— — — — — —
"W-woo… who's this cutesy idiot? Happy's cousin or something?"
Kazuma eyed the girl the shadow soldiers had dragged over. He honestly couldn't remember anyone like her being part of the guild.
"Isn't this Yakoda, the reporter? What are you doing here?"
Makarov stared at her in surprise. He didn't expect this woman to be that dedicated. She'd actually rushed straight into the middle of a battlefield.
"Of course I'm here for the big scoop! N-no no no, I mean—I got lost. I wandered off by accident!"
"I-I'm just trying to find the way home, w-waaah, don't look at me like that! I didn't do anything!"
Yakoda curled up in midair, surrounded by the entire Fairy Tail crowd glaring daggers at her. She looked like a pitiful, helpless kitten who also happened to have an unhealthy love for cake.
Kazuma picked her tag: {Big News Magazine}
"Big News? Never heard of them. New paper?" Kazuma asked.
"They're a rising newspaper," Mira said, smiling sweetly while faint clouds of black aura puffed up behind her. "You might not recognize the name Big News, but you know Sorcerer Magazine, right?"
"Big News is the one that secretly takes photos the Sorcerer Magazine can't openly claim as its own… It's basically just a front."
"Oh, so they published our guild scandal. And that damn photo was taken by her, huh." Kazuma gave Yakoda a playful look. This kitten really had a death wish. Instead of hiding, she actually walked straight to her doom.
"T-that wasn't me! I swear it wasn't! You have to believe me! It was another Yakoda."
Seeing the frightening grins spreading across the faces of the Fairy Tail members, Yakoda felt certain she wasn't making it back to her office alive.
"...Lucy, go search her."
"Hmph! Leave it to me."
Lucy had stopped crying by now. The moment she saw Yakoda, her teeth practically itched with hatred. She was the one dead center in that infamous photo—giant close-up and everything.
Finally, revenge. Lucy pounced, searching Yakoda while tickling her nonstop.
"Hahaha! N-no! Don't tickle me! I'm super ticklish—ahhh!"
Yakoda shook with helpless laughter, struggling wildly while Mira and Erza held her down.
"That's exactly why we're tickling you!" Lucy snapped. "Do you have any idea how humiliating that photo was? I couldn't even step outside afterward!"
"The worst part was some random kid running up to me asking, 'Big sis, what does shit taste like?'"
"I nearly jumped into the river right then and there out of shame! I haven't wanted to set foot outdoors since!"
Lucy continued ranting while she emptied Yakoda's belongings: a camera, notebooks filled with scoops, all of it.
"Magic camera… and a high-grade one too. Hawkeye enchantment and stealth enchantment. Their paper really splurges." She tossed it to Kazuma.
"Too bad the magic circuitry's fried. Probably from my magic shockwave." Kazuma checked the camera for any suspicious pictures, then casually threw it aside.
He flipped open the notebook and froze as his expression twisted into something odd.
"Mira, Erza. I've got something good here. Wanna take a look?"
"Good?" Mira frowned. "From that expression? Definitely not good. Give it here."
They grabbed the notebook and flipped through it.
{A Hero Rages for His Beloved.}
{Mira's Tearful Heartbreak of Unrequited Love.}
{Titania Erza's Secret Loneliness and kinky hobby.}
"Yeah. Let's kill her," Erza said flatly, pulling out a sword. If this stuff ever made it to print, she'd never show her face again.
"Hmm..." Mira muttered. "We can bury her in Phantom Lord's ruins."
"Then we'll tell everyone the Big News reporter was admirably dedicated but tragically encountered danger on the front lines."
"What a pity," she added with a chillingly adorable smile.
"W-wait, wait! Those are just drafts! Just a little artistic embellishment! If you're not happy with it, we can change anything! Tell me what you want and I'll rewrite it, so please don't kill me!"
Feeling her life was truly in danger, Yakoda switched to emergency survival mode.
"Hm. We can kill her later. You… What was your name again?" Kazuma asked.
"Yakoda," she whispered.
"Right. Yakoda, this whole conflict between Phantom Lord and Fairy Tail is a major incident. Are you really planning to publish it?"
"If you do, the Magic Council won't approve."
Normally, the council would immediately suppress this kind of large-scale event. Most newspapers wouldn't dare print much more than a vague summary long after the dust had settled.
"Our paper isn't like the others!" Yakoda lifted her chin with pride. "Big News does big news. Anything others dare to do, we'll do. Anything others don't dare to do, we still do!"
"Before I came here, my boss already fired me. So this is a personal submission! Doesn't count as official reporting!"
She puffed up even more. Sure, they sometimes exaggerated stories for sales, but when real news came along, Big News published it exactly as it happened.
Everyone has the right to know the truth of a big event. That was their creed.
"Good. Yakoda, I need you to do something. I'll tell you exactly what to write. As long as you follow it word for word, everything that happened before will be wiped clean. I promise no one in the guild will bother you."
Kazuma pulled her up with a smile.
"And… what if I refuse…?" Yakoda squeaked. Kazuma's smile suddenly felt ten times more terrifying.
"Then I'll bury you in the ruins right now. Killing one or two makes no difference."
"Y-yes! I'll behave! I'll do everything you say!" Yakoda snapped to attention. She was certain he wasn't bluffing.
"Good. Now write what I say. Title: {Big News!!! Corruption at the Top – The Magic Council's Ten Great Sins}"
Kazuma handed her notebook and pen back.
"Waaah…" Yakoda looked from her notebook to Kazuma, hands shaking uncontrollably. Writing something like this was basically a death sentence.
