Eldran and Verrin began meeting each other weekly. Each week the Twi'lek Jedi paced around Eldran, speaking of centering himself and finding balance. The weeks passed with what seemed like the same lesson week after week. The Jedi would often seem frustrated with Eldran, not because Eldran refused to comply with the lesson but it would seem that Eldran was unable to find the balance that was needed. He would do as he was instructed, center himself in the force – but no matter how much he tried, it avoided his touch. He sought calm, he sought balance but the force remained silent.
After 6 months of the same lesson over and over again even Eldran's patience was waning as he stood before the Twilek master again. "Maybe it wasn't me" Eldran said as he began to wonder if it truly was him who had touched the force. "Maybe one of the other children saw my anger and decided to use that as a catalyst" The rituals of the lessons weekly ate at Eldran's core. There was no progress being made, the force still avoided his touch. And Verrin's yellow eyes always watched him, always continually boring into his soul. What did those yellow eyes want from him? Did they want anything or were they just another reminder that he still couldn't touch the force?
The Jedi stopped pacing and rubbed his chin deep in thought. His yellow eyes cast down at the floor as he wondered if Eldran could be right. "What did you feel?" Verrin asked
"I felt.." Eldran swallowed. This was a dangerous question, one that the others in his life hadn't asked because he was sure that they didn't want to know. "It was like a spark ignited deuterium and that flame was directed by me" Eldran said
"Then you must learn to trust your feelings" Verrin replied "Perhaps we have been going about this the wrong way." The Jedi's yellow eyes sparkled in the temples light. "You were angry when you channeled the force, correct? Maybe for you, it is necessary to channel the force through powerful emotions like anger or frustration"
Eldran tilted his head away from the Jedi, confused. He had always been told that the Jedi discouraged the use of powerful emotions especially those of anger and fear as they were dark sided emotions "You want me to use my anger?" Eldran asked unsure of whether he understood what the Twilek was asking
"No not your anger, just a powerful emotion like anger" The Jedi said. "Something that you can distinctly point to and say this is the emotion that I'm going to channel through. For some that emotion is love"
"I thought that attachments were forbidden" Eldran said again confused. What was this Jedi trying to do? Was he trying to trap him so that he could be forever imprisoned for dark side usage? He had heard the stories from his father of dark side force users being chained so that they could no longer tap into the force. Jedi consulars often were utilized to block the force from these dark sided users to prevent future catastrophe. It sounded like an awful punishment, for someone to be able to touch the force and then have it stripped from them. And now this Jedi is suggesting he use a powerful emotion and to use love as that emotion.
"Yes attachments are forbidden except for under very specific circumstances. The Jedi are allowed to marry after all. It just is not often accepted. But two Jedi parents have a much higher chance of producing a Jedi child" Verrin said as his lekku coiled like a serpant around his neck "And sometimes those Jedi children are some of the most powerful the galaxy has ever seen, one that comes to mind is Satele Shan"
"Satele Shan had Jedi parents..?" Eldran would ask. Satele Shan was the Jedi grand master during the Ancient Sith Wars. She was well known for working against the Sith but also for working with them when the circumstances called for it.
"Surely you have heard of Revan and Bastila Shan" Verrin said slyly "The Jedi turned Sith, turned Jedi again?"
Eldran's mouth nearly dropped open. Not only was the ancient grand master of the Jedi order a child of two Jedis, but she was the child of a Jedi who had turned to the dark side and had practically started the Sith wars with his apprentice Malak. While Revan was eventually redeemed he still fell to the dark side. "I had no idea…" Eldran said
"I think Satele would tell you that sometimes powerful emotion is a gateway to more force potential" The twilek said licking his lips "but that is all the time we have for today. Why don't you take this home and meditate on it, and see if you can open it" from his waistband he pulled a red triangularly shaped holocron, Its surface shimmered like freshly mined laval from mustafar. The glass seemed to breathe and pulse like a heartbeat. "This will help you to understand what I am trying to teach you, it's a force holocron"
A few hours later Eldran sat meditating in his room and he focused the love he had for his parents into the holocron, to no avail. As before it seemed like the force was out of reach and something that he couldn't actually touch. "This is pointless" he mumbled to himself as thoughts of the school yard began to surface. Why had he been able to touch the force during such an abstract moment? It wasn't like it was something that hadn't happened before. Tarron had frequently bullied Derren and Eldran, often simultaneously, simply because he could. Eldran silenced his mind and focused again on the holocron, his eyes shutting out all of the light that was in front of him hoping that he could get some sort of reaction from it. He sat for what felt like 30 minutes and, when he peeked his eyes to see the result, there was nothing.
"On the force!" Eldran exclaimed in frustration as he got up and kicked a model fighter that sat on his floor "Why won't you open!"he yelled at the holocron and then turned his back. While his back was turn the holocron shook slightl, and yellow light, like eyes emerged from the top of the holocron briefly. But Eldran didn't see it. He had his eyes buried in his hands in frustration. "There is no emotion there is peace" Eldran told himself despite hearing peace is a lie in his head. As he uttered the words there is no peace the light shut itself out of the holocron and the shaking stopped. Eldran hadn't seen it and as he re-centered himself he turned back to the holocron, and it looked the same as it had before. "Maybe its broken" he told himself "Or maybe I'm broken" he sighed heavily and turned away from the holocron once again. Opening it wasn't going to come easy and he didn't understand why.
