Chapter 11: Year 6 Part 3-Heat of the MomentNotes:Look a new chapter! Yay! Gotta be honest, I absolutely loved writing the later half of this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextThe Jedi and Nightsister pair set out for their hunt the next morning. Bringing with them only the bare minimum needed for survival on Dathomir; namely waterskins and Cal's weapon. The two would hunt for their food and Merrin had little need for a weapon to defend herself, choosing to rely on her magick instead. According to the Nightsister, the travel through the swampland to the eastern flatlands would take two days of travel on foot. It would take an untold number of days to track down the Rancor herd that had been sighted, and isolate one of their numbers to hunt. They would have to ensure that they didn't catch the eye of the whole herd, doing so would be paramount to a death sentence, or at least a failure in the hunt.
The travel was so far uneventful, or at least as uneventful as travel across Dathomir swampland could be. A few times the two would be forced to fend off local wildlife or use Merrin's magick to teleport past obstacles like quicksand or Bane Back Spider nests.
Outside of the occasional interruption the swampland, like the whole of the wilds of Dathomir, was dead silent. Or at least it would be if it weren't for the traveling pair breaking that silence. Cal and Merrin filled the hours of travel with idol conversation. Most of it consisted of the Nightsister quizzing the young Jedi on his knowledge of the Dathomirian language. Cal had gotten rather skilled in the language, and according to Merrin, he was practically fluent, able to hold simple conversations. Now whenever teaching the Jedi, Merrin spoke exclusively in Dathomirian, and expects the same of Cal.
On occasion though the two would drop the language lessons. Often to just enjoy the shared comfortable silence between them, or to talk about random subjects. During one of these idol conversations Cal decided he would probably do well in asking more about the purposes for this hunt, and what exactly 'becoming Dathomirian' ment.
"So when I finish this trial or hunt, I'll basically be a Nightbrother?"
Merrin's reaction to this question hadn't been what Cal would have expected. She makes a noticeable face of disgust. Why, he wasn't really sure. "No, you will not. There is a different tradition the Nightbrothers perform for one to become a Nightbrother. I assume you have noticed the tattoos that all Dathomirians wear?"
Hard not to notice. "Yes."
"When a Nightbrother becomes of hunting age they are inspected by the elders of the village. If the elders find them acceptable then they are assigned to a hunting party. Once they return from a successful hunt they are then given their first tattoos. They gain more and more tattoos as they perform more feats in combat or during hunts. If you wished to become a Nightbrother, this is the tradition you would be expected to perform."
"If I'm not going to become a Nightbrother then what am I going to be after this hunt?" Cal was rather confused. Males Dathomirian are Nightbrothers and females are Nightsisters, right?
"The tradition we are currently partaking in was usually performed to allow outsiders to join a coven as a full fledged Nightsister. Of course the outsiders would have almost exclusively been female. I am just taking this tradition and applying it to a male. You won't be a Nightsister, but you will be akin to a Nightsister, or at least greater than a Nightbrother." Merrin clarifies.
A pregnant pause, amplified by the silence of the planet.
"Will I have to get tattoos?"
Another pause before a delighted laugh rang out from the Nightsister. "No, I won't require you to get tattoos. I quite like your pale skin, and I do not think gray tattoos would complement it. I much prefer your small red dots instead."
"Red dot? Do you mean my freckles?" Cal asked, inspecting his body, half expecting large red dots to appear all over his body, as if he had missed them the last 20 years of his life. Needless to say, no such dots are seen.
"If this word 'freckles' refers to the spots found on your face and shoulders then yes. I think I like these freckles of yours. They match your hair rather nicely. Tell me, do all humans have these freckles?" Cal couldn't help but feel a bit self conscious as the Nightsister seemingly inspected his body as they walked.
"No, but it's not uncommon either, but most humans with red hair tend to have freckles."
"How common is this red hair of yours among humans" Merrin's eyes changed their attention to the top of Cal's head.
"Most humans have black, brown, or blond hair. Red hair is far from common."
"So you are rather unique then." Merrin toyed with her hair."What of silver hair like mine?"
"Humans don't naturally have silver hair, but when humans grow old or sometimes when they live high stress lives there hair will slowly turn white or silver."
"Does my hair make me appear old?" Merrin's voice was calm and steady as she asked the question, her face stoic, giving nothing away. Cal wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.
"N-no far from it. I think your silver hair looks great, amazing really." Cal panically responded, not wanting to hurt or offend his friend.
Merrin for her part gave Cal a playful smirk as she responded. "I am well aware. Thank you. I think the same of your hair." Merrin reached out a comed her hand through his locks, before retracting her hand back to her side.
The intimate gesture took the young Jedi by surprise, but he couldn't deny he enjoyed touch. Cal brought his own hand up to comb his red hair, wishing to recreate the feeling of the Nightsisters fingers brushing against his scalp, to no avail.
It was only after Merrin asked "Are you coming, Cal Kestis?" in Dathomirian from further ahead, did Cal realize that he had stopped walking.
"Sorry, I-I'm coming."
"In Dathomirian." She chastises him.
Cal repeats himself, this time in Dathomirian, to the best of his ability. Merrin nodes in response, seemingly satisfied, before she continues their travel. Cal picks up his pace to catch up to the Nightsister.
'She's going to be the death of me.'
[Break]
It had actually taken them a little over two days to reach the eastern flatlands, a little longer than they had expected. Still a far cry from the months it had taken for Cal to travel from the northern ends of the swampland to the mountain several years ago. According to Merrin the mountain was much closer to the eastern edge of the swamps than the northern edge, and the southern edge would take a year or so of travel on foot to reach.
Once they had reached the flatlands finding the Rancor herd had been much easier than Cal had expected. Somehow through meditation Merrin was able to sense the living creatures of Dathomir. Using this ability allowed the two to swiftly pinpoint the herds location and movement, allowing the two to catch up to it.
Catching up to the moving herd had taken most of the third day. By the time they had sighted the herd it was time to start setting up camp for the night.
Cal had at first been concerned with the idea of setting up camp right next to a herd of two dozen giant monsters with little cover to be seen. Merrin had tried to assure him that she would cast a spell that would hide their presence from the beasts overnight. While he trusted the Nightsister, he did not trust the planet or anything else on it, and still insisted that they set up a watch duty. Cal would take the first watch and Merrin would take the second. Luckily the night passed without any incidents.
The pair spent the first few hours of the day shadowing the rancor herd as it traveled across the flatlands. The two used this time to observe the herd and to try and pick out a few likely targets.
Rancor herds can range from a dozen members to up to three dozen members. Female rancors are considerably larger than their male counterparts. Herds are usually led by the largest female known as the matriarch.
This herd had a little over two dozen members, a dozen of which were adults. Merrin had made it clear that while any adult rancor would be sufficient, that it would be preferable to target either a female without any young or the herd matriarch.
After observing it seemed that only two of the adults were preferable targets. The matriarch of the herd, as well as the oldest female that was too old to have pups. Merrin guessed that it was most likely that the old female had mothered most of the herd's adults. Despite the age of the female it was rather clear that she was only second to the matriarch in both size and strength.
Now that they had two potential targets all they had to do is either wait for one of them to separate themselves from the herd, or to lore one of them away. Tricking the matriarch to leave the herd for a time would be rather difficult as the rest of the rancor would just end up following her. So it was probably preferable to focus their efforts on the older female.
Their opportunity came on their second day following the herd, their fifth day away from the mountain. The elder female had made her way to the back of the herd and was a considerable distance from the other rancors.
Cal first used his Force stasis ability to slow the movement of the targeted rancor and grow the distance between it and the rest of the herd. After the stasis ended Cal made his presence known by throwing his lightsaber, causing superficial damage at best, while yelling and shouting at it. While Cal did this, Merrin used magic to stop the rest of the rancors from noticing the eldest rancor's roars of battle.
Merrin wasn't allowed to help him directly in the fight, and could only assist the Jedi in smaller indirect ways, otherwise the hunt would be considered invalidated. The Nightsister did cast some magical protection on him, but that was the most she could do.
