WebNovels

Chapter 61 - I Can’t Return Home

⚠️ Warning ⚠️

⚠️📜 The following content may describe events

that took place during the Vietnam War

in the year 1964 🇻🇳🪖.

📚 The descriptions are historically accurate,

but they should not be taken as

a precise historical guide.

🏙️ It also contains depictions of

sensitive issues regarding society in

Massachusetts during the 1960s 🕰️.

🚫 The author does not intend to

sensationalize these matters.

✍️ Everything narrated here is fiction 🎭,

and reader discretion is advised 🔎.

📝 Author's Note 📝

😮‍💨 Wow, my God, how hard it is

to come back, huh?

⏳ It's taken me quite a while to

work on this because, well… I'm not

even going to say why anymore.

😅 So yeah, here you go… I guess this is

the joke, right?

🙏 You should be thankful I still care

enough to keep this going.

_____________________________________________________

July 4, 1964

Qui Nhon Base, Vietnam

The day had barely begun, yet the workshop had

been in motion for hours. Calling it a workshop

was generous, truth be told.

Just two sheet-metal roofs, makeshift tables,

and piles of parts coated in dust and oil.

More than a repair site, it looked like a graveyard of steel.

A convoy was being readied in a rush. Soldiers

ran with their rifles toward the backs of the trucks;

they had to head out to a stretch of road where another

unit had been ambushed hours earlier.

Two vehicles stood open, their engines exposed.

The air trembled with labor: wrenches striking steel,

covers clanging down, parts dragged across the floor.

The steady hum of generators filled every space

where silence might once have lived.

And above all of it, the heat.

The air was thick, heavy, saturated with diesel

and burnt oil. The dark, slick floor gleamed

with spilled fluids. No one walked.

They moved back and forth without stopping.

Another truck had arrived, towed in.

Fourteen men worked over it, dismantling it

section by section. The engine was finished;

they were not trying to repair it.

They were searching only for what could still serve:

filters, lines, pumps—anything to keep the others alive.

Every minute mattered.

Bent over an engine block, Collin worked

with hands black to the wrists.

The metal burned even beneath

the shade of the roof.

Then someone shouted.

"Jesus Christ!… My God!…"

The work stopped for a second.

A few yards from the workshop, a UH-1

was descending, kicking up a cloud of

dust and loose papers. It hit the ground

hard, the rotor lashing the air

with each rotation.

Two medics ran toward the hatch

before the helicopter had even steadied.

They pulled out the first stretcher.

The man did not move.

Then the second.

Neither did he.

The third was moving.

The soldier strapped to it writhed

against the restraints, trying to sit up.

He kept shouting something over and over,

but the roar of the rotor swallowed

every word.

His right arm was intact.

His left arm vanished beneath a thick bandage,

soaked through and dark. The leg on that

same side ended in a wrapped stump

just above the knee.

His mouth opened and closed in panic,

searching for air, searching for someone.

Then one word managed to break free.

"Forgive me!… God, forgive me… Mom…

I didn't mean to…"

The helicopter swallowed his cries.

No one spoke.

The rotor kept turning.

Collin didn't realize the engine had

fallen silent beneath his tools.

He kept staring a second longer

than he should have.

And he remembered what

Sergeant Miller had told him

a few days before coming here.

The sergeant's office was functional,

papers neatly arranged, traces of

tobacco along the window ledge,

its scent thick in the air.

The sergeant entered first. He crossed

to the desk, took his seat, and only

then looked up.

"Sit down, McKenzie."

Collin obeyed.

The sergeant did not speak at once.

He reviewed two sheets on the desk,

then addressed the young man

with a certain firmness.

"I've got two things for you. First, a letter

from your mother." He held it out.

Collin took it without opening it.

"Second," the sergeant continued,

"it's an order. This morning three convoys

were ambushed up north. The forward

base is short on men. They need

mechanics. Fast and skilled."

He paused.

"I was ordered to send nine men.

You're on the list, McKenzie."

Collin nodded. "Yes, sir."

The sergeant watched him for a moment

longer than necessary.

"Don't be a burden to the others. Out there,

it's the war everyone fears. You'll need

courage… in the heat, in the exhaustion,

whether you're fixing engines or driving

a convoy."

