The national network had calmed following the Mandatory Metadata Ritual, and the FPM was healthy and sustainable. King Felix II received the new intelligence briefing from Lord Reginald, the GCVTD.
Reginald, looking paler than usual, projected the intelligence onto the command screen. It was an image of a spreadsheet with rows and rows of gray, unformatted text—the ultimate symbol of Chadgardian strategic thought.
"Your Majesty, the Chadgardian Generals have concluded that the source of The Flow is the Aesthetic Integrity (AI) of your content, not physical defense," Reginald reported, sweating slightly from the sheer banality of the data.
"They've figured out the power of the Rituals of Gooning," Felix noted, his gaze cold.
"Worse, Sire. They've developed The Anti-Meme Protocol. They are not attacking our infrastructure; they are attacking our vibe."
Reginald brought up a sample. It was a digital image: a pixelated, low-resolution drawing of a bowl of unsalted oatmeal, rendered in the most boring shade of brown possible.
"This is the first wave of their attack," Reginald whispered. "They call it The Oatmeal of Inevitability."
[SYSTEM WARNING: INCOMING THREAT. PSYCHOLOGICAL PROPAGANDA DETECTED. CHADGARDIAN ANTI-MEME'S EFFECT: LOW-GRADE FLOW DRAIN. AESTHETIC INTEGRITY DANGER: CONTAMINATION.]
Felix felt a subtle, sickening lurch in his DF reserves. The image of the oatmeal wasn't powerful, but it was profoundly, aggressively dull. It was the antithesis of everything that generated the Flow.
"Their goal is to introduce such a powerful, low-AI concept into the Thighland network that it contaminates our entire aesthetic ecosystem," Felix analyzed. "If our citizens become accustomed to viewing the 'Oatmeal of Inevitability,' their capacity for high-AI focus—their ability to perform the Rituals of Gooning—will be permanently degraded."
Knight-Captain Rhea, the CM, was furious. "This is an attack on our very culture! We must ban the oatmeal! We must purge the low-resolution textures!"
"No," Felix shook his head. "Banning it makes it a forbidden, therefore high-focus, aesthetic. That plays into their hands. We must allow the oatmeal to enter the system, but we must re-contextualize it."
Felix tapped his internal system. He needed a defense that was based on cultural saturation and aesthetic repurposing. He needed a meme strategy to defeat the anti-meme.
"Evelyn," Felix commanded, turning to the Royal Cosplayer. "I need you to prepare a new, high-AI costume immediately. Something that incorporates the essence of the enemy's attack, but elevates it to a level of aesthetic excellence that makes the original look painfully cheap. We must turn the oatmeal into fashion."
Evelyn's eyes, despite the Muted Pastel Filter still lingering on her face, began to sparkle with genius. "An Irony-Based Counter-Meme! We will make the ugly thing beautiful! We will make the oatmeal desirable!"
"Reginald," Felix continued. "You will prepare a kingdom-wide, mandatory educational broadcast. We will teach our citizens Advanced Aesthetic Interpretation—how to view the oatmeal and, instead of feeling dullness, feel profound Cringe-Based Pity for its creators. We turn their psychological weapon into a national bonding experience."
Felix then activated his own stream, ensuring his AI was spiking at 100%.
"Citizens of Thighland! The enemy has deployed The Oatmeal of Inevitability! They seek to drain your aesthetic focus!" Felix declared, his voice filled with dramatic resolve. "Do not be afraid of the ugliness! Instead, use your vast, specialized knowledge to dissect its flaws! Let us collectively analyze its poor color palette, its low pixel count, and its utter lack of Flow! This is our new, national Ritual of Aesthetic Dissection!"
As the King spoke, Evelyn was already at work, designing a couture garment that incorporated oatmeal-like textures into shimmering, high-definition lace, turning the enemy's dullness into a luxurious, highly focused art piece. The populace, already trained in the Rituals of Gooning, immediately shifted their focus from anxiety to clinical, obsessive critique.
[SYSTEM ALERT: ANTI-MEME EFFECT NEUTRALIZED. FLOW RE-CONTEXTUALIZATION SUCCESSFUL. FLOW RATE STABILIZED: 6,500 FPM. THAILAND CULTURE ADAPTABILITY: EXCELLENT.]
The Chadgardian Generals watched in horror as their ultimate weapon—a bowl of boring oatmeal—was instantly repurposed and elevated into high-fashion discourse by the very people they sought to mentally suppress.