Cal charged at the enraged beast hopping to get the battle over before the rancor could retaliate. The great Dathomirian beast swiped at Cal just as he had entered within range of it's claws. Without missing a beat, he jumped over the weaponized appendage. While in mid air Cal slashed downwards at the clawed hand, cutting a deep burn through the hide into muscle.
The elder beast hardly reacted to it's new burning wound, and swung it's other clawed hand to hit the Jedi before he could hit the ground. The attack connected with a meaty 'thunk', batting the Jedi to the side easily.
"Cal!" Merrin's voice rang out, concern clear. If it wasn't for him flying through the air after having all the air knocked out of him, he might have noticed that it was the first time Merrin had used the shortened version of his name.
If it wasn't for the magical protection, the rancor's claws would have cut clean through the Jedi. Cal landed on his feet, though a little winded and with a few new broken and/or cracked ribs.
"I'm alright… I thi-" The furious roar beast interrupted him, probably angry that Cal was mostly unharmed from it's attack.
Surprising both the Jedi and Nightsister, the elder rancor began to sprint away from Cal, seemingly running away from him. The surprise was short lived, as soon the creature turned back towards Cal and charged him. Seems the beast only wanted the distance for a charge at full speed. As the creature neared it brought up both of it's clawed hands, reading them for attack. Cal readied himself to greet the charge of the beast, having some idea of how to deal with the monster.
Just before the creature made it within it's striking distance of the Jedi, it brought it's injured arm down to claw at the ground directly in front of Cal. Dry dirt, plant matter, and rocks flew into the air towards the Jedi. At the same time the Rancor brought it's other hand down to cut the Jedi in two. He jumped backwards thankfully avoiding most of the larger pieces of dirt and rock, and narrowly avoiding the strike that had been obscured by the flying debris.
Needing little time to recover, Cal charged under the rancor's feet. Cutting at the creature's stomach before making his way under and behind the beast. The beast was thrown off balance by it's overextended attack, and was slow to recover due to the pain of a new wound. This made it considerably easy for Cal to topple the poor creature over with a powerful Force push from behind.
As the beast's body hit the dirt underneath it, Cal wasted little time jumping atop it's back. Running across it's back to the rancor's head, Cal plunged his weapon deep into it's skull. The giant beast's struggles ceased immediately, it's body going limp.
The hunt had been a success.
[Break]
After Cal Kestis had felled the mighty rancor, Merrin wasted little time fretting over the Jedi's injuries he sustained in the hunt. Luckily and thanks to the spell she had cast on his body before the combat, Cal had walked away from the fight with little more than a few cracked ribs, and minor bruising of the skin and a few more ribs. Painful injuries, but nothing Merrin couldn't heal quickly, or atleast patch up.
After ensuring her Jedi's health Merrin got to work cutting a large portion of the dead beasts hide for use in crafting the trophy she would make for Cal.
Rancor hide was made up of two main layers. The outer layer is thin, tough, and flexible; perfect for crafting. Or at least it would be if it didn't become rigged, flimsy, and mostly useless shortly after the creature's death. The second layer was thicker, and when processed with Nightsister magick, becomes a beautiful, sturdy, and flexible leather that can even offer considerable protection from blaster fire. Merrin's own robes were partially made from rancor hide.
It was only fitting that Cal Kestis' trophy would be made of such a valuable and useful material. A trophy that offered no practical use would be unfitting for a person such as Cal Kestis.
The travel back to their mountain took over four days due to Cal's injuries as well as the large bundle of rancor hide that they were bringing back.
When Cal Kestis had asked what the trophy would be Merrin declined to answer, wishing to make it a surprise. The making of the trophy was to be her task and would remain secret until it's crafting was complete. That did not stop him from trying to guess what the hide would be made into. Most of his ideas were rather unique and completely wrong. The closest he got was guessing a blanket. After she had pointed out that no one would make a blanket out of leather or furless hide, he stopped guessing.
When they had finally made their return to the mountain Merrin immediately set to her task of creating the trophy, after checking in on the Nightbrother village and making sure nothing had gone amiss while she had been away. .
[Break]
Merrin was fully aware of what the Jedi felt for her. Had full knowledge that Cal Kestis found her physically attractive, enjoyed her company, and had grown a dependence for her presence much like the one she had for him and the Light that was a part of him. The Nightsister had known for months.
She knew he was physically attracted to her because Merrin could see it in his eyes. The subtle perverse glances that he would subconsciously shoot her way, raking his eyes across her body; taking in every detail. She recognized such glances for what they were because they were reminiscent of the gazes that the Nightbrothers had given her when Merrin had just come of age and had been without a mate. Unlike the gazes of the Nightbrothers, which had only disgusted the Nightsister, Merrin only felt joy and pride in herself when Cal Kestis did so. She relished under the gaze of those emerald green eyes of his. Merrin did not believe that Cal Kestis was conscious of his wandering eyes when it occurred. Whenever he had caught himself in the act he would always become flustered and ashamed. Even though Merrin had never actually called him out on such acts, nor did she make him aware that she had caught him on many occasions.
Merrin also knew that her Jedi enjoyed her company because he told her so. Cal Kestis would tell her almost daily how much he enjoyed spending time with her. He would also seek to spend any free time he had with her. Something that she would never complain about, as she too liked spending time with him.
Lastly Merrin knew that Cal Kestis had grown an attachment, a dependence, for her presence, much like she had for his presence in her life. The Nightsister could see it in his honest eyes and smile, hear it in every word he spoke to her, feel it in every unintended and intended touch and kind gesture, every blush of his cheeks, sense it during every shared meditation. It was as if every part of Cal Kestis was unknowingly screaming his affections for her.
It also made sense as well. Merrin was the only friendly face that Cal had seen in more than five years. They saved each other's lives. The two of them even shared similar pains of losing everything all at once.
Merrin trusted Cal Kestis, and she knew that he trusted her as well.
Merrin had only one true fear that remained between them; that the Jedi might one day leave her and take her Light with him. She knew that if given the chance to leave Dathomir Cal Kestis would take it. If one day another Jedi appeared to retrieve the red headed Jedi their order had forgotten there would be little doubt that Cal Kestis would go. He may have grown unquestionably attached to the Nightsister, but he was still very much committed to the Jedi Order and would rejoin his people if given the chance.
Cal Kestis would not be leaving her out of cruelty or malaise towards the Nightsister. He would probably hesitate for some time, but in the end he would go, leaving Merrin alone and broken. She would not blame him for it. She too would do anything to be able to have her sisters returned to her.
While Merrin could not blame him, she could attempt to prevent such an outcome; prevent him from leaving her.
In pursuit of this goal Merrin had come up with a plan to insure the Light and the Jedi stayed with her forever. First she had proposed the idea of Cal Kestis becoming a Dathomirian, as close as he could be to becoming a Nightsister. By insisting he perform the trial hunt that outsiders would perform to become a Nightsister. Cal Kestis being male stopped him from being a true Nightsister, but he could still become something close.
The Nightsister had guessed that Cal Kestis would not refuse such a proposal if it came from her, and she had been right. Luckily the hunt had been a resounding success, and Cal would soon have his trophy that would act as acknowledgment that he was now Dathomirian.
Making him a Dathomirian was only the first part of her plan, as it was almost certain that Cal Kestis would see himself as a Jedi before seeing himself as a Dathomirian or resident of Dathomir.
She needed the young Jedi to grow an attachment stronger than the one he had with his old order. A difficult task, but by no means impossible for the Nightsister to accomplish.
The second part of her plan would accomplish this task, while also allowing her to actually claim Cal Kestis, and indulge in her attachment to him.
If all went as planned than Cal Kestis would be forever hers, and never leave her. She could begin to rebuild her lost coven. She could keep the Light for the rest of her days. She could live a happy life with her Jedi. The last Nightsister and stranded Jedi building a life together.
Cal Kestis had his hunt for the rancor, but now it was Merrin's time to hunt and her choice of prey was her Jedi warrior.
