The morning light poured in through the window. I stirred awake rolling on my side.
Exhaustion had eaten it's way deep in my bones. Memories of yesterday's ordeal flashed before my eyes.
I had done something so unpure to Sensei and yet I felt no shame. Instead, I was elated—glad to finally face those feelings I'd considered improper to have.
I wanted to be with Sensei. I wanted him to be mine, and mine only.
This wasn't admiration anymore, this was love.
I was in love with Sensei.
The realization was less scarier than I had expected it to be. Now that I was sure what I wanted, I was no longer afraid.
My lips carved upwards into a smile. Now, I was going to see the man I loved.
I sat up feeling a surge of strength. My eyes darted towards the window staring at the azure sky.
"Today's going to be amazing." I muttered still smiling.
After taking a shower and puting on the uniform I had to wash yesterday, I packed the satin sheets out spreading them over the laundry wire to dry.
I picked my bag walking out of the gate.
"Sensei wanted peanut bread." I rumaged through my pocket for change my legs walking towards the convenience store as if they had a mind of their own.
"Sehyun ~ah, it's been a while, I almost thought you'd jilted me for another shop." Auntie Park an aged woman, the owner of the store where I part timed said with a sigh.
"Auntie, it's my off day, did you forget again?" I asked as I stepped in.
Auntie Park, was suffering from Alzheimer's disease. After her husband's death, her health had deteriorated drastically. Her children couldn't leave their jobs in Seoul and relocate to Gangwon to help out at the store hence I was offered a part-time job to help with managing the store.
"Ahhh, I just remembered." She smiled sheepishly. "Aren't you supposed to be in school today?" she asked
"Auntie remembers I'm still a student?" I asked surprised. Normally, she'd mistake me for an old friend or her son. At worst, she'd think I was a stranger and wouldn't grant me entrance untill I showed her a piece of her knitted scarf. One she'd given me just in case she forgot about me. It always came in handy.
I didn't have it on today so it was fortunate she recognized me.
"Of course, you're wearing a uniform."
Oh…
I walked over to the bread aisle quickly grabbing two peanut bread. "Two? Normally you'd buy just one." I heard Auntie Park's voice beside me. I jolted scared out my wits.
When did she arrive?
"It's for someone." I said shuffling past her headed towards the counter. She trailed after me with suspicious eyes. "Someone? Sehyun, I've known you for years now and you haven't even talked with me properly. How did you suddenly get close to this someone that you're buying them snacks. Your favourite at that."
She really does remember me.
"Well, I—" I couldn't tell her it was for Sensei…
And they weren't my favorite.
"Does Sehyun have a person he likes?" Auntie Park casually asked. My steps halted abruptly. My cheeks flushed. This version of Auntie was really sharp witted. I had no idea how to deal with her.
"It's not that—"
Auntie Park grabbed my arm turning me towards her. "Eh? You're all flushed. So my guess was correct after all, wow, Sehyun I must've judged you wrongly." She gave me a sly smirk her eyes twinkling.
I turned redder. "Auntie has it all wrong I don't have a lover."
She let go of me scoffing unbelieving. "You think I'd fall for that? I've seen a lot of youngsters just like you, I know when I see someone in love."
Crap.
"You'd better confess otherwise," she spread her arms blocking my path. "I won't let you leave."
I smiled wearily. "Auntie's relentless."
She eyed me teasingly. "Confessing already?"
"It's not like we're dating already…" I muttered silently avoiding her eyes.
Her shout made my jolt again. "Eh? It's one sided?! Then," she pointed at the snacks I was guarding with all my life. "Why are you buying this for them?" She asked.
"Well, they wanted to try it." I mumbled.
"Try it? They sell peanut bread in almost every store, what do they have to make you buy it?" She asked annoyed.
I couldn't give an answer to the question as I had no idea myself. Sensei was indeed behaving strange.
"Or…" Auntie's eyes twinkled again as she held my hand. "They're trying to get close to you too? Maybe they like Sehyun."
My heart thumped.
There was a possibility Sensei liked me too?
It was almost impossible but judging from his behaviors recently, it was not impossible.
Seeing how conflicted I was, Auntie tsked shaking her head like I was the most pitiful thing she'd encountered.
"Come here." She pulled me to the counter.
She entered the storage room I could hear the sound of boxes clattering. She emerged moments later with a small box in her hand—Her clothes layered with dust and cobwebs.
Just where did she dig this up from? I wondered.
She must've noticed the questions written boldly on my face as she chuckled. "Geon bought this for me during our courtship days. It was a token of love, that's what he called it."
She dropped it on the table and opened the box. I peered inside curiously and for a moment I was stunned. Inside the box layed two colored orbs—red and blue.
"Two halves with polar opposite components coming together to form a whole. It's a perfect gift from you to them."
I nodded absent mindedly then froze upon hearing the last half of her sentence.
Perfect gift?
I shook my head. " I can't accept this, it's something Auntie cherishes besides something holding so much value should be given to Auntie's children not me."
Auntie rolled her eyes. "Exactly. Those brats haven't bothered to check up on me in years. Sehyun has been the one going through all those trouble, I should give this much to him."
"Besides, they're all married. They have no use for this unlike you." She grinned her brownish teeth on full display. "Sehyun needs this more than ever."
"What good does it to keeping those feelings to yourself? It's best to let the other know how you feel early to avoid having regrets later on." She added.
I remained adamant. "I couldn't—" Auntie shoved the box in my hands. "Go, go, be on your way now or else you'd be late."
"Auntie!" Despite my protests, she sent me off with the box and snack.
I didn't even pay for it…
I stared at the colored orbs with fascination. They were beautiful, I couldn't even bring myself to touch them afraid I'd taint them.
Auntie had someone really amazing in her life. It was a shame I didn't know him well.
I placed the box in my bag carefully and hurried to school. If Auntie hasn't chased me out, I would've indeed been late.
****
'It's best to let the other know to avoid having regrets later on.' Auntie's words lingered still.
"Midterm begins in two weeks, ensure you're prepare properly for it." Sensei said to the class.
Avoid regrets….
I unwittingly grasped my bag feeling for the box. It's presence brought me some sort of relief.
The bell rang.
"Enjoy your lunch break." Sensei said to the students who had begun leaving already.
Sensei has always been like this. Showing concern for everybody.
I shouldn't be greedy desiring to have something more with Sensei. I should be content with how we were now.
"What's bothering you? You've been spacing out a lot today." Sensei's voice floated to my ears. My eyes darted towards him shamelessly checking him out.
It dawned on me how I never noticed how toned his body was even with the clothes he has on.
I swallowed hard.
"No- nothing. I got the snacks Sensei asked for."
I brought out the peanut bread from my bag dropping it on the table pushing it to his side gently afraid I'd do something stupid if I brushed hands with him.
"Sensei?" He asked amused. He was more interested in the new name more than the fact I was being rude—somewhat.
Perhaps he didn't mind or cared, perhaps I was being over paranoid.
My body stiffened. "I— Does Se… I mean teacher hate it?" I asked nervously.
Sensei picked the snack from the table. He went silent for a while before saying, "I don't mind. Sensei, teacher, it's all the same." He stood up. "Let's go have lunch."
My ears seemed to fail me. Sensei didn't mind?
My hand covered my mouth suppressing the incoming scream.
That was one step. For Sensei it was 'all the same', but for me it wasn't.
It was different. Something only I could call him, it was something special.
I had branded him.