Love? I've never believe in such things.
Crushes—sure, those I could admit to. Fleeting sparks, small flutters, nothing more.
But love? That word would never define me. It felt too heavy, too distant, too unreal.
All my life, I've never truly fallen for anyone. Love was something other people whispered about, cried over, chased desperately. Not me. I stayed untouched by it, convinced I always would.
And if you asked wether I loved my family, I'd say yes without hesitation. That was the only kind of love I understood. Simple, unquestioned, familiar. But love outside of that? Love in friendships or relationships?
No. That world was foreign to me. Untouched terrain I had no intention of exploring.
Until I met him.
He appeared in my life like the sun breaking through a long-clouded sky.
Bright, warm, impossible to ignore.
His presence didn't just stand out. It shifted something inside me, something I didn't know could move.
At first, I didn't care about him at all. I only noticed him because teachers adored him for being smart and funny, and my classmates liked him for the same reasons. He was popular, impossible not to see. But even then, I wasn't interested.
Not until the day I first spoke to him.
That was the day I Regret the most.
If only I had ignore those words.
If only I hadn't replied.
If only I hadn't let a simple conversation pull me into his orbit...
I wouldn't have felt this much Pain.
They say once you love someone, it hurts in a way that can ruin you.
Slowly, deeply, quietly.
I used to think people exaggerated.
But they were right.
Never thought I would say such words, but...
Loving him made me restless.
It made me desperate.
It made me obsessed.
I didn't know what to do with myself. This was my first time falling in love, and I was completely powerless against it. I couldn't stop the yearning, the longing, the ache for someone who was never mine to begin with.
And the worst part?
I didn't want it to stop.
But wanting something doesn't mean you can get it. And loving someone doesn't mean they'll ever love you back.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm like this.
Why he had to be the one to open a door I never wanted to touch.
I keep replaying everything in my head, questioning every moment.
Was it the way he smiled?
The way he said my name?
The way he looked at everyone with that soft, effortless kindness?
I don't know.
But something about him changed me. I wish it didn't, but it did.
And now I'm here, talking about him like he was some great tragedy in my life.
And maybe... He was.
" Hey! Are you even listening to my story!?"
"Huh? Huh? What?"
"Ugh... You said you were gonna listen this time, you jerk!"
Evelyn throws a pillow at Ethan.
"Hey! That hurts."
"I wouldn't have done that if you were listening to me!" I yelled at him.
He chuckled. "I was. Hahaha... your story is so boring I fell asleep."
"You jerk!" I crossed my arms, but I knew he was joking, so I let it slide and flopped onto bed.
"You gonna sleep now?" Ethan asked.
"Yeah I got tired telling you a story, jerk."
"Hahaha, ok. good night then."..
I smiled and said. "Goodnight."
Ethan was my best friend. we'd been friends for a year now. I'd invited him over to finish our group project, but it took us so long that it turned into night, so I decided to let him sleep over.
He was a good friend. He listened,support me, and was different from others. That's why I chose him as my first real friend.
Becoming friends with him hadn't taken long. Ethan was kind, easy to talk to, and genuinely good with people.
---
The next mornin, sunlight streamed through my bedroom window, brushing across the scattered notebooks and pencils from last night's study session. Ethan was already awake, sitting cross-legged on the floor, quietly packing his bag.
"Morning," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.
"Morning," he replied with a grin. "You look like death warmed over."
"Shut up," I muttered, grabbing my uniform from the chair
We left the apartment together, walking the familiar streets toward school. The air was crisp, carrying the faint smell of autumn leaves. We didn't speak much at first. Just the sound of our footsteps on the pavement. But it was comfortable.
"By the way," Ethan said after a while, glancing at me with that half-smile, "last night you really went on and on about him."
I groaned. "You didn't even listen!"
"I did listen... sort of. But I think you just like torturing yourself at this point."
"Shut up," I muttered, a small tugging at my lips despite myself.
Even as I tried to hide it, he always managed to make me feel at ease. Funny, supportive, completely unbothered by my chaos. Somehow, walking to school beside him, I felt like maybe... just maybe... I could survive anything.
The school gates were busy, filled with students laughing, rushing, or arguing over homework they forgot to do. Hahaha. I tried to keep my head down, focusing on not tripping over my own feet while Ethan chatted beside me, making jokes about everything and nothing.
And then I saw him.
Soren.
He was standing near the lockers, leaning casually against the wall, his hands tucked into his pockets. The sunlight hit his hair just right, making it shine like gold, and for a second, it was like the world around me disappeared. My heart. Stupid, traitorous thing, skipping a beat.
Ethan nudged me. "Hey, look at you zoning out again. Daydreaming about Mr. Sunshine over there?"
I froze. "I-I'm not!" I snapped, though my voice probably sounded weaker than I wanted.
Ethan just grinned knowingly. "Uh-huh.Sure.Totally not."
I turned back toward Soren, trying to act casual, but he... He looked up. And our eyes met.
Time stopped.
I swear, for one horrible, beautiful second, he saw right through me. The way my cheeks burned, the way my hands fidgeted with the straps of my bag, the way my pulse drummed in my ears. He saw it all.
And then... he smiled.
Not a big grin. Not a teasing one. Just a small, almost imperceptible smile that made my stomach twist into knots.
"Evelyn?" Ethan's voice snapped me back. "Earth to Evelyn! Are you okay?"
I shook my head, forcing a laugh. "Y-yeah. I'm fine."
Ethan elbowed me lightly. "Uh-huh. Sure you are. You've been acting weird ever since he showed up."
"And to be honest, " he added with a smik,
"he was looking at the girl behind you. That's why he smiled. Don't be delusional again."
I froze, my chest tightening.
So that's why he was smiling. He hadn't smiled at me after what happened. I guess... I had been reading too much into it. My mind had twisted a small, harmless moment into something it wasn't. I felt a flush of embarrassment.
...And maybe a little sting of disappointment.
Ethan noticed my expression and grabbed my arm gently. "Come on. Let's get to class before you start crying like a little drama queen."
I tried to glare at him, but it came out more like a sad, defeated pout. "I'm not crying... " I muttered, though the catch in my throat betrayed me.
"Uh-huh," he said, clearly unconvinced. "You're fine. Totally fine. Just let's move before everyone thinks you're having a meltdown."
I sighed and let him pull me along the crowded hallway.
Soren look at Evelyn being dragged by her friend and said, "Tsk."