[Break]
Apparently the crafting of the trophy takes a considerable amount of time and Nightsister magick. Merrin uses one of the spare rooms as a space to make it in private. Only ever coming out to eat, sleep, bathe, or requesting for the Nightbrothers to bring her raw materials to be used in the crafting of the trophy. She would even miss the sunset that she and Cal had watched nightly for almost a year.
Most of these materials consisted of Dathomirian fabrics, Veeka bird leather, that Dathomirian metal that Cal still has no idea what it's called, and even a small amount of gold ore. Cal had little idea what these materials could be crafted into, but it's not he wouldn't find out soon anyways. After all the trophy Merrin was toiling over was being made for him. He had to admit that the idea of the Nightsister making something solely for him was a little exciting. Or at least he had been excited, but that had been two days ago.
Though he had to admit Merrin spending all her time working on the trophy left Cal feeling alone. Now Cal was by no means unacquainted with the feeling of loneliness. He had lived and traveled by himself for years on Dathomir. That fact doesn't mean he enjoyed being alone. After being alone for so long having a friend, someone to talk to, felt almost like luxury.
He knew it was rather selfish of him to be slightly perturbed with Merrin leaving him to his own devices. After all the trophy she was spending her time working on was meant for him. The Nightsister did not owe him anything, while Cal certainly felt like he owed her everything. But that didn't stop him from feeling a little hurt by the Nightsister's actions, no matter how childish he knew it was.
Luckily Cal was a patient man, after all he was a relatively well trained Jedi. He had been trained in patience from the first day he could walk at the Jedi temple, even before he could speak. And it's not like the two didn't talk at all during this time. Whenever Merrin came out of the room to eat they would often converse while they ate together. Nowhere near as long as he was used to, the Nightsister always seemed eager to return to her task.
In the end it took two weeks for Merrin to finish.
When the Nightsister finally came out declaring that her work was complete, Cal would be lying if he said he wasn't overjoyed.
Cal had been in the middle of lightsaber practice drills when Merrin had made her announcement to him. When the Nightsister saw the layer of dirt and sweat that Cal had caking his body, she had requested that he go bathe in the hotsprings before he was to be given his trophy. Not an unreasonable request, after all he was dirty, and the drying sweat mixing with the course red dirt of Dathomir did feel considerably uncomfortable when given time to notice.
When the Jedi had returned shortly thereafter, fresh and clean, he found Merrin in their bedroom with a large bundle of cloth and leather in hand. Along with the bundle she held a pair of metal and leather boots.
"This is your trophy I have crafted for you, a set of Dathomirian battle robes. Please put them on." Merrin handed him the large bundle along with the boots before making her way towards the door. "I will go and allow you privacy as you change." And with that Merrin exited the room.
It did not take Cal long to figure out how to dawn the clothing. The robes, if you could even really call them that had three parts not including the boots. First part was the pants. Of similar style to Nightbrother made garments, just of better quality, made of a sturdy cloth dyed a dark, almost purplish, gray. Secondly was a sleeveless armored vest/shirt, made predominantly of what Cal guessed was Rancor leather; dyed a dark gray. Next the metal toed boots made out of both Veeka and Rancor leather were tall and almost reached Cal's knees, they also had a strip of Dathomirian metal running down the front to act as armor plating. Lastly a knee length skirt to go over the pants was probably the only reason that the clothing were called robes. The knee length skirt buckled around his waist, was made of Rancor leather, dyed in a similar fashion to the pants, and had places to clip his lightsaber and even the Duskblade to the skirt's belt. He guessed the skirt was for added protection that the pants did not have, while still allowing for the freedom of movement the pants allowed.
Overall the Dathomirian armored "robes" were a great improvement compared to the Nightbrother pants he had been wearing up until that point. The shirt/vest in particular. Cal had grown more than tired of wearing only pants for the past few years. The armored clothing fit perfectly, almost screarliy so. How Merrin had gotten his measurements he didn't know.
"Are the robes to your liking Cal Kestis?"
Cal turned around to spot the Nightsister leaning against the entrance of the room, a hand held behind her back. "Yes, they're perfect Merrin. Thank you."
Merrin simply nodded, a smile apparent on her face. "I am glad you like them. There is one other piece left to give you." She brought the hand that she had hidden behind her into the Jedi's view. In it was a small length of gold. Upon closer inspection the length of gold revealed itself to be a bracelet of similar design to the necklace that Merrin had received from Ilyana.
Merrin strode forward gestring for Cal to give her his hand. When he did Merrin proceeded to clip the bracelet onto his wrist. All the while Cal watched the delicate movement of her hands.
When the gold of the bracelet touched his skin Cal was pulled into a Force echo, but unlike the average echo this one was held purly emotions. The emotions of the bracelet's crafter as she had made it. The care and commitment that went into its crafting. The respect, care, understanding, admiration, devotion, and want she felt for the person she was crafting it for.
When the echo ended and Cal looked up to see the Nightsister's two soft brown eyes staring back at him, looking at him as though he had just hung the stars for her, only one thought came to his mind.
Merrin loved him. And how that revelation was both the best and worst thing he could have learned at that moment.
Cal was stunned, his mind short circuiting into inaction as his eyes got lost staring into Merrin's. After a few moments of staring at each other, Merrin's began to stare at him with a smug look almost like she had planned on this. 'Had she planned on letting him see that echo? Did she even know an echo was there? Was she aware that I know her feelings? Did she somehow figure out I love her?' All these thoughts bombarding his mind only served to freeze his mind further into nonfunction.
"Are you alright my Jedi?" Merrin's voice asked gently. Cal's heart most definitely stopped for a brief moment when Merrin referred to him as 'her Jedi'.
"I-I don't, I'm- n-not… sur-" Cal's voice was stilled when Merrin moved closer, much closer. Deliberately invading his personal space, their bodies only millimeters apart. After a beat her hands raise to wrap themselves around his neck. "Uh, Merrin, what are yo-"
"Cal Kestis, I am aware that you find me appealing to look at." Her words coupled with the matter of fact way they were delivered shut Cal up immediately, his thoughts and actions momentarily stopped while the Nightsister spoke. "I too find you appealing to look at, to spend time with you, to be with you." her accent growing deliberately thicker at the last few words, almost giving them a double meaning.
In a rush Merrin surges forward aggressively pressing her lips to his. Cal's body responds before his mind can, and he kisses her back with just as much force. She tastes like Brula fruit nectar, almost like blood. He never liked the taste of the fruit's nectar even before he found out it was a hallucinogenic poison that causes temporary blindness the hard way. But at this moment he could hardly imagine a better taste.
Cal wrapped his arm around Merrin's waist trying to pull her closer. At the same time Merrin brought her left hand up from around his neck to his face to cup his chin softly. Their kiss was aggressive, intense, and almost painful, but that didn't matter. It was unpractised, sloppy, hungry, and perfect to Cal in every sense of the word. The Nightsister was intoxicating to the young Jedi.
Merrin began to push Cal with her body, the attached pair slowly moving backwards. Soon the backs of Cal's legs hit the soft cushions of Merrin's bed. He toppled backwards, momentarily breaking the kiss, allowing the two to catch their breath. As soon as his head hit the Nightsister's mattress Merrin rejoined their lips, climping on top of him as she did.
It was at that moment, when Merrin's hips pressed into his and he felt her body atop his, that Cal's mind and rationality came back to him. Using his one hand, Cal gripped Merrin by the shoulder and pushed their bodies apart.
"Merrin we can't do this! I can't do this!" His panicked voice brought the fogginess out of her eyes.
"I do not understand."
"I'm a Jedi. I can't do stuff like this, have attachments like this!"
Both her hands cupped the Jedi's cheeks, gently but possessively. "You are not a Jedi, but a Dathomirian." She said simply before trying to relock lips.
In a rapid panicked motion Cal flipped them over so that Cal was now on top of Merrin. With only a moment of hesitation, that felt like it lasted hours, Cal fled out of the room and ran.
