Tina and Lilith returned just as Garfield and Baima staggered out of the private dimension, both looking like they had been struck by lightning and joy at the same time.
Their fur and hair weren't burned, exactly… just emotionally disheveled.
Queenie rushed over immediately.
"Tina! Baima! Garfield! What happened, were you hexed?"
After several very awkward explanations and two demonstrations of Garfield's new dance-jump-wiggle routine, Queenie finally realized neither of them were cursed.
They were simply… dancing.
One cat and One girl… zero dignity.
(￣┰￣)
Tina sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I leave for one exorcism, and chaos happens at home."
"Exorcism?" Garfield perked up.
Queenie summarized the job, a little girl haunted by a lost soul that had clung too long to the mortal world. A simple case, Lilith snapped her fingers, Vivian gently coaxed the spirit out, and Tina sealed it.
"And the payment?" Garfield asked.
"I waived it," Tina said. "The family wasn't well off."
Garfield nodded approvingly. "Good. A wizard helps people for the right reasons. The Ministry won't bother you for it?"
Tina shook her head.
"Hardly. Half the Ministry's job is cleaning up after dark wizards and the ghosts they leave behind. Mine was easy."
Garfield agreed. Trouble-makers never understood how much work everyone else had to do after them.
✦••┈┈••✦••┈┈••✦
Three Days Later
Garfield spent three full days practicing his voice, adjusting tone, pitch, and meow-to-speech ratio until he was satisfied. Somewhere between a young Optimus Prime and himself.
Once ready, he had Tina send word to Seraphina:
The orange king was prepared to begin the Grindelwald assignment.
On one condition.
Rewards prepared,
Warm sponge cushions,
Snacks, fruit, and meals ready on schedule.
Seraphina, who had been anxiously preparing since dawn, nearly jumped out of her chair with relief.
On the fourth morning, Tina carried Garfield into the U.S. Ministry of Magic. Seraphina met them at the entrance, unusually polite, and escorted them deep underground to the high-security prison.
"Open the cell," She ordered.
A guard raised a heavy enchanted key and spoke the unlocking spell. Metal groaned, and the door slid open.
Inside sat Gellert Grindelwald, pale, bound by layers of enchantments, his eyes sharp even behind seals and restraints. He looked up when Garfield appeared.
That cat.
That same orange creature Credence had cradled in the subway.
Seraphina gestured. "This orange cat will guard the prisoner for the next three months. Install a cat door."
A tap of the guard's wand and a small cat-sized door appeared. Garfield inspected it and approved.
Seraphina conjured a soft cushioned bed, a miniature table, and a variety of snacks and fresh fruit. Garfield nodded, satisfied. Tina set him gently on the cushion.
"Goodbye, Garfield," Tina said.
Garfield lifted a paw. "Goodbye, Tina."
The heavy door closed behind them.
Grindelwald stared at Garfield, and Garfield stared at nothing. The orange cat curled into a neat fluffy ball, drew the curtain of his tail, and immediately began napping.
Grindelwald fumed silently.
Damn orange cat… If not for you, Credence wouldn't have attacked me. This is all your fault…!
But his mouth was sealed, so all he could do was glare.
Garfield didn't care. What are you going to do? Glare me to death? Uncle Garfield is sleeping.
And so it went.
✦••┈┈••✦••┈┈••✦
Half a Month Later
Garfield had spent fifteen peaceful days doing three things.
Eat.
Sleep.
Stream his life live.
Because he wasn't alone, not really. He had Pandora with him, and when boredom got unbearable, he opened the live-broadcast interface he had neglected for too long.
Thus began the most chaotic, unexpected stream in magical history.
LIVE: Guarding Grindelwald 24/7.
Garfield had barely tapped the "Start Streaming" button when the barrage exploded across the screen.
[Barrage]
"Finally! He lives!"
"Anchor, we missed you!"
"You ghost! Disappeared for days without a word!"
"Redeem yourself, women's clothing NOW."
"Wait, why does the background look familiar…?"
"Grindelwald???"
"HOLY, it IS Mr. Grindelwald."
"I miss Dumbledore."
"Forget Dumbledore, mourn Grindelwald. Look at his face."
"This is what happens when you disrupt the wizarding world's harmony."
And then…
"For the 28th time, Anchor, drop the recharge link."
A wall of local-tyrant alliance usernames suddenly flooded the chat, spamming their wealth like it was a competitive sport.
Garfield rolled his eyes directly at the camera.
"Local tyrants, local tyrants… do you people actually have money? I highly doubt it."
[Barrage]
"Ah! The cat anchor is swelling!"
"Show your room deed if you're so bold!"
"Anchor, look at my Maserati keys!"
"Maserati? Check out my Lamborghini."
"Please. I have a mining license."
Within seconds, the chat devolved into full-blown wealth warfare, a communal hobby where everyone bragged about money none of them actually had.
Seeing the chaos escalate, Garfield cleared his throat dramatically.
"Okay, okay, enough pretending you're rich. Let me show you what real wealth looks like."
With a casual snap of his paw, a small mountain of cat's-claw gold bricks slammed onto the table.
"…"
"…"
Then… pandemonium.
[Barrage]
"REAL. BIG. BOSS."
"That's… that's at least in the millions…"
"Millions in what currency?"
"Dollars."
"YOUR MAJESTY GARFIELD."
"Does His Majesty require a thigh pendant servant?"
Garfield flicked his tail proudly, swept the gold bricks back into storage, and then leaped onto the dining table with the grace of someone born to be adored.
Time for lunch.
The table was a feast, pastries of every kind, and fruit ranging from apples to strawberries, from tropical pineapples to winter grapes. Wizard food preservation truly did not obey the laws of nature.
Garfield selected an apple, sniffed it professionally, confirmed it contained no suspicious seasoning, and chomped away.
Core? What core? Straight down the hatch.
Then came the grapes, tossed into his mouth one by one in a showman's rhythm, followed by pastries inhaled with music playing softly in the background. His eating speed bordered on performance art.
[Barrage]
"Come watch, Garfield is eating!"
"He can eat EVERYTHING."
"Bro I'm watching this at 2 a.m. Why would you do this to me…"
"I'm starving."
"Anyone want to go get skewers?"
"Let's go."
"I envy people in China, they can actually get midnight skewers…"
"+1."
"Let's go together after the stream."
When Garfield finally wiped the table clean, he stretched luxuriously and began strolling back and forth in front of Grindelwald.
Not walking.
Swaggering.
Every step practically screamed:
Look at how well-fed I am.
Look at how miserable you are.
Behold the natural superiority of orange cats.
Grindelwald, bound, gagged, and magically sealed, stared daggers sharp enough to cut stone.
He recognized this cat, and now it was assigned to guard him?
Humiliation!
Deep, burning humiliation!
The great dark wizard of his generation… forced to watch an orange cat snack, flex gold, and bask in worldwide adoration.
Even worse… Garfield wasn't ignoring him.
Garfield was enjoying ignoring him.
Grindelwald's magic surged with fury, the air around him crackling faintly.
His sealed mouth could not speak.
Orange cat, I will END YOU once I am free.
Garfield yawned, stretched, and curled up comfortably again, ears flicking lazily.a
Glare all you want.
What're you gonna do? I'm the one getting paid to nap in front of you.
꧁𓊈𒆜༺⚜༻𒆜𓊉꧂
Phantom your way through a treasure trove of chapters waiting on P@treon!
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