He paused slightly.

"And listen carefully: follow orders. Always.

Even when you think it's not the right

moment… even when it doesn't feel

right. Your job is to obey."

He leaned against the desk.

"Did your father ever talk to you about

Korea, McKenzie?"

"No, sir. He doesn't usually speak about it…"

"Good," the sergeant replied. "Then listen."

He fell silent for a moment and looked away.

"Do you remember Dennis? My oldest son.

He turns sixteen this October sixth."

He looked back at him. For an instant, his expression

tightened, as if he were about to say something more.

"Do your job… and you'll be able to go back home."

His voice lowered, but it grew firmer. "Don't try to

be brave. Don't try to be a hero. I don't want to have

to explain anything to your father."

He straightened up. "Keep the vehicles moving. If the

trucks move, the men live. That's as simple as it gets."

Collin nodded. "Yes, sir." "Good. Get out of my office."

Collin stood and walked toward the door.

"McKenzie."

He stopped. The sergeant didn't raise his voice. When he

spoke, there was something weary in it. "May God… be

with you."

The memory of the warning made him understand he could

not stop: orders are carried out, even when it does not

seem like the right moment.

"McKenzie, we've got it open!"

The helicopter was already unloading the last of the

stretchers. Collin turned back to the engine, slid his

hand into the compartment, and tried the emergency

ignition.

Nothing. He looked closer. The block was cracked. The

fuel system had collapsed. There was no time to save it.

He straightened up. "Leave it!" he shouted. "This one's

not starting."

One of the mechanics shook his head. "We can change the

line. We can still save it."

"No. We've already lost too much time." He pointed at

the other convoy vehicles lined up ahead: some riddled

with shrapnel, others coated in dust and dried blood.

"We need at least three trucks running before nightfall.

Move to the next one. This one's for parts."

There was a second of hesitation. Then they moved.

Tools lifted. Crates dragged. The group shifted to the

next vehicle without argument. The noise filled the

area again. Behind them, the helicopter lifted off.

The hot wind stirred the dust around the dead truck.

Collin did not look at it. He kept his eyes on his

work, focused on loosening the pressure bolts to

inspect other components. He was so concentrated he

did not notice more stretchers still arriving, more

young men like him pleading for their mothers.

It was not that he didn't hear them; he did. But he

kept his gaze fixed on the metal, forcing himself to

think only of the engine and of his hands. Because as

long as the work did not stop, neither would the

questions… as if looking beyond the engine would

mean admitting why he was there, why he chose

engines instead of rifles.

While the sun was rising in Vietnam, the night of

July 3rd was ending in Massachusetts. Dorothy and

María walked along the damp streets, moving away

from the house. The sound of their steps blended

with the water still dripping from the rooftops.

After a few yards, Dorothy spoke with bright

enthusiasm. "I told you! See? It was only a matter

of time. Let me talk to Eric— I'm sure he can

help you."

María looked at her, uneasy. "Dorothy… I'm

sorry. I know you care about me, truly. But… why

did you have to say that? Why did you tell him?"

Dorothy sighed. "I know it was a little

awkward. But look at the bright side. You could

get a better job. Something quieter, without having"

to strain yourself or deal with

customers all day."

"That's not it," María replied softly. "You know

that's not it." She hesitated for a moment. "If I

were just a little whiter… maybe I'd go unnoticed."

Dorothy stopped at once. "Hey. Your skin is

beautiful. Don't ever say that about yourself,

okay? I just want to help you, María. Sometimes

people want to help… you have to let them."

María lowered her gaze. "All right."

Dorothy looked around. "We'd better take a

taxi. The boys had already been drinking quite

a bit. You didn't have much, did you?"

"No. But I'd rather not walk."

They took a taxi toward the house where María

was staying. It was a shared home—an old house

where a woman rented out rooms to workers and

students. The place was a bit far from the

restaurant.

When they arrived, they went upstairs in silence.

María opened the door to her room, and both of

them sat down on the bed.

Dorothy spoke first. Her hands shifted

restlessly over her knees. "Hey… I'm sorry I

didn't tell you everything before. I just

thought… well, I'm an idiot."

