After hearing the whole truth, Lu Shiyan had long lost the composure he'd arrived with. This was also the first time I'd seen such a complex expression on his face—guilt, self-reproach.
He must have been thinking about how much I loved children, and yet our only child had died by his own hand.
"That child..."
Zhan Xi cut straight to the point. "The fetus was less than three months, not fully formed, not even really a person yet. Does thinking that way make you feel better, Mr. Lu? You can still rest easy staying by your 'sister's' side."
Words spoken lightly, yet each one was a barb aimed at Lu Shiyan.
It wasn't that no one had said such things before; even his assistant had hinted at it indirectly. But Lu Shiyan had never taken it to heart.
He bowed his head, hands clenched tightly, his voice hoarse. "What happened to the... remains?"
"Dilation and curettage, you understand? There couldn't possibly be an intact body. Normally, we handle disposal ourselves. But Su Wan insisted on handling it herself."
Zhan Xi glanced at the nearly broken Lu Shiyan and casually wrote down an address.
"I have work to do. If there's nothing else, Mr. Lu, please see yourself out. I'll say it again: Su Wan is a good woman. If you aren't willing to cherish her, naturally, someone else will."
In the past, Lu Shiyan would have retorted sharply. But today, he said nothing, merely uttering a strained "Thank you" before leaving in disgrace.
After he left, Zhan Xi also sighed, muttering to himself, "I told you back then you weren't suited for each other. Why wouldn't you listen?"
My heart felt heavy. I answered in a voice he couldn't hear, "Yes... I regret it. But it's too late now..."
Life isn't a game. You can't restart after you lose.
I used my own life to learn this lesson.
Even after being brutally murdered, I can't exact any revenge. I can only linger in this other dimension they cannot see, like a god's perspective, yet utterly powerless.
Lu Shiyan rushed straight to the cemetery, finding the tombstone I had erected for our child. By local custom, stillborn infants aren't given tombstones, let alone unborn fetuses. But I did it anyway. In my heart, that child had come to me. Even for just a day, it was my child.
Compared to other tombstones, it was simple. No photo, no birth or death dates.
Just the names of the deceased and the one who erected the stone.
Lu Shiyan's fingers gently traced the characters on the stone: Su Changle's Grave.
He murmured, "Su Changle... Su Wan... your heart is so cruel. Why wouldn't you tell me about the child?"
Cruel? I didn't think so.
After all, from the moment this child existed, he had never loved it.
If he hadn't pushed me, it might not have led to the miscarriage.
If he hadn't spoiled Su Ning'an so excessively, enabling her lawless behavior, how could I have been so grief-stricken as to lose the child?
It wasn't that I never thought of telling him. But did he ever give me the chance?
After the miscarriage, I hid it deliberately, just waiting for this day when he would learn the truth.
Regret?
I want him to suffer day and night, just like me! Tossing and turning, unable to sleep!
From now on, whenever he sees a child, may he remember this unborn one! Let it become his lifelong torment.
He traced my name and Changle's, slowly sinking to his knees. In a voice almost tender yet trembling, he asked, "Child... your name is Changle, isn't it? Do you... blame your father? It's Daddy's fault..."
He looked down and saw the fresh flowers, milk tea, toys, pastries placed before the tombstone...
Before I died, I came here frequently. In my stubborn belief, even if the child wasn't formed, it should have what other children have.
I've been dead for so long. The flowers had long since withered and faded, leaving only dried petals leaning lonely against the stone.
Older bouquets had lost all color, desiccated, scattering with the wind.
Seeing the flowers in varying states of decay, Lu Shiyan could no longer hold back. Scalding tears fell.
Is it a bit too late to cry now? Perhaps our child has long since entered the cycle of reincarnation. I hope in its next life, it won't meet parents like us. May it truly be safe and happy its whole life long.
Lu Shiyan picked up the rattle drum, wiped off the dust, and gently shook it. Thump-thump-thump...
"Changle... Daddy is here to see you. Can you hear me?"
A gust of wind blew, lifting the petals of the most recent, semi-dried bouquet.
Those petals were like our long-faded love. Even if I hadn't died, it would have withered day by day, until all color was gone, scattering with the first strong wind.
Lu Shiyan seemed to realize this too. He hurriedly reached out to grab them.
He finally caught one petal, but his grasp was too forceful. The long-dried petal shattered in his palm.
He opened his hand,只剩下碎片. The wind blew again, and this time, not even the fragments remained.
"No!"
Staggering, he tried to chase them, only to fall before the grave. His expensive suit was stained with mud, a picture of utter wretchedness.
I didn't look at him again. I gently stroked the tombstone. "Changle, I'm sorry Mommy is late. I won't be able to visit you anymore after this. If reincarnation is real, you must be reborn into a good family in your next life."
Clearly, this was a cemetery, burying countless souls, yet I hadn't found a single spirit like myself.
Between heaven and earth, only I remained. An indescribable loneliness.
It was nearly sunset when Lu Shiyan finally returned to the car. His assistant, seeing the mud covering him, looked worried.
"Mr. Lu, are you alright?"
Lu Shiyan seemed drained of all strength. He sat dazed in the car for a long time before speaking, his voice raspy. "Did you find the café surveillance footage?"
Finally, at long last, he was beginning to suspect Su Ning'an.
"The owner said the surveillance was broken during that period."
"Broken..." A cold smirk tugged at Lu Shiyan's lips. "How... convenient." If it hadn't been broken, how would Su Ning'an have dared be so brazen?
Now, without evidence, I was curious whether Lu Shiyan would still believe Su Ning'an as blindly as before.
"Mr. Lu, I also thought that incident was strange. Even if Mrs. Lu disliked Miss Ning'an, why would she choose a crowded place like a café to push her down?"
I looked at the assistant with gratitude. From start to finish, he had been on my side.
It's just a pity that such a simple logic seemed beyond Lu Shiyan's grasp, as if his brains had been eaten by zombies.
Lu Shiyan rubbed his temples. "Find the witnesses who were there that day. Find out what really happened. With so many pairs of eyes, someone must know the truth."
"Yes, sir!" The assistant was visibly energized. "Oh, Mr. Lu, have you managed to contact Mrs. Lu?"
Lu Shiyan sighed. "This time... I've truly hurt her."
As he finished speaking, Su Ning'an's call came in. "Brother, where are you? The sky is so dark and overcast, it's going to storm tonight. I'm so scared. Can you come stay with me?"
Lu Shiyan's expression lacked its former doting. His voice was cold. "Perfect. I want to see you too."