The journey back through the Deadlands was just as miserable as Rick remembered, except now he was exhausted, hungry, and desperately in need of a bath. The gray wasteland stretched out in every direction, lifeless and depressing, and the cold wind cut through his clothes like knives made of spite.
Coralia walked beside him, still carrying the tentacle-wrapped Fortuna with the dedication of someone who took their job very seriously. Ace floated nearby, occasionally offering commentary about how Rick's walking posture suggested severe fatigue and possible internal injuries.
"I'm aware, thanks," Rick muttered. "Dying two hundred and fourteen times tends to leave you feeling a bit worn out."
"Just making observations. You know, in case you wanted to stop and rest."
"We're in the Deadlands. There's nowhere to rest that isn't actively trying to kill me."
"Fair point."
They'd been walking for about three hours when Rick spotted something that made his already bad mood significantly worse. In the distance, near the edge where the Deadlands transitioned back into normal terrain, there was a group of people. More specifically, there was a very familiar figure with perfect silver hair that caught the light in a way that seemed physically impossible.
"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," Rick said.
"Is that who I think it is?" Ace asked.
"Unfortunately, yes."
Kaine Ashford stood with his party, the Silver Falcon group that Rick had met briefly after the Elder Wyrm fight. There were four of them in total, all looking fresh and well-rested in a way that made Rick want to punch something. Kaine's armor was spotless, his sword gleamed in its sheath, and his hair looked like it had been professionally styled that morning despite being in the middle of a wasteland.
Rick considered just walking past them without acknowledgment, but Kaine had apparently spotted them as well. The S-rank adventurer's eyes widened slightly when he saw Rick's party, or more specifically, when he saw the tentacle-wrapped goddess being carried like luggage.
"Rick Rolland," Kaine called out, stepping forward to block their path.
His party members followed, arranging themselves in a casual formation that nonetheless suggested they were ready for trouble. "What an unexpected surprise. We were told the Vault of Eternal Suffering was impassable."
"It was very passable," Rick said flatly, trying to step around the group. "We passed it. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a bar."
Kaine moved to block him again, his expression shifting from surprise to something that looked like suspicion mixed with disbelief. "You cleared the Vault? All fifty floors?"
"Yes."
"That's impossible. The Silver Falcons attempted entry last month and barely made it past Floor Fifteen before we had to retreat. The traps alone were designed to kill S-rank adventurers."
"Congratulations on making it to Floor Fifteen," Rick said, his patience wearing thin. "I'm very impressed. Can I go now?"
One of Kaine's party members, a woman with short black hair and leather armor, stepped forward with a skeptical look. "He's lying. There's no way an F-rank cleared the Vault. Look at him, he's barely standing."
"That's because I've been walking for three hours through a wasteland after dying two hundred and fourteen times," Rick said. "Which is why I'd really like to get to somewhere with chairs and alcohol."
"Two hundred and fourteen deaths?" Another party member, a tall man with a massive shield, laughed. "Now I know you're lying. Nobody dies that many times and lives to talk about it."
"I'm immortal. It's my whole thing. Now seriously, move."
Kaine's eyes narrowed, and Rick recognized that look. It was the expression of someone who had convinced themselves they were the protagonist and therefore couldn't accept that someone else had succeeded where they'd failed. Rick had seen that look before, usually right before something annoying happened.
"I don't believe you," Kaine said simply. "The Vault of Eternal Suffering has defeated countless legendary adventurers."
"The idea that an F-rank nobody with a gimmick skill somehow cleared it is absurd."
"I don't care what you believe. I'm tired, I'm hungry, and my everything hurts. I just want to go home."
"Then prove it. Show me the fragment."
Rick stared at him. "Are you serious right now bruh?"
"If you truly cleared the Vault, you would have obtained Fragment Seven. Show it to me, and I'll accept that you're telling the truth."
"Or," Rick said slowly, "I could tell you to go fuck yourself and walk around you."
Kaine's hand moved to his sword, and his party members immediately tensed. The woman with black hair drew a pair of daggers, and the man with the shield raised it defensively. The fourth member, a mage in blue robes, began channeling magic that made the air around her hands crackle with energy.
Rick looked at them, then at Coralia, who was watching the confrontation with growing concern. He looked at the tentacle-wrapped Fortuna, who had stopped making muffled sounds and was now very still in a way that suggested she was paying attention.
He looked at Ace, who somehow managed to project an expression that said "this is going to end badly."
"You're threatening me," Rick said, more as a statement than a question.
