Chapter Twenty-Two - The Weight of Goodbye
(Inara's pov)
The air outside was cold and gray, rain seeping through the edges of my umbrella, soaking my coat. I held it tightly, clutching my backpack and, underneath it, the silver quill necklace. Everything felt heavier than it should. The world felt heavier.
The church was silent except for the soft hum of whispers, the shuffle of feet, and the occasional muffled sob. I had expected people to point fingers, to blame someone, to ask questions. But no one did. They were mourning with him, for him, and somehow... that made it worse.
Because I couldn't stop blaming myself.
I sank into the pew, hands trembling, and pressed the necklace to my lips. "I should have... I should have stopped him," I whispered, voice cracking. "I should have said something. I should have..."
A wave of panic crashed over me. My chest tightened, breath coming in short, shallow gasps. My hands shook uncontrollably. Everything spun - the stained glass windows, the faces around me, the echo of my own heartbeat.
"I can't... I can't... breathe," I whispered, clutching my coat, rocking slightly.
A gentle hand on my shoulder startled me. Tess. "Hey... hey, you're okay. Just breathe with me. Slowly. In... and out..."
I nodded, tears blurring my vision, following her voice as I tried to force air into my lungs. Memories crashed over me - the bookstore, the carousel, the festival, rainy nights writing together at his house. Every laugh, every stolen glance, every "I love you" echoed louder now than ever.
Three months ago, I had been a happy, lonely girl. I had my notebooks, my music, my baby sister Naomi, and my little world. I had been safe, untouchable, careful.
And now? Now I was a grieving girlfriend, holding a quill necklace like it could somehow bring him back. Now I was a girl whose world had been ripped in half, whose future felt hollow without him beside me.
The priest's words faded into background noise. Flowers, black suits, umbrellas, somber faces - all of it blurred into a gray haze. My fingers dug into the seat, nails pressing into the wood, trying to anchor myself to something real.
"I loved him," I whispered. "I loved him... I love him."
A sob tore through me, uncontrollable. Tess held me, rocking me gently as the panic subsided just enough to let the tears flow freely. I let myself fall apart in her arms because no one else could understand the weight of what I felt.
Everything we had - every laugh, every joke, every night spent writing, every small adventure - had been a lifetime in three short months. And now it was gone.
I closed my eyes and pressed the necklace to my heart, murmuring, "I'll finish the story, Elias. I'll do it. I promise. Always."
The world outside the church was wet and gray, but inside, I let the storm rage in me. And in that storm, I finally let myself grieve.
End of Chapter Twenty-Two