⚠️ Viewer Advisory: This manifesto may cause cravings, delusions of grandeur, and seafood-based arguments.
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"Shrimp Pizza Is the Best (Fight Me)"
by Her Radiant Majesty, Viviana.
[Act I – The Royal Declaration of Shrimp Supremacy]
My beloved citizens of the internet kingdom, lend me thine ears, thy Wi-Fi, and possibly thy last slice of pizza.
For today, I come not in peace, but in flavour.
Yes, I, Viviana Adebayo, daughter of chaos, queen of contradictions, and self-proclaimed philosopher of late-night cravings, have tasted enlightenment— and it came sizzling, bubbling, golden-crusted, and topped with shrimp.
Let it be known across the seven kitchens and the fifty Uber Eats zones: shrimp pizza is the pinnacle of human civilization.
You may mock me, oh ye of little taste, you disciples of pepperoni propaganda.
You may clutch your barbecue bases and scream, "Seafood does not belong on pizza!"
To which I reply: Neither does pineapple, yet look how far sin has gotten us.
For shrimp, noble shrimp is the poet of the ocean. Gentle, firm, loyal to flavor.
Unlike anchovies (the chaotic evil of toppings), shrimp does not shout its saltiness in your mouth like an uninvited cousin at a wedding.
No. Shrimp whispers "I am here, darling. I belong."
Imagine: melted cheese blanketing those soft pink morsels, garlic oil shimmering like morning dew, herbs floating like divine confetti.
One bite, and your soul moonwalks across the Milky Way in utter disbelief.
If you disagree, that's fine. You are wrong.
But it's fine.
[Act II – Of Sinners, Haters, and Pepperoni Peasants]
Now, let us address the blasphemers,
those who say, "Vivian, shrimp pizza is weird."
Weird? My dear, you eat bread drenched in tomato paste and call it romantic.
You fold it like a blanket and eat it sideways like a sandwich.
You dip it in ranch. Ranch!
And you have the audacity to call me weird?
I have seen your pizza crimes. Oh yes. I have seen your frozen atrocities, your microwave massacres, your ketchup-based betrayals.
Some of you commit sins so deep in Domino's that even the angels won't deliver there.
And the pepperoni loyalists? Oh, the cultists of circular mediocrity you think you're safe because your topping has tenure?
But tell me, what has pepperoni done for us lately? Nothing but grease the economy of napkins.
Shrimp, on the other hand, is evolution's love letter to flavor.
A marriage between sea and cheese, between elegance and audacity.
A rebellion served with lemon wedges.
You say it's too fancy. I say you're too afraid.
For shrimp pizza is not for the timid. It is for those who dare to say, "I will not be basic.
I will not conform. I shall dine like Poseidon in a pizzeria."
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[Act III – The History of the Shrimp Enlightenment]
Long ago or last Thursday, I'm not sure. I had my first shrimp pizza.
That event changed me.
I was but a weary woman, scrolling through the digital wasteland of food delivery apps, drowning in options.
Then it appeared before me — glowing softly like destiny: "Shrimp Alfredo Pizza – Limited Edition."
I gasped.
I questioned reality.
I pressed Add to Cart.
And when it arrived— oh, heavens the aroma alone cured my depression for twelve minutes.
I took the first bite, and my taste buds began composing poetry.
I heard violins. My ancestors high-fived each other.
A seagull outside bowed in reverence.
Since that day, I have been a missionary of truth.
I have faced persecution.
People laughed. Friends staged interventions.
One even said, "Vivian, this isn't Italy."
To which I replied, "Neither are you, Brittany. Yet you still use hand gestures when you say 'pasta.' "
Shrimp pizza doesn't need your approval.
It only needs your curiosity.
Taste it once, and your tongue will whisper, "Where have you been all my life?"
[Act IV – Fun Facts & Flavor Prophecies]
Fun fact number one:
shrimp is rich in omega-3, which means your heart will thank you for your culinary bravery.
Meanwhile, sausage will just make your heart file a complaint.
Fun fact number two:
pizza was never meant to be static.
It's an evolving masterpiece. You think the first Italians had pineapple?
No. But someone dared. And now we dare again but with class.
Fun fact number three:
shrimp pizza pairs beautifully with cold lemonade, jazz music, and the satisfaction of being right.
Fun fact number four:
if you invite me over and offer me shrimp pizza, I will not only love you— I might actually marry you.
And lastly, fun fact number five:
I once tried to make shrimp pizza at home, but accidentally bought imitation crab meat.
I still cried tears of joy because even fake seafood tried to be part of the greatness.
[Act V – The Poetry of the Crust]
Allow me, if you will, to recite a sonnet to the object of my affection:
O dough divine, thou golden plate of dreams,
Upon thy warmth the shrimp doth softly gleam.
Thy cheese, a molten sea of dairy light,
Bids mortal souls ascend in crusted flight.
Tomato blush, the sauce of passion's hue,
Unites with herbs like lovers old and true.
And there atop, my shrimp— my ocean knight,
Whose tender flesh doth make my world ignite.
— Viviana, probably after too much caffeine
[Act VI – The Final Showdown]
Now, I know some of you are still clutching your pepperoni slices in fear.
You think this is a phase?
That I'll wake up tomorrow and apologize?
No. I shall not repent!!
In fact, I challenge you— yes, you! to take a bite of shrimp pizza and tell me, with a straight face, that it's not divine.
You can't.
Your lips will tremble under the weight of truth and garlic butter.
And if you're allergic to shrimp… well, I'm truly sorry, but destiny clearly feared your potential.
Because once you have tasted it— the fusion of sea and sky, dough and dream, you will know what it means to live.
[Act VII – The Royal Closing Speech]
So, dear world, before you type your hateful comments, know this:
I am not here to convince you. I am here to prophesy.
Someday, every menu will feature shrimp pizza.
There will be documentaries.
Children will be named after it.
The United Nations will hold Shrimp Pizza Day.
And I, Vivian the Visionary, shall sit upon my couch-throne, sipping lemonade, whispering… "I told you so."
For I am not just a woman with strong opinions.
I am a culinary revolution in eyeliner.
Shrimp pizza is not food.
It is art.
It is rebellion.
It is love baked at 375°F for twenty-five minutes.
Epilogue – Her Majesty's Blessing
To those who have read this far:
may your crusts be crisp, your cheese never burn, and your toppings never fall.
And if ever you doubt your worth, remember this truth;
You are the shrimp on life's pizza. Small, glorious, and absolutely essential.
Now go forth, my subjects.
Spread the word.
And if anyone dares challenge the reign of shrimp pizza…
Tell them Queen Vivian said:"Fight me."
#ShrimpRights #SeafoodSovereignty #FightMeButFeedMe