"Here comes. The Paragon of Isekai. The first of men. The king of the seven-thousand worlds. The pioneer of new paths. The conqueror of the Styx. An Apostle of ROB."
~ Truck-kun
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Our MC—a typical geek, software developer by day and professional procrastinator by night—walked out of D-Mart in Bangalore with two grocery bags swinging at his side.
Humming to himself, half-thinking about dinner, half about whether it was socially acceptable to sleep with that brand-new Hinata pillow.
Then he heard it.
The loud, violent, blaring song of a TATA ACE. The mini elephant of Indian roads. The herald of fate. Coming closer and closer to his side.
Boom — Crash.
Darkness swallowed everything.
---
"Oh. Where am I? Why is it so dark?"
An insignificant speck of white consciousness flickered awake, confused and weightless.
A voice answered, deep yet oddly casual.
"Boy. Let's get this over with. Tell me where you want to be born."
MC blinked—if blinking was even possible here.
"Oh. ROB!!! Yes!"
Then realization struck. "…Wait. That means, I'm dead, aren't I?"
"Yes, and Yes," ROB replied, sounding bored. "Be quick now. I'm currently observing the guy reborn in the TVD AU. Things are just getting steamy between him, Carol Lockwood, and Liz Forbes."
"…." The speck muttered in disbelief.
"Don't give me that look. It's finally happening after 17 years? That bloody reincarnate spent nearly two decades playing high school drama with Elena and Bonnie… SHIT! Just thinking about it makes me angry!"
MC shook his nonexistent head. "Oh. That sounds… painful. But why are you in such a hurry? Can't you just watch it whenever you want? Like… skip ahead to the important scenes? You know, like we do in por—YouTube."
ROB clicked his cosmic tongue. "What do you know, kid. Reality is not like Japanese or American Isekai realms, where gods can just fast-forward or rewind reality. Here, time flows only one-way (and circular). I have to sit through every awkward pause and every love triangle. It's torture."
'Why does this ROB sound so weak? What kind of God realm has jurisdictions divided by Earth's geography?'
MC decided to press on. "Okay, scratch that. So… how many wishes do I get?"
ROB's voice thundered, though it sounded more like someone shouting from a cheap apartment balcony.
"Just one! And if you choose a world, that counts as a wish. No Systems either—they dilute the world essence and leech powers from us. Now hurry."
"WHAT!!?" MC yelled.
"... The Chinese are sneaking into bridal chambers with dual Martial Souls! The Japanese got infinite cheats and harems! Even Americans walk around with OP Templates these days. And I'm only getting one wish?! Even then, the world choice counts as the WISH!!! This is a SCAM!! I WANT REFUND!!"
"Those are the rules, boy," ROB said flatly.
"... Now tell me. Last guy went with an ancient Rishi bloodline. Didn't do well on the R18 front, but he made life hell for the protagonists. Love a good anti-hero story."
MC, calming down. "Huh? You can do that? Mess with the main plotline?"
"Sure," ROB shrugged. "Why not? Shifting a world from slice-of-life to sci-fi, or romance to horror—it's all entertaining. Just don't overdo it."
MC thought hard. "Uhm… I think I'll pass on world-level chaos. If I pick a world, can I also choose when and where I'm born?"
"Sure," ROB replied, suspiciously accommodating.
"Then I choose… Modern Family. Let me be reborn in the 1990s, around the same time as Hailey Dunphy."
"Oh, that's a new one for your kind," ROB chuckled. "How close do you want to be to Hailey's age?"
'Actually, I'd rather be around Alex's age. But that would be too late to take advantage of Y2K. Better be 1993—two or three years older than Alex. It's still acceptable, and I won't be a lolicon.'
MC finally answered, "Have me be as close to her in age as possible—with proper narrative consistency, of course. Don't put me on the other side of America either. It has to be near Hailey's birth."
'Tch—'
MC snapped, "What! You were planning to dump me on the other side of the country, weren't you!?"
"Don't slander me, boy," ROB sneered. "I've seen countless people like you. Always trying to cheat the game, chasing money and women without effort. Where's the fun in that? What kind of story even is that? Most uninteresting thing to a god is instant powerups."
MC bristled. "What do you mean? Isn't this MY reward for good deeds? Didn't I save a girl from being hit by the truck-kun?"
"HAHAHA!! What girl? You died thinking about gooning on the new Hinata pillow. First time I've ever seen a death like that. HAHAHA!"
MC coughed violently in shame. He cleared his throat and muttered, "…Anyway. Don't prank me. Just reincarnate me as close to Hailey Dunphy—daughter of Phil and Claire Dunphy in LAof Modern Family AU, as possible."
"Ah..." ROB sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "... Btw most people from your part of the world pick The Big Bang Theory, or Wednesday, if they're feeling edgy. One even went to The Office. I tell you, you lot are obsessed with sitcoms or coming-of-age dramas, always lacking imagination. At least the last guy had the guts to choose a magical bloodline and landed in TVD."
"I don't care," MC said firmly. "I've seen enough tragedy for one life. I want to take it easy in my next life."
"Whatever you say," ROB gestured. shrugged and smirked. "... Now then. Good luck for your next life as… Neel Dunphy."
"…Thank—WAIT!!! WHAT!!! NO!! I didn't mean—"
Whoosh.
ROB flicked his will, and the boy tumbled headfirst into the Styx River.
MC surfaced, choking. "… sobbing At least let Ariel Winter not be Alex. I beg you, it's weird otherwise."
ROB, satisfied with his prank, paused for a moment.
For once, he felt it's okay to listen to the reincarnate.
'Fine. I'll let Ariel Winter be your classmate instead. Let's see if you can show me something interesting, sitcom boy.'
Darkness.