I was taking a moment to myself, stepping outside of the Beer Hall and having a smoke. I grabbed a cigarette, but just as I was about to light it, a hand shot out and snatched it right out of my fingers.
It was Haedo Kang, a guy from the theater department. "Gimme back my cigarette," I said, annoyed.
He pulled the unlit cigarette out of his mouth with a disgusted expression. "Blech! Why do you smoke this stuff?? I haven't even lit it up yet, and it's gross!!" he exclaimed.
Then he leaned in, his voice dropping to a low, conspiratorial murmur. "Have you heard the rumors? Apparently, you and I are a thing."
I looked at him, completely taken aback, but he just went on, "Anyway, everyone just made their own conclusions. They said we look really good together."
"They're just kidding around. Just ignore it," I said, hoping to shut down the conversation.
He just shrugged. "Well... honestly, out of all of our colleagues, I like you the best."
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" I deadpanned.
He smirked, a bold, confident expression on his face. "Don't you think it'd be fun if the two hottest people in the theater department dated?"
"...WHAT?!" I practically squeaked, my face starting to heat up.
"Yeah! Of course it is!" He grinned, his eyes gleaming. "Myeong, you wanna actually give it a shot?"
Then, in an outrageous burst of enthusiasm, he threw his arms wide and yelled, "GO OUT WITH ME, MYEONG!"
I just stared, a stunned exclamation mark appearing next to my head.
I managed to collect myself enough to give a response. "I don't think it'll be all that fun to date you. 'Hottest people in the theater department'? Sounds silly..." My face still felt warm, but I had to know. "How come?"
"How come?" I asked, my face still hot from his sudden, loud proposal.
Haedo Kang simply smiled, his eyes narrowed with confidence. "I know you like me, Myeong."
"...Huh?" I stammered, my cheeks turning a deep red. BLUSH
He didn't wait for a reply. He put his hands on the brick wall and leaned in close, trapping me. My heart started beating wildly—THUMP THUMP—I couldn't help but gasp. "!!!" I shut my eyes, my lips parted slightly, my breath hitching in my throat. THUMP THUMP
He was so close I could feel his breath on my ear as he spoke. "And you know what, Myeong?" He pulled back just enough to look at me, a soft, genuine smile replacing his usual smirk. "I've had a crush on you too."
My eyes went wide, and my face seemed to go from a simple blush to a full-blown inferno. My hands flew up to my cheeks in shock. BLUSH "When I was 20 years old, I thought it was love."
He smiled, a gentle expression. "To be swept up by you, like waves."
He then looked past me, his gaze distant, as if recalling something far away. "You know why memories are beautiful?"
He waited a beat, then answered his own question. "Because when you reminisce, you always think of the good parts first." He looked back at me, his eyes full of earnestness. "I've thought back on them a lot too. Our happy moments."
His confession about our "happy moments" hung in the air, and it made me feel strangely exposed. I thought back to his words: "So even though our break-up was a mess, I've missed you. A lot."
A wave of emotions washed over me, and I had to take a shaky breath. "Phew..." Even if it is just acting... I thought to myself, trying to put a barrier between my emotions and reality.
I had to admit, I've been struggling with my work lately. I was reading a script, trying to understand my new role. "I can't empathize with Hyerin, the character I play, at all. No, I don't even want to." I sighed, looking at the script in my hand.
SIGH I stood up, walking over to the large window, trying to clear my head. "I can't believe I have to say this in front of Haedo." I sank down against the wall, reading the script again with a frustrated expression. "Why do I have to say this to Haedo Kang, of all people...? I never wanted to see that punk again..."
But then an image flashed in my mind: an old memory of us together. He was wearing glasses and smiling gently as he looked down at me, the light in the room soft. "You don't have to worry about people mistaking the characters you play for who you actually are, Myeong."
The memory of his voice was so clear, it was like he was there. "A role is nothing more than a role."
I looked away from the script, a tiny spark of realization hitting me. "..."
Acting is just acting, and you're you.
"Whenever I read a script, I always hear his voice." I admitted to myself. "Because we always read scripts together." I remembered all the times we would sit close, going over lines. The thought made me wonder about myself. "Had I relied on him that much?"
My sudden, deep realization that Haedo Kang's voice was the one I heard whenever I read a script was jarring. It forced me to look at my past, and why I left in the first place.
I put an unlit cigarette to my lips and SCOFFED. "I left because I was suffocating. I was so sick of it all."
I had such high hopes when I made the change. "I thought that if I started over in a completely new place... I could become a completely new person." I stood on the balcony, looking out into the night. But now, that hope felt distant.
"But maybe I'm doomed to be myself. I'm just a continuation of my past, unable to change." I rested my arms on the railing, the unlit cigarette still in my mouth.
"While my thoughts are still jumbled into a complicated mess... I'm being pushed around by the unstoppable force of time." A puff of wind seemed to WHOOSH away the wisps of smoke from the tip of the cigarette I held.
I looked out at the moonlit sky. I was still striving for something, even now. "If I let myself be swept away by the uncertainty, will I finally be able to achieve this status?" I wondered, thinking of what I truly wanted. "As a shining star?"
At that moment, my phone lit up with a video call. It was a girl with pink hair, holding the phone close to her smiling face. "HEY, FLOWERS! IT'S LILY!" she cheered. "IT'S FINALLY MY FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING WITH MY SEONBAE*, HAEDO KANG!"
