Chapter 9
I Think I'm Falling. And It's Terrifying.
I wish feelings came with a warning sign.
Like:
"WARNING: PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO CERTAIN BOYS MAY RESULT IN HEART MALFUNCTION."
Because honestly?
Something is happening.
And I don't know what to do with it.
Fatima is in love.
Not just "crushing and blushing and squealing into her pillow" love — but the soft, quiet, "he makes me feel safe" kind.
His name's Zaid.
He's in her class. Barely speaks. Listens more than he talks. Holds doors open for her. Looks at her like she's made of magic and mystery and too much sun.
And she likes him.
A lot.
"I think he's the one," she whispered to me on the rooftop during lunch.
I raised an eyebrow. "You've known him for two weeks."
"I feel it."
I didn't say anything.
Because I was happy for her.
But I also wanted to cry.
Because while she was falling — head-first and heart-open — I was falling too.
Slowly.
Stupidly.
Terrified.
Keifer wasn't letting up.
He still passed me notes.
Still waited outside class.
Still asked me to be his girlfriend like it was a daily routine — like breathing.
He made me laugh.
He made me roll my eyes.
He made me want to say yes.
And Yuri?
Still Yuri.
"You guys are one 'accidental hand touch' away from dating," he muttered during Science.
I nearly choked on air.
Keifer just grinned.
But every time I looked at him…
My chest tightened.
Because what if I said yes?
What if I let myself feel it — really feel it?
What if I liked him back?
Then what?
What would I tell my mom?
The woman who still checked my phone.
Who believed dating would ruin me.
Who raised me to believe love was for after the success.
Not during.
Never during.
She'd be disappointed.
Maybe angry.
Maybe… sad.
And I didn't want to be the reason for that.
I didn't want to be bad.
So I kept it in.
Every smile he gave me, I returned halfway.
Every compliment, I brushed off.
Every time he said "you're pretty when you're mad," I called him dumb and walked away — before my face turned red.
But inside?
Something was happening.
And the worst part was:
I liked it.
I liked how his voice softened when he said my name.
I liked how he looked at me like I was worth waiting for.
I liked the way my chest hurt when he smiled at someone else — even if it was just Yuri being dumb again.
I think I'm falling.
But I can't say it out loud.
Not yet.
Not when I still have to pretend I don't care.
Not when love feels like something I'm not allowed to want.
End of Chapter 9.