Man, it feels great to finally be home. Especially since Ven is all alone. Oh yeah, I haven't even explained Ven's living conditions yet! So basically, Ven came here from his country of origin to the land of the free, and I can actually use that title because we live in a world where the states are ACTUALLY the land of the free. He came here to finish up his last year of high school, and now he lives in a three story house that belongs to his father's good friend.
You are confused, I get that, but fully explaining everything means I have to talk about her. And I just get really nervous talking about her, she's way too carefree dammit! Well, you'll see her soon enough so until then just wait I guess. Ven sets his bag on the couch and turns on the lights. But then he turns them off again and opts to use his phone's flashlight instead. He goes to the second floor and passes a total of 4 rooms before finally reaching his room at the end of the corridor. His room is plain, there's really nothing notable in it and nothing worth talking about. He takes off his clothes and accessories and changes into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. He then goes down and open the fridge, it's pretty empty but it has what he wants, lettuce. He takes the lettuce out of the bag, separates a few slices and puts it back in the fridge. He puts the lettuce on a plate and grabs a fork and starts eating it. He finishes it fairly easily, and puts the plate and fork in the dishwasher. He then proceeds to plop down on the couch and open the smart TV, opening the crappy web browser and typing his favorite free anime streaming website. He goes on his phone and looks at his list on his notes app, where every single anime he's watched along with his watchlist and rankings of his favorite anime, anime openings and endings are situated.
He decides to watch an anime about a high school girl who has a crush on a guy who is actually a famous shojo manga writer with a title that has been botched when it was translated into English. He finds the anime pretty funny and very entertaining. After watching around 8 episodes he turns off the TV and stretches a bit. He takes a quick shower and brushes his teeth. He goes to his room and lays on his bed, covering himself with the blanket while scrolling on everyone's favorite short-form content app, tok tek. Again, please attempt to be clever with these author! He gets bored and gets up, feeling very mixed about a lot of things.
But then, the blanket looks like it's moving, no, the blanket is actually moving? And then, white hair pokes out of the blanket.
-So, you're finally alone eh?
-Huh? Who are you?
-Don't pretend to not recognize me, I've been with you the longest.
-Another one?
-Yes. Same logic as ambiguity, if you don't know what I am then I don't know either, but I'm just a hallucination.
-So what's your deal?
-…You are finally alone.
-İ mean…yeah? There's no one else in the house so of course I would be alone.
-Would you consider him a friend?
-Who? Rains? İt's too soon to tell but he seems like a decent guy.
-Nothing will change, nothing can change.
-The hell are you talking about?
-You are alone, that's all there is to it, you can't change that.
-But, that's just wrong? İ'm not completely alone, there are still people around me.
-Do you have meaningful relationships with them?
-…İ don't.
-Exactly. You are alone, Ven. You will always be alone no matter what. You won't die in a hospital bed, you'll die in an old apartment, and they won't find your body until you're basically already decomposed. Every single relationship you'll have will be hollow. You'll have a shitty job in an office with terrible fluorescent lighting and cramped desks with a boss that always makes snarky comments about you and insults you and co-workers who'll escape to the bathroom to have a quick fuck sesh and leave you to do the majority of work and get excused for it. Your co-workers will do the bare minimum while you work your ass off to compensate for the work they never do and in the end it's them who'll get promotions and empty words of praise while you continue to work your ass of on your desk because they would rather be kind to good-looking, successful guys then a loser like you.
-What the hell are you going on about?
-You probably won't even lose your virginity unless you pay for a prostitute. Women will ridicule you and if they don't they'll maybe go on a date with you and you'll fuck but it'll be a one night stand. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. They'll also ghost you and make fun of you on social media, either making fun of the sex, your hobbies, your dick or how weird you were. Your "friends" will make plans behind your back, they will lie to your face and you'll know it, but you won't do anything. You'll spend almost all your time at home or at work, you will feel your body and mind rot slowly but you'll ignore it. You'll feel lonely, unsatisfied, you'll go to the top of your crappy apartment building and you'll try to jump off but you won't. You'll go inside and pick up a kitchen knife and try to cut yourself but you won't. You'll feel useless and worthless and you'll start watching porn. You'll develop an addiction and you won't be able to quit. You'll say to yourself "at least I'm not spending any money on it" but soon enough you will and you'll spend a lot.