As he ran the only thing his consciousness registered were the pained and broken words of Merrin pleading for him to come back; to not leave her.
[Break]
At first when Cal had run he had no idea where he was running to, only what he was running from. He just had to get away. Away from Merrin, away from that house, but mostly away from his own emotions. Scared that if he stayed any longer that he wouldn't be able to resist the Nightsister's advances and affections. Scared that he would do things that he wouldn't be able to take back or forget. Scared that he would hurt Merrin more than he already had.
Cal trusted Merrin. He loved Merrin. He would do almost anything for her. But he did not trust himself. He did not love himself. And the key word was that he would do 'almost' anything for the Nightsister.
The young Jedi couldn't be what Merrin obviously wanted him to be. He couldn't do what Merrin had clearly wanted him to do at that moment. Cal would not lie and say he didn't enjoy the kiss and all the emotions and passions it carried with it. At the moment it had trilled him that the person he loved appeared to love him back. His emotions, his heart, his primal instincts all screamed and yelled at him to go back there, back to her, to the woman he loved, and be everything she wanted him to be, do anything she wanted him to do.
But he couldn't, because he was a Jedi.
He wasn't allowed to love. He wasn't allowed to feel this way. A trained Force user that had these kinds of emotions was too dangerous. Emotions were too dangerous for trained Force users. The heart was often blind, and primal instincts were wild and selfish. All things that he as a Jedi was taught not to rely on, not to trust. His master's dying breath had told him to trust only in the Force. Calmness, serenity, and discipline that is what a Jedi could rely upon when concerning themselves.
Cal had trusted Merrin, relied upon her for so long. Had that been a mistake? Had she planned that all out since she first brought up the whole 'becoming a Dathomirian' thing, or had it been just a spur of the moment.
He still loved the silver haired Nightsister, that he was sure of, that he knew. But the trust had been damaged. Damaged despite the fact that Merrin was hardly to blame he thought. Cal had told the Nightsister that Jedi couldn't form attachments, couldn't have be romantically involved, but it still wasn't her fault. Maybe Merrin hadn't remembered such a detail because he hadn't emphasized it enough, or perhaps his explanation had been vague or poorly executed and she hadn't grasped the full gravity of it. That had to be it, clearly. And because he had failed in explaining it, he was forced into that situation where he ran and broke her heart and his at the same time.
He truly was the monster Merrin had that Jedi were, wasn't he?
He had hurt Merrin by running like that, by rejecting her. He had damaged a person that had already been damaged and subjected to the cruelest of fates the galaxy had to offer. Now he was lost on what to do, alone once again. Back where he had started before he had met the silver haired Nightsister, alone, afraid, and with little hope for the future, only this time with a broken heart.
[Break]
What had she done? In her pursuit to insure that Cal Kestis never left her she had only succeeded in chasing him away, chasing her Light away, her future away, her happiness away. She had been selfish. Acting on her own desires while ignoring Cal Kestis'. Pushing herself onto him like she owned him. Like he was equal to a Nightbrother and that she could do what she wanted with him.
The Nightsister had been completely aware that Jedi remain celibate throught their life. Cal had told her once before when she had been asking about his people. How could she have forgotten such a thing?
It's because, in truth, Merrin had not forgotten. She just chose to ignore instead of actually come to terms with that fact. Whether it was due to thinking the practice of celibacy by the Jedi was insignificant and would be dropped easily, thinking Cal Kestis would react upon his desires, his own love for her, and no the doctrine of the Jedi Order, or that he had actually decided to abandon the title of Jedi in favor of Dathomirian.
Merrin had devised her plan to make Cal Kestis feel like he belonged on Dathomir, because to her he did belong. He belonged on Dathomir, and she had hoped to make it clear to him that she felt like he belonged with her.
The Nightsister knew that the young Jedi never felt truly at home here on this planet of crimson, and that he still harbored hope that one day the Jedi Order that had abandoned him unknowingly would come back for him.
She had wanted him to feel like he could view Dathomir as a home, their home. To feel like he could live a happy life here, with her. After all, had that not been what they were already doing, living a happy life together? She had ruined that happy life.
Merrin had wanted to live a happy life with him. Possibly start the rebuilding the start of a new coven with Cal Kestis by her side. The two of them, the start of something new; reborn from what was left behind. A literal world at their fingertips to build upon, to build a future for themselves. A bright future that just a few years ago she would have thought impossible, and now it was all gone up into ashes because Merrin had been selfish and forced away her Jedi with her rash actions and pursuits.
Cal Kestis, her Light, her second love, her Jedi was gone. There was no knowing if he would ever come back, ever return to her side. And even if by some miracle he did, would he still love her or had that chance been lost? Would there ever be a chance at a happy life with him again?
The Nightsister would gladly give up all her aspiration to rebuild the coven, have a romantic relationship, and even his love for her if she could just have him back with her right now.
Merrin had once again lost what she cared most for, but this time it was all her fault, no one else was to blame. She was back where she had started before she had ever met the emerald eyed Jedi, but this time with a heart broken anew.
Notes:Next Chapter: Chapter 12-Year 6 Part 4-Imperials
If you wanna have an idea of what Cal's new cloth/armor look like, it basically identical to what Savage Opress wears in the Clone Wars, except without the sleeves or shoulder pauldrons.
I absolutely love reading and responding to comments. I can't wait to hear what y'all think of the chapter!
Next chapter should be out within the next two weeks, though I can't give a concrete time. I'm all out of reserve chapters, so weekly Saturday updates sadly won't be a thing anymore. But rest assured I'm to going to slow down on my writing any time soon and chapters should still come out relatively often, just not on a predictable schedule.
Chapter 12: Year 6 Part 4-ImperialsNotes:Look a chapter!
Also TRIGGER WARNING: There are some references to suicide. Procced with caution. You have been warned.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter TextLiving without Cal Kestis, her Jedi, was exactly as hard as Merrin had expected. She was both numb to emotion yet prone to fits of intense emotional outbursts. One minute she would be numb and unable to do much of anything the next she would be aggressive, devastated, and or mournful. She would cry until she became dehydrated, stare blankly at a wall for hours on end lost within her own thoughts and numbing grief, she would plead with her sisters and the will of Dathomir to return her Light to her, and when she would get no response or when her self hate would reach a tipping point she would lash out in anger destroying whatever was within close proximity.
The first victim of the Nightsister's fury had been her homes living area. The tables, chairs, and furniture had all ended up smashed or ripped to shreds by Dathomirian magick. The only thing that had survived the carnage had been the chair that Cal Kestis had often used when they used to eat together.
Victim number two had been a Veeka that she had hunted only moments before. The bird's carcass had been pulverized to a near liquid state, the only evidence that it had once been a Veeka bird were the few red feathers that survived the onslaught of magick and ended up floating on top of the pool of liquid meat. Needless to say Merrin had been forced to find something else to hunt.
An unlucky Nightbrother messenger had been victim number three. The message that he had been sent to deliver had never been conveyed, because the fleeing and bleeding Nightbrother had not elected to return after Merrin had lashed out at him for the crime of showing up when the Nightsister was having a breakdown. If the messenger had been one of the older Nightbrothers that were often sent to convey messages then she was sure that they would not have been swift enough to escape the Nightsister's rage with their life.
The most recent casualty had been the bedroom that she had shared with the lost Jedi. Her bed had gone first. The mattress and sheets had been shredded into fabric confetti, and the metal frame had been twisted and warped into what amounted to scrap metal. The chest in the corner that held fabrics, cloth, and extra bed sheets had been turned into a mist of splinters, wood scraps and sawdust. The contents had shared a similar fate with the mattress and bed sheets. All the other furniture had also been destroyed beyond repair or recognition. The only item spared had been the wood frame bed that Cal Kestis had used.
All this rage had not been directed at the Jedi that had left her. No, all this rage was directed at Merrin herself. She alone had put herself into this situation. She alone was a worthy target for her rage.
