The ceiling fan clicked like a countdown. April 23rd, 11:59:37 PM. Twenty-three seconds to midnight. Twenty-three seconds until the last normal night of Yuuki Rito's life.
He lay flat on his back, arms spread crucifixion-style, glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling pulsing like dying heartbeats. Mikan had stuck them up there in third grade. Half had fallen off years ago. Tonight the remaining ones looked alive.
'Tomorrow. 4:59:47.322 PM. Exact coordinates: 35.682839° N, 139.759455° E. My bathtub. Naked alien princess. Impact velocity 2.17 m/s. Splash radius 1.8 m. Zero margin for error.'
His phone buzzed on the nightstand. A reminder he'd set three weeks ago, back when this was still a recurring nightmare:
BUY BIG TOWELS. AT LEAST THREE. PINK ONES IF POSSIBLE.
Rito groaned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow that still smelled like yesterday's shampoo. The dream had started exactly four nights ago. No—downloaded. Twenty years of someone else's life compressed into seventy-two sleepless hours.
He remembered the apartment first. Tiny. Tokyo suburbs. Walls covered floor-to-ceiling with To Love-Ru posters—official art, limited-edition tapestry of Momo in bunny suit that cost ¥42,800 used, a framed sketch Yabuki-sensei had signed at Comiket 2019. Empty Calpis bottles formed a fortress around the desk. Mechanical keyboard sticky with Monster Energy residue. Dual monitors glowing at 3:17 AM.
He remembered the binge.
Chapter 1 to 162 in one sitting. Darkness 0 to 77 the next night. Every OVA script leaked on Nyaa. Every Bangai-hen. The 15th Anniversary chapter where adult Celine walked for the first time and the fandom collectively lost their minds. Yabuki's 2021 interview: "If the fans scream loud enough for polygamy, maybe we'll give it to them someday."
He remembered crying at 4:12 AM when Sairenji's confession never came in Chapter 139. He remembered rage-quitting when Rito face-planted into Yami's chest for the 42nd time and still apologized like it was his fault. He remembered opening MS Paint at 5:03 AM and drawing Momo's harem chart from memory, labeling every box "MUST PROTECT AT ALL COSTS."
Then the final page loaded. Darkness chapter 77. Rooftop sunset. Fourteen silhouettes behind Rito. Momo's tail wrapped around everyone. To be continued…?
The screen glitched. Static tore through his skull like a chainsaw. Golden shards exploded outward. And he fell.
He woke up here.
Fifteen-year-old Yuuki Rito. Same bedroom. Same peeling soccer posters. Same little sister humming downstairs. But with a brain full of spoilers and zero memory of who he used to be in that world.
No name. No face. No birthday. Just the knowledge. And the mission.
Rito sat up. Bare feet hit cold floor. The chill shot up his spine like a warning.
The notebook waited on his desk like a holy relic.
200 pages. College-ruled. ¥380 at Daiso. Bought with three weeks of skipped lunches and one very confused cashier.
He opened it. Pen cap click.
-----
THE SPOILER ROUTE: 100% HAREM VICTORY GUIDEAuthor: Yuuki Rito (Future Galaxy's Strongest Blushing Husband)
Page 1–5: Master timeline. Color-coded by girl. Page 6–20: Every accident, invention explosion, confession, tear, nosebleed, panty flash, tail wrap, hair blade, pollen incident, body-swap, memory loss, time skip, future daughter, galactic war, and wedding. Page 21: ABSOLUTE RULES
- No girl cries. Ever. Fix it before it happens.
- Mikan's breakfast = sacred. Protect at all costs.
- When in doubt, hug. Apologize later.
- Hide notebook from Gid (he will laugh for three days straight).
- Draw Dragon Ball. Sell it. Fund the harem palace.
- Never let Nemesis call you "Master" in public until after the wedding.