María took a moment to answer. Her eyes were

fixed on the floor. "No, no," she finally

interrupted. "I'm the ungrateful one. You just

want to help me."

Dorothy shook her head with a shy smile,

though her shoulders remained tense. "You don't

have to say that. And you don't have to pretend

everything was fine. I know it was awkward… but

really, they're good people."

She paused, searching for words. "Just… don't

judge them too harshly. They don't mean any

harm. There are many things people simply

don't understand."

María barely nodded, as if the words were

reaching her from very far away. "In fact…

there are things I don't understand either."

She shrugged without lifting her gaze.

"We've only been here a couple of years. We're

still learning how things work. Sometimes you

just repeat what you've heard your whole life

without thinking about it."

Dorothy studied her closely. María seemed

distant, as if she weren't entirely there. She

leaned a little toward her. "I've noticed you've

been sad these past few days. Like… far away. Is

something wrong? Do you want to talk?"

María remained silent for a few seconds, her

hands clasped together, fingers tight. "I don't

want to admit it… but I miss my family."

Dorothy frowned. "What? I'm sorry… maybe I've

been pushing you too hard." Her expression

shifted, hardening for a moment. "Leroy should've

kept his mouth shut. He made our lives harder."

She let out an irritated breath, as if the memory

still weighed on her. Tears began to fall down

María's face, and she didn't try to wipe them

away. "No… that's not it."

Dorothy moved closer and gently dried her

face. "María, I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that

you… need me more than I need you, and that

breaks my heart. I feel like I ruined your life.

I just want to help you," she said, her voice

unsteady.

María took a deep breath, but her gaze stayed

distant, fixed on something empty. "Maybe they

threw me out of the house. Maybe my father hit

me. Maybe he said I was no longer his daughter…

but I still can't believe he said such horrible

things about me."

Her voice broke. "And despite everything… I miss

them. My brothers. My mom. My dad. Even though

I hate them too."

She blinked several times, as if trying to

return to the present. "Tell me, Dory… do you

think it would be better if I went back to

Texas?"

Dorothy pulled her into a tight embrace.

María continued, almost in a whisper, her

body stiff in her arms. "I made it this far

because of you. But… I wish I could feel like

I earn things on my own. I wish I could feel

like I did it alone. That the job is mine…

that I deserve it."

She lowered her gaze. "Because right now… I

feel completely useless." Her voice became

barely audible. "I don't tell you this, but

I want to leave this world… I wish I could

stop crying, I wish I didn't feel this way…"

Yet Dorothy, as if trying to halt that

spiral of thoughts, took her hands and guided

her down onto the bed. Her fingers closed

firmly around María's, as though she feared

she might drift back into her own doubts.

She leaned in just enough for María to feel

her warmth and breath close to her skin.

"Say it again," she whispered. "How do you

feel?"

María hesitated. "I feel alone."

Dorothy squeezed her hands. "I'm here."

"I feel useless."

Dorothy held her gaze. "Are you a woman

worth admiring?"

María swallowed. "I feel like an idiot."

The rain began to patter again against the

window. The room was wrapped in that steady

sound, as if the world had been left outside.

Dorothy turned her head slightly toward

the closed door, almost by reflex, then

looked back at her. María slowly moved

closer. Her breath trembled. Dorothy did

not pull away. Their lips met.

It was a restrained, careful kiss, as though

both were measuring the weight of the

gesture.

The brush of their bodies was gentle. María

looked at Dorothy, and with a trace of fear

began to unbutton her blouse, sighing with

contained desire. Warmth spread slowly from

her chest down to the hands that still

remained entwined.

When they parted slightly, Dorothy spoke

softly. "Do you know what I like most about

you, María? You always tell the truth…

even when it hurts." She paused, searching

for the right words. "But you don't see

everything you are. You're beautiful,

María. You're hardworking. And everything

you have, you built on your own. I didn't

work for you… it was only you."

Her thumbs brushed against María's cheeks.

"Those three things you said aren't what you

are. They're things you were made to believe."

"Dory…" María murmured.

