I sat there in the grass for a full minute, staring at my glowing, glitched-out UI like it had personally betrayed me.
My new majestic white horse kept flicking its tail at me, looking like it wanted to file for a new owner.
"Okay," I muttered to myself. "Okay. Focus. You are Leonhart. You are strong. You are powerful. You are… also apparently allergic to slimes."
The horse snorted again.
"Shut up," I hissed.
I stood, brushed off my armor, and opened the map again. The glowing trail still led to the next cluster of low-level mobs, pulsing gently like it was mocking me. I squared my (way too broad) shoulders.
"Alright. We're going to walk over there calmly, do some basic attacks, no war crimes this time. We'll grind like a normal adventurer. Maybe kill, like, one slime. Nicely."
I started forward, trying to copy Leonhart's usual swagger. Except my hips kept doing my usual little sway, and my hands kept fluttering when I talked to myself. One passing NPC actually gasped.
"Sir Leon's movements… so graceful today," she whispered.
Graceful? Girl, I'm trying not to walk like I'm on a runway.
The glowing trail guided me into another meadow, greener and quieter. Perfect for training. I rolled my shoulders and opened my Skills panel again.
"No flashy buttons. No shiny ones. Just… basic. Like, 'poke' or something."
I scrolled down until I found something called Cleave in tiny text. That had to be weak, right? Right? I tapped it.
My sword ignited with blue fire.
"Oh no."
The slime in front of me jiggled innocently. I swung, praying to every game dev deity out there.
BOOM.
Half the field disappeared. Not just the slime, trees, grass, a rock, and a poor scarecrow from someone's farm all went up in smoke.
Birds fled screaming. My hair flew back from the shockwave.
I stood frozen in the smoking crater.
"…I killed the environment. Again."
The UI chimed cheerfully: '+0.5% EXP Gained!'
"Zero point five?! Are you serious?! I just nuked a biome for less than one percent exp?!"
A farmer appeared at the edge of the destruction, jaw slack. "Sir Leon…?"
I turned slowly, eyes wide. "I was never here." Then I bolted.
My majestic white horse, sensing a dramatic exit, galloped alongside me as if we'd rehearsed. We tore across the hills, me still shrieking internally.
When I finally stopped, panting, I collapsed against a tree.
"This is impossible. I'm too strong. I'm like one of those raid bosses everyone hates."
I peeked at my Stats window again. My eyes skimmed the numbers, still capped, still glowing. My HP bar looked like a skyscraper. My MP bar? Endless ocean.
"No wonder I'm obliterating slimes. I'm basically a walking patch note that hasn't been nerfed yet."
I closed the window with a violent jab.
"Fine. Fine. If fighting slimes is too much, I'll test other buttons. Maybe crafting. Or fishing. Something nonlethal."
I opened the Skills panel again and scrolled past the damage skills. Gathering, Cooking, Emotes, Social.
"Ooh, Social," I murmured. I tapped one at random.
My body instantly struck a heroic pose, sword raised to the sky, muscles flexing. A golden glow surrounded me. My voice boomed on its own: "For honor and glory!"
I clamped my hands over my mouth. "No, no, no, stop! Stop talking on your own!"
The horse whinnied dramatically as if seconding the speech.
I tried another button. My body winked. Like, actual wink. With a smirk. My heart skipped a beat.
"Why is that so hot?! It's me! Stop being hot, me!"
I stumbled backward, tripped over my own sword sheath, and landed on my butt. The UI politely flickered out as if it had seen enough.
I sat there, hands over my face, muttering. "This is my life now. I'm an overpowered, over-emoting hunk. Everyone thinks I'm cool, but I'm basically one panic attack away from crying over my old pajamas."
Somewhere nearby, another low-level mob squeaked. I peeked. A tiny rabbit with 3 HP hopped out of the bushes.
"Not today," I whispered. "You deserve to live."
I opened the map again, zooming in on the nearest town. Maybe I could buy something, like… I don't know, training weights? Anti-OP gloves? Dignity? Anything?
The glowing trail adjusted itself immediately. The little pulsing dot labeled "Safe Zone" blinked like a lifeline.
"Okay," I said aloud. "We're going to town. We're going to be normal. We're going to breathe, smile, and maybe not nuke an ecosystem before breakfast."
I climbed onto my horse, clumsily, because apparently riding muscles weren't included in the Leonhart DLC, and the horse took off like a rocket. I clung to its neck, screaming.
"This is fine! Everything's fine! Totally fine!"
We galloped past bewildered villagers who cheered as if this was all heroic and intentional. One little boy waved a flag.
"Sir Leon! So majestic!"
I waved back weakly, clinging for dear life.
Inside my skull, the hamster on the wheel was back. Dangling, dangling, dangling, it chanted, mocking me.
When we finally reached the outskirts of town, I slid off the horse and nearly fell over.
My armor clanked. My hair was windswept but still annoyingly perfect.
I squared my jaw, exhaled, and muttered to myself, "Okay. New plan. Find a quiet corner. Figure out this UI. Figure out this life. Stop being a hazard to agriculture."
The horse nudged my shoulder. I patted its nose. "Thanks for not throwing me off. You're the only one I can trust."
Then, straightening my back, I walked toward the gate.
My stride was still a little swishy.
My sword still clanked like it was too heavy. People still whispered in awe.
Sir Leonhart, second-ranked hero.
Actually just me, a panicked girl stuck in a man's body.
And I had no idea how to stop being a walking natural disaster.