Mom said she feels like she's going to die today. I feel devastated. If anything happens to her, what will I do? I don't know. That's why, today, I felt like my soul had died once again.
Mom said out of the blue today that she's going to talk to my uncle. But I know she never would. I thought, that must mean she feels the end is near. Maybe she sees my state and is upset. Maybe she's giving up on herself, too.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't work.
I don't want to do anything, honestly. I just want to lie down and wait for death; I don't want to see anyone.
With this psychology, it's not very likely I'll become a pilot. But when I think about E's crazy husband, I tell myself I'm perfectly normal. E's husband is a pilot, but he's one of those former hippies who uses banned substances. His sisters are doctors, and of course, they have their doctor circles.
It's a well-known fact that pilots undergo health screenings before every flight. I can't help but think if this guy isn't getting caught, it's because of his connections. Don't say, "Could such nonsense even happen?" This country is that kind of place.
I am in the phase where the phoenix is burning to a crisp, Diary…
It's as if my insides have burned and turned to ash, as if nothing of me remains.
I miss that confident, combative girl I used to be so, so much…