Dorothy kissed her again, this time with

less hesitation. María let out the breath

she had been holding and placed her hands

against her back; she could not lie to

herself, her body wanted her.

There was no rush. Only a need to move

slowly, as if the brush of their bodies

were searching for something deeper than

skin. Dorothy rested her forehead

against hers.

"I'm going to stay here with you for a

while," she murmured. "And I need you to

understand something. I don't care what

people think. I'll always be there…

because you're more than a friend to me

now."

Her eyes grew moist. "If my family knew

how I feel about you… they'd probably

shut the door on me too."

Rain struck the window harder. "For now,

all we have is this. Us. Not what they

think." She lowered her voice even more.

"Look at me, María… it's hard for me

to say it." She drew in a deep breath.

"I can't say it when I look at you… I

can't even say it in secret…"

Her fingers trembled slightly as she

brushed a lock of hair away from

María's face. "María… I love you."

She didn't say it loudly. It was almost a

thread of sound, meant only for María.

The words came out, but they carried a

wound behind them. "I'm dying for you…

and everything is so hard…"

She closed her eyes for a moment before

continuing. "Tell me something. Forget

college, your family, work… everything.

What is it that you want?"

María didn't think. "I want… you to

stay with me."

Dorothy smiled faintly. "Then that's

what I'll do. Tonight you don't have to

think about anything else."

Between slow kisses and touches searching

for silent comfort, they took refuge in

each other. Beneath the blanket, they

found a closeness, as if simple contact

were enough to hold up what outside

could not be spoken.

The room fell quiet, broken only by the

rain and the murmur of their breathing,

slowly falling into the same rhythm.

That night they were only that, two

women wanting each other with all

their strength.

And somewhere between sleep and

darkness, a strange feeling crossed

María's mind. Like a distant voice,

barely a whisper:

"Time is drawing near. Paths are

beginning to cross. The river carries

silver between its stones, and the

sunlight melts the snow that drags

tomorrow's whispers."

As if it were an omen, as if something

unseen had torn through her sleep, a

storm of images pierced her. Streets

she did not recognize. Unknown faces.

Doors slamming shut with violence.

People running without looking back.

Overlapping voices, cries swallowed

by the wind. And a man with a sword…

The force of the visions jerked María awake.

For a moment she did not know where she was.

Then she remembered the room, the rain, that

fragile moment. Dorothy was no longer there.

On the table, there was a letter. In it,

Dorothy explained she had to rush back to

work, but would return for her. She also

reminded her of Eric's number and address.

At the end, in a postscript, it read: "Wait

for me a little longer, María. Let me help

you first as your friend… and then we'll see

about everything else."

María held the letter for a few seconds.

She felt a little calmer. After reading it,

she checked the clock: seven thirty. She

had barely half an hour left. She got ready

quickly. She did her makeup with care,

though without lingering. This time she did

not carry yesterday's sadness with her.

Something inside felt lighter. Maybe the

conversation with Dorothy. Maybe the

idea of not being completely alone.

That gave her strength to endure at least a

few more weeks. When she arrived at the

restaurant, the manager was already there.

She greeted her briefly, but watched her

closely as she tied her apron.

"María."

The young woman turned.

"When I tell you to smile, I don't mean come

in like you just won the lottery. What's

gotten into you?"

María shook her head, smiling. "Nothing,

ma'am. I'm just in a good mood."

The manager studied her for a few seconds

more. "A good mood?" she repeated. "Well,

I like that. Now get to work."

María answered eagerly. "Yes, ma'am."

"Of course. Yesterday you were dragging

your feet, and today you're practically

cheerful. That doesn't happen for nothing."

María stayed quiet, still wearing a

faint smile. Thinking about the future.

"When I have enough, maybe I'll buy a law

book. Just to talk a little. Enough to

laugh about something the students

understand. Maybe we'll eat together at

another restaurant. Buy new clothes.

Imagine something different."

Then she stopped. Her smile faded

slightly. Even if it didn't seem wrong,

the truth was her doubts about herself

forced her to pause. After all, it was

only a dream. Nothing more.

And yet, something inside her insisted

it mattered. She didn't know why. She

simply felt it.

"Why did I dream of a church in ashes?"

 

More Chapters