*Ding*
I sat there staring at a black screen, then the words, "Expired." followed by "Next user being located...".
I just remained there with my head in my hands wondering where, in my short existence, I had went wrong. 'I've heard of karma, but, damn, what did I do to deserve this?' I internalized while going through every memory I could to find out why this is happening to me.
"Goodness, that has to be an afterlife record. Well, Lemon, at least being the best at being the worst is still an achievement! I give you a five out of five. Not because you were good, only cause you lasted five minutes." Mumsy said with enthusiasm as she materialized back into the void.
My mind went from racing through how I was the embodiment of misfortune to contemplating if you can murder someone in the afterlife.
Seeing the look on my face shift, she began to shuffle on her feet. "Geez, it's a joke, Lemon. Maybe you should take a second. And stop looking at me like that! You need help.", she said as she took a few steps back.
I narrowed my eyes at her, then lifted my gaze. "Wait a minute, you might be on to something there." I replied, realization hitting me. I dropped the headset thinking it would fall, but ended up just floating there.
"What are you talking about? When did I... oh, you mean when I told you soaking eggplants in ice water can help remove the bitterness?" She replied with a finger on her chin looking up then made a weird ah-ha motion like she finally understood.
"No, you useless icon, I am talking about when you said I need help. I agree, because you aren't cutting it." I said as I started rummaging through the drawers of the desk.
"Ah, well that is just rude! I am plenty helpful. Humph!" She retorted a little hurt. I ignored her, pulling paper, pens, and other random stationery, making a mess all over the void.
"What are you looking for anyways!" She yelled with more aggravation at this disorder.
"I am looking for my phone, I can't seem to find it." I said as I continued throwing things around. I then stopped as I remembered. 'Damn, I died while I was streaming. I left my phone playing in the other room so it's not here.'
I huffed, 'Will anything ever be easy for me?'
"If it's your phone you are looking for just conjure another one. Duh?" Mumsy said to smugly. She is always helpful in the most unhelpful ways.
"Yeah, well I would have remember that if I wasn't so shaken by this whole system bull crap! I keep just getting thrown around. I could really use some support." I remarked as I focused my hardest on my cell phone. I heard a small pop sound as my old phone came into existence, cracks and all. "And who better to call for some resources than HR."
"Find then! I am a plenty good assistant, but if you think some bozo from HR is better then go ahead! HR, ha, how stupid, I doubt they are even human." She rambled as I proceeded to ignore her. Grinning, I hit speed dial 3.
*Ring*
"HR, Gene speaking. If this is about payroll, benefits, or timekeeping, then please hold as I connect you to the right person. However, the wait time is currently, ah, let me see.....30 years out. Would you like me to give you a call back when your turn comes?" A sleek comforting male voice came from the other side of the line.
I covered the phone with my hand and looked at Mumsy who was close by pretending not to eavesdrop, but failing at that too - miserably. "We get paid?" I whispered with one of my eyebrows arched.
"Ah, huh? Sorry I can't hear you." she said as she warped to the other side of the void. She was now holding a glass in one hand and a towel in the other, polishing it. I squinted at her. "We are not done talking about this." I seethed.
"Um, hello? Would you like me to transfer you? Are you still there?" rang the voice on the other side. "No! I am still here, I was just dealing with an inconvenience." I said pointedly at Mumsy while mouthing 'WE. ARE. NOT. DONE.' to her.
"I am sorry to hear that. I'm here to help. Let's take it step by step - could you tell me your name and the realm you are having problems with?" Gene said in a very calm and practiced voice.
'Is this what someone in customer service actually supposed to sound like? I must have been terrible at my job.' an inward awareness hitting me.
Then I realized I hadn't actually replied. "Name, yes, it's Mallory Ashen and as for realm, I can't really remember.."
"Not remembering the realm you are responsible for? How careless!" A bossy woman's voice said in conjunction with angry sounding typing on a keyboard. 'Uhh, did I just hear that right?'
"Mallory Ashen. Let me see..." said the lady with the attitude. "Mallory Ashen?" said the male with concern, "We don't have a system holder with that name. I see you are calling from void sector 10.02 I'll pop right over."
I heard a click as the phone hung up and I began to panic. "Mumsy, I thought Aubrey told Gene about this! Was that a mistake? Will I end up brain wiped and turned into a soulless husk?!"
"Stop yelling you big dummy, the echo is hurting my ears." Mumsy said while walking over covering her ears with her hands. As she got over to where I was she had a huge smile on her face. "I bet you regret not accepting my help while you had the chance! Ha! Beg, and I might smooth this over for you." She said with so much smugness that it dawned on me how useless she was and if she was acting this way it would probably work out.
A second later a grand door made of ice crystals appeared just behind Mumsy. She tensed up and pop right behind me. 'Yepp, I called it. Useless till the end.'
*Creak*
The door opened up slowly, and with it, anxiety about what's about to happen to me.