One Kick Girl — Chapter 95: "Password Warlock: Thou Shalt Not Use 123456"
Full comedy–action • Shion POV → Raon POV shift • The Digital Arc approaches final boss territory
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1. Passwords Begin Failing Everywhere
HQ woke to chaos.
Not explosions.
Not monsters.
Not Raon accidentally microwaving foil again.
No—this was worse.
People were screaming because they were getting locked out of EVERYTHING.
Yuno sprinted past Shion yelling,
"MY PHONE SAYS MY PASSWORD IS TOO WEAK!! IT WAS 'ilovesmoothies' HOW DARE IT—"
Synthra clutched her tablet.
"It wants a SYMBOL, a NUMBER, and… AN OFFERING??"
Even Manager Kimchi wailed:
"MY PASSWORD WAS 'password' FOR TWENTY YEARS—NOW IT SAYS IT MUST BE LONGER THAN MY LIFESPAN—"
Shion froze.
The air tasted of burnt captcha and cursed encryption.
She whispered the name:
"…He's here."
Raon blinked sleepily.
"Who?"
Shion swallowed.
"The Password Warlock."
Raon gasped.
"The dude who said my password 'Raon123' was unacceptable?"
Shion put a hand on her shoulder.
"That man is not a dude.
He is a universal torment."
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2. The Warlock Arrives — And He Has Requirements
Lights dimmed.
Every monitor flickered with a password box.
A portal tore open, made of rejected passwords swirling like a hurricane:
– 0000
– qwerty
– abcdef
– guest
– raonisbest123
– ilovecoffee
– shionmybeloved (Raon turned bright red)
A towering figure stepped out.
Robes made of encryption keys.
A staff tipped with a glowing padlock.
A beard that looked like tangled Wi-Fi.
His voice was a thousand error messages layered into one:
> "YOUR PASSWORDS ARE WEAK.
YOU SHALL BE MADE STRONG."
Raon immediately yelled:
"I AM STRONG ENOUGH! MY PASSWORD IS PERFECT!"
The Warlock's eyes flashed.
> "YOU USED YOUR NAME.
AND A NUMBER.
AN INSULT."
Raon screamed like he stepped on her pride.
---
3. He Begins the "Great Reset"
The Warlock slammed his staff.
A shockwave rippled through the HQ.
Every screen said:
> RESET YOUR PASSWORD
AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
Synthra shouted,
"IT WANTS A MINIMUM OF 48 CHARACTERS—"
Yuno cried,
"IT WANTS AN EMOJI—BUT NOT THE ONE I WANT—"
Manager Kimchi shrieked,
"IT SAYS I CANNOT REUSE A PASSWORD FROM ANY TIME IN THE PAST, INCLUDING PAST LIVES—HOW DOES IT KNOW ABOUT MY PAST LIVES—"
Raon punched a wall.
"JUST LET ME KEEP 'RAON123' YOU OLD WIZARD!!"
The Warlock smiled.
> "WEAKNESS SHALL BE PURGED."
---
4. Shion Attempts Logic (The Warlock Is Immune)
Shion stepped forward.
"Password Warlock.
We request fair password practices.
Reasonable difficulty.
Optional two-factor authentication—"
The Warlock hissed.
> "TWO FACTOR?
YOU SHALL HAVE TEN FACTORS."
Ten screens appeared instantly:
– text code
– email code
– backup email code
– phone call
– QR scan
– biometrics
– retina scan
– blood sample
– hair follicle test
– emotional stability questionnaire
Raon stared at the last one.
"Emotional stability?? BRO I FAIL THAT BY JUST EXISTING."
---
5. Attempting to Fight Him Goes… Poorly
Raon lunged.
"TAKE MY PASSWORD OFFENSIVE STANCE—"
The Warlock flicked a finger.
A floating error message slapped Raon in the face:
> "PASSWORD TOO SHORT."
Then another hit her:
> ""PASSWORD CANNOT CONTAIN COMMON WORDS.""
"PASSWORD CANNOT CONTAIN PROPER NOUNS.""
"PASSWORD IS TOO STRONG AND SUSPICIOUS.""
"PASSWORD RESEMBLES YOUR OLD PASSWORD.""
Raon staggered.
Shion caught her.
"He's attacking with contradictory security policies…
Raon, he's unstoppable."
Raon snarled,
"So am I."
---
6. The Warlock Summons His Minions
He raised his staff.
Three new creatures manifested:
• The Security Question Sphinx
Asks impossible questions like:
"What was the name of your first imaginary friend?"
• The Two-Factor Golem
You never get its code on time.
• The Password Strength Meter Demon
Always says "Weak" no matter what.
Raon kicked the Demon.
It still said "Weak."
Raon screamed louder.
---
7. Shion Finds the Weakness
Shion analyzed the Warlock's staff.
"Raon. Look."
The staff glowed with a phrase wrapped around it:
> "Passwords must be changed every 30 seconds."
Shion's eyes widened.
"THAT'S IT!
His power depends on forcing resets.
If we break the reset cycle—
we break him!"
Raon blinked.
"In English?"
"We give one password he cannot reject."
Raon froze.
"Shion…
that's impossible."
Shion smiled.
"No.
Because we'll make a password stronger than ANY rule."
Raon's jaw dropped.
"You mean…"
Shion nodded.
"A password made of pure kick energy."
---
8. The Creation of the Ultimate Password
Shion grabbed Raon's hands.
"Focus.
Channel everything."
The air vibrated.
Kick energy ignited around Raon like a supernova.
A floating keyboard appeared.
Keys rattled.
Light surged.
Then—
Raon typed.
One single password.
The screen blinked.
The Warlock froze.
Everything went silent.
The password displayed:
> ⚡🦵R@0N-K1CKS-TH3-UN1V3RSE🔥∞
The Password Strength Meter Demon exploded.
The Two-Factor Golem fainted.
The Sphinx asked herself a security question and failed it.
The Warlock trembled.
> "IMPOSSIBLE.
THE PERFECT PASSWORD… DOES NOT EXIST…"
Raon stepped forward.
"It does now."
---
9. The Kick of Ultimate Authentication
Raon launched herself into the air.
Her leg glowed like a comet of righteous IT destruction.
The Warlock raised his staff—
But the password floating around her heel rewrote his spell midair.
> AUTHENTICATION OVERRIDE
KICK PERMITTED
Raon connected.
CRACK.
The Warlock shattered into glittering fragments of expired passwords.
---
10. Aftermath: Everyone Can Log In Again
Screens returned to normal.
People cheered.
Yuno hugged her smoothie.
"My phone works again!"
Synthra rebooted her cyber-arm.
"It doesn't ask for a new password every three seconds!"
Manager Kimchi wept.
"My 'password' password works again!"
Shion facepalmed.
"…I'm changing that later."
Raon grinned at Shion.
"We did it."
Shion kissed her cheek.
"You created a password so strong it became a weapon.
I'm honestly terrified."
Raon puffed her chest proudly.
"As you should be."
---
11. Post-Credit: The Final Boss Awakens
Deep beneath the digital layer…
Fragments of:
– Buffer King
– Spinwheel Emperor
– Cookie Devil
– Subscription Overlord
– Password Warlock
merged into a single pulsing entity.
A dark monolith rose.
A new voice echoed:
> "FINAL BOSS INITIATED…
THE UPDATE GOD."
> Version 0.0.1
Requires reboot.
Requires permission.
Requires suffering.
Raon shivered.
"Shion… something terrible is coming."
Shion nodded.
"The Update God…
the destroyer of peace…
the bringer of forced reboots…"
Raon screamed.