I am in the capital of China. Considering who to offer my goods too. I tried to do the Emperor, but they said I'd need a high reputation to earn his favor. I should've seen that coming. But ah well, we still have regular people to impress.
Cause I'm a pretty woman that can show off all the goods to get laid with work and love. Cause I show up looking sexy as fuck with my weapons and armor in a cart. With my other workers looking good too if they want. We all get laid if we feel like it. With work and love.
I post up on the market square with my goods, and offer them to the public as the Saleswoman. Yelling my pitches to the wind.
"Come one, come all! Come get Kobra Steel. Destined to slay your enemies with ease!" I yell happily.
"Are these legal?" Mimi asks nervously.
Mimi is my worker. I smirk mischeviously.
"War isn't fair anyway. People die. It'll be fine." I say nonchalantly.
I must remember to not mentioned they're poisoned when around squares like Mimi. She will cry about how cruel I am.
I make three small deals that were simple and unimportant. Then I meet a weirdo who is trying to be edgy. And steal my store.
He grabs a sword off the shelf I have. Draws it. And points it at my throat. He's cute enough I consider the consequences of trying to tame him instead of murder him. I am certain he senses me consider it with my vibe being a mix of malice and attraction. He drops the sword and walks away. I sigh sadly, and put it back on the shelf.
Eventually a Military Leader approaches my area. With a squad of Guards. I'm nervous. I want to make the sale. But they might deem it illegal. If they learn of how powerful it can be. I'm worried about them being too Confucius about it. Cause I know a cruel warlord would love this stuff.
They love the look of the purple steel. They all do.
"Do you happen to have a large supply of these?" Military Leader asks warmly.
:"Yes, enough to supply 10,000 men." I say warmly. "To an extent. I've made some minor sales before now, so it might be a bit less than that. I arrived with 10,000 total men's worth of equipment I should say." I say nervously.
"Ah, I see. Delectable. I love the supply of warfare you represent. I want it all. Give it to me or else you're arrested for not legally being allowed to sell your goods." Military Leader says with cocky malice.
I sigh bitterly. Then I glare at his men with intense malice. And hesitate. I channel my malice at them. And decide to push it. I send to them all with my psychic powers the memories of my last combat. They shiver with fear at the sight of my prowess. And draw their weapons.
I begin simulating hard. Very hard. There are two realities that can take place.
I fight my way out and keep my property. Not entirely worth it as I become too much of a criminal too fast. But criminals would love me. I'd get business eventually.
But the other option is enticing. Cause if I just let my weapons be stolen, this city becomes ruined. By the power of my weapons. It'll upset the capital for weeks. A coup will occur.
And I can help save the Emperor from some Yellow Turban Rebellion or some crap. And start my true reputation as a badass blacksmith Warrior Goddess.
I allow my gear to be taken. And leave the city with my workers empty handed. For three days. I ride a horse back on the fourth day when the coup takes place.
It's barely begun when I've got there. But the games of narcissism has begun. Because the Three Kingdoms War begins as a game of virtue signalling to save China. Nobody really vibes with the Emperor, they all have their own angles. Cause all the Generals of China hate each other at this point. It's a last virtue check before they kill each other to be the country's favorite Warlord.
It's all a joke the Emperor feels like they love him today. They love China. They want China to love them back. These Yellow Turbans terrorizing the village are typical barbarian shit all humans do in this time period. If not forever when they're degenerate enough. It's basically every other Warlord and their Men in China looking at the latest group of Degenerates be fucking losers. And saying "VIRTUE SIGNAL TIME!" Then drawing their swords to be heroes for China.
It's adorable and ridiculous at the same time. Cause they all get mad at each other for trying too hard. And being too suspicious to try understanding why anyone is doing anything to control the peace of China. It's basically security armies realizing they all hate their leader. And opting to kill each other first before claiming the Empire.
I'm here today to taste the future leaders of Chinese Warfare. And see who the cutest ones are. And who can be smart with warfare.
I sit up high on a tree in its branches, just watching from above with binoculars. While I see all three main armies of the war having my weapons. Wu, Wei, and Sun. It's adorable. Liu Bei is pissed about his men having the swords, he doesn't have my fancy weapons I made for him. He's using regular steel and lecturing his men because he sees their victims melting from my poison. And he's appalled. And aroused. Because he heard a woman made these weapons and all the men got excited about it.
The Wei have the most of my stuff. And their leader has my special weapons I made for Liu Bei. He's a very cute noble who orders his men well. He seems dignified and crafty. Especially because he's doing good tactics with his men.
They surround their enemies a lot. Pressing them in together so they can't dodge very well. Then they have men throw fire with magic into the herds, destroying them with ease.
