Chapter 71: Tom Cat Arrives!
Tokyo.
The ruins stretched on, shrouded in a dead silence. The survivors huddled together, their eyes fixed emptily on the Witch Labyrinth of Shinichi Kudo on the horizon. That great, dark shadow was still writhing strangely, hanging on the edge of the world, slowly but surely devouring the light, heralding an irreversible end.
There was no outlet for their anger. No solace for their grief. Waiting for the end had perhaps become their only path.
Suddenly, the silence was torn apart.
Space rippled.
BZZZZT—
Like the static of an old television, an irregular rift was forcibly torn open. A figure, in a posture that defied the laws of physics, squeezed its way out.
It was a cat. A blue and white cat.
After trying on several outfits, it had found a red-and-blue Superman costume in its closet that was a reasonably good fit, though it was clearly a size too small. But at least it had a red cape tied around its back.
The newcomer was none other than Tom Cat.
He looked as if he had just escaped a violent explosion or a lab accident. His face and body were still smeared with black soot and unknown grease, and a pair of goggles was skewed to one side of his head. He shook his head and took in his surroundings: ruins and devastation as far as the eye could see. A group of dazed-looking humans who looked like they were about to collapse at any second.
His gaze then traveled past the crowd, toward the distant horizon.
When he saw the massive dark shadow, Tom Cat's eyes instantly bulged out of their sockets. His jaw dropped to the ground with a CLANG, and his tongue rolled out as he let out a classic, cartoonish "AWOOGA!"
He scrambled to pick up his jaw and snap it back into place. Then, Tom's eyes locked onto the pure white creature sitting on the rubble—Kyubey.
He recognized that thing! It was from the group chat! It even showed up in the livestream! It was this cute-looking little creep, going around granting wishes, that had made this whole mess! As for the Black Organization, which had a slightly lower priority in the livestream, they had already been turned to dust by that kid Conan's soccer ball.
Perhaps it was simply a matter of proximity—Tom's target was now Kyubey.
An evil grin spread across his face. He took a deep breath, bent his hind legs, and struck a classic take-off pose. His cape billowed out as if caught by a strong wind. With a long cartoon motion line trailing behind him, Tom Cat shot toward Kyubey at high speed.
As he neared his target, Tom slammed on the brakes, his four paws digging deep grooves into the ground. From out of nowhere, he whipped out a giant butterfly net. A sneak attack! He swung it at Kyubey with the speed of a lightning bolt.
THWAP!
The net landed perfectly. Kyubey was trapped.
"Meow!" Tom declared, putting his paws on his hips and grinning his signature victory smile. He walked over, ignoring the calm red eyes of the Kyubey in the net, roughly pulled it out with his other paw, and, under the petrified gazes of the resurrected survivors, Tom Cat began to… mess with Kyubey.
Literally.
He kneaded Kyubey like a ball of dough. He stretched it, flattened it, rolled it on the ground like a rolling pin, scrunched it into a ball, and tossed it between his paws. Kyubey's body, surprisingly malleable, deformed with Tom's every action, making squishy, squeaking sounds. Its body was pulled into all sorts of shapes, but the expression on its face never changed.
"Stop—" Kyubey tried to say, but Tom clearly wasn't listening.
He grabbed the now-stretched-out Kyubey, which was long enough to be a jump rope, and swung it around in the air a few times. Then he tossed it high into the sky. Immediately after, he pulled a giant tennis racket out of nowhere, took aim at the free-falling Kyubey, and swung.
THWACK—!!!
With a crisp, loud smack, Kyubey was sent flying like a tennis ball from a high-speed serving machine. It shot off with a piercing whistle and CRASHED through the wall of a distant ruined building, leaving behind a perfect, Kyubey-shaped hole and kicking up a huge cloud of dust.
Tom struck a cool pose, resting the racket on his shoulder, nodding in satisfaction, and even letting out a whistle. Then, as if remembering something, he fumbled around in his Superman suit and pulled out… a communicator that looked like it was made from an alarm clock and toaster parts? His paw tapped furiously at the buttons.
[Non-Human Chat Group]
Tom Cat: [Cat_in_Superman_costume_saluting_with_a_Kyubey-shaped_hole_in_the_background.jpg]
Squidward: [Wiping_clarinet_with_a_tentacle_while_looking_disgusted.jpg]
Squidward: Oh, wonderful. Another weirdo. A sponge that giggles all day, a white rat with a name like a magic spell, and now a cat in a unitard? This chat group is getting more and more "fascinating."
Squidward: Then again, the show that white rat was livestreaming was rather…"interesting." Human despair. Such cheap, pathetic art. A bit loud, though.
Tom Cat: @SpongeBob [Cat_patting_its_chest_and_pointing_to_the_distance_as_if_to_say_Leave_it_to_me.jpg]
The Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob was in the middle of his N+1th attempt to explain the gravity of the situation to Mr. Krabs when he saw the message.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Eyes_bulging_like_searchlights.jpg]
SpongeBob SquarePants: WOW! Tom! You did it! That's great! I knew you could!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! You're here too! That's great!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Kyubey, did you learn your lesson?! Don't do that again!!!
Squidward: [A_giant_eye-roll.gif]
Squidward: I have no interest in the noisy antics of you weirdos or the problems of another world. Just as long as you don't bother me.
A short while later, from the shadows of the hole in the wall, another, completely unharmed Kyubey walked out, elegantly shaking off non-existent dust.
The expression on Tom Cat's face instantly froze, then broke into a delighted grin. This little creature was fun.
"MEEEEOOOWW—!!!!" Tom pounced on Kyubey again.
A giant mallet appeared from nowhere, SMASHING Kyubey into a two-dimensional pancake.
A bundle of TNT was stuffed into the newly reformed Kyubey's mouth, exploding with a BOOM that left it charred black, its fur standing on end.
A heavy anvil fell from the sky, precisely flattening Kyubey into a paper-thin sheet with wavy edges.
A giant steamroller appeared, repeatedly running over Kyubey with a "beep-beep-beep" of its reverse alarm, leaving clear tire tracks.
Every time a new Kyubey appeared, Tom would gleefully pounce again, his eyes shining as if he had found a new favorite toy. Faced with this white creature that would just respawn every time he destroