What… happened to me? The last thing I remember is leaving the gym and reading a High School DxD fanfic on my phone. Then… a taxi. A taxi speeding toward me, swerving like the driver had a death wish. The screech, the horn, the blur of headlights… and then darkness.
No. No way.
Did I really die?
Just like that?
And the worst part is that I never even found out how the fanfic ended. It was getting so good too. Well, maybe that is not exactly the most important concern right now. I should probably be in a hospital. Yet… this place is nowhere near a hospital.
Trying to ignore the growing dread in my chest, I finally look around. I am sitting in a plain wooden chair. The floor beneath me is stark white, so bright it almost glows, but everything else, absolutely everything, is pitch black. Even the ceiling is not a ceiling at all but a void of endless darkness.
When I finally turn my head forward, my breath catches. A few meters away stands a massive white marble platform, the kind you would see on those courtroom shows my mother watched. My mother… my family…
Do they know what happened?
My head pounds and my chest tightens.
I never got to say goodbye. Even as a freeloader who spent too much time at home, they always loved me. I helped when I could while looking for work. That was something at least.
Tears well up and spill before I can stop them.
My mother… my father… my grandparents… my little sister…
I need to calm down. I try breathing exercises, the kind that are supposed to relax people, but they do absolutely nothing. It is painfully obvious what happened to me. I died. There is no going back. I want to cry again, and I do, wiping my face several times until the tears stop coming.
Enough. I force myself to sit still. Maybe if I wait long enough an old man with a long beard will appear on that platform and judge me or something. I am Catholic… well, half Catholic. Maybe there is a process to all this. Maybe I can even send a message to my family. Though I have no idea what I would even tell them. "Sorry for dying" sounds awful.
Looking around again, the atmosphere reminds me suspiciously of Konosuba. If a blue-haired goddess suddenly plops herself onto that platform, I am walking out. Or at least I would if I had somewhere to walk to.
Just as I snicker under my breath at the thought, a sharp sound echoes through the void. I jolt upright. That sound… was that really a gavel?
When I raise my head, I freeze.
A young woman now sits atop the marble platform. She looks about my age, maybe younger. Her hair is pale and silvery, almost white. She must be albino. Her clothes stun me even more. Instead of a divine robe or something glamorous, she wears a crisp white suit, a pink shirt, and a pale blue tie that matches her beautifully icy eyes.
Beautiful. That is the first word that comes to mind. Even with my terrible eyesight without glasses, those eyes draw me in. And her face… divine is the only word that fits. Her suit cannot hide the impressive figure beneath it either.
"So you are Andrew Parker Wilson?" Her voice is sharp, edged with mild disgust.
What did I do? I have not even said anything yet. Can she read minds? Did she hear me admire her figure? Oh no. Please do not tell me she heard everything.
"Yes, ma'am," I reply as calmly and politely as I can manage. I have no desire to anger a goddess.
"Very well." With a tone that suggests she is already bored with me, the girl lifts her hand and a black folder materializes out of thin air.
Okay. That is not normal. I am definitely in danger.
She opens the folder. "According to this, you are a filthy creature and the biggest pervert in your entire living family. Am I wrong?"
"E-Excuse me?" My voice cracks. Surely I misheard. I mean, I know I am not a saint, but calling me the biggest pervert in my family feels like a stretch. Maybe.
"You are the biggest pervert in your living family, are you not?" she repeats, now sounding fully irritated.
Well… I do have my moments. Especially during those phases where my search history was… educational. Still, I am not sure how to answer that.
"I honestly do not know how to respond…" I mumble, avoiding her gaze.
"You disgust me already." The girl sighs and jumps from the platform, landing smoothly. Only now do I notice she is barefoot. The movement makes her already impressive figure bounce so gracefully that for a second I forget how to breathe.
Which is a mistake.
"You filthy, degenerate piece of trash!" She takes one look at my face and slaps me, hard enough to knock sense out of me.
"What the—" My protest ends abruptly as she follows with a brutal kick to my stomach. Pain explodes through my body and I tumble off the chair, gasping.
"Perverts like you are the worst. Pretending to be decent while staring at a woman's body in a filthy and morbid way." Her voice shakes with fury as she kicks me again, this time in the chest.