The Nightsister had also stopped performing the actions for daily necessities. She no longer bathed, the simple task forgotten. She had also found herself rarely eating. Cal Kestis was no longer around to hunt and she had not bothered to reinstate the hunting tributes from the Nightbrother village. On a few occasions Merrin had gone out to hunt for her own, but when she would return from the hunt and cook whatever she had caught it never had any flavor and she never ate more than a few measly bites. The only comfort she found in eating had been the smell. Her sense of smell had also been mostly lost to her, the only exception was the smell of roasted mushling roots. Merrin, being a Dathomirian, was unable to eat them and she was not entirely sure why she had initially gathered and roasted the roots after Cal Kestis had left. Perhaps it was out of nostalgia since the young Jedi had hardly gone a single meal without eating the cooked plant. Either way she had discovered that the smell of roasted mushling roots was the only thing that Merrin's sense of smell could pick up.
Merrin also found that her Nightmares of her sisters' massacre return, this time with added vision of her Jedi leaving or him returning only to claim he hated her. She hardly slept because of these night terrors. After the first night, she had tried sleeping in Cal Kestis' old bed in the delusional hopes that it would offer some kind of comfort to her. That it would somehow still hold some of the young Jedi's warmth. That it could help chase away the now returned Nightmares that had been plaguing Merrin. That if she woke up, that by some miracle that Her Jedi would be there with her. Of course those were only fantasies. The bed was cold, lacking any warmth of the Jedi. And when Merrin would startle awake crying from her Nightmares Cal Kestis would still be gone. All the bed offered was the small of him that leangured on the sheets, but even that small comfort was slowly fading away.
Color had even felt like it all but abandoned her vision. She only saw in shades of gray and red, all other colors had seemingly been lost to the Nightsister.
The broken Nightsister had not even attempted to meditate since her love and light had left her. The very idea of doing so was painful to her. If she meditated it was almost certain that she would seek out her lost Light, and whatever she would find would most definitely be devastating. Whether it was seeing her Light at such a far distance from her, possibly moving even further away would be crippling. The only thought scarier was the image of entering meditation to find that there was no Light. That something had happened to Cal Kestis after he left, that he had been overtaken by the darkness of this planet, or that he had somehow found a way off this planet and was long gone, lost in a galaxy completely foreign to her. Those thoughts had completely stopped Merrin from meditation.
Merrin no longer bathed, rarely ate, hardly slept, found many of her senses had left her, and was completely emotionally unstable. The last daughter of Dathomir was slowly fading away, and honestly that was all right with her.
Despite it all Merrin would never regret falling in love with her Jedi.
[Break]
Cal had moved out of sight of the mountain, not wanting to have it's figure on the horizon to be a constant reminder of what he had run away from, of whom he ran away from. There are just too many memories associated with the landmark. Losing his hand and his master's weapon, fighting Gorgara, fighting Elsal, living with the Nightsister, falling in love with her, and breaking her heart. The young Jedi hated himself for that last memory in particular. He not only hated himself, but he also hated the Jedi order who's tenets had forced him to break both his heart and the heart of another. He wonders how many hearts had been broken by that particular tenant.
Cal wished he didn't have to break Merrin's heart, especially not the way he went about it. He wished he could go back to that mountain, go back to her, and apologize to the Nightsister and promise her everything. That truly was what the young Jedi wanted most right now, to be able to have the freedom to go back to her. But as a Jedi, such freedoms were not available to him.
The young Jedi wonders if she would even forgive him. Would she still love him? Was he even worthy of Merrin's love or forgiveness? He certainly didn't think so. Had he ever been worthy of Merrin's love in the first place, or had it all been a mistake? Honestly questions that he didn't want the answer to.
He still lived in the Dathomirian swampland, he couldn't find it in himself to go any further.
Meditation was impossible once again, the visions he would receive wouldn't allow him to keep a stable enough mind to stay in a meditative state for very long. Sleeping was riddled with Nightmares that ranged from his master's death to Merrin hating him. Once he had even dreamed of the death of the entire Jedi order. That the incident with the 13th Clone Battalion had not been an isolated event, and that all the clones had turned on their Jedi commanders.
When Cal wasn't trying in vain to sleep all his waking thoughts focused on the last daughter of Dathomir. Both the good as well as the bad memories, he missed them all. Every word spoken, every slight touch; whether they were accidental or intended, every moment of silent bliss between them, every conversation, every morning waking up to see her only meters away.
Survival was no longer a priority of his, the memories were too much of a distraction for anything else to be a priority. He would still hunt and scavenge for food and water, but that was all. He only did the bare minimum to survive. Cal hadn't even bothered finding a safe place to sleep, just deciding to nap wherever he would find himself when the sun would go down. He hardly cared for his own safety anymore.
Even the very act of the sun moving below the horizon was making the Jedi warrior break down. The sunset often bringing tears streaming forth.
The will of Dathomir, as Merrin had called it, would often whisper it's demands into his ears. Demanding him to be angry. Angry at Merrin. Angry at himself. Angry at the whole of the galaxy that had landed him on this red rock floating around a red sun. It would insist that the young Jedi use this anger, for what purpose it would never say.
He never listened to it. He was too tired to be angry at anything other than himself and the Jedi order. When Cal did muster up the energy to be angry at anything else he would often direct such anger at the planet itself. Yelling at the voice that whispered into his ear, screaming into the empty swamp like a mad man. Telling it to go away, to leave him alone and take it's twisted ideas with it. The voices' response was always laughter, the young Jedi's rage seemingly a source of entertainment for it. Cal would scream and yell for hours on end, not stopping until his voice became temporarily unrecognizable and almost mute due to the intense strain.
Despite the loud noise the wildlife never attacked, seemingly avoiding Cal. Only ever showing up when Cal actively hunted the wildlife for food. This left him with little to listen to or focus on besides his own thoughts and the whispers of the planet. Cal Kestis, the young Jedi warrior, padawan of the great Jedi master, Jaro Tapal, who had lasted years on Dathomir with his sanity intact, was slowly going mad in the span of just a few weeks.
He could hardly complain, he deserved it. He was slowly fading away, but despite it all he would never regret falling in love with Merrin.
[Break]
It has been two weeks since Merrin had scared Cal Kestis away. Two long, agonizing, and terrible weeks. Merrin was at the worst point in her life. The only time comparable had been the weeks directly following the massacre of her coven. But at that time she at least had a task to motivate her. The burial of her sisters, though a morbid and heart wrenching task, was what had driven then Nightsister to continue on. After that her goal had shifted to that of overseeing her sister's burial pods and watching over her Light. A short time later the first sighting of the Jedi had been reported and her goal had changed to that of hunting him down in retribution for what his kin had done to her sisters. Lastly after being saved by the Jedi and having saved him shortly after her mind and time had been occupied by said Jedi.
But now Merrin had no task, goal, or companion to distract her, to make her feel worth something, and make her feel something worth feeling. Her sister's had all been given their burial rights, her hunting of the Jedi had long been abandoned, and her companion, Light, and love had left her.
The Nightsister was broken with nothing left to care for or hold on to. She had reached her limit, almost. Merrin had one last hope for her to take solace in, and to seek out. And that was exactly what she aimed to do.
She would seek out Cal Kestis and plead for him to come back. Apologize, insist that his presence was more than enough and that she would halt all romantic pursuits if he just returned to their mountain home with her. Merrin hoped beyond hope that her young Jedi still had some love for her and that would sway him. She hoped, but did not expect.
If Cal Kestis was not swayed, and refused to return, then that would be it for the Nightsister. She would end it all then. And in death she would be alone just like she was for the last days of her life; alone and heartbroken. One last selfish act.
Meditation would be her way of seeking out her Light, just like the last time she had wished to seek it out. Though her fears of what she might see if she entered meditation, her resolve and fear of what may happen if she did not seek out her Light was greater than her fear of meditation.
