The next morning, I woke up to the sound of bells ringing in the distance.
For one glorious second, I thought it was my alarm clock. That I'd wake up in my messy room, surrounded by snack wrappers and my dusty monitor, and laugh about the world's weirdest dream.
Then I opened my eyes.
Guild room. Oak beams. Hero jawline staring back at me from the mirror.
Crap.
I flopped back into the pillows dramatically. "Nope. Still trapped. Still dangling. Still screwed."
After five minutes of sulking and groaning into the sheets, I dragged myself upright.
"Fine. If this is my life now, I'll at least grind exp. Heroes gotta eat, and I can't keep embarrassing myself in front of the guild eating bread like a starving raccoon."
I waved my hand like I always did in-game. To my relief-the interface flickered into view. I thought I was just imagining it during the boss raid. Transparent windows hovered before me: Map. Inventory. Skills. Stats.
"Oh thank god," I whispered, hands clasped. "The UI lives!"
I poked at the map. The familiar world spread out, except now it wasn't pixels-it was geography. The forest, the mountains, the dungeon we'd just cleared. And on the outer rim, glowing dots of monsters.
"Lowest level... slimes. Perfect. I'll start from the bottom. Humble beginnings. Rebuild my dignity. Get used to this meat suit."
I tapped "Track." A glowing trail appeared in my vision, like Google Maps for wannabe heroes. I stuffed some bread in my mouth, grabbed my sword, and marched out into the morning sun.
But, just that, my hips sway a little too much.
Ten minutes later, I stood in a grassy field, staring at my first opponent.
A slime.
Wiggly. Transparent. Cute enough to be sold as plushies.
I exhaled slowly. "Okay. First test. No screaming, no squealing. Just fight like Leonhart would."
I drew my sword. My muscles flexed like I was in a slow-motion action movie. For a moment, I almost believed I looked cool.
Then the slime bounced forward with a pathetic "blorp."
And I yelped. Loudly. Like someone had dropped a spider down my shirt.
"Okay, okay, focus!" I hissed, pointing my sword with both hands like it was a stick. "Just... one basic slash. Nice and easy."
I flicked open the Skills window. My finger hovered over the first one. "Alright, skill one. Warm up."
I tapped.
A burst of golden light exploded from my sword like a nuclear sunbeam. The ground cracked. Trees shook. The slime didn't just die-it evaporated from existence. Not even a drop of goo remained. The exp notification popped up like a war crime report.
I lowered my sword slowly. My jaw dropped.
"...what the hell kind of overkill was THAT?!"
The ground still smoked. Birds scattered in the distance. I half-expected the Demon Lord himself to respawn just to file a complaint.
I shoved a hand through my hair. "This is insane. This body is insane. I can't even fight a level one slime without committing genocide!"
I stomped in a circle, fuming. "I didn't sign up for this! I was supposed to be chilling in my pajamas, tapping buttons, giggling at guild chat! Not... not body-slamming wildlife into oblivion!"
I pulled open the Stats window. Numbers stretched into the stratosphere. Strength, Agility, Intelligence-everything capped, glowing gold. Leonhart wasn't just endgame-ready. He was endgame-broken.
And then I saw the leaderboard button.
Curiosity killed the cat. I clicked.
Top 3 rankings flashed before me.
#1: Zeref.
#2: Leonhart.
#3: Kael.
I groaned. "Oh great. Those two. My eternal rivals. Of course I'm stuck in the middle of their testosterone sandwich."
They'd been at my throat since forever, always challenging me for the top spot, always throwing shade in the world chat.
And now? Now they weren't usernames on a screen anymore. They were... people. With abs. Probably hotter than me.
I slapped the window shut. "Nope. Not thinking about that. One existential crisis at a time."
Another slime wobbled out of the grass. I jumped three feet in the air, screamed, then whirled on it with my sword.
"Don't test me, goo boy!" I shouted.
One poke. Another nuke-level blast. Another slime erased from history.
I sank to my knees, sword planted in the dirt. "I'm a menace. An ecological disaster. They'll write songs about the slime extinction of year one."
Somewhere behind me, a farmer screamed, "The crops!"
I slapped a hand over my face. "Oh god, I'm already a villain."
I forced myself to stand, brushing dirt off my armor. "Okay, fine. Maybe fighting isn't the answer right now. Maybe I should just... test the other buttons."
So I did.
Inventory: popped open and dumped three loaves of bread onto the ground. I scrambled to pick them up like a raccoon hoarding snacks.
Emotes: my body did a smug hair flip. I shrieked. "Why is that so hot?!"
Mounts: a glowing white horse materialized, neighing majestically. I screamed again and fell backward. The horse looked offended.
I curled up on the grass, groaning. "This is my life now. Overpowered, overdramatic, over-screwed."
The horse snorted.
I pointed at it miserably. "Don't look at me like that."