-----
He'd spent six straight hours today finishing the Dragon Ball manuscript. 52 perfect pages. Paneling copied stroke-for-stroke from memory. Goku vs. Raditz climax. Final page signed Toriyama Reborn in the bottom-right corner with a tiny chibi Goku giving a thumbs-up.
Tomorrow: mail it to Weekly Shōnen Jump. No return address. Plain manila envelope. Pray.
Rito closed the notebook. Slid it under the mattress spring where even Mikan's ninja fingers couldn't reach.
Then he did something he hadn't done since elementary school.
He knelt by the bed. Hands clasped so tight his knuckles went white. Eyes squeezed shut.
"Please… whoever sent me here. Don't let me screw this up. I know every ending. I know every heartbreak. Just… let me make them happy. All fourteen of them. Plus Mikan's breakfast."
His voice cracked on the last word.
Silence.
Then ping.
Phone screen lit up like a supernova.
-----
New email – 00:00:01 AMSubject: Good luck tomorrow, Rito-kun ♡Sender: [email protected]
Body Text:
We're all waiting in the future~
Don't mess it up, okay?
P.S. Bring extra towels.
– Momo (age 8, future wife #3)
-----
Rito screamed into his pillow so hard the neighbors probably felt it in their bones.
The scream died in the pillow, leaving only the ragged sound of Rito hyperventilating into cotton. He rolled onto his back, phone clutched to his chest like a live grenade.
'Future Momo. Age eight. Already trolling me across time.'
He opened the email again. The attachment icon blinked: a 3.2 MB file named "harem_chart_v0.1.png".
He tapped it.
The screen filled with crayon chaos. Fourteen stick figures in a heart shape. One pink-haired girl with devil tail labeled "ME ♡" in the center. A orange-brown-haired boy with tomato-red cheeks labeled "RITO ♡♡♡". Arrows everywhere. Bottom-right corner: "Draw the rest when you grow up, Daddy~"
Rito's soul left his body for the second time in ten minutes.
He deleted the email, cleared cache, triple-checked it was gone, then buried the phone under three layers of blanket like it was radioactive.
Sleep was no longer an option.
…
April 24th – 6:45 AM
Mikan was already in the kitchen when Rito zombie-shuffled downstairs. She wore the yellow apron with the chibi cat ears. The one she claimed was "for efficiency" but secretly loved.
She flipped tamagoyaki with surgical precision, not even looking up.
"Rito, you look like you picked a fight with a ghost and the ghost won."
Rito dropped his chopsticks before they reached the table.
"J-Just… bad dream."
"Uh-huh." flip "About aliens with pink hair and tails?"
He choked on oxygen.
Mikan finally glanced over, one eyebrow arched like a katana.
"You drew one on your math homework. With hearts. And labeled her 'future wife #1'. Also you wrote 'buy bigger towels' seventeen times in the margin."
Rito's soul attempted escape velocity.
"I can explain—"
"Save it." She slid a plate across the table like a shuriken. Double tamagoyaki. Triple cheese. Extra seaweed smiley face.
"Eat. Whatever apocalypse you're planning, don't die before dinner. I'm not explaining to Dad why his son exploded."
Rito bowed so low his forehead thunked the table.
"Thank you, Mikan. I'll protect your breakfast with my life."
She flicked his forehead hard enough to leave a red dot.
"Weirdo. Pass the soy sauce."
…
2:15 PM – Sainan High rooftop
Rito had skipped last period. Math teacher never noticed anyway.
He sat on the bench where Haruna would confess 1,138 days from now, knees pulled to chest, notebook open on his lap.
-----
Page 22: "First contact checklist"
- Catch Lala ✓ (planned)
- Defeat bodyguards without powers ✓ (memorized Yami moves)
- First kiss location: rooftop, sunset, voluntary ✓
- First lemon: Chapter 19 equivalent, roof, thank-you sex, soft, 3 rounds, invent condom upgrade with Peke
- Mikan trauma level: currently 6/10, mitigate with strawberry cake
-----
He was adding a new bullet when the wind carried a voice.
"Rito-kun?"
