My tears could not be held back as I ran to my chamber. My hand covered my mouth to keep the sobs from escaping. The guards watched in concern as they called after me, but I ignored them and hurried inside, closing the door and locking it behind me. My heart was in tatters as the realisation of the truth sank in. I could not bear the sight of anyone at that moment and locked myself away to deal with my misery on my own. "Foolish, such a foolish girl," I uttered, scolding myself as tears fell down my face. I had been foolish in believing that William loved me, and the pain I felt now was the consequence of my foolishness. I had let myself fall in love with a lie, and now I was paying the price for my stupidity.
"It is an arranged marriage after all, Anna,"
my inner self said. I had tried to change him and win his affections, but I had failed. William had never loved me, not truly. "People like him don't love; they only use," I muttered to myself, my mind filled with bitterness and anger at his betrayal. William had used me as some kind of plaything to keep himself entertained. The realisation hit me with a sharp, sudden impact. "Last night..." I murmured, my heart sinking into my stomach as a memory from the night before suddenly resurfaced in my mind. A memory of a moment of tender intimacy with William, which now seemed tainted with deception and falsehoods. William had succeeded in wooing me with his kind words and tender actions, but I had failed to make him fall in love with me. And now, the moment that seemed so special has been tainted with betrayal and lies.
I couldn't stop my sobbing as I sat on the bed, remembering the moment in which I let myself believe that he had genuinely cared for me. The moment in which he held me in his arms and kissed me passionately was the moment in which we had made love. It all felt so real.
But now all I could feel was bitterness and regret.
"Princess? Princess, are you alright?" Alina's voice broke through the silence, and her gentle knock echoed. Her concern was a stark contrast to all the pain and sadness I felt in that moment. I sniffed and tried to slow my breathing as my tears began to dry, but I knew that my face must be an utter mess. "Anna, dearest, did something happen?" Alina spoke behind the locked door, her tone full of empathy and concern. I hesitated for a moment before finally mustering the strength to answer her. "I'm... fine," I forced out, my voice still hoarse from all the sobbing I had done. "Can you at least open the door for me?" Alina pleaded, her concern for my wellbeing evident behind her voice. I slowly unlocked the door and opened it a crack, not yet ready to reveal myself in my vulnerable state. Alina stepped into the chamber and moved to my side instantly. "Princess! What has happened to you? Did you fall? Are you ill?" Alina exclaimed as she stepped closer to me. She began to inspect my features, looking for any apparent signs of injury or illness. Her brown eyes burned with concern as she peered deeply into my face, trying to ascertain the source of my sorrow. "The guards told me that they saw you crying in the halls." "Lies." I muttered, "What?" Alina asked, visibly confused at my sudden denial. "It was all lies. William does not love me; he only used me," I whispered with pained acceptance, and Alina let out a small gasp of shock and disbelief. "But I thought," Alina whispered, struggling to form the words as shock and surprise filled her expression. "You told me to change him, woo him, and make him fall in love with me, but...but I ended up the one falling." I whispered, and my voice choked with disappointment as the truth hit me.
William had never loved me, but I had fallen for him without realising that his feelings towards me were only a facade to mask his true nature. I had allowed myself to believe his words and let my heart be swayed by the hope that he would love me back. "Did he tell you that?" Alina murmured, understanding finally dawning on her face as she processed the truth. "I heard him; he said it himself to his mother," I whispered. I recalled the words he had spoken in a moment of fury towards his mother.
"I was foolish," I uttered in a raspy whisper, taking a deep breath to calm my racing heart and clear my mind. "What if it was a misunderstanding?" Alina wondered, hoping against hope for a miracle that would make my feelings of hurt and betrayal a false alarm. "It was no misunderstanding, Alina; I heard him loud and clear." "Anna," Alina whispered, using my name in a way she had never said it before. She sounded genuinely heartbroken,
Alina always called me 'Princess', but the way she said my name now felt different. It was as if the pain reflected in her eyes was for me and me alone.
"It is all right, Alina," I whispered, my pain momentarily fading as I tried to reassure her. I wiped the tears from my cheeks in an attempt to regain control of myself and force myself back to reality. I needed to be strong and not fall apart in front of her. "It was an arranged marriage; I should have known this was likely the outcome," I murmured to myself. "I should live a loveless life." "Princess, do not say that..." Alina whispered urgently. "Is the queen still with the prince?" I mumbled in a hoarse, dry voice, having recovered somewhat from my initial breakdown. My voice was filled with a detached, emotionless tone, as if I had given up on caring about my predicament. "Yes, the queen is still with him," Alina said in a strained voice, But I did not care to engage her in further conversation.
