I was stress-eating peanut butter straight from the jar when my phone rang at 10:47 PM.
Unknown number.
I almost didn't answer, but something made me swipe to accept.
"Hello?"
"Is this Mira Chen?" A woman's voice, tight with barely controlled anger.
My stomach dropped. I knew that voice. I'd heard it in the background of Ethan's calls, laughing at his jokes, calling his name.
"Jessica?" I said carefully.
"So you do know who I am." Her laugh was brittle. "That's interesting, considering Ethan just told me you two are 'just friends.' Or should I say, were just friends until you decided to trap him with a baby?"
The words hit like a slap. "Excuse me?"
"Don't play innocent with me." Her voice rose. "Ethan just left my apartment. He broke up with me said he got you pregnant and needs to 'do the right thing.' But I'm not stupid. This is convenient, isn't it? Your best friend finally starts getting serious with someone, so you suddenly turn up pregnant?"
Rage, hot and immediate, flooded through me. "You think I planned this?"
"I think you've been in love with him for years," Jessica shot back. "Everyone can see it. The way you look at him, the way you're always around. And the second he shows interest in someone else, suddenly there's a baby? You couldn't stand to see him happy with me, could you?"
"I didn't"
"Save it. I've seen women like you before. Desperate. Pathetic. You couldn't get him to want you the normal way, so you got yourself knocked up. Well, congratulations. You've ruined three lives instead of just your own."
My hands were shaking. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" She laughed again, cruel. "You think he's going to stay? You think he actually wants this baby, wants you? He told me himself he's terrified. That he never wanted kids. He's only sticking around out of guilt, Mira. The second he can find a way out, he will."
Each word was designed to cut, and God help me, they did.
"Ethan wouldn't"
"Ethan is a good guy playing hero because that's what good guys do," Jessica interrupted. "But eventually, he'll resent you.
He'll resent that kid. And when he does, when he finally admits this was all a mistake, don't come crying to me."
The line went dead.
I stood there in my kitchen, the phone still pressed to my ear, her words echoing in my head.
You couldn't get him to want you the normal way, so you got yourself knocked up.
He's only sticking around out of guilt.
Eventually, he'll resent you.
My vision blurred with tears. I wanted to believe Jessica was just a bitter ex-girlfriend lashing out. But what if she was right? What if Ethan was only staying because he felt obligated?
The memory of his face when I'd told him that look of pure panic flashed through my mind. He'd said it was catastrophic. He'd walked out.
What if he did leave again? What if ….
My phone rang again, and this time I saw Ethan's name.
I answered, my voice rough. "Did you give your ex-girlfriend my number?"
"What? No. Mira"
"She just called me." I was surprised by how calm I sounded when everything inside me was screaming. "Jessica. She had some very interesting theories about how I 'trapped' you with this baby."
"Fuck." He exhaled sharply. "Mira, I'm so sorry. She must have gone through my phone"
"Is it true?" I interrupted. "What she said about you being terrified? About never wanting kids?"
Silence.
"Ethan?" My voice cracked.
"I am terrified," he admitted quietly. "And no, kids weren't in my life plan. But Mira, that doesn't mean"
"Are you only staying out of guilt?" The question tumbled out before I could stop it. "Tell me the truth. Are you just playing hero because that's what you think you're supposed to do?"
"No." His voice was firm now. "Is that what Jessica told you?"
"Among other things."
He swore again. "Where are you? I'm coming over."
"Ethan, it's almost eleven"
"I don't care. We need to talk about this face to face, not over the phone. I'm coming over."
He hung up before I could protest.
Fifteen minutes later, he was knocking on my door, still wearing his jacket, his hair windswept like he'd been running.
"Jessica is wrong," he said the second I opened the door. "About all of it."
"Is she?" I stepped aside to let him in. "Because from where I'm standing, she made some valid points."
"Like what?" He turned to face me, frustration evident. "That you trapped me?
That you're some desperate woman who couldn't get me any other way? That's bullshit, Mira, and you know it."
"Do I?" My arms crossed defensively. "Because the facts are pretty clear. We slept together once. One time. And I end up pregnant. She's right that the timing is convenient."
His eyes widened. "You think you trapped me?"
"I think the universe has a sick sense of humor." I moved to the couch, suddenly exhausted. "And I think Jessica is right about one thing you never wanted this. You're only here because you feel like you have to be."
Ethan followed, crouching in front of me so we were eye-level. "Listen to me very carefully," he said, his voice intense. "I'm not here out of obligation. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, this wasn't planned. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be here."
"You said it was catastrophic."
He winced. "I was in shock. I said a lot of stupid things that day."
"You walked out."
"I know." His hands found mine, and I was too tired to pull away. "I know, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. But I came back, Mira. And I'm not leaving again."
"You can't promise that." My voice was barely a whisper. "What happens when this gets hard? When the baby comes and you're sleep-deprived and your whole life has changed? What happens when you meet someone new and you resent that you're tied to me?"
"Is that what you think?" His thumb traced circles on my palm. "That I see this baby as something tying me down?"
"Don't you?"