He slammed the notebook shut so fast the snap echoed across the roof.
Haruna Sairenji stood at the stairwell door, twilight painting her hair soft purple.
"S-Sairenji?! I-I mean—! This isn't—!"
She tilted her head, cheeks pink.
"You've been acting strange all week. Are you… okay?"
Rito's brain blue-screened.
'This is 1,138 days early. Abort. Abort.'
But his body moved on autopilot.
He stood. Bowed ninety degrees. Voice cracked like glass.
"I'm fine! Just… preparing for something important!"
Haruna's eyes widened. Then softened.
"You're always preparing for something, Rito-kun. But you never prepare for yourself."
She stepped closer. Close enough that he smelled strawberry shampoo.
"If you ever need to talk… I'll listen."
Rito's heart tried to punch through his ribcage.
"T-Thank you, Sairenji. I… I'll remember that."
He meant it more than she'd ever know.
…
4:57 PM – Yuuki bathroom
Rito stood naked in front of the mirror, towel arsenal stacked like sandbags.
Three big towels. Two medium. One emergency pink one folded into a heart shape (Mikan's idea of a joke).
The tub was full. Water temperature: 40.2 °C. Exact.
He counted milliseconds on the wall clock.
'Ten… nine… eight…'
His hands didn't shake. Not anymore.
'Seven… six… five…'
He flexed fingers. Rehearsed the catch in his head for the 47th time.
'Four… three… two…'
Golden light flickered under the surface.
'One.'
FWOOOOOOSH.
Space tore open like silk.
Lala Satalin Deviluke materialized mid-air, pink hair exploding outward, completely naked, arms flailing, tail whipping like a party streamer.
Time slowed to syrup.
Canon Rito would've slipped on soap, face-planted into royal breasts, triggered nosebleed tsunami, and started a war.
Spoiler Rito did not.
He lunged.
Left foot forward. Right knee bent. Arms out at 43° angle.
THUMP.
Lala crashed into his chest like a meteor made of marshmallows.
Water exploded over the rim in a perfect 1.8-meter radius, exactly as calculated.
His back slammed the tub wall. Pain shot up his spine. But his arms locked around her waist on pure muscle memory.
She weighed nothing. Warm. Soft. Smelled like starlight and strawberry Pocky.
Lala blinked huge emerald eyes once. Twice.
"Eh? You caught me!"
Rito's face hit critical mass. Steam rose from his scalp like a kettle.
"T-Towel! Now!"
He snatched the biggest towel with one hand, still cradling her with the other. Wrapped her like a sushi roll in 0.8 seconds flat.
Lala beamed, tail curling out the top like a periscope.
"You're my hero! ♡"
CRASH.
Bathroom window exploded inward.
Two armored frog-men landed in fighting stances.
"Princess! Time to return!"
Lala's smile vanished.
"No way! I ran away!"
Rito's eyes narrowed behind fogged glasses.
He set Lala gently on the bathmat, stepped between her and the frogs, and cracked his knuckles.
"Over my dead body."
The frogs blinked.
"Human, step aside—"
Rito smiled the most terrifying smile of his life.
"Why don't you make me."
Frog #1 lunged first, gauntlet crackling with purple energy. Rito remembered Yami's exact counter from Chapter 71: pivot left, grab wrist, twist 47°, use momentum to fling.
He did it flawlessly.
WHOOSH—THUD.
Frog #1 flew out the broken window like a discarded plushie. Downstairs, Mikan's scream pierced the evening sky.
Frog #2 hesitated half a second. Fatal mistake.
Rito swept the leg, elbow to solar plexus, palm strike to chin. CRACK.
Second frog joined his partner in the backyard rose bushes.
Silence.
Lala stared, mouth open in a perfect O.
"You're… really strong."
Rito's knees buckled. Adrenaline crash.
"N-Not really… just… memorized the moves from a manga…"
He offered a shaking hand.
"Come on. Alley #3. They'll never look there."