The cheerful distraction was short-lived, as an article popped up on my phone screen: "Korea's Leading Actress, Yena Ban." The reality of the world I'd left, and the world I was trying to re-enter, was inescapable.
The screen flashed back to Lily, the enthusiastic junior actress. She was still recording her vlog, her face full of excitement. "WOW! To be honest, when I first saw him, I was so intimidated I couldn't really talk to him...!" she confessed, immediately panicking and covering her mouth, gasping as a memory of a sharp-eyed Haedo Kang flashed. GASP! THUMP THUMP.
"I'm going to make sure... ...to be friends with him!" she declared, punching her fist in the air with determination. She seemed to gain a new wave of resolve.
She sighed dramatically. "Everyone is so cool and beautiful..." SIGH. The pressure got to her, and she looked teary. "...Will I be able to do a good job...?" She quickly shook off the doubt. "NO, I CAN DO THIS!! I HAVE TO BE BRAVE AND GIVE IT MY ALL!!"
She was also completely starstruck by me. "OH, I ALSO SAW THE ARTIST'S MUSE, MY SEONBAE MYEONG YU, AND..." she trailed off, fanning her face, taking a deep breath. "PHEW."
"SHE'S SOOOO GORGEOUS!!" she whispered, eyes wide as a dazzling image of me appeared, radiating light. She covered her flushed face. "I sat right next to her, and I couldn't even look at her! AHH!"
The scene then switched to the actual shoot.
"SHORTLY AFTER, AT THE SHOOT"
Lily was paired with Haedo Kang, who was wearing a plaid shirt and holding a book, suggesting a calm, student-like role.
"Y-YES, SIR!" she shouted as she tried to catch up to him, a banana in her hand, completely out of breath.
A director's voice boomed: "CUT!"
Lily looked completely distraught. She BUMPED into Haedo, dropping her hands to her sides, a robotic "OW...!" slipping out.
The director yelled: "CUT!! LET'S GO AGAIN!"
Lily rubbed her forehead, groaning with another robotic, strained sound. "O-OUCH...!" It seemed her first day of shooting with her sunbae wasn't going as smoothly as her vlog had anticipated.

Lily pov:
The director's voice boomed again, "CUT! LET'S GO AGAIN!"
My ears were ringing. I had messed up the simple walking and talking scene again. I stood there, rubbing my head and murmuring, "O-OUCH..." when the director yelled "CUT!!"
Haedo Kang stood nearby, calmly waiting. I could see the disappointment in the air. The robotic 'ow' I'd let out was not exactly the raw emotion they were looking for. I could feel the entire crew's eyes on me as I made yet another mistake, hitting Haedo Kang with a clumsy BUMP. I looked up, meeting his GLANCE, my face flushed with embarrassment. "...O...OW?" I stuttered weakly as the director screamed, "...CUT!!!"
I snapped. The pressure was too much. I bowed low, my pigtails flopping over, tears immediately welling up and streaming down my face. "I-I'M SORRYYY!!" I cried, feeling utterly humiliated.
The director, a man in a warm jacket and earmuffs, put a hand to his forehead. "Ah..." he muttered, tilting his head in frustration. He grabbed his radio. "LET'S TAKE A BREAK."
The relief of the break was immediately overshadowed by my crushing self-doubt. The reality of the situation hit me: "THE SHOOT'S GETTING HELD UP BECAUSE OF ME...!" My eyes were brimming with tears, my whole body shaking. The words came out in a desperate whisper, full of regret. "I KNEW SOMEONE LIKE ME SHOULDN'T BE ACTING...!"
The word "BREAK" echoed across the set, but it brought me no comfort. I was shaking, my tear-filled gaze fixed on the ground. "I KNEW SOMEONE LIKE ME SHOULDN'T BE ACTING...!" I choked out, my voice barely a whisper of despair. I felt every eye on the set judging me, condemning me for wasting their time.
Suddenly, a shadow fell over me. I flinched, expecting the Director's harsh glare or maybe a disappointed look from one of the crew. Instead, a hand, large and surprisingly gentle, rested on my shoulder.
"Why are you crying?" It was Haedo Kang. His voice was low and calm, cutting through the anxiety clouding my mind.
I looked up at him, my eyes wide and swimming in tears. The tears just wouldn't stop. "I'm sorry, sunbae! I... I kept messing up!" I stammered, frantically wiping my face with the back of my hand. I was mortified that the gorgeous, talented actor I idolized was seeing me at my absolute worst.
He sighed, but not with annoyance. It sounded almost weary. He then crouched down slightly to meet my eye level, his gaze steady. "Look at me."
I sniffled, trying to obey.
"It's only the first take. Everyone messes up." He reached out and, with an unexpected delicacy, wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. I froze, my heart leaping into my throat. THUMP THUMP.
"It's your first major role, right? Being too nervous to breathe is normal." He gave me a small, almost imperceptible smile. "Just remember why you're here. You got the role because you're good. Now, go breathe, and we'll nail the next one."
His confidence, his calm presence, was like a sudden anchor. I felt a little spark of strength return, replacing the cold terror. I took a deep, shaky breath, and finally managed a nod.
"Y-Yes, sunbae! I will!"
BUT SOMEONE JUST STOLE MY HEART!