"I'm asking for proof," Kaine corrected. "If you can't provide it, then clearly you're lying about clearing the Vault."
"And if you're lying about that, then you must have obtained that fragment through some other means. Theft, perhaps. Or fraud."
"I literally just walked out of the Vault. You can see it right there." Rick pointed back at the massive black structure in the distance. "It's not exactly subtle."
"The Vault has multiple exits. You could have entered through a service passage or found a backdoor. The God of Trials is known for his tricks."
Rick felt his eye twitch. He'd died two hundred and fourteen times, fought through fifty floors of traps and monsters, survived a boss fight that had nearly broken him, and now this perfect-haired asshole was suggesting he'd cheated. The reasonable part of his brain, the part that usually counseled patience and walking away from trouble, had apparently died somewhere around Floor Thirty and hadn't respawned yet.
"Fine," Rick said, pulling out a card. "You want proof? Here's your proof."
He threw his Banana Peel of Doom card directly at Kaine's feet. The cursed banana peel materialized instantly, and Kaine, despite all his S-rank reflexes and legendary skills, stepped directly on it.
His feet went out from under him with almost comedic timing, and he crashed to the ground in a tangle of limbs and wounded dignity. His party members immediately went on the offensive, but Rick was already moving.
He threw an Ice Card that froze the ground beneath the dagger-wielding woman, causing her to slip and fall. The shield bearer charged forward, but Coralia's tentacles shot out and wrapped around his ankles, sending him face-first into the dirt. The mage managed to launch her spell, a bolt of crackling lightning that would have hurt quite a bit.
Then Fortuna, who had apparently had enough of being carried around, burst free from Coralia's tentacles in an explosion of divine power that sent everyone stumbling backward. The goddess stretched, her bunny outfit somehow still perfectly in place despite hours of being restrained, and looked at the scene with obvious amusement.
"Well, this is fun," Fortuna said, her voice carrying that dangerous edge that meant she was about to do something chaotic. "A fight! I love fights! Want me to handle this, Rick?"
"No," Rick said quickly, remembering the last time Fortuna had "handled" something. "Everyone calm down. Nobody needs to fight."
"He attacked us first!" The dagger woman pointed at Rick accusingly while trying to stand up on the icy ground.
"I threw a banana peel. If that counts as an attack, you have bigger problems."
Kaine picked himself up, his perfect hair now disheveled and his face red with embarrassment and anger. "You dare mock me? I am Kaine Ashford, leader of the Silver Falcons, wielder of Perfect Replication!"
"And I'm Rick Rolland, professional idiot who dies a lot," Rick said. "Now can we please just go our separate ways? I really, genuinely, desperately want to leave."
"Not until you prove you legitimately cleared the Vault!"
Rick looked at Fortuna, who was grinning like this was the most entertaining thing she'd seen all week. He looked at Coralia, who had her tentacles raised defensively. He looked at Ace, who was floating beside his head with what could only be described as resigned acceptance.
"You know what?" Rick said. "Fine. You want to see the fragment? Here."
He pulled Fragment Seven from his inventory, letting it float in the air between them. The crystal pulsed with those impossible colors, and the moment it appeared, everyone stopped moving. The fragment's presence was undeniable, its power obvious even to those who had no magical training.
Kaine stared at it, his expression cycling through disbelief, anger, and finally bitter acceptance. "You actually did it. You cleared the Vault."
"I know."
"But how? You're just an F-rank. Your only skill is immortality. How could you possibly succeed where we failed?"
Rick thought about all the deaths, all the pain, all the hours spent figuring out trap patterns and boss mechanics. He thought about the Kraken, the Guardian, the Room of Infinite Bees. He thought about how he'd learned that persistence and strategy could overcome almost anything if you were too stubborn to quit.
"I died a lot," Rick said simply. "That's how."
He put the fragment back in his inventory and started walking, this time with Fortuna and Coralia flanking him in a way that suggested they wouldn't tolerate any more interruptions. Kaine and his party watched them go, too stunned to try blocking them again.
"That could have gone better," Ace said once they were out of earshot.
"Could have gone worse too," Rick replied. "Nobody actually died this time."
"That's a low bar for success."
"Welcome to my life."
Behind them, Rick could hear Kaine shouting something about challenging him to a proper duel, but Rick was already tuning it out. He had a fragment, he had his party, and somewhere ahead was a town with a bar.
Everything else could wait until after he'd had a drink and a very long nap. Preferably in that order.