***
Over the next several weeks the lessons would continue as they had in the weeks prior. The lesson began to feel like building sand castles next to the waves of the Calrosine shore as the tide rolled in. No matter how many times he attempted to touch the force, the results were always the same. The meditations the same, the words the same, but outside the temple, the world seemed to shift.
Each day Eldran would ride the transport back to the lower levels where he and his family lived. Perhaps it was because he was simply more aware of his surroundings, or perhaps the force allowed him to see his environment more clearly, but daily he saw something new. Traders would charge more for food to the lower level dock workers than they would to the guild leadership. He watched as a Republic official took a bribe out in the open, and a few days later families were being forced from their homes as the guild expanded their holdings. The Republics banners hung bright and proud, but there was no pride in the starving people of Brentaal IV. Everything he observed, everything he heard, everything began to gnaw at him.
One day he watched in horror as enforcers beat a boy, roughly his age, no larger than he or Tarron or Derren, for stealing rations. The same rations that Kaelens parents would often bring home from the port in order to feed and preach the Jedi's ideals to the lower levels. Eldran's biggest frustration, is that the Jedi simply watched it happen, all in the name of peace. He wanted to scream at them "Is this the peace you speak of?"but he remained silent.
Peace. Balance. The ideals of the Jedi that had been drilled into him for more than 6 months. But there was no peace on Brentaal, there certainly was no peace in the lower levels of the city. It gnawed at his conscious: where was the balance of a child being beaten who just needed something to eat?
That night he sat before the holocron again, the anger, bubbling to the surface as he tried to center himself. He tried to push it away, remembering Verrin and Vannor both encouraging calmness. But the deep red glass of the holocron seemed to breathe in his anger, pulsing like a deep red heart that mimicked his own heartbeat.
He tried to steady himself, he tried to find calmness – but the words of the Jedi code sounded hollow in his own ears "There is no emotion, there is peace." He heard the force echo back to him as he squeezed his eyes tightly trying to shut it out "There is only passion." The holocron hummed as the words echoed in his head. Then it was silent as if it had never moved.
***
The next day Eldran went to the temple again to meet with Verrin and the master was waiting as Eldran arrived. The Twi'lek's yellow eyes studied Eldran as his frustration began boiling over. "You seem troubled" the master said to the would be apprentice.
"I saw guards beating one of my classmates for stealing…" the words caught in his throat as sorrow and anger boiled up in him again "Stealing food." He swallowed his anger and looked at the master his eyes burning with rage "The Jedi and the Republic say they are keeping the peace, but its all a lie." His words spit like venom from a cobra "Everyone looks away while the undercity is run by corruption and…" his words catch in his throat again "Where is the peace that the Jedi promise?"
Verrin paced quietly in front of Eldran as he absorbed his story, the lekku looked like it was tightening more around his neck like a snake choking the life from its prey "A lie, yes" he says softly "But a necessary one, the council would say."Verrin stopped pacing and looked directly at Eldran "the peace is maintained through control, through blindness" there was danger in his now calm voice as his yellow eyes brightened looking at Eldran "This may be why the galaxy is broken. Could this be why you can't touch the force?"
Eldran stood silently as anger and grief wash over his face "Why, because I can't touch their peace…your peace"
"No" Verrin says as he begins to pace around Eldran again "The force is silent for those who refuse to acknowledge truth" he says
"But it hasn't been silent" Eldran began to argue "I've heard it, I just can't touch it"
Verrin's eyes and ears perked up at Eldran's words "Perhaps what you have heard are your own emotions echoed in the force" he says "You feel deeply Eldran, and you see clearly. You cannot lie to yourself the way the rest of the galaxy does. That is not a flaw. You are not broken. As a matter of a fact I see great potential in you" The master smiled a sharp toothy grin as his eyes seemed to glow
Eldran, still uneasy under the masters gaze felt the warmth of the Jedi's confidence in his potential "Th-Thank you master" he stuttered
The Twi'lek shook his head "The Jedi teach the absence of emotion leads us to peace" he says as he lowers himself into a cross legged meditation in front of Eldran "But what if…" the Jedi smiled what Eldran could only describe as a hungry smile "What if peace is found when our emotions have purpose"
Eldran thought back to the holocron that sat on his desk at home "Is that what the holocron teaches?" he asks
The Jedi master smiled wider, his yellow eyes growing brighter under the lights of the temple "That is very insightful of you Eldran, that may be" he said "But the holocron will only open for those who see the galaxy as it is." He closed his eyes as if to meditate on the force "If you decide to look at the galaxy as it is without fear, and not as you are told it is, then the holocron will open for you"
Eldran's eyes close also as he thinks back to home. The holocron sat humming on his desk as the young learner made the decision to look at the galaxy with open eyes. "Peace is a lie" Eldran heard the force say "There is only passion" Eldran's eyes snapped open, and simultaneously the yellowing of holocron, like eyes opened on the holocron. He knew what he had to do to open it – and he prayed to the force that he was ready for the lessons that were waiting within.