At dawn, giving up on sleep completely, I went to the shower.
The water was hot. I stood under the shower for a longer period of time, trying to wash the feeling of him from my skin. I scrubbed my skin, ran my fingers through my hair multiple times, used every product in the bathroom as if they could erase the memory of his touch.
But no amount of water or soap could wash away the fact that I'd kissed Asher Wang like I was drowning and he was air, and he'd kissed me back with equal desperation before walking away and leaving me alone all night.
I stayed in the shower until the water started cooling, until I couldn't justify hiding any longer.
Then I dressed in a professional dress. I dried my hair, applied minimal makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes, and looked at my reflection.
I looked like someone who'd slept peacefully instead of lying awake. It was fake. But I'd been faking for two years.
At 7 AM, I finally gathered enough courage to leave the bedroom. When I entered the kitchen, he was already there.
He was dressed for work in a black suit, his hair was perfectly styled, he was standing at the counter reading something on his tablet while sipping coffee.
He looked up as I entered. His expression revealed nothing. It was as if last night never happened.
"Good morning." He said, his tone perfectly professional.
I stood near the door, not sure how to respond.
Did he really expect us to just pretend? To act like he hadn't claimed my mouth and made me surrender and then abandoned me?
"Coffee is fresh." He added when I didn't respond, gesturing to the pot. "You should eat something. We have a heavy day."
He turned his attention back to his tablet, scrolling through emails, already dismissing me.
I walked towards the coffee pot, poured myself a cup, and took a sip.
"We have a heavy day." Asher continued, not looking up from his screen. "The Zenith acquisition talks begin today. The deal team revised their valuation based on your analysis. We're meeting with their executives at ten, then with our board at two. I'll need you focused." He said, finally looking up.
He looked at me with the professional distance I'd thought we'd moved beyond.
"This is a critical negotiation. Your insights were valuable in finding the error, but now we need to leverage that into better deal terms. Can you handle that?"
"Of course." I replied.
"Good." He starting working on his tablet again. "I've sent you the revised proposal and our negotiating position. Review it during the drive. We need to present a united front."
A united front. The CEO and his Special Assistant. Nothing more.
I set down my coffee cup, the bitter taste sitting heavy on my tongue.
The whiplash was dizzying. Last night, he'd caged me against the sofa, kissed me like I was necessary. This morning, he was asking if I could "handle" a business meeting.
Last night, his eyes had been wild and dark with passion. This morning, they were cool and assessing.
Last night, his hands had trembled as they'd pulled me close. This morning, they were steady as they held his tablet.
"Asher..." I started.
He looked up, his one eyebrow raised in polite inquiry.
"Yes?"
"Last night…"
"Was last night." He interrupted. "This is today. And today, we have the most important negotiation of the quarter. I need my Special Assistant focused on the deal, not distracted by personal matters."
Personal matters.
He'd reduced that kiss, to "personal matters" that were distracting from business.
"You kissed me." I said, unable to stop myself.
"I know what happened last night, Rysa." His voice was controlled. "And we'll discuss it later, when we're not about to walk into a multi billion yuan negotiation that requires absolute focus."
"When?" I asked. "When will we discuss it?"
His jaw tightened.
"When the timing is appropriate."
"So I'm supposed to just ignore it? Pretend it didn't happen?"
"I'm asking you to be professional. To focus on your job. That's what you wanted, isn't it? To be more than decorative? To do real work that matters?"
"Yes, but…"
"Then prove it." He set down his tablet. "Prove you can separate personal from professional. Prove you can handle being both my wife and my colleague without letting one compromise the other."
Another test. Another challenge. Another way of controlling the narrative.
He stood, straightening his cuffs.
"The car leaves in fifteen minutes. Make sure you're ready."
He walked toward the door. He was the ruthless CEO once more, there was no trace of the man on him who'd looked shaken and wild eyed last night.
But as he passed where I stood by the counter, he paused for a moment. He looked at my lips for a second.
"Don't be late." He said.
And then he was gone, leaving me standing there alone in the kitchen.
I was more confused than ever. More unsettled than I'd been after the kiss itself. Because at least the kiss had been honest. This distance, this professional mask, this pretense that nothing had changed was a different kind of torture.
The game had changed. But the rules were more mysterious than before.
And I was supposed to what? Pretend? Perform? Wait for "appropriate timing" that might never come?
I looked down at my coffee, saw my reflection in the dark liquid. I saw a woman who'd been claimed and abandoned in the same breath.
The car drive to the office was exactly as torturous as I'd anticipated. We sat in the back of the car in silence, both reviewing documents on our tablets.
I focused on the revised Zenith proposal. He didn't look at me once during the twenty minute drive. When we arrived at Wang Corporation, we exited the car like a perfect couple. He first got out of the car, then extended a hand to help me out. His fingers tightened around mine for a second, before he released me and turned towards the building.
We walked through the lobby together, employees nodding respectfully as we passed.
Asher went straight to his office, and I went to mine. But within minutes, he was calling me in.
"Rysa, I need you in here."
I grabbed my tablet and the Zenith files, and walked to his office.
He was standing by his desk, jacket already off, sleeves rolled up to his forearms.
"Close the door." He said without looking up from the documents spread across his desk.
"The revised valuation corrected the double counting error you identified. But we need to anticipate Shanghai Zenith's counter arguments. They'll push back on the price reduction, claim our analysis is overly conservative."
He finally looked up, and looked at me in a professional manner.
"I'm assigning you to develop the defense strategy." He continued.
He walked around his desk, closer to where I stood, and my pulse quickened involuntarily.
"The entire negotiation hinges on our ability to defend the revised number. If we can't, we'll end up overpaying, and your discovery becomes meaningless."
"I understand."
"Do you?" He stopped just in front of me. "Because I need this analysis to be flawless, Rysa."
"You'll have it." I said. "When do you need it?"
"Before the ten o'clock meeting. That gives you…" he checked his watch. "…two and a half hours."
"I'll have it ready." I said.
"Good. Use the conference room. And Rysa?"
I paused at the door.
"Yes?"
"If you need anything just ask."
He was pushing me hard, but also offering support. Making sure I had what I needed to succeed.
"Thank you." I replied.
He nodded and turned back to his desk, already moving to the next item on his agenda. I walked to the conference room, my mind already shifting into analysis mode.
I spread the Zenith files across the conference table and got to work. I opened my laptop and began building the analysis that has to be absolutely flawless.
Because that's what he needed. And proving I could deliver despite everything was the only power I had left.