EXT. MCPOYLE COMPOUND — CONTINUOUS
The silver Land Rover screeches into the alley, stopping inches away from Dee's battered subcompact. DENNIS, LUPIN, JIGEN, and MAC (still wearing his rubber horse mask) pile out into the humid, dairy-thick Philadelphia air.
Lupin immediately scans the perimeter, his hand on the lapel of his red jacket, his eyes narrowing as they land on the open cellar door.
LUPIN
Fujiko... she's already been here. I can smell the expensive perfume and the cheap betrayal.
DENNIS (ignoring him, looking at the house)
There it is. The fortress. Mac, engage the 'D'! Demonstrate security!
MAC (muffled from inside the horse mask)
On it!
Mac drops into a crouch and begins a series of aggressive "tactical rolls" through the milk-slicked gravel. He comes to a stop at the base of the porch steps just as the front door creaks open.
DOYLE McPOYLE and LION McPOYLE step out. They are wearing stained sweatpants and nothing else. Their skin has a translucent, waxy quality, and they are flanked by MOMMA McPOYLE—a massive, indifferent Holstein cow that is currently chewing on a piece of plywood.
DOYLE McPOYLE (whispering)
The intruders... have arrived.
LION McPOYLE (sniffing the air)
They smell of... gasoline... and low-grade cologne.
MAC (standing up, pointing his pool cue at the cow)
Whoa! Whoa! Is that the heavy muscle? You brought a cow to a fistfight? That's cheating! That's a violation of the warrior's code!
JIGEN (pulling his hat lower)
Lupin, please. Let's just shoot the cow and go home. I can't do this anymore.
LUPIN (turning to the Gang, his expression uncharacteristically grave)
Where is the short one? The one with the... 'primitive magnetism'?
DENNIS
Charlie? He's inside with Fujiko. They're doing the 'Engagement' phase of the system.
LUPIN (pauses, a look of profound realization crossing his face)
Tell me about this Charlie. Is he... persuadable?
MAC
Oh, 100%. You tell him there's a ghoul in a box, he'll follow you to New Jersey.
LUPIN
Is he gullible?
DEE
Absolutely. I once convinced him that I was a time-traveler sent to prevent him from eating a specific piece of cheese. He didn't eat for three days.
LUPIN
Naive?
DENNIS
He's thirty-something years old and he still thinks 'Pirates' are a legitimate career path in the state of Pennsylvania.
LUPIN (his voice dropping to a whisper)
Lonely?
The entire Gang—Dennis, Dee, and Mac—nod in perfect, somber unison.
LUPIN (letting out a long, ragged sigh of defeat)
Ugggghhh. Welp. This is a lost cause. She's already got the safe, she's already got the money, and she's probably halfway to the airport while your friend is still trying to explain his 'Dream Book' to her. See ya, guys!
JIGEN (already walking back to the car)
Thank God.
DEE
What the fuck?! You're leaving? We're in the middle of a high-stakes heist! We have a system!
LUPIN (shouting over his shoulder as he climbs into the Rover)
Your system is a circle of madness, Mademoiselle! Fujiko is a professional! She doesn't wait for 'Nurturing'!
The Land Rover roars to life and peels out of the alley, leaving the Gang standing in the curdled fog with the McPoyles and their cow.
DEE (screaming)
GOD DAMMIT! EVERYBODY LEAVES! I AM THE CONSTANT!
Suddenly, a Dodge Neon screeches into the alley from the opposite direction. INSPECTOR ZENIGATA leaps out before the car has even stopped moving. RICKETY CRICKET is handcuffed to the passenger door handle, looking like a discarded ragdoll.
ZENIGATA
LUPIN! I'VE CORNERED THE ENTIRE SYNDICATE! NO MORE DISGUISES!
Zenigata lunges at the Gang, grabbing DENNIS by the lapels and shoving him against the brick wall of the McPoyle building.
DENNIS
HEY! Get your filthy, law-abiding hands off me! I am a victim here!
ZENIGATA (staring directly into Dennis's face with a look of intense, clinical scrutiny)
Give it up, Lupin! This is a terrible mask! Even I can tell this isn't real skin! The texture is too rigid! The eyes have a hollow, sociopathic vacancy that no human could naturally possess! It's a cheap prosthetic!
DENNIS (his face turning a dark, dangerous shade of purple)
A MASK?! PROSTHETIC?! MY FACE IS A MASTERPIECE! MY SKIN IS TIGHT BECAUSE OF A RIGOROUS CHEMICAL PEEL REGIMEN, YOU TRENCH-COATED MORON!
CRICKET (weakly, from the car)
He's telling the truth... he's just that vain. It's the vanity of the dammed, Officer.
ZENIGATA (tugging on Dennis's ears)
I'LL TEAR THE RUBBER RIGHT OFF YOUR SKULL!
DENNIS
I AM A GOLDEN GOD! YOU CAN'T ARREST A GOD! MAC, DO SOMETHING!
MAC (trying to do a spinning kick, but tripping over the cow's leg)
I'm engaging! I'm engaging!
LION McPOYLE (whispering)
The police... have arrived... for the bird.
CUT TO BLACK.
CUT TO: INT. PADDY'S PUB - NIGHT
FRANK is still at the bar, his face illuminated by the blueish glow of the laptop. He is staring at a blank screen.
FRANK
Lupin? You there? I got a tip about 'Milk-Pressure'! If the safe explodes, it can take out a city block! Lupin?!
CHARLIE walks into the bar, covered in white soot and smelling like a burnt hot dog. He is carrying a small, rusted metal box.
CHARLIE
They're all gone, Frank. The French guys, the bird-girl... even the safe.
FRANK (turning, devastated)
They took the safe? All the money?
CHARLIE
Yeah. But I got the 'valuables.'
Charlie sets the rusted box on the bar. He opens it to reveal a collection of damp napkins, a broken pool cue, and a single, grease-stained bag of "bridge-coins."
FRANK (long beat)
...Is that it?
CHARLIE
It's what Fujiko left. She said the 'Double-Cross' was a symphony. I think she liked me, Frank. She took the grilled frank.
FRANK (sighing, reaching into the bag of coins)
Well... at least we can get a beer.
CHARLIE
About that... the McPoyles took the beer too.
FRANK (staring at a bridge-coin)
Son of a bitch.
END.