Konosuba did not prepare me for this.
Coughing violently, tasting blood, I struggle upright. Either I am very delicate or she is unbelievably strong. And considering my family, my bet is on her strength.
I barely manage to sit when she speaks again. "From now on, if you look anywhere except my eyes, I swear I will send you to the lowest Underworld the Multiverse has ever known."
I nod frantically. She returns to the platform, giving me a silent command to get back to my seat. My limbs ache with every step, but I obey.
She re-summons the black folder and resumes reading with an expression of immense disgust. "Based on your history, I can categorize you as a level S rotten pervert."
S-rank? My first thought is absurdly proud. Then I snap out of it.
"Can I assume that is… high?" I ask timidly.
She stares at me. The answer is yes, apparently.
She approaches until her face is inches from mine. My body goes stiff. Girls have never stood this close to me before. "Judging by the idiotic expression on your face, you have no idea how serious this is."
I gulp. My heartbeat stutters.
"All the filth you watched and imagined is going to cost you dearly." She snaps her fingers. My chair vanishes and I hit the ground again.
Okay, that one was personal.
"Goddess," I say as respectfully as humanly possible, still kneeling, "with all due respect, judging me based only on one part of my life is not right. I may be a pervert, but that is not all I am."
Her face turns red with rage.
"You dare question my judgment? You filthy mortal!" The entire space trembles. I nearly fall again.
What is her problem? This level of hatred is ridiculous. Even the "pig" comment hurts, and I have been going to the gym, thank you very much.
She flips through the folder. "You defiled the sacred figure of woman with your every lewd thought." Her voice drips venom.
Wait. Sacred figure?
Oh no.
I think she is one of those extreme feminists. Not the normal ones. The terrifying ones.
She continues reading. "You stared at attractive women with lewd intent, without consent. You fantasized about them in obscene ways."
Okay, yes, but who did not when they were younger? That is normal. I clear my throat.
"Goddess-sama, they were just fantasies. Everyone experiences that during adolescence. Men and women both—"
Wrong choice.
Her glare could impale me.
"Are you implying women behave like you? Never!" She launches into a furious speech about purity and consent. Apparently, in her logic, I should have asked women for written permission before fantasizing about them.
That is… insane. And impossible. And extremely embarrassing.
She notices my stare and grabs me by the collar. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
I sigh. Someone needs to tell her. "Goddess-sama… asking a woman if I may fantasize about her is not socially acceptable. Everyone keeps such thoughts private. It is normal."
Her expression freezes. Her anger melts into something unreadable. Her eyes flicker with doubt. And then sadness.
Before I can say anything more, she releases me and reappears on the platform in a streak of white light, regaining her divine posture.
"In any case, Andrew Parker Wilson, you are sentenced to supreme divine punishment by me, Nara, daughter of Haour, goddess of femininity."
Great. A daughter of a goddess of femininity. Everything makes sense now. Unfortunately.
"I disagree with this verdict," I say, forcing myself upright again. "My file must contain good deeds as well. I may be a pervert, but that is not the whole of who I am. You are exaggerating my crimes."
Her eyes darken.
"This is blasphemy. You dare defy me, a Rank B Accuser Goddess." She snaps her fingers.
Chains erupt from the ground and coil around my neck, wrists, and ankles. They heat instantly, searing my skin.
The pain is unbearable. I grit my teeth and meet her gaze. I will not give her the satisfaction of watching me break.
"You are nothing but a fat, goal-less otaku who dragged his family with him. You have no right to breathe the same air as a goddess." Her voice is cold. Merciless.
She descends toward me with a smile colder than the void. "For daring to think of women as objects for your pleasure, I will prepare a punishment just for you."
I swallow hard. The chains tighten.
What kind of goddess is this? My mother and sister would never behave like her. Women have always been amazing to me. Incredible. Worth respecting, not worshipping with fear.
"You will reincarnate," she says calmly, forming a sphere of white energy in her hands. "You may keep your memories. But you will not enjoy your new life."
The sphere shrinks to the size of a marble. My stomach drops.
"Good luck in another world. One you know… and yet do not know." Her voice drips victory as she touches her glowing finger to my forehead.
A pain beyond anything imaginable floods my mind.
Then everything fades into darkness.