Maybe this is not my story to tell and it's not even in my place to feel the way I did. But, I'll tell you anyway. Just the way I remember it, through Ethan's silence and my heartbeat trying to keep up with the pace.
I still remember that dinner. God, will I ever forget it? That one that changed something even if no one said it out loud. It made me know just how he felt.
Aurora asked me to stay for dinner, she said and I quote: "You helped sweetheart, you should eat with us and take some home for your Mom."
Aurora kept talking about another trip, some gala in Milan I think… I couldn't relate because I didn't belong, she talked about Milan like it was a casual Monday She talked about expensive things, dresses, champagne, people with too much money and yet too little kindness. I mostly just listened and nodded, but I could tell how empathetic she was.
Mason's little rants filled the silence, he talked about school, his friends, teachers he didn't like and how boring his school was.
And Ethan… he didn't say much. He didn't even say a word, just noticed me. I saw how he looked at me. I could feel him watching me, I was sure. He looked tired like something was on his mind.
After dinner, Mason ran upstairs, I can't really remember what he went to do. Then Aurora went for one of her business call sessions, leaving just me and Ethan.
I started clearing the table so I could wash
the plates before leaving. I had washed about three pieces china before I heard a voice from behind me, you don't have to do that, Ethan said— his voice low and calm.
I quickly responded, it's fine, I like helping. It wasn't true, I just didn't want to leave yet.
And for a moment, all I could hear was water running from the sink. Then he moved closer, not too close really but enough that I could feel his presence. He pretended to check the fridge for something, well we both knew he wasn't.
He finally said, Mason should be doing all this. Mason doesn't even know where the soap is, I said and he started laughing, which made me smile. And suddenly our eyes were fixed on each other before he said, you're good with him, Mason, I mean. Well, he is easy to be around with, I guess.
He moved closer, then he said, don't get too close to him. The way he said it wasn't playful or teasing, it was almost like a warning that stuck somewhere in me. I really wanted to ask what it meant, but he just kept on looking at me like he wanted to say something but couldn't beat the reply I might give him. Maybe I didn't want to hear it.
Lyra! Lyra! That was Mason, I remember now, he went up to take his shower. He wanted to check if I had gone home.
I walked past Ethan, brushing his arms on purpose. It was nothing, maybe a second or less but to me it felt like the world.
Goodnight, Ethan whispered, and without turning I told him, Goodnight right back. Well, I didn't turn so he wouldn't notice the smile on my face.
And then I left, so you see there was a time when I actually walked away, but my mind stayed back.
I couldn't sleep that night, I was still seeing him in the kitchen, and felt his closeness behind me anytime I tried to close my eyes.
It was just dinner, I told myself over and over, nothing else.
But that's the problem, the small, quiet ones, just never leave. They stick to me, and echo long after the night is gone.
And that one dinner never really left, it stayed with me, made me see through Ethan's thoughts.