"You spelled it wrong. It's 'corruption,' not 'corrupt.' And you forgot 'Council' here….... Are you doing this on purpose?"
"Yakoda, let me be clear. If you write even one wrong character, I'll tie you up and hang you from our guild gate for one day. If you write ten wrong characters, it will be ten days. If you write a hundred wrong?"
"I'll get hung for a hundred days!" Yakoda blurted out, answering on instinct.
"No. After more than ten days out in the sun and wind, you'd die. So I won't hang you that long. But for every day past ten, I'll strip off one piece of clothing until you're naked."
"You like big news, right? I'll make you the big news."
Kazuma patted her head.
"Oooh… I get it. I'll work hard! I swear! And from now on, I won't do entertainment guild gossip! I'll switch to celebrity cover stories, wuuuuu…"
Yakoda regretted everything. Why did she have to photograph Fairy Tail's scandal? And now she was paying for it.
"Kazuma… aren't we going a little too far?" Erza asked. Seeing Yakoda crying her heart out actually made her soften.
"Erza, don't think like that. Look at it my way."
"Yakoda was going to publish this news anyway. All I did was add some artistic adjustments. I was there myself. Who knows the truth better than me? So what I'm saying is the real version."
"We're not threatening her. I'm helping her create an exclusive story. I even gave her a free interview. How's that excessive?"
Kazuma felt Erza's moral standards were still way too high. She had to toughen up.
"…That's true," Erza finally agreed. Yakoda would've published a story regardless. And her version would've been that humiliating nonsense about raging for beauty, Mira's tragic tears, and Erza's heartbreak. Better Kazuma's version than that.
At least his version didn't make them look pathetic.
"Exactly. As the saying goes, Victors write the story; the defeated are forgotten. Sometimes, the pen is mightier than the sword."
Everyone looked around in confusion.
"Ugh… illiterate crowd." Kazuma shook his head. "Levy, Levy... come here."
"Coming, coming." Levy squeezed out of the group, puzzled.
Kazuma said. "Yakoda, let me introduce you to the most well-read, most educated person in our guild. Levy."
"She'll help you revise your article so there won't be any mistakes or problems."
He leaned in and whispered to Levy: "Watch her. Make sure everything she writes benefits us. You've studied writing for years, you know how to handle this."
"No problem. Leave it to me!" Levy nodded firmly. For the sake of being able to hold her head up high on future missions, she'd supervise with her life.
"And make sure she doesn't use Litotes writing."
"…What's that?"
"It's when she writes what we say on the surface, but through clever phrasing she gives the reader the opposite feeling. So she praises us publicly but secretly mocks us."
"Oh. Got it."
"And don't let her use any word magic to rearrange letters. No hidden acrostics. No hidden endings. No tricks of any kind."
"I got it! Leave it to me." Levy struck a confident pose.
Kazuma gave her a nod of approval
Just then—
"Everyone, I fixed the magic camera! Let's take a group photo!" The guild's magic-tool specialist waved the camera overhead.
"You fixed it? Nice work. Perfect timing—we'll keep this as evidence. Yakoda, come on. We'll make an exception and let you join us for the photo." Kazuma dragged her over. The group began arranging themselves.
Naturally, Makarov stood in the center. Kazuma, Mira, Lucy, Erza, Juvia, Natsu, Gray, and Loke, Elfman and Cana,.....
Everyone was smiling happily.
"Ok... I'll take the picture," Biska said, stepping forward with the camera.
"Wait. Someone's missing."
"Mystogan! Stop hiding in the shadows and get over here!" Kazuma called out.
Everyone followed his gaze and blinked. Mystogan was right there in the distance. None of them had noticed him earlier.
"I-I'm fine. You all take the picture," Mystogan murmured, uncomfortable with the lively atmosphere.
"Nope. Enough excuses. Move." Kazuma grabbed him and pulled him into place on Makarov's other side.
Mystogan stood stiff as a new recruit, frozen like a scarecrow, staring at the camera without daring to move.
"I'll start the photo now," Biska said.
"Wait, Biska." Kazuma tapped her lightly.
"You're the same. You want to join us, but you won't say it. You even volunteered to take the picture. Don't forget you're part of the guild too. Come on. Pose."
"…Okay."
Biska's face remained expressionless, but her eyes held a flicker of joy. She wasn't good at showing emotions, only at reading them, which meant she often only did things that made others happy, never herself.
Being included like this made her genuinely happy.
Kazuma summoned a floating drone-orb and set it to control the camera. It began counting down: one, two, three… and right as the shutter clicked—
"Meow!!"
Yakoda tried to bolt, desperate to escape the group photo. This was evidence proving she had been bribed by Fairy Tail… her reputation was at stake.
"Get back here. If you run while I'm watching, I'll write my name backward." Kazuma grabbed her by the back of her collar like a kitten and held her in place.
"Natsu, move over. You're too hot. Seriously."
"Gray, I didn't even touch you! Are you picking a fight?!" Natsu barked, and the two started brawling.
"Everyone quiet down!" Erza roared.
"Hehehe," Mira smiled sweetly.
"I want a drink… just one sip… no one will notice." Cana uncapped her flask.
"Hm." Mystogan stared dead ahead, rigid as a pole.
"Cheese!" Makarov ignored the chaos behind him, threw up a peace sign, and smiled.
"Fish!" Happy swooped in from above, covering half the frame. The rest of the photo still captured the entire chaotic, noisy scene perfectly.
.
.
.