2019
At sixteen, because of my father's work, we moved to Turkey. I had visited this place many times before on vacation, but this time it wasn't temporary. Even my school was transferred here. I've been living here for five months now, and the New Year is drawing closer.
I started this diary because my old one was left behind in our house in Tashkent. Yes… I had written so many things in it. But still, I'll try to keep this short.
My father is one of the major businessmen in Tashkent, and now he continues his business in Turkey with his closest friend. When we first arrived, we stayed for several weeks at the house of my father's friend and business partner, Hakan Bey. Their house was by the sea, and I loved it.
Living there were Hakan Bey, his wife Nafas Hanım, their two sons, Mert and Yusuf, and several servants. Yusuf is my age, and we attend the same school. Mert, however, is six years older than me—he is twenty-two. And unfortunately… I like him.
To be honest, when I first saw him, I didn't like him at all. He always treated me like a little child and made fun of me. I don't like bitter things, so I can't drink Turkish tea without adding three or four spoons of sugar. But he would always give me bitter tea and force me to drink it. If I refused, he would laugh and call me a kid.
So why did I end up liking someone like that?
Because when it truly matters, he is attentive, caring… and incredibly handsome.
But… I can't tell him how I feel. This idiot is always surrounded by different girls—a real womanizer. I've never loved anyone before, yet this foolish heart chose him. Sometimes I want to tear my heart out for being so stupid. But like everyone else, I'm afraid of death.
Anyway, we stayed at Hakan Bey's house for a few weeks. Then my father bought another house nearby, and now I barely see Mert anymore…
"Oisha, stop sitting in your room and come downstairs. Dinner is ready."
Just as Oisha was finishing her diary, her mother, Soliha, called her. Oisha closed the diary, put it into her drawer, and went downstairs. As usual, Ali Bey—Oisha's father—and Soliha were sitting at the table.
Oisha's father was Turkish, while her mother was Uzbek. Once, he came to Uzbekistan for business and lost his passport, which forced him to stay in Tashkent for several weeks. Soliha worked as his translator, and during that time, he fell in love with her.
Even after returning to Turkey, he couldn't forget her. A few months later, he came back to Tashkent and sent matchmakers to ask for her hand in marriage. However, Soliha's father, Ali Bey, was Turkish and did not want his daughter to move far away, so he initially refused the marriage.
Ali Bey tried very hard. In the end, he promised to live in Uzbekistan and never take his daughter to Turkey. Only then did they get married. Two years later, Oisha was born.
They moved to Turkey only after Oisha's grandfather passed away.
After dinner, Oisha returned to her room and finished her homework. Then she received the clothes she would wear for the celebration the next day from the housemaid, Malak. The school was holding a New Year celebration, and everyone had to attend with a partner.
Oisha's partner was Yusuf, and they were going to the celebration together. By Hakan Bey's order, Mert was supposed to take them to school and bring them back.
And after the celebration…
Oisha planned to tell Mert her true feelings.
**The next day, at Hakan Bey's house**
"Yusuf, hurry up! Do boys really take this long to get dressed? I'm a girl, and I'm the one waiting for you."
"Waiting once won't kill you. Instead of standing in front of my door, go call my brother. Otherwise, we'll end up waiting for him too."
"Okay, okay, hurry up."
Oisha went down from the third floor to the second and stopped in front of Mert's private office. She knocked on the door.
"Mert, are you ready? We need to leave."
"Yes—yes, I'm coming."
Mert opened the door and froze for a moment, staring at Oisha standing in front of him. She was wearing an elegant white dress—long, delicately adorned with fine stones. It covered her completely, yet highlighted her figure beautifully. Her hair, long as ever, was softly curled. She didn't like heavy makeup or excessive accessories.
Mert looked at her for a few seconds, then smirked.
"So… has our little girl decided to look like a grown-up today?" he teased.
"I'm not a little girl," Oisha replied. "And you look different today too. You're just supposed to be our driver—so why are you wearing a suit and trousers?"
"First of all, I'm not your driver. And second, I'm attending the celebration as well. It's not just for students—it's for their family members too."
"Alright, alright then. Let's go, *Mr. Driver*," Oisha laughed, clearly pleased with herself, and headed downstairs.
They went to the celebration together. Yusuf entered the venue with Oisha, while Mert spotted one of his friends from afar and walked off in that direction.
The celebration was lively—various kinds of music, games, delicious sweets and drinks. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Yet for some reason, Oisha began to feel strange, as if something was missing.
She slowly distanced herself from her friends and stepped outside into the school garden. It was quiet there, completely empty. Oisha sat down on a bench near the trees and took a deep breath of the fresh air.
And just then…
she heard a sudden noise coming from the other side of the trees.
At first, Oisha tried to ignore it. But the sounds grew louder. Her curiosity won—and she slowly walked toward the trees, peering through them without making a sound.
Perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't looked.
Behind the trees, Mert was holding a girl tightly in his arms, kissing and licking her neck. The sounds Oisha had heard before were the girl's breathless, passionate moans.
At first, Mert didn't notice Oisha. It was the girl in his arms who saw her. She immediately pulled away from him. Confused by her sudden reaction, Mert turned around—and saw Oisha standing there, frozen like stone.
Tears began to fall from Oisha's eyes. She was in shock from what she had just witnessed. She had always known Mert was a womanizer—but this was the first time she had seen it with her own eyes. Something inside her heart snapped.
Mert walked toward her. But without saying a single word, he passed right by her—as if Oisha didn't exist at all.
That was when her anger boiled over.
"Wait!" Oisha shouted after him. "Aren't you going to explain this?"
"I going explain what?" he replied coldly.
"What were you doing here with that girl?"
"You saw everything yourself. Why are you asking?"
"Just answer me."
"She told me she loved me. I told her I don't love anyone for free. She offered herself to me—and I accepted. She was incredibly sweet…"
"That's enough!" Oisha couldn't bear to hear another word.
"Why? You're the one who asked. So why don't you want to hear the answer now?"
"No, I don't want to hear it anymore!.. Do you love her?"
"Huh? Love?" He laughed dryly. "Listen, kid. I will never love anyone. I don't have time for such foolish things. Love is stupidity."
"But still… one day you'll fall in love with someone, won't you?"
"Maybe," he said after a pause. "But it won't be you."
"What?"
"Do you really think I'm stupid enough not to notice that you like me? I'm not interested in children. I only use girls. You've seen what happens to the ones who fall in love with me. Or… do you want that too?"
"What are you even saying?"
"In short, stop hanging around me. I'm not into kids. And besides… you'll never be my ideal."
With that, Mert turned away and left without looking back.
Oisha stood there, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Her heart ached unbearably. Alone in the garden, she was left with nothing but the pain of her foolish love—
and the silence that followed it.