I turned my back on Alina and left the chamber without looking back, not wanting to see her concern for me anymore. I moved my skirts up as I made my way to the gallery.
my steps echoing softly in the solemn silence of the corridor.
As I stood in front of the door, I took a deep breath and summoned all of my strength and will to steel myself for the conversation about to take place. With a trembling hand, I knocked on the door and entered, my heart pounding hard in my chest. The prince was seated across from his mother, his face solemn and stoic. "Good morning, Your majesty. I am delighted to see you this morning," I stated in a formal tone, bowing respectfully as I entered the room. "Ah, my beloved Anna, lovely to see you." Queen Victoria greeted me warmly with a wide smile on her face. I forced myself to plaster on a small smile in return, trying to hide my emotions beneath the veil of politeness and civility. The prince gave me a smile, but I ignored it, unable to return the gesture. He's smiling? after saying those awful words? I thought furiously as I remained expressionless. "I was hoping we could take a small walk in the garden, your majesty?" I suggested politely, avoiding eye contact with the prince as I spoke. I had no desire to be alone with him. The queen put her cup down and stood as if preparing to accompany me outside. "Very well, my dear, I would be delighted to take a walk in the garden with you," she responded in a warm and gracious way. The prince's expression turned to confusion as he saw that I had turned my back on him, as if he had not expected me to do so. But I could not bring myself to look at him after discovering his true sentiments towards me.
The warm and beautiful day did not match the heavy and bleak mood that seemed to envelop around me. The sun shone brightly, illuminating the lush and vibrant greenery with its warmth and radiance. But the darkness of my heart cast a shadow over that beauty. As the queen held her parasol, our ladies in waiting followed us at a respectable distance, keeping a respectful distance just in case we wanted some privacy. "It is a beautiful day outside," she said, making a subtle attempt at small talk in an effort to lighten the mood. "Yes, it is..." I mumbled softly, avoiding her curious gaze by focusing my sights on the path ahead. "You seem...accobied, dearest; is something the matter?" The queen asked kindly but also anxiously. "A poor night of sleep, that is all," I mumbled softly, not wanting to admit the true source of my sadness. "I sent a letter for the painter, Mr. Chapelle, for your wedding portrait; he will come here this afternoon," she said in a light and cheerful way. "Oh my, I cannot wait then," I replied politely, trying to convey the appropriate amount of excitement for the occasion but failing miserably. "Have you told the prince?" I asked, "Yes, I did," she replied in a cheerful but nonchalant manner.
As we continued our walk, the Queen's gaze seemed to grow more concerned, as if she could sense that there was something wrong. "I know that the first days of marriage can be difficult," she consoled, her gentle tone indicating that she understood my hesitation and concern. "But I assure you it will pass," she added. "I remember when I first got married to Harold," the Queen reminisced, recalling her own experience of an arranged marriage. "It was fast and quick," she said, her tone indicating that she had not been given much time to adjust to the situation. "I was young; I only knew that I must obey my parents' commands and do what is expected of me," she added, her words revealing the pressure that had weighed heavily on her young self. "Everything for the sake of the country," she added, her words sounding solemn and serious. "But luckily Harold was a fine gentleman," a glimmer of hope emerging in her eyes as she recalled the happiness her marriage had provided. "No matter the circumstances, he treated me well, and we ended up having a wonderful marriage that lasted for many years," she added fondly. "Even though we failed to produce more heirs, he understood," her voice full of sadness and remorse for not fulfilling her duties as a wife and queen. "I remember him saying, 'One is enough,'" she recalled with a bittersweet smile. "He was so loving and kind; even though he was disappointed that we would not have any more children, he understood that I had done my best and that was enough. It is very hard to find someone like him in this society," the Queen sighed. "He was a rare gem, truly one of a kind," she added, her gaze clouded with sadness and nostalgia. "And this is why you are truly lucky to have William by your side," the Queen praised, patting my hand in a gesture of affection and support. "I see the way he looked at you," she added, her tone becoming giddy and teasing. "I have never seen him so smitten with a girl before," she chuckled softly.
Lies.
All lies.