Chapter 26: Tell Me I'm Amazing, Already!
"Of course it's true, I know Naruto well, haha." Jiraiya slapped his chest. "I, the great Lord Jiraiya, am a man of my word."
"But... who are you, old man? Do I know you?" Naruto, having turned around, looked at Jiraiya in confusion.
The shop went silent.
Jiraiya's smile froze on his face. Orochimaru, meanwhile, watched this "future master and student" pair with great interest.
"Hey, hey, kid," Jiraiya laughed awkwardly, trying to hide his embarrassment. "I'm one of the Legendary Sannin, the Toad Sage, Jiraiya! You really don't recognize me?"
Naruto shook his head. "Nope. What's a 'Legendary Sannin'?"
"The Sannin? The Sannin are Konoha's most..." Jiraiya's sentence was cut off by Orochimaru.
"The Sannin are Orochimaru, Tsunade, and Jiraiya."
Naruto mused, "Oh, that. I've heard of them. Tsunade is that scary old hag, right? I heard people say she's the idol of all the female shinobi."
"S-Scary... old hag?" Jiraiya's mouth twitched. This was the first time he'd ever heard anyone dare to call Tsunade that in public.
"Yeah!" Naruto recalled, counting on his fingers. "At the training ground yesterday, she punched a giant crater in the ground and said something like, 'The enemies of the future won't wait for you to get strong.'"
"You're saying... that 'scary old hag' said, 'The enemies of the future won't wait for you to get strong'?" Orochimaru suddenly became very interested, pressing him.
"Uh-huh." Naruto nodded emphatically. He then looked at Orochimaru's clear-skinned face. "Wow, you're really pretty, sis."
"'Sis'?" Orochimaru suddenly leaned in close, her long tongue darting out to lick his cheek. "An interesting little boy. I'll forgive you... for Jiraiya's sake."
Naruto, startled by the sudden move, quickly wiped the saliva off his face. "What's wrong with you?! You can't just go around licking people!"
"Hahaha!" Jiraiya howled with laughter from the side. "Naruto, this isn't any 'sis,' this is..."
He was about to reveal Orochimaru's identity and mess with the clueless kid, but Naruto cut him off.
"And you! You say you're this 'Jiraiya' guy. But even if a 'Jiraiya' wants to take me as a student, I have to agree first!"
Naruto tilted his head, his eyes full of "obviously," as if to say, Even if you beg me, I'd have to think about it.
Jiraiya's laughter froze. He never imagined that he, one of the Legendary Sannin, would one day be rejected.
"Someone old and ugly like you, with weird lines on your face... how can you be my master?"
"Old?"
"Ugly?"
"Weird lines on my face?"
Naruto's three-hit combo struck Jiraiya's heart.
"What do you know, you brat?! This is a symbol! A SYMBOL, got it?" Jiraiya hopped in place, furious, the red lines on his face twitching.
Naruto crossed his arms, looking skeptical. "Oh? So you admit you're old and ugly?"
Jiraiya: "..."
Orochimaru watched with amusement, a small smile on her lips. "It seems your 'charms' don't even work on a little boy, Jiraiya."
"Shut up!" Jiraiya, enraged, spun on Naruto. "Do you have any idea how many people beg me to be their master, brat?!"
Naruto pouted. "Then let them. I don't want to."
Jiraiya clutched his chest, as if he'd taken a mortal blow. "You... you ungrateful, blind little brat!"
"Naruto!" The curtain at Ichiraku was pushed aside again, and Kakashi poked his head in. "I knew you'd be here. Tomorrow..."
He stopped. In the middle of the shop was Jiraiya... and... Orochimaru?
Although the girl in front of him wasn't exactly like the Orochimaru from his memories... in fact, she looked nothing like him...
Wait. Those eyes...
It's... Orochimaru!
Kakashi's visible pupil contracted. His right hand instantly clamped down on his kunai pouch.
Jiraiya's reaction was the complete opposite. He saw Kakashi as a savior.
Jiraiya ran over, grabbed Kakashi's shoulder, and dragged him inside. "Kakashi! Quick! Tell this clueless kid how amazing Lord Jiraiya is!"
Kakashi's eyes darted between Jiraiya and Orochimaru, finally landing on a very confused Naruto. "Uh... well..."
"See! Even Kakashi-sensei can't say anything!" Naruto crossed his arms, triumphant. "You really are just an old, ugly man!"
"Kakashi!" Jiraiya shook him frantically. "Say it! Tell him I'm amazing! Tell him I'm one of the Legendary Sannin! Tell him I took on Suna and Iwa!"
Kakashi was seeing stars. "Y-Yes, Lord Jiraiya... in the war... he was very impressive."
But Jiraiya wasn't satisfied. "Be specific! Like in the Third War, when I held off an elite Iwa unit all by myself! And that time Suna invaded, and I burned their supply lines! You forgot all that?"
"Uh... right. It's all true." Kakashi forced himself to add, his voice a bit quieter. "Lord Jiraiya has performed many great deeds in war. He's a hero of Konoha and a true Sannin."
Naruto frowned, unconvinced. "Really? He doesn't look like a hero. He just looks like an old man who likes to brag."
He even reached out and poked Jiraiya's stomach.
"Brat! Heroes get old, too! What do you know!"
Naruto pressed on. "So, Kakashi-sensei, is this old, ugly man really strong? Is he as strong as Grandpa Hokage?"
Kakashi rubbed his temples. "Well... Lord Third is the 'Professor' of all jutsu. Lord Jiraiya is..."
"He's one of the Legendary Sannin," Orochimaru cut in. "Albeit the weakest one."
Jiraiya glared at Orochimaru, then huffed at Naruto. "Just you wait! One day, you'll be begging me to be your master!"
Naruto pouted and went back to his ramen. "No, I won't!"
Just then, the door was pushed open again. A pink-haired girl peeked in. "Naruto! Slacking off again... huh? Kakashi-sensei? Lord Jiraiya?"
The moment Sakura's gaze landed on Orochimaru, she froze. Her training manual dropped thud to the floor.
"Um, excuse me, sis..." Her voice suddenly became incredibly sweet. "What kind of skincare products do you use? Your skin is... amazing..."
Jiraiya: "..."
Kakashi: "..."
Naruto: "..."
Orochimaru looked at Sakura with great interest. "Would you like to try... my secret formula? I guarantee... a total transformation."
Kakashi instantly moved in front of Sakura. "That won't be necessary!"
Teuchi finally couldn't take it anymore and poked his head out of the kitchen. "Um... are you all going to order? You're kind of... blocking the door."