I Reincarnated as Subaru Natsuki…WITHOUT Return by Death.

I got isekai’d into Re:Zero as Subaru Natsuki… BUT WHO FORGOT TO GIVE ME “RETURN BY DEATH”?! So here I am: No save points No second chances No plot armor Absolutely ZERO desire for trauma Meaning? I’m NOT dying. I’m NOT suffering. I’m NOT going through Subaru’s canon mental breakdown speedrun. Instead, I choose the path of TRUE SURVIVAL: I’m faking prophecies. Yup. If this world overreacts to fortune tellers, I’ll become the most spoiler-powered prophet Lugnica has ever seen. I know the plot. I know who dies. I know where the White Whale spawns. I know which cult member is hiding behind which ugly robe. If I can gaslight the entire kingdom into thinking I’m some divine oracle… I might actually LIVE. But now, the Royal Knights think I’m a threat, Emilia thinks I know too much, the Witch’s Cult thinks I’m their cousin, and Reinhard is 95% sure I’m a walking crime. This is the story of: Subaru Natsuki, Zero Deaths Edition. A full-satire AU where the MC speedruns the plot using pure BS, spoilers, and divine improvisation. Welcome to prophecy% any%.