-Stop. Why are you telling me all this?
-You'll have violent thoughts about killing people, thoughts about crashing out and going on a murder spree, becoming an unstoppable force that can only be stopped when they shoot you down with a minigun, but you won't. You'll ask yourself every single day about why you're like this, why you couldn't be a better person, why you couldn't be given a better life, buy you won't try to improve your current life whatsoever. You'll continuously blame everything and everyone around for why you're a shitty person with a shitty life and you'll eventually come to the conclusion that you're the one to blame but when you admit that it won't change anything, it's not that it's too late, you'll become such a useless, worthless, meaningless husk of a human being that nothing will matter to you anymore.
-Y-you, I don't want to hear any of this!
-So you'll spend everyday going to work, going home, making a half-assed meal with processed garbage food that ruins your health, you won't shower nor brush your teeth, you'll consume and enjoy the worst kind of porn, the type that will turn your brain to mush and destroy your already crumbling mental health, the type that even the biggest degenerates, the ones who will thirst over a woman in a bikini on a public comment section and have the weirdest, most disgusting fetishes will look at you in sheer disgust and pity for actually enjoying it. You'll ruin yourself, you won't get fat but you'll lose every good quality about you that you may have had, you'll think about killing yourself the moment you wake up and you will regret everything, until the day you die. This is your fate Ven. This isn't something you can escape because most of this has already happened.
-Get out! Who the hell do you think you are?!
You think you have the right to feel even the slightest bit optimistic about this opportunity just because you "snapped out of it"? No, you're just a simple lie, you lie to yourself and think that you're Ven but you're not, you know who the real Ven is, you will give up and you wil turn into who you were before, the real you. The real Ven. Because you are not Ven Sinclair. You are nothing. You are not whole. You are broken. And the only way you can become whole is embracing who you are truly.
Ven is panting, his breathing is off-beat and he looks terrifies, his eyes are completely wide and his legs are shaking to the point where one of his legs collapses and he gets on one knee. Meanwhile the hallucination is still under the blanket with white hair sticking out and the blanket continues to move slightly.
-Sh-shut up!
-İ only, exclusively, proclaim the truth Ven, you can't escape me, because I am truth. İ am nothing but the truth.
-L-leave! Leave me alone!
-Oh, shut up, you are even more pitiful then when you were the real Ven. You are not even a cheap copy or an imitation or a knock-off or a bootleg, you're nothing like him.
-AAAAAHHHHHH! Leave me, THE FUCK ALONE!
-Can you just die?
-AAAAAARGHHHH!!!
Ven screams, his other knee give up on him and he falls to the ground, his pupils dilate and he starts hyperventilating rapidly while shaking. His body is covered in sweat and he clenches his chest and groans from the pain.
-İ am truth, that's all there is to it.
-LEAVE!
Then, the voice stops and the hallucination goes away. But something enters the room, disturbed by the noise. Oh why it's someone I neglected to mention because I partially forgot about her and to retain the tension in this scene. Kate, the cat.
-Mrrroww?
-O-oh, it's you kate? W-where were you, feels like you were gone for a whole century. Hihi, how f-fucking convenient. Y-you think I'm having a panic attack Kate?
Kate approaches Ven elegantly, Kate is a simple cat, completely black with green eyes, very affectionate for a cat though, she might've been raised by dogs but I don't really know. Kate rubs her head against Ven's legs as she purrs while Ven is completely and utterly exhausted and is drenched in sweat, his chest hurting like hell.
-Truth huh? So I didn't even get to fucking name him myself. İ never want to hallucinate him ever again. No, I'm not having a panic attack, I'm barely human after all and I lack basic humanity! Sorry Kate, I'm gonna take another shower.
-Mewwww?
Ven gets up and and leaves the room Kate following him but stopping when he gets to the bathroom door.
-İ completely forgot you existed. You little vermin you.
Ven gently caresses her head but isn't very successful because his hands are still shaking.
-I'll pet you another time Kate.
Ven enters the bathroom and takes off his clothes, barely managing to get in the shower and turn on the water.
-…Can I just die?
Ven finishes his shower, puts on his pajamas and locks his door, pulls his blanket over himself. He looks scared, spooked, petrified and deranged, why does truth have to be like that.
-I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, I want to cry, please let me cry.
Ven slowly goes to sleep as his eyes stay as dry as always.
End of chapter