When the Nightsister delved reluctantly into a meditative state she first scanned the mountain for any signs of her Light. She found none. Merrin had expected this, she had doubted that Cal Kestis had stayed on the mountain after he left. So she expanded her search to the swampland and the foot and directly around the mountain. Again nothing. That was slightly concerning. Broadening her search to the further reaches of the swampland. Looking north found her nothing. East and west were the same. Lastly south was checked and finally the Nightsister spotted something. Her lost Light still persisted, and was currently about five days travel directly south of the mountain, still well within the swampland.
A wave of relief washed over the Nightsister. Cal Kestis was still with reach. There was still hope of rectifying her mistake, still hope of a future. Her Jedi was unharmed and still near her. It was after the initial sense of relief had left Merrin that she had noticed something was clearly wrong. Cal Kestis' Light was fading. It was almost like deja vu to when she had first seen the Light fading into darkness right before her run in with Gorgara. Her Jedi was fading away, losing to the influence of Dathomir.
Within an instant Merrin was up and running towards the door. Only one goal on her mind; to go to her Jedi.
[Break]
A distance that should have taken someone at least five days to travel had only taken the determined Nightsister a little under three days to make the distance. Merrin was on a mission.
For the whole three days of travel she did not rest or sleep, and only ate and drank to keep herself going. She did not bother to cook the food, doing so would be a waste of precious time, and had resorted to eating raw meat to save the time. Dathomirian were completely capable of safely eating raw meat after all. Why not take advantage of such an evolutionary trait? Time was of the essence after all. Merrin had no idea how much time she had until Cal Kestis' Light faded away and was lost to her.
When she finally stumbled upon her quarry, her lost Jedi, time felt like it stopped. Cal Kestis was standing, battle ready, his weapon only moments from being lit. He must have heard Merrin moving through the wildlife and had suspected her of being a hostile Dathomirian beast.
Their gazes locked immediately. For all Merrin's determination to find the emerald eyed Jedi, she had not planned out what she would say or how she would go about her apology. Even if she had planned it out meticulously she doubted her planning would have held up under the frightened gaze of her Jedi.
Cal Kestis was in a sorry state, that much was clear. Though Merrin doubted she looked much better considering she was sleep deprived, half starving, and had been traveling non stop for three days straight. He looked disheveled, dirty, and tired with deep bags under his eyes that indicated he was probably sleep deprived as well. Similar to how he had looked when she had first laid eyes upon him years ago. The only difference outside of his battle robes was that he was clearly afraid of her.
His expression was that of wide eyed confusion and fear, much like a wild animal staring down the purple plasma bolt from a Dathomirian plasma bow, moments away from becoming a successful hunt. Seeing the young Jedi's emerald green eyes, that she loved deeply, gaze at her in such a way wounded the Nightsister to her very core. Had she truly become such an object of fear to Cal Kestis? Merrin truly was a selfish monster to cause such anguish to the person she loved. To harm such an amazing and kind person that was this young man.
The pair continued to stare at each other for several agonizing seconds. Finally the Jedi spoke, shattering the tense silence like a hammer to poetry.
"M-Merrin" He whispered in astonishment. His battle ready stance fades as he slowly retreats backwards, keeping his eyes on the Nightsister, mere moments from running. "I-I can't-I'm sorry…"
Merrin reaches out a despite hand, to try and halt him from running. After he flinches at her sudden movement she retracts the appendage like she had been burned. "Please do not run."
The quiet pleading tone in her whisper halted the Jedi from retraiting. Now that the initial shock and fear of Merrin suddenly appearing before him Cal took in the appearance of the Nightsister.
Her robes were covered in layers of dirt and mud from traveling the swampland. Her bare skin covered in sweat and red damp sand. Her silver hair was disheveled and oily, almost looking partially brown due to the dried mud that had somehow found a place among the Nightsister's hair. The bun that her hair was usually put in was partially undone, leaving a few strands of hair to cascade down onto her shoulders. Despite it all she was still the most beautiful person he had ever known. But on even closer inspection something was clearly wrong. Merrin didn't stand or carry herself with the dignified or self assured poster he was used to seeing from the Nightsister. She was scared, desperate, running on fumes, and unsure of herself. There seemed to be dried blood around her lips. Her robes hid it well but he could tell she was thinner. Her eyes were fuzzy and had bags under them, seemingly sleep deprived. She looked moments from collapsing.
"Merrin! What happened?" His concern for her well being evident.
"Please come back with me." Her desperation was clear to him. "I now that I have hurt you by my actions, and I am sorr-"
"Your… sorry?" Cal whispered. She nodded. He was absolutely baffled. "How can you be sorry? It's my fault. I'm the one that ran away, the one be what you wanted me to be, the one tha-"
"No!" Merrin's loud voice interrupted him, "Cal Kestis it is solely my fault. I knew that Jedi could not have romantic relations, yet I pushed you. I attempted to make you drop your people's practises, all for my own selfish desires. I was scared that you would one day leave me and I schemed to prevent such an outcome." Tears were flowing unhindered down her gray skin, her knees trembling from a mix of emotion and fatigue, "I saw, still see, in you my future and the very thought of you leaving scares me beyond measure." It was becoming clear that she was on the verge of collapse, "By pushing my wants and desires onto you I ended up chasing you away. By trying to keep you from ever leaving, I chased you away instead."
Merrin had fallen to her knees, crying weakly into her hands. The Nightsister was showing all her vulnerabilities for the world to see, for him to see. His body, mind, and heart were all yelling at the young Jedi to go to her, hold her, reassure her that he would never leave her. But he couldn't do that, he couldn't promise her that.
Her crying stalled momentarily as she looked up into his gaze. "Please Cal Kestis, don't go, come back with me."
Her sorry state as well as the pleading and desperation that both her gaze and voice held caused the young Jedi to collapse to his knees as well. "I can't, I-I just can't. I wish I could. I want to be everything you want me to be, I want to give you the world and more, but I can't." He answered her weakly. "I want to hold you and tell you i'm yours. I wish I could be your future, and you be mine, but I can't; we can't."
Mustering the last of her strength she lunged at him. Her arms wrapping around him, her nails digging into his back. She held him with painful desperation. Merrin's head found a place in the crook of Cal Kestis' neck as she continued to cry weakly.
"I just want you to be with me. Not romantically, just beside me. To have the life we shared before. Your presence in my life has poisoned me, I-I can not-I will not continue without you. Please…" Her grip on him tightened, he could almost feel her nails cracking against the leather of his vest, like she was holding on for dear life. And considering her words, maybe she was.
The Nighsister's words were daunting to the young Jedi. Cal knew that Merrin hadn't meant for her words to come off as threatening, nor would she have intended them to be, but he knew what she meant with her words. If he refused to go back with her, if he left the Nightsister here she would end everything. While trying to convey how important Cal was to her, she had also let loose the threat she was to her own life if the young Jedi were to leave. Merrin wouldn't let herself survive to the next day.
The very thought made Cal wrap his own hand around the woman's waist, and brought tears to his own eyes.
He had done this to her. Merrin was one of the strongest people he had ever known, stronger than any non-Jedi he had ever met. Cal had taken down her emotional walls revealing her to be a broken girl hiding from the galaxy that had damaged her, and he had proceeded to shatter her further.
His protective grip pulled the weeping Nightsister closer. "Merrin, I'm so so so sorry I left you. I'm sorry I ran." His hand came up from her waist to cradle the back of her head. "I won't leave you again, I can at least promise you that."
Merrin's body relaxed into his embrace and her soft crying slowly transitioned to slow wimpers. It wasn't long till the Nightsister had fallen asleep cradled in her Jedi's embrace.
[Break]
Merrin woke up feeling warm, comfortable, and safe. She could hardly remember her mattress ever feeling like this before. She nuzzled deeper into her lumpy mattress, and she could have sworn that her mattress had also been softer, but she wasn't complaining. If her mattress and sheets continued to be so inviting and comfortable she doubts if she would ever get out of bed again.
Then her mattress shifts unnaturally.