And the Sun people are brilliant too. They're abusing mirrors and sun rays to melt people. Literally. They're like, a mile away. Using hundreds of mirrors to melt Wei's army base. I decided to sneak over there to check the temperature. It's boiling. There are puddles of water on the ground that are boiling like they could cook soup. It's adorable.
I run back to my perch, only to be confronted by Liu Bei. With a squadron of men. 20 men. He is pissed. And aroused.
"That's the blacksmith that guy robbed. Why is she here?" Liu Bei's Soldier A says, confused and nervous.
I curl my hair and smile seductively. Liu Bei flinches fearfully.
"I'm married, don't even think about it." Liu Bei snaps defensively.
I smirk at Liu Bei.
"No you're not. You're just scared of me." I say lovingly.
"No, I'm married. And we're going to arrest you if you don't leave." Liu Bei says with firm anger and nervousness.
I pose cutely, crossing my legs and forming a heart with my hands.
"What if we negotiate a business deal instead? We know the weapons I made work well." I say seductively.
Liu Bei throws an arm left to right.
"No deal! Go away, whore!" Liu Bei snaps angrily.
The men laugh, I laugh too.
"Alright, I'm not a whore. I just really like your potential as leader of China." I say happily.
His eyes widen angrily. He doesn't like I called him out. I can sense genuine malice now.
"Open fire, she's a filthy liar!" Liu Bei orders furiously.
"Did you not like getting called out about your true goal? Are these men not loyal enough for you to own that?" I coo with loving sarcasm.
The men chuckle again, looking at Liu Bei nervously. They're amused and terrified by this situation cause I'm a crazy woman offering to be his blacksmith and girlfriend for no reason.
"You shouldn't have made this poisoned steel. You are a mad woman." Liu Bei says angrily. "You've ruined China with these vile inventions!"
"They're the next upgrade for warfare. You need them to be the best." I argue lovingly.
"Yo Liu Bei, if you're not gonna fuck her, I will." Guan Yu says cockily.
Guan Yu and Liu Bei glare at each other. Guan Yu stares down at Liu Bei like a cocky bull. While Liu Bei looks utterly offended by the fact Guan Yu thinks I'm hot. We just stare at each other tensely until an flaming boulder gets flung at us by a catapult three hundred feet away.
We all scream a bit and run away from each other. I run for a while, and go back to the edge of the battlefield. Continuing to observe the battlefield.
The Yellow Turbans are close to the Emperor's Palace now. Being held back by all three armies. Especially Wei. As they've surrounded the Palace first.
And inside their leader is already negotiating with the Emperor. It's going too well. I can tell the Wei leader is intimidating him with how he is the most competent Warlord there. And his men are the most competent as well.
I decide to leave and return to my village as the battle begins to close. Most of the Yellow Turbans are dead. I start returning to my village.
But it goes badly. The Sun army stalks me with sunlight. Trying to melt me as I go home. They're so rude to me. It isn't that bad, it's actually fine. Except it gets weird.
Because the Sun army leader astral projects himself to show up and lecture me about how I shouldn't be alive.
"You should've aged thousands of years. Into a prune." Sun Leader says fearfully.
"Huh? Why?" I ask nervously.
"The heat should've aged you until you were an old woman. And died of heat stroke. Why aren't you dead?" Sun Leader asks fearfully.
I shrug and smile cockily.
"I'm already Immortal. You can't beat me with time." I say with cocky malice.
The astral projection disappears. But the heat remains for days. It isn't until I'm back within the borders of the Anarchy Village that the heat of the Sun disappears.
For a reason. She confronts me about it. Artemis.
"Why did you make Sun follow you here? Now they'll come fine me too." she says angrily.
"Why would they want you?" I ask, confused.
"I'm their leader's Ex-Wife. I ran away from there cause I got sick of being with that mortal man." Artemis says bitterly.
I chuckle at that.
"Shut up, it isn't funny. I regret it entirely. He's never going to stop melting stuff using the Sun. It's maddening. He melts my house when he gets mad at me!" Artemis says angrily.
"I can make it up for ya with a massage if ya want." I say seductively.
Artemis glares at me, aroused and annoyed. She leaves without saying anything. I just let my mind wander the rest of the day, hoping something will happen there.
Cause it does. She comes by later that night, drunk. And angry.
"I'm only taking a massage from you to get this over with. I see the future too, you're just gonna keep being a dumbass until I let this happen. Just get it over with." Artemis says angrily.
I smirk, annoyed but willing to take advantage of it. To an extent.
"First, we conversate. I'm not giving you a massage until you're in a better mood." I say lovingly.
She shakes her head, forcing a smile on her face. And taking her shirt off. She lays down on the couch in the lobby of my shop. She's wearing bandages around her chest as a makeshift bra.
"Just give me the massage while we talk. I'm just doing this date to show we won't work out." Artemis says angrily.