned off the stove, darted out to the river nearby, captured a few fish, returned, and roasted them as he finished stir-frying the main dish. Within half an hour, he had heaps of food. He leaned out the front door and called the two children in from their play.
They scuttled in, toed off their shoes, and zapped their hands clean with chi. ChiChi gaped and turned questioningly to Vegeta. He raised his eyebrows and said, "A new skill for all of us after an incident that ended rather unfortunately for a frog."
The boys sat at the little table, and Vegeta gestured for Kakarot's wench to join them. She did and made herself a plate. Vegeta hid his smirk of triumph because he knew she would rant at him if it surfaced. It was clear that she liked his food. The boys inhaled food until they were both plump and burping. The harpy dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. She said, "That was a good, wholesome meal."
"Yes. Goten, say goodbye to your m—"
"Not so fast!" she barked, "You will bring him to see me every other day, you hear? And if you rough him up—"
"I will rough him up, he's a fucking Saiyan, not a weakling—"
"I will rough you up, Vegeta!" she screamed.
Trunks hissed like a cat and said, "Don't be mean to Papa!" Goten hissed too, his hair fluffing up with chi.
"Careful, woman, or he'll blow you up like a pigeon. This is why I will rough him up. Not for sport. To train him to control himself. It's the only way unless you want him popping off at random and killing his pets and friends? No child except Trunks will survive his wrath at this point and he's only a baby!" Vegeta said. He didn't want to be a courier for a baby. "I will train him out here some days, not every other day, but at least once a week, and then you will have time to visit with him—"
"A day when Gohan is home, so Gohan can spend time with him as well," she huffed and Vegeta knew when she easily conceded to this laxer visitation schedule that she wasn't actually distressed about the wardship.
"Very well. Good day, woman," Vegeta said with a slight bow. "Let's go, boys."
Goten toddled over to the harpy, hugged her leg, and waved as he readied himself to be hoisted into the air by Trunks. She cried, "What if Trunks drops him?"
"He won't break," Vegeta said, but at her horrified expression, he rolled his eyes and continued, "I'll catch him. I'm a monster, but a decent enough father."
Bulma startled as she joined Vegeta, the boys, and her parents for dinner. Vegeta was finishing up the cooking while the elder Briefs listened to Goten and Trunks jabbered at them. Bulma took in the scene and said, "Why is Goten still here? I thought you were going to talk to ChiChi today?"
"What did you think I meant when I said I was keeping the boy?" Vegeta said, turning back to the stove.
"He's not a dog! She…ChiChi…Oh gods, Vegeta, did you murder ChiChi?"
"No! Good gods. I don't want Gohan as well. She can keep that whiny brat. No. I simply informed her that I was taking Goten as my ward and after minor negotiations, we came to an agreement. I suppose from being mated to the clown she knows how to choose her battles with a Saiyan."
The woman propped her hands on her hips and she raised an eyebrow at him. She repeated herself, "ChiChi let you keep Goten?"
"Yes. I had to prove I could cook. She slapped me though, so you better watch out, coming on to me right in front of the boys like that—"
"I told you slapping isn't…" the woman trailed off, glancing nervously at her parents. "We will talk about this later."
The woman's mother said, "Oh go on, you two. We've got a handle on feeding the darlings. If they try to explode anything, I'll just text Vegeta. Trunksy can pick Ten-Ten up for me for bedtime. You two haven't had a date in ages. Trunksy is my best helper!"
Trunks grinned around a mouthful of food and nodded. He mumbled, "Sleepover with Ten-Ten!"
The woman said, "Oh…okay, thanks, Mom. Sure. Why not? Come on, Vegeta, let's go grab dinner."
Vegeta followed the woman outside and she wheeled on him. "Slapping is not any kind of foreplay or flirting! ChiChi was not flirting with you, she was angry!"
Vegeta sidled closer to the woman until he had her pinned against the wall, kissing her as his hand slid up under her skirt. He purred against her ear, "Are you jealous that she slapped me?"
"Why are you hard from ChiChi slapping you?"
Vegeta recoiled and rumpled up his nose. "Not for the harpy, for you, woman. I thought your jealousy might earn me another slap."
"You are so weird, Vegeta. You don't want to go out to dinner with me?"
"No. I'm an excellent cook. Food can wait. Why haven't you let me fuck your ass? You like it when we play," he murmured against her lips. He slipped his hand down the front of her panties, pushing his middle finger between her lips onto her clit. "You smell like you still want me, despite having a taste earlier."
"You kidnapped a child that I don't really want custody of. I don't want to have sex with you. I'm mad at you."
Vegeta kissed down her neck. He could see the flutter of her pulse, smell her getting more aroused. "Well something has to be done. You want to fuck yourself and I'll watch? Maybe I'll jerk off and come on you again? I liked seeing my seed on your beautiful body."
She swatted his shoulder. He continued, "Just do what you want to do and really give me a good slap."
"Maybe your ass, Vegeta. Let's go to the bedroom if we're going to do it. I don't want the boys or my parents or Piccolo to catch us."
"The Namek knows what our chi feels like while fucking, and he's not a voyeur."
"What!?" the woman shrieked, "Why does Piccolo know what our chi feels like when we're fucking?!"
Vegeta flushed. He said, "Well…Remember that time I was late to train with him because you and I got distracted and had a quickie?"
"Yeah?! Did you tell him we were fucking?! Vegeta! Godsdamnit, that's fucking private!"
"Of course I didn't tell him, I tried to make up some lame excuse, but the cagey, smirky bastard started laughing and said," Vegeta made his voice even lower and tried to imitate Piccolo, "'I know you were getting laid, Vegeta, stop lying to me, and let's fight.'" Vegeta reverted to his normal tone, "So I prodded him and he says he can tell from chi when people are going at it, and I learned how to feel it too. I did not ask how he learned that little trick, but I've gotten the impression that the man is rather…active…amongst the humans."
They strolled toward their bedroom. It still made Vegeta's stomach flutter to think of it that way, even though he'd been back a long time. The woman giggled and said, "So you think Piccolo's a slut?"
"I don't like that word, woman. Why shouldn't the Namek get laid?"
"Okay, fine, you think Piccolo's…promiscuous?"
"Woman…are you trying to tempt me to…gossip?" Vegeta knew from speaking with the Namek, who also spoke with Bulma, and babysat for them from time to time, that there was a word for wanting to talk about things that had little or nothing to do with oneself. Gossip.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Fine, don't tell me, but I'm going to tell him that you told me he can sense sex. Wait, so if you can now too, can you sense…other stuff?"
"What other stuff?"
"Like, you know," the woman dropped her voice to a whisper, "If I masturbate?"
Vegeta scooped her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. "There is only one way to be sure if what I've surmised is you rubbing one out is, in fact, you touching yourself. You're a woman of science, shall we do a little experiment?"
Vegeta smirked and kissed her as she grinned. She murmured, "You just want to watch me, don't you?"
"Yes, I do, I thought I'd made that rather clear," Vegeta said, and kissed her more.
They reached her room and she said, "We do have this whole unexpectedly free evening, Vegeta…We might have to run a few different experiments. Try various things. I don't want your chi reading skills to be inferior."
"No, woman, we can't have that. Part of my training," Vegeta said with a rumbling laugh and spread her on the bed. He kissed her and peeled her clothing off, eager to start their evening's experiments.
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