Lena's pov
The images won't leave me.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Adrian , his face, his mouth, that moment I should have stopped but didn't. It plays over and over, like my mind wants to punish me for it.
At work, I can feel him before I see him.
We're careful now , too careful. Every word sounds rehearsed, every glance too fast. He pretends to focus on his notes. I pretend not to notice how his hand shakes when he passes me a file. It's almost funny, how much silence can scream.
That morning,the pill bottle slips out of my bag and spills across the floor. Little white circles bouncing everywhere like they're mocking me. I just stare for a moment, watching them roll under the desk, before I crouch down to collect them. My hands won't stop shaking.
In the reflection of the metal cabinet, I catch my face , pale, hollow, like someone I used to be.
And then I see it again , that hallway from my dreams, that cold, still house. My heart races.
Then I hear it , Adam screaming.
"Mom!"
I jerk awake , I'm outside, barefoot on the balcony. The air is freezing. My wrist burns, and when I look down, there's blood , thin and sharp across my skin. I don't remember how it happened. My knees give out, and I start to cry before I can stop myself. The sobs come from somewhere deep, somewhere I can't shut off.i was sleep walking again.
Morning comes, and everything feels fake. The light's too bright, the world too steady.
Alex is at the door, Adam beside him , cheerful, too awake, too okay.
I'm still in my robe, hair tangled, pretending I haven't been crying.
Alex smiles that awkward, polite smile I hate. "Lisa's pregnant," he says, like it's small talk. "We found a place in the South of France. Just for the summer.
. I was thinking maybe Adam could come for a bit. A month, maybe."
The words hit like a slap.
"You want to take him? For a month?"
He looks away. "You've been… tired, Lena. I thought it might help. You could rest. Recharge. He could,"
"Bond with Lisa?" I finish for him. The name burns coming out.
He sighs. "She's trying, you know. We both are."
I laugh , sharp, cracked. "You already told him, didn't you?"
Alex looked down.
That silence told me everything.
I felt the heat rise in my chest. "You had no right,"
"Mum," Adam's small voice cut in. "I want to go."
Something cracked inside me.
He looked so excited , like I'd just been replaced and didn't even realize it.
"Go to your room, Adam," I said quietly.
His face fell. "But,"
"Now."
He stomped away, the door slamming hard enough to make the frames on the wall tremble.
I turned back to Alex, my throat tight. "You always do this. You make decisions and then pretend it's for everyone's good."
He sighed, like he was tired of being the villain. "You're angry now, but,"
"Just go, Alex."
At least think about it," Ian said, voice soft , the kind men use when they think you're about to break.
"Alright," I said, pushing the door halfway closed, hoping he'd take the hint.
"Listen, Lena, I,"
"Fuck off," I cut him off, teeth grinding.
His face fell. "He's really excited,"
I slammed the door before he could finish.
I stood there, forehead against the wood, chest heaving. The air felt too tight. My hands were shaking , I didn't even realize I'd been gripping the doorknob hard enough to hurt.
Then I heard Adam.
He came out of his room, dragging his feet, eyes glassy. "You're not going to France," I said before he could even ask.
"Why?" he shouted.
"Because I said so."
"That's not a reason!"
"Enough!" I snapped. "Bath. Now."
He froze for a second , then his little face twisted. He grabbed the basket off the cabinet and flung it. It hit the floor with a crash, socks and toys scattering everywhere.
"Adam?"
"I hate you!" he screamed, voice cracking. "I hate you!"
He stormed down the hall, slammed his door. Another slam.
"It's not fair!" he yelled again from behind the door. "I hate you!"
I just stood there, staring at the mess. My throat burned, but I didn't move. Didn't cry. Just let the silence swallow everything he'd said until it stopped echoing.
Later that night, Sophie came over with cheap wine and that worried look she gets when she knows I'm barely holding it together.
"I was his practice wife," I said, the words slipping out before I could stop them. "That's all. Tried it all out with me and Adam, and now he's doing it right next time around."
"That's just daft," she said.
"Is it?" I looked at her, half daring her to disagree. "Why should Alex get to be happy?"
She sighed, took a long sip. "So you're gonna punish yourself and Adam just to make Alex feel like crap? Because he won't, you know. He'll fuck off on holiday anyway, without Adam, and leave you stuck here with a miserable kid."
"He's all I've got left."
"Listen to yourself, Lena," she said softly. "You hear how sad that sounds?"
"You don't have kids," I muttered.
"And one day you won't either," she said quietly. "He'll grow up, move on, live his own life somewhere, and you'll still be sitting here, in this flat, wondering what the fuck happened to yours."
