'Now that's the proper way to wake up!'
Kevin's eyes snapped open and BAM. Heaven. Right there.
Two massively jiggly, juicy ass cheeks were swaying inches from his nose. He bolted upright, locking his gaze on the snow-white globes. A tiny, cute white panty was fighting for its life to hide the modesty, but the cheeks were winning.
'Hmmm... literal perfection,' Kevin thought, rubbing his chin like a wise sage of booty physics. 'I never thought I'd see it in real life. No pixels. Just pure mass.'
He squinted, analyzing the geometry. To attain ass cheeks literally that round and plumpy? That was hard work. You needed squats. You needed protein. You needed divine intervention to form those teardrop-shaped miracles.
"Fireball it! Quickly!"
The sweet-yet-dangerous voice of the Cheeks Owner screamed out. There were explosions happening. Probably monsters. Maybe a dragon.
Did Kevin give a damn?
Absolutely not.
He didn't care if she was in danger. He didn't care if the world was ending. He had his eyes on the target and his target was thicc.
He was a man of culture, after all. Priorities.
'Visual test: Passed with dazzling colors. S-Tier. Now... for the smell test.'
Kevin rubbed his hands together with a nasty villain smile and leaned in like a sommelier inspecting a fine wine.
Kevin didn't just smell it. He committed to it.
He flared his nostrils wide like a vacuum cleaner on high power and buried his face right in the danger zone. He took a breath so deep his lungs almost exploded.
SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFF.
He inhaled like he was trying to suck the soul right out of those cheeks. It was a sniff that defied physics. It sounded like a jet engine starting up. He inhaled the sweat, the fabric, the very essence of the booty until he was lightheaded.
'Ah. Vintage. Oaky afterbirth,' Kevin thought, his eyes rolling back. 'Smells like heaven and fabric softener.'
Satisfied, Kevin stood up, dusting off his knees like he just did some hard labor. He looked around, finally deciding to see what all the noise was about.
The girl with the S-class rear end was holding a glowing staff and she was wearing a uniform. Blue skirt and white shirt. She wasn't alone. Two big dudes in the same uniform—total NPC energy—were flanking her. They were all wailing on a Giant Wolf that was the size of a minivan.
"Die, you beast!" the girl screamed, blasting a fireball.
The two goons stabbed it with rusty spears.
SPLAT.
The Giant Wolf let out a pathetic "Awoooo" and collapsed. It twitched once and died, tongue lolling out.
The fight was over instantly. Kevin yawned. He missed the whole battle because he was too busy inspecting the loot, but honestly? Worth it.
"What the hell were you two bastards thinking?! I literally almost died just now!"
WHACK! WHACK!
Sakura screamed and punched both of her goons right on their shiny smooth brained heads. The goons dropped to their knees instantly, smashing their foreheads into the dirt.
"Forgive us, Miss Sakura! We are trash! Please kill us immediately!"
"Hmph... you should be glad that this Young Miss is benevolent. Extremely benevolent."
She flipped her long pink hair and crossed her arms, pushing her chest up in a very haughty, arrogant pose.
"..."
Kevin's eye twitched.
'Bitch. Absolute bitch. She is a certified toxic psycho,' Kevin analyzed.
But he wasn't deterred. Even if her personality was F-tier trash, her body was SSS-tier legendary loot.
'I can fix her...' Kevin thought, nodding to himself.
It was the famous last words of every man before getting completely mentally destroyed by a toxic waifu.
Suddenly, she spun around to leave, but she spotted Kevin standing there. She didn't even hesitate. She spat on the ground—ptoo—and then her leg snapped out like a whip.
CRUNCH.
She kicked him square in the balls.
Kevin didn't even have time to dodge because he was too busy staring at her beautiful, angry face.
"Dog-face Kai! It's because of you that I almost died! Your breathing distracted me!" she shrieked, blaming him for absolutely no reason.
Kevin collapsed, curling into a fetal position. The two goons yanked him up by his collar, dangling him like a wet rag.
"What should we do with this useless, dog-shitted waste of space, Miss?"
Sakura looked at him for a second like he was gum on her boot before flipping her hair again.
"Hmph! You should be glad I am not disposing you right here, shit-faced bastard! Be grateful!"
The goons dropped him face-first into the dirt, kicked him once in the ribs for good measure, and followed Sakura like the loyal simps they were.
Suddenly, a headache split his skull open
ZAP.
Memories flooded in. Not his memories. Kaizen's memories.
"Man, what a total bitch! She dragged me all the way to this dangerous forest just to bully me, and when she gets attacked by a giant-ass wolf, she blames me? What the hell? I should pound that attitude right out of her!"
The memories were vivid.
He saw himself getting stuffed in lockers, getting used as a footstool, and buying lunch for bullies. He didn't know there was bullying until the memory refresher hit him like a truck.
That got the gears turning.
"So this is transmigration, huh? And not to mention, I transmigrated into that dog-water porn game I died playing!"
He looked at his hands. They were rough and skinny.
"I don't even know who I am. I never heard of anyone named Kaizen in the lore! Which means..."
His face went pale. He realized the horrible truth.
"I AM AN NPC!"
"I'm a background mob! I'm a waste of space who is doomed to watch from the corner while the Main Character rails all the waifus! I'm the cuck chair character!"
That was the universal rule of eroge games. He was a no-name NPC, an ugly bottom-ranked student at the Academy whose sole purpose was to make the Hero look cool by comparison.
[I am glad you were able to understand and accept the reality this quickly, Boss.]
"I know, right? I always lived in a fantasy that when I got into a fantasy world, it would feel very norma—"
Kai—short for the loser Kaizen—suddenly stopped speaking mid-sentence.
"Wait a damn minute! Are you my System? System-chan?"
[That is correct, Boss. I am here to assist you.]
"Holy fuck! Yes! I'm saved!"
Kai pumped his fist in the air, ignoring the pain in his ribs.
"I will not be an NPC anymore! With a System, I am going to be the Main Character! I'm gonna have the harem! I'm gonna get the Level 99 Gyatt!"
[Hmmm... Boss, about that...]
"Shit! Shit! Shit! This is real! I'm gonna be a god!"
Kai was so excited he basically tried to pull his own hair out, but he stopped immediately because it hurt. He didn't want to add baldness to his already ugly persona.
[Boss, please hear me out first...]
Kai finally took a breath and calmed down.
"Sure, speak, System. Tell me about my cheat ability. Is it infinite mana? Is it x-ray vision?"
.
.
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[A/N: I am trying to write this novel as fast paced as possible. If you have any suggestions, feel free to write it here. Happy gooning :)]