Lala took it without hesitation. Tail wrapped around his wrist like a warm bracelet.
…
Alley #3 – 5:27 PM
Behind three humming vending machines. Sirens wailed in the distance.
They crouched, breathing hard. Lala leaned against him, towel slipping dangerously low.
Rito yanked it higher, face on fire.
"So… you really waited for me?"
He nodded, unable to meet her eyes.
"I read about you. A long time ago. Knew you'd come today. At exactly 4:59:47."
"That's impossible!" She laughed, then paused. "Unless… you're a prophet?"
"More like… a huge fan."
Lala's smile softened. She rested her head on his shoulder.
"I like you, Rito. You're weird. But nice-weird."
His brain blue-screened.
'L-Lala just said she likes me. Day 1. Mission success rate: 300 %.'
…
Yuuki household – 8:12 PM
Mikan stood in the doorway, arms crossed, eyes narrowed at the pink-haired alien demolishing tamagoyaki like it was gourmet.
"Rito. Explanation. Now."
Rito bowed ninety degrees.
"She's staying. Forever. Please don't hate me."
Mikan sighed the sigh of a twelve-year-old who had already accepted her fate.
"Guest room. You're doing laundry for a month. And buying new windows."
Lala bounced.
"Yay! Sleepover!"
…
Guest room – 11:03 PM
Futon laid. Lights off. Moonlight painted silver stripes across the floor.
Lala sat cross-legged on the spare futon, wearing Rito's old Sainan High T-shirt. It reached her knees like a dress.
"Rito."
"Y-Yes?!"
She crawled closer. Tail swished.
"Earlier… you said you've been waiting. Did you mean it?"
Rito's throat went drier than the Sahara.
Notebook page 1, final bullet: Say it. Mean it. No running.
He took her hands. Both of them. Looked her in the eyes—even though his were watering like sprinklers.
"I meant every word. Stay with me. Not just tonight. Forever. I… I want to marry you someday."
Lala's eyes widened. Then shimmered with tears.
She lunged, arms around his neck, lips crashing into his with zero hesitation.
chu…
Soft. Warm. Strawberry lip-gloss and alien magic.
Rito's brain: 404 error.
His hands found her waist on instinct. Pulled her closer.
The kiss deepened. Lala made a tiny happy mmn~♡ in her throat.
When they parted, foreheads touching, she whispered,
"Yes. A thousand times yes. I choose you, Rito."
Rito's blush could've powered Tokyo for a week.
'L-L-Line achieved. First kiss. Day 1. Canon annihilated in 6 hours 4 minutes.'
Lala nuzzled his neck.
"Rito smells nice~"
He nearly passed out.
[A/N: Yes, future Momo is trolling. She's 22 when she sends it. The "age 8" signature is pure evil. – Spoiler-kun]
-----
Notebook Update – End of Chapter 0
- Bathtub: Caught ✓
- Bodyguards: Defeated (non-lethal) ✓
- First kiss: Stolen by Lala ✓
- Marriage proposal: Accepted ✓
- Mikan trauma level: 7/10 (mitigated with extra tamagoyaki + new window fund)
- Dragon Ball manuscript: Mailed tomorrow
- Next: School intro. Peke malfunction. Haruna first meeting. Catch #2. Send help.
-----
[A/N: If you have doubts about that Notebook part here's the explanation. Canon To Love-Ru never had:
- actual future daughters physically appearing
- a literal time skip beyond the 15th Anniversary bonus
- a full-blown galactic war
- an on-screen wedding with 14 brides
- But my fanfic does, because this is Spoiler Route, not canon.
Rito's notebook pages aren't just recapping the manga. They're his personal roadmap to the 100 % polygamy victory that canon chickened out on. So when Rito wrote those pages on Day 0, he wasn't copying canon. He was writing the future he's going to force into existence, panel by panel, blush by blush.
That's why the notebook glows sometimes. It's not a record. It's a script.
And every time he checks off a bullet, reality bends a little more to match it.]
*****
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