I laughed bitterly. "You're really bad at comforting people."
"I'm really good at telling the truth," she said, setting her glass down. "Say yes to Alex. Use the time. Do something just for you. You're funny, and kind, and stubborn as hell , but you've forgotten who you are. Find her again."
I looked down at my hands , the chipped nail polish, the faint tremor. "You really think I've given up?"
"I think you're scared. And that's not the Lena I know."
She hugged me before she left.
The next morning I walked down the hall to Adam's room. He was half-asleep, face buried in his pillow. I sat on the edge of the bed.
"Hey," I whispered.
He blinked up at me, eyes swollen from crying.
"You can go with Dad," I said.
His mouth dropped open. "You mean it?"
I nodded.
He shot up, grinning, bouncing on the bed. "Mum, you're the best!"
"Oh really?" I said, crossing my arms. "Because yesterday I was apparently the worst person in the world, remember?"
He giggled.
"You said you hated me," I reminded him softly. "That's a big word, Adam. You don't just throw it around when you don't get what you want."
He looked down. "I'm sorry."
"And to be clear," I said, brushing the hair from his forehead, "I'm not saying yes because you acted like a brat. I'm saying yes because I think it'll be good for you. For both of us."
"I didn't really hate you," he mumbled. "I was just sad."
"I know," I said quietly. "Me too."
He hugged me tight , that warm, forgiving kind of hug only kids can give.
"Right," I said, trying to sound lighter than I felt. "If you're late again this morning, I might change my mind. Go, go, go!"
He laughed,and ran to the bathroom singing something off-key.
I just sat there staring at him with a smile on my face.
Adam was already talking before we even got to the school gates.
"The house belongs to one of Lisa's friends, or her dad, or something," he said
They've got a swimming pool, Mum. An actual pool."
I tried to smile. "So you like her then? Lisa?"
He shrugged, eyes darting toward the road. "Dunno yet. I don't really know her."
He kicked a pebble. "Dad seems really happy though."
"Hmm," I said, and that was all I could manage.
When we reached the gate, I knelt to fix his collar , mostly so he wouldn't see my face. "Alright," I said softly. "Have a good day. I'll see you at three."
He hugged me quick, distracted, already half-looking at his friends.
Then he hesitated. "What are you gonna do while I'm away?"
"Whatever I like," I said, forcing a grin that felt brittle.
He laughed. "Bye, Mum."
"Bye."
I watched him go , that small, determined figure in a sea of backpacks , until the crowd swallowed him. Then it hit me like a slow ache in the chest. The quiet. The space. The emptiness waiting at home.
I turned away, blinking fast, trying to pull myself together , and walked straight into someone.
"Oh!" she gasped as she stumbled backward.
"Shit, I'm so sorry," I blurted, reaching out a hand. "I wasn't looking,"
"It's fine," she said quickly, though her breathing was uneven. "Completely my fault."
We both crouched at the same time to grab her bag, bumping heads. She laughed nervously, brushing her hair out of her face , and that's when I saw her properly.
The air shifted.
"I,uh… sorry," I said, standing too fast. "I didn't mean to,"
She blinked at me, polite smile, that faintly confused expression people wear when they're trying to place you.
"It's you," I heard myself say before I could stop it.
Her brows knit together. "I'm sorry… do I know you?"
"No,no, we haven't met." I swallowed. "I work for your husband. Three days a week. Not today, but,uh,I saw your photo on his desk."
Her eyes lit up a little. "You work with Adrian?"I just walked him there.
"I fancied a stroll this morning."
"Ahh," I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Small world," she said with a half laugh that came out thinner than she meant it to.
"Yeah," I echoed
She straightened suddenly, extending a hand. "I'm Adele."
"Lena," I said, shaking it. Her palm was cool, soft. She didn't grip , just held.
"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked again
She didn't answer right away. Her gaze drifted past me , to the schoolyard, maybe, or somewhere far beyond it. Then she blinked back, all calm smile again.
"Anyway," I said awkwardly, "I should probably,"
"Lena?" she interrupted, her tone careful. "I don't suppose you'd fancy going for a coffee?"
"Uh…"
"I mean, if you have the time," she added quickly. "I'm new here, and I don't really know the area. So… please?" She gave a small, hopeful smile. "Make up for knocking me down?"
Something in her voice , gentle, but too eager , made me hesitate.
Part of me wanted to say no. The other part… didn't want to go home to an empty flat.
"Sure," I said finally.
"You lead. I'll follow."she said Her smile deepened but it didn't quite reach her eyes.