It has been a day since Layla came here to tell him that she will drag him out of the house for the festival, which is tommorow.
The summer festival is supposed to celebrate life because that's when it's rumored that some of the blue flowers that represent the city, which are unsurprisingly called Flowers of Life, get a magical property to heal even the worst illnesses during summer.
But yes, no one really knows if that's true or not since such a flower hasn't been found yet, as far as Hayel is aware.
It's also a crime to take the flowers from streets that are there for decoration, because it's like taking a statue from a street because you want it.
But the flowers can always be bought and tested out if someone whished to do so.
The festival is called The Festival of Life because of Flowers of Life; very creative.
Hayel doesn't know anyone that doesn't usually celebrate it, so it's safe to say that everyone does. Of course there are people that are busy and do not go to the city every year, but they do celebrate it in the village with their families and friends.
It's a fun festival where people usually dance, sing, tell stories, sell flowers, confess their love to the people that stole their hearts and things like that.
The Blue City is also beautifully decorated during the festival with even more flowers on the streets and stalls that don't only sell flowers but, for example, sell food and have games to play for rewards.
Layla is always very excited for the festival, always saying that this time she might meet someone handsome.
Unfortunately, Hayel almost always gets into trouble once some weird guy thinks he is a nuisance.
This time however, that's not one of his concerns.
Going to the the city means being surrounded by guards from The Order, and since Hayel doesn't have a heartbeat, neither does he have to breathe, it will be a huge problem if someone notices.
Of course, there will be many people there, so the chances of someone paying so much attention to him are very low. However, that doesn't mean someone might not accidentally notice, so he must stay focused on breathing like a normal person.
'This is going to be a hard task… and the anxiety is going to eat me alive for sure…'
He did practice his breathing yesterday after Layla left, being sure that she will drag him out if he doesn't go himself. He will also practice today while cleaning up the house a little.
Honestly speaking, he is not feeling that much better, he is merely forcing himself to start functioning properly once again.
Today, Hayel has decided to finally open the windows to let in fresh air. After seeing that creature on his window that night around two months ago, he has been scared to look at windows even during the day. That's how much of a coward he is.
Today he has overcome that fear.
Since it's summer, it's very hot outside so there are not that many people walking down the street right now, but once the sun decides to not cook it's people any longer, the village will become livelier.
Children playing, adults talking about the festival that starts tommorow, overall everyone is in a good mood.
Except for Hayel, who is still stuck in an endless loop of anxiety.
He is aware that he needs to learn how to go on with his life right now, after all there is absolutely nothing he can do about anything that's been happening to him.
But it's easier said than done, when fear and anxiety take over everything, it's easy to forget that there is no point in worrying so much about something that's not controllable.
You only torture yourself for something you can do nothing about.
However, it's normal to be scared of death, but living like Hayel is right now is almost no different to it.
That's why he will not be dragged to the festival tommorow, he will go willingly, even if it means taking a risk of being figured out by The Order.
If he wants to go on with his life, he needs to learn to live with the fact that death looms over him everywhere. It's the only way, and it will take a lot of time.
He needs to learn to be more careful, observing and tactful. Not to mention the fact that he wants to learn how to fight, which means telling The Order about his abilites. He doesn't know if he will be able to keep his secrets if he does so, which is a huge problem.
'They will definitely test my abilites and ask me questions, one wrong question for which I have to lie will make them suspicious of me, even if some people choose to lie either way, I'm sure The Order is not very fond of people keeping secrets.'
That's one more thing to consider about his future, but right now he has no idea if there is even a way to bypass it, or how much attention does The Order pay to people that lie to them.
Should he, or should he not explore his ability any further? That's also one of the questions that's been on his mind for some time now. He is scared to do it, but what if he finds something useful about it?
But these are things he should leave for a bit later, first he needs to gain some courage in general.
Looking out the window for the first time in two months, Hayel sees birds flying high in the beautiful bright sky, making him slightly smile.
A sense of peace, something he has been desperately longing for some time now.