Now, when asked, Jack would surely mention that he would much rather wake up in the arms, or the tits, of a woman after going unconscious.
Unfortunately for him, such desires would forever remain unfulfilled because when he woke up, there was no woman near him.
Just… the stench of salt, sweaty men. And fur. Wet fur. The worst kind of fur.
His nose twitched violently, and his stomach flipped. Hygiene at sea had always been questionable, but this? This was next-level medieval filth.
'Wait. At sea? Where the fuck am I again?' Jack thought, eyes fluttering open.
"C-Captain Buggy! Are you okay?!" A burly man muttered, shaking him with the subtlety of a jackhammer.
Jack's blurry vision settled on a bizarre sight. A muscular man with thick lips, dressed in a white fur vest, green pants tied with a sash, and shoes shaped like animal feet. His hair was styled like bear ears. Real, fuzzy-looking bear ears.
Jack blinked, then reached out and shoved the man's face aside. "Gods, and I thought the saying 'a face only a mother could love' was a joke. Did she give birth to you through her asshole? Wait-what did you say my name was?!"
The man blinked back, startled and hurt. "C-Captain Buggy!"
Jack froze. His brain went into overdrive. Buggy? As in Buggy the Clown? The Chop-Chop man? The unfortunate bastard that became an emperor through sheer luck?
His eyes darted down. His hands were… not his hands. Pale skin. Painted fingernails. A gaudy ring that screamed circus disaster, all underneath cartoonish white gloves.
'Oh, shit. It's real. It's actually real. I'm… Buggy the Clown.'
Mohji, because who the hell else could this furry disaster be, was still holding him up awkwardly. "Captain, one of the boys was steering after a round of drinks, and, well, they weren't paying attention to the mast when it swung back. You got knocked right in the head!"
Jack, Buggy, rubbed his temples. "So let me get this straight. I got whacked by my own mast… by my own drunk men?"
Mohji winced. "Aye, Captain. But don't worry! We made them walk the plank, old pirate style. Justice served, eh?"
Jack's jaw slackened. He looked around, trying to take it all in. A ship. Real sails. The creak of wood beneath his body. Men scurrying around, dressed in flamboyant pirate garb that would've gotten them arrested in Times Square.
He wasn't dreaming. This wasn't a VR sim. He was in the world of One Piece. And not just that, he was in Buggy's shoes. Or… clown shoes.
"Fuck me sideways," Jack muttered.
-
-
-
Seeing his captain's dazed expression, Mohji scratched his head, uncertain. "Captain, you should probably get checked by the doctor. Just in case."
Jack almost laughed. 'Doctor? The Buggy Pirates have doctors?'
He'd always imagined Buggy's crew as the discount Walmart version of pirates. But apparently, even budget pirates had a quack on board.
"Fine, fine. Lead the way, Furry Ears," Jack groaned, standing shakily. His legs felt different. Stronger. Like they weren't his. He had a weird spring in his step, and his body felt charged.
The doctor's quarters smelled of mold, salt, and questionable rum. A hunched-over man with thick glasses and hands that shook like he'd been drinking since the womb examined him.
"Pulse steady. Reflexes sharp. Eyes… crossed, but that's just your natural look," the doctor mumbled, scribbling notes. "All in all, you're healthier than ever, Captain. Mild scurvy, maybe a touch of clown syndrome, but nothing serious."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Healthier than ever? I just got brained by a mast. Also, I don't have scurvy, you quack! My gums ain't bleeding!"
The doctor waved him off. "A little brain rattling builds character. And I'm the doctor here! If I say ya got scurvy, then you eat oranges! Just listen to me, Captain Buggy."
Jack grinned despite all of that. 'Buggy's body, huh? Not bad. Stronger than mine. Maybe a little clowny, but still.'
He stretched, feeling his limbs in a way he'd never felt before. His strength felt almost inhuman, but then again, it was weak in the world of One Piece. His Devil Fruit powers were there too, humming in the background, like a new app installed in his brain.
For the first time in forever, he felt… good. Really good.
He sat back on the creaky cot, hands behind his head, staring at the wooden ceiling above. The salty sea breeze slipped through cracked shutters, mixing with the pungent aroma of antiseptic and questionable herbs.
"Captain, you sure you're alright?" Mohji asked again, fidgeting nervously like a mother hen with bear ears.
Buggy grinned widely, flashing teeth that probably hadn't been brushed in a decade. "Alright? Buddy, I feel fantastic. This is like… peak. I'm feeling on top of the world. You're looking at the main character now."
Mohji tilted his head. "Main character?"
Buggy waved him off. "Don't worry about it. Point is, I'm good."
And truthfully, he was. He was alive, on a pirate ship, and somehow the clown-nosed menace himself. This was the kind of scenario he used to joke about in his apartment, never believing it could happen. Now? This was his life.
Sure, the world was dangerous. Sure, death could come at any second. But what was new about that? Life back in New York wasn't exactly safe either- Truck-kun proved that much.
And Jack had never been one to take life seriously anyway. Why start now? If anything, this was his chance to double down on the joke. To laugh even harder, to squeeze the fun out of every absurd moment the seas had to offer.
Buggy sat up, swinging his legs off the cot with renewed energy. His grin stretched from ear to ear, practically unhinged. "Alright then… If I'm stuck here, might as well enjoy it~ I'll be the goddamn best clown-pirate the Seven Seas have ever seen!"
Mohji's eyes widened slightly, then he nodded with something like admiration. "Y-Yes, Captain Buggy! That's the spirit!"
Buggy chuckled, flicking him on the forehead. "Damn right it is. Now c'mon, my memories are a tad foggy; fill me in on what's happening."
He left the infirmary with a spring in his step, the crew's whispers trailing behind him:
"Is he… smiling more than usual?"
"Was the captain being… friendly with Mohji?"
"Maybe the mast knocked him into a good mood."
Confused, worried, but loyal, that was his crew. They also feared him, which was the most important part. A Devil Fruit was like a thing of legend in the East Blue after all.
For the first time since waking up, Jack wasn't thinking about what he had lost. He wasn't thinking about New York, his gym routine, or his protein tub lying cracked open on the asphalt.
He was thinking about the oceans ahead. About adventure, about chaos, about how much fun he could wring from this insane new world.
If fate had cast him as Buggy the Clown, then fine. He'd play the part. But he'd play it his way.
With laughter. Always with laughter.