It was then the Nightsister noticed a few things that had gone unnoticed or ignored until that moment. First Merrin's fingernails held a slight pain to them, like she had smashed them against something. Her skin was sticking to her clothes from the dried up remains of sweat. Her bare skin felt itchy and dirty, like they were caked in a layer of dirt. But most importantly Merrin noticed that what she was laying on was no mattress, but was in fact a living being.
It's slow rise and fall of it's chest, where Merrin head was currently resting, as well as the clear and comforting beating of the creatures heart were clear enough indicators that this was not her mattress.
Merrin slowly opened her eyes and shifted her eyes upwards towards the creature's head. She was met with green irises that the Nightsister knew so well. She was currently laying atop the young Jedi that had stolen her heart and more. All at once the events of before she had fallen asleep came back to her.
The relief she feels overcome her in overwhelming. Cal Kestis would stay with her. She had her Jedi back. Not romantically, but that was alright with the Nightsister. Merrin was done being selfish. Selfishness had only served to chase away that which she cared for and she would not risk such an outcome again. She was content to just have the redhead, whom she loved, present in her life again.
"You're awake." Cal Kestis' tired voice stirs the Nightsister out of her thoughts. It becomes apparent that she had been gazing into his eyes for sometime. If the slight blush he was exhibiting was anything to go on, Cal Kestis was slowly growing uncomfortable from the attention.
Merrin gives a slight nod before averting her gaze elsewhere. It's night time, and judging by the positions of the two moons it was a little after midnight. It had been a little before midday when she had encountered the Jedi. She must have fallen asleep and Cal Kestis had stayed up to watch over her while she slept.
"You had been asleep for over half a day. I was starting to get worried." It only makes sense as she had not slept for the three days it had taken to get here, and she hardly had a solid sleep schedule for the past two weeks.
Gazing once again at her Jedi, Merrin took in the state of him. He looks miserably tired. How long had it been since he had slept? More than a day to she would wager. "Cal Kestis, you must be tired. Sleep, I will watch over us and will find us something to eat."
At her words he looks conflicted, almost scared. "Don't you think we should talk about what happened first?"
"Sleep and food come first, then we will speak. You can not expect to have a sound conversation if you can barely keep your eyes open, and your stomach is louder than your own voice."
Cal Kestis seemingly contemplates her words for a few moments before acquiescing. Closing his eyes and leaning back it takes little time for the Jedi to fall asleep.
Merrin layed there for an extended period of time just listening to the steady beat of his heart. But after some time passes she decides it's about time she got up and set to her tasks. Slowly, reluctantly the Nightsister got off the slumbering Jedi and started moving the Jedi to give him some simplance of comfort as he slept. She knew Cal Kestis was a light sleeper so it spoke volumes to how tired he was when he hardly stirred when she moved his body.
After that small task was completed Merrin started the casting of a small spell that would protect the Jedi from any wildlife that may happen upon him while he is asleep. With that done she was free to go hunting for the two of them. Merrin wanted to hurry so as to not leave Cal Kestis alone for too long. The spell she had cast was designed to last for extended periods of time, but considering her fatigued state she was not about to risk it. There was also a paranoid part of her mind scared that if she left for too long that Cal would not be here when she returned. The Nightsister knew that to be fruitless paranoia as the Jedi had plenty of chance to leave while she had been asleep and yet he stayed, just like he promised her.
Within two hours she had hunted a smaller sized Sprantal. It was still plenty big to feed the two of them several times over. Personally Merrin had a slight craving for Veeka at this moment but sadly they lived in mountainous regions, and rarely traveled down into the swamps. Plus Sprantal meat was healthier and easier for the body to digest so there was that as well. She had also taken time to gather mushling roots to roast for Cal Kestis.
When Merrin returned her Jedi was unharmed and the spell was still in affect. Starting a small fire to cook what she hunted and gathered, she elected to forgo cooking the whole of the Sprantal meat and to just cook the large tail. The tail was large enough to feed both of them, and it was widely considered the best part of the creature's meat, other than the heart. Merrin personally could not stand the taste of raw Sprantal meat, Cal could not eat raw meat as he was human, and cooking the heart made it far too bitter and borderline inedible. After the tail was finished cooking, the mushling roots were next.
As the Nightsister roasted the roots there rich smell made her mouth water and only increased her apatite as she had practically starved herself for the past few weeks. She knew that she could not safely eat the roots like Cal Kestis could, but she had come to associate their smell with eating as Cal Kestis never went a meal without partaking in the roasted roots, and the Sparantal has little to no smell when cooked.
When that was done the Nightsister decided to wait for Cal Kestis to awaken before she would start eating, however long that would take. Sure she was absolutely starving, but it did not feel right eating without the Jedi. That was part of the reason Merrin had not eaten much over the past two and a half weeks. So she waited.
Many hours later Cal started to rise from slumber. As soon as she had noticed the first signs of the Jedi waking up she started to reheat the tail meat, as it had long gone cold. The roots, according to what Cal Kestis had once told her, were just as good eaten cold as eaten warm. He would often cook extra and eat them throughout the day.
"Cal Kestis, you are awake. I have prepared us food."
Rubbing his eyes he surveyed the sky. "How long was I out?" He asked when he failed to identify the time of day due to a thick fog that had set in.
"Nine hours. I am currently warming up the food for use, it will just be a few moments." Cal went from surveying the sky to surveying the Nightsister's face. She had adopted her usual stoic expression. The emotional and vulnerable Merrin from yesterday was gone. He was both comforted and concerned by this.
On the one hand it felt much like old times and there was comfort to be found in that. On the other hand Cal found the idea of returning back to their norm as impossible considering he was completely aware of Merrin's feelings towards him, and what had transpired yesterday.
The two of them ate in a calm silent awkwardness that was practically palpable. Luckily it was easy to ignore as both of them were starved and ate their meal like a pair of ravenous animals.
When the two of them finished with their meal Cal took the chance to speak, "We should probably talk about what happened." He tried to look into Merrin's eyes but she avoided his gaze.
"You still appear tired, are you sure you do not want to rest more first?" An obvious and half hearted dodge.
"Are you trying to avoid this?"
"I am just worried, that is all… But you are right we must talk." Her stoic persona breaks for a fraction of a second.
Cal nods, "Are you okay?"
This question seems to confuse the Nightsister as she looks at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"
"When I saw you yesterday you were, still are, covered in sweat, mud, and dirt. You even had some blood on your lips. When you fell asleep you slept for over half a day. As you ate your food you practically inhaled it, like you hadn't eaten anything for days."
"All of those descriptions outside of the blood could also be used to describe you at this current moment as well, could they not?" She points out.
Less than pleased, Cal responds. "My question still stands."
"My state of appearance was due to traveling here non stop for three days." Merrin stated simply, seemingly finding no problem with her answer.
"You traveled here non stop for three days!? Like no sleep, no rest, no drinking or eating!? That's dangerous Merrin. What if something happened? That also doesn't account for the blood on your lips."
"I had more pressing concerns at the time. Nothing of note happened, and I did eat some. The dried blood was from the raw meat I had eaten." Seemingly predicting his next question Merrin continued, "Dathomirian can safely eat raw meat. You need not worry about my well being."
"I always will." Cal spoke sincerely before a tired sigh escaped his lips, then paused, unsure of how to continue. It didn't help that Merrin wasn't speaking either, seemingly waiting for him to speak."So… you love me?" He softly speaks, looking the Nightsister in the eyes.
To his astonishment Merrin looks back with a self assured serious face. He had expected her to show some embarrassment, or at least avoid his gaze. She doesn't speak, but she gives a solid nod of her head, the whole time keeping her gaze locked with his.
"Why?"
"Why do you love me?" She turned his question onto him. It wasn't a hard question for him to answer either. He had thought through why he loved the silver haired Nightsister many times both before and after he had left. But the answer was somewhat embarrassing, especially for someone who wasn't very good at conveying his emotions. Though he supposed all those must also apply to Merrin as well. She had to have asked herself at least a few times why she had fallen in love with someone like him. And she also wasn't skilled in conveying her emotions, though he could honestly say that at least she was far more blunt and straight about it.
