"Brat, would you like to join Root?"
"IMPOSSIBLE!"
"IMPOSSIBLE!"
Two loud, overlapping shouts rang out simultaneously across the hospital room, instantly shattering the quiet atmosphere.
Tsunade and Hiruzen had spoken at the same second.
Danzo's single visible eye narrowed into a dangerous glare as he slowly turned toward the mummified Hokage lying on the bed. "Hiruzen, what the hell do you mean by that? Why are you answering on his behalf?"
From beneath his massive pile of medical bandages, Hiruzen let out a dry, dismissive scoff. "People should dream, Danzo... but not that big."
Hearing those words, Danzo's blood pressure spiked, his face darkening with rage. "What are you trying to say, Hiruzen?! Are you mocking me?!"
"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" Hiruzen replied in a completely straight, unbothered voice. "Yes, I am mocking you. Do you seriously think your broken-ass Root organization has any right to recruit a talent like Rei?"
Realizing that arguing with a stubborn, bedridden Hiruzen was a complete waste of time, Danzo snorted and turned his full attention back to the five-year-old boy standing before them.
"Rei," Danzo spoke, smoothing his tone into something that was supposed to sound inspiring, though it just came off as creepy. "Root is the true backbone of Konoha—an underground organization that protects this village from the dark shadows. Your terrifying bloodline ability is most suitable for our ranks. If you join me, I will personally train you to the absolute best of my abilities. And once I step down, you will inherit Root entirely. What do you say?"
"Shut the fuck up, Danzo!" Hiruzen interrupted loudly again, glaring at his rival. "Do you think anyone in their right mind would agree to your garbage conditions?!"
Hiruzen then turned his single exposed eye toward the boy, putting on his best grandfatherly expression. "Rei, you aren't suitable for Root at all. Why don't you become my personal disciple instead? I will personally guide your training, and in the future, you will become the next Hokage!"
Danzo slammed his cane onto the linoleum floor, barking out a harsh laugh. "You bastard! Do you think the position of Hokage is some hereditary hand-me-down that you can just promise to a child whenever you feel like it?!"
"Same to you!" Hiruzen shot right back, leaning up despite the agonizing pain in his ribs. "Did you think Root was your personal private army to hand over like a toy?!"
Standing between the hospital beds, Rei watched the two old men aggressively squabbling back and forth over him.
A deeply uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach.
Man... this feels weird as hell, Rei thought, his mouth twitching slightly. If it were two ridiculously beautiful waifus fighting over who gets to take me home, I'd be enjoying every second of this drama. But it's two old men... and super fucking ugly ones at that.
Unable to stomach the sight any longer, Rei raised his hand and cut them off at top speed.
"Hey! I'm not joining shit!" Rei barked out, crossing his arms. "Who the hell told you guys I was becoming a ninja in the first place, let alone this Hokage bullshit?"
...
Silence. Complete, total silence instantly fell over Room 404.
It was as if someone had pulled the plug on the universe. Hiruzen, Danzo, and even Tsunade stood frozen in place, their brains suffering a collective, blue-screen system crash.
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"What do you mean you don't want to be a ninja?!" Hiruzen stammered out, his voice cracking behind his bandages.
Rei rolled his eyes, sighing like a tired adult dealing with toddlers. "It's simple human language. I don't want to be a ninja. What's so damn hard to understand about that?"
Hearing this, both Hiruzen and Danzo felt their worldviews shatter into tiny pieces.
With a heaven-defying, god-tier bloodline like the Ten Shadows—a power capable of summoning monsters that could thrash the Third Hokage—what else could a person possibly do in this world if not become a shinobi?!
"Why... why should I be a ninja?" Rei asked calmly, flipping the question back onto them.
The three adults froze, completely stunned.
"O-Obviously... to protect the village!" Hiruzen subconsciously blurted out, relying on the classic Will of Fire speech he had given thousands of times.
Rei scoffed loudly. "Why do I have to be a ninja just to protect the village? If some bastard invades my home, I'm obviously going to beat the shit out of them whether I have a ninja registration number or not. It's not like wearing a shiny plastic headband magically makes me stronger. I still have to train either way."
...WTF?
Hiruzen and Danzo stared at him blankly, completely speechless.
Rei began counting on his fingers. "Money? I'm already rich, so there's zero need for me to risk my life taking dangerous S-rank missions for pocket change. Power? I'm already strong enough to beat the Hokage into a pulp, so being a registered Genin isn't going to grant me any magic stat boosts. So why the hell should I become a ninja?"
Hiruzen sat frozen in his bed, staring at the floor as a massive existential crisis washed over his soul.
Wait... why DID I become a ninja in the first place? Hiruzen thought blankly, searching through his long life's memories. Well... my father was a ninja... and his father was a ninja... so I just kind of became a ninja too without thinking about it...
Seeing that a few simple words had successfully thrown the two highest political figures in the Leaf Village into a deep existential crisis, Rei decided it was time to leave. If he stayed any longer, he might accidentally melt their brains completely.
"Anyway, I'm out," Rei said, waving a hand over his shoulder as he turned toward the door. "Get well soon, old man."
As Rei strolled down the quiet, sunlit hospital hallway, his mind drifted back to his early days in this world.
When he first regained the memories of his previous life, he actually had ambitious ideas similar to the fanfiction novels he used to read back on Earth. He had imagined awakening some kind of system cheat, grinding his way to maximum level, taking over Konoha, becoming Hokage, slowly conquering the Five Great Nations, building a terrifying army of Rinnegan soldiers, and eventually leading a grand war against the incoming alien god race—the Otsutsuki.
But after five years passed and no gold-finger system ever popped up, Rei promptly threw that entire world-domination plan straight into the trash can.
Without a system, trying to fight god-tier alien parasites was pure suicide. Why the hell should he stress himself out over universe-ending threats that hadn't even arrived yet? He should just kick back and enjoy his second life!
And when his cheat finally awakened—it turned out to be so absurdly broken that he didn't even need to worry about the Otsutsuki clan anymore.
So, instead of working his ass off for the benefit of a village—just like in his previous life where he worked unpaid corporate overtime until his heart stopped—he was going to spend this life enjoying luxury.
"Rei... are you really, truly sure about not becoming a ninja?"
Tsunade's voice broke his train of thought as she walked alongside him, her arms crossed over her chest.
Rei looked up at her with a lazy, content smile. "100% sure. There's zero benefit to being a ninja, and a hundred different ways to end up in a grave. I'm just going to earn a mountain of money and enjoy the good life."
Tsunade blinked, processing his words, before her eyes suddenly widened in realization. "Wait... so that's why you asked the old man for a lifelong tax exemption on your business earlier!"
Rei let out a bright, mischievous chuckle, winking at her. "Yeah. He has no idea how huge of a mistake he just made."
Tsunade shook her head, a genuine laugh bursting from her lips as she looked at the five-year-old mastermind beside her. "You little villain..."
....
Jujutsu world
"Clan Head!"
A bruised, sweat-drenched messenger fell to his knees on the tatami mat, bowing his head until his forehead scraped the floor, his voice trembling with terror.
"A village within our territory... has been completely slaughtered!"
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