"I-I-Because you're you. You saved my life, you're the best thing that's happened to me in my time on this planet. You're beautiful and I enjoy the time I spend with you more than I have enjoyed anything else in my life. You've treated me with nothing but kindness since you saved me. You're the one bright spot on this dark red planet."
She placed her tattooed hand over his clothed knee nearest her. "My answer is the same, Cal Kestis." Her stoic mask once again faltered, replaced by a face that showed nothing but honesty, admiration, and love.
It all made what Cal was about to ask hurt even more. "You do realize that this-" He points between the two of them, "-can never happen?" Sorrow lacing every word he spoke.
Her confident and loving face falls and he's almost certain he sees a tear starting to form under her right eye. "I am aware." Merrin's trembling whisper of a voice sends a wave of guilt running through the young Jedi.
"I'm sorry."
"You are not a fault. I know you too are being hurt by this." She reached up to wipe away a tear off his face that he didn't know had escaped.
As Merrin retracted her hand Cal spoke again, turning to a topic that he was most worried about. "One last thing, we need to talk about something you said. About how you "will not continue without me." Merrin what did you mean by that?"
The Nightsister went back to avoiding his gaze, a look of guilt plastered onto her face. That told Cal everything he needed to know. His guess on the true meaning of her words had sadly turned out to be accurate. The horror of what Merrin had almost been driven to was too much for the young man. His hand took hold of hers gently, he could have sworn that she flinched at the touch. "Merrin, please tell me you won't ever think that way again. Promise me!"
She refuses to respond for a concerning amount of time. It lasts long enough that Cal was about to press further when she finally spoke.
"When you left I did not know what I would do without you. I do not want to be in that place again." The single tear that had been building up under her eye had finally started it's path down her cheek. "I do not want to be alone again."
Cal gently reached forward with his hand to brush away the drop of salty liquid. As he does so Merrin presses her cheek further into his touch. "You won't be. I promise."
[Break]
The two set out for the mountain a short time later. They were both still exhausted and not in the best health, but they thought it better to regain their strength at the mountain rather than in the middle of the hostile swamps of Dathomir. Their pace was slow and leisurely, they were hardly pressed for time after all.
On the second day of travel they stopped at the side of a river to clean themselves to a comfortable degree. As continuing to travel, eat, and sleep when covered head to toe in dried sweat and dirt was more than just uncomfortable.
The two hardly talked during their travel across the swamp. On a few occasions the Nightsister had tried to continue his Dathomirian language lessons, but they never lasted too long. Cal knew that the awkward silence bothered and hurt Merrin deeply, he could hardly stand it himself. Cal wanted to go back to the old life they had together but that wasn't currently possible. He wasn't sure if it ever would be possible again.
Cal loved her, Merrin loved him. It would be perfect if it weren't for the fact that he was a Jedi. Being a Jedi ment he had to push Merrin away, and in doing so he harmed her deeply. Even now as he returned to the mountain with her he had no idea what they were going to do from here. Could they really just return back to their old routines that easily?
He knew he wasn't the only one feeling guilty about what had transpired the day he ran. Merrin also felt guilty about putting him in a situation where he was forced to choose between who he was and her. But if she hadn't done what she did, how long would they have danced around each other's feelings until something inevitably went wrong and their friendship imploded? Had her early actions caused this or was it inevitable that their relationship would end up where it is now? Only the Force knows.
The Force. That was another thing. It was a question he used to ask himself all the time, but after his fight with Gorgara he seemingly forgot about it. Why had the Force originally led him to the mountain all those years ago? He still had no answer. Not that he had been looking very heard. He seemingly forgot about the whole thing after Gorgara and instead focused on only the Nightsister. The only real reason he remembered was because when he had left he had started to feel the pull towards the mountain again as soon as he had left. But right now with Merrin next to him that pull had ceased once again.
The whisper of the planet's will had also grown quite just like the Force's pull when Merrin had shown up. What this all meant, he had no idea. Even now he could feel Dathomir's influence on his mind weakening, draining, as he continued onwards. Like the Nightsister's presence was grounding his mind and calming him. Maybe 'calming' isn't the right word to use. Distracting was probably more important. Cal was far from calm, but he was focused on other things rather than his own self pity. Focusing on more tangible problems rather than the abstract problems concerning his place in the Force.
On their fourth day of travel, still more than a day away from the mountain, probably two days, a moving object above the swamp canopy is sighted by the pair. The swamp fog had passed only a few hours earlier allowing the red sky of Dathomir to peak out from between the branches and plant life that made up the swamp canopy. Whatever it was, it was fast, large, and very high up in the sky.
It was rather hard to get a clear look at whatever it was from down in the swamp, so Cal started climbing a large Gravethorn, while Merrin teleported atop the tree.
What the two of them saw was something they never thought they would ever see again. The Nightsister had not seen such an object since before the massacre of her coven, and the Jedi hadn't seen one since his fall onto Dathomir.
A space shuttle. From what Cal could gather it looked to be a large military transport or cargo ship. But the model was completely unknown to him. The only real reason he believed it to be military were the military grade guns the ship was sporting, and the lacking of a paint job. Civilian ships couldn't normally have such weapons, let alone on a transport. And smugglers tended to give more personality to their ships, or at the very least not have such a well made and well maintained ship.
As the ship sped through the sky it's destination became obvious to the Jedi. And as he watched it descend before landing near the peak of the mountain he and the Nightsister were currently headed to, that only confirmed it.
Whoever owed that ship, and whatever they were up to, it somehow involved the mountain on Dathomir. That couldn't be good, Cal was sure of it.
[Break]
After sighting the large military vesal land on the mountain that was their home. Cal and Merrin picked up their traveling pace. Unsure what the transport's purpose was on a backwater planet like Dathomir.
Cal could tell that Merrin was more than a little concerned, though she tried to hide it. He was concerned as well. The ship was a complete mystery to him, and that scared him. Even when the Albedo Brave had been stationed above Dathomir, not once had command or Master Tapal deemed it necessary to go down to the planet's surface, let alone send a transport probably full of troopers.
"Cal Kestis. Did that ship look at all familiar to you?" Merrin asked calmly as took a short rest.
"No, all I can say is it looks like a military transport or cargo ship. Which military I don't know. Doesn't look CIS at all. Kinda looks like a Republic ship, but I've never seen that model before."
"Could it be a Jedi ship?" The Nightsister asked wearily. A simple dismissive shake of his head seemed to calm the Nightsister down a little, only a little. It seems she was worried that the Jedi had come. Whether to retrieve him or to finish off the last of the Nightsisters hardly mattered. Both outcomes scared her, he was sure. "A transport. What do you think that ship would be transporting?"
"Probably soldiers." He knew that answer isn't comforting, but it's honestly what he believed the transport was caring.
"How many do think it could hold."
"More than fifty, less than a hundred."
Merrin's expression grew dark, and she responded with a shallow nod of her head before standing up. Signaling that they should get a move on.
A couple hours later a large contentious plume of smoke started to rise up from the mountain. Hardly a good sign. A day later when they had made their way to the foot of the mountain it became clear that the smoke was coming from the Nightbrother village halfway up the mountain.
Upon this realization Merrin grabbed Cal's wrist and the two of them were teleported up the mountain to the village. Cal's face was immediately assaulted by smoke, obscuring his vision and making his eyes water. The smell of burning wood did little to hide the scent of plasma burned skin that filled the air. When Cal was finally able to clear his senses enough to actually see the Jedi couldn't believe his eyes. The whole of the village was destroyed and burned, it's residents ,young and old, dead and strewn about the area, every single one sporting blaster fire wounds.
Notes:Next Chapter: Chapter 13-Year 6 Part 5-Flight (Title might be changed)
Honestly got this chapter out faster than I thought I would. Had more time off work than usual.
Hope you guys liked it. I might be wrong but I believe this is my longest chapter yet. AS always I love reading and responding to your comments! Next chapter should be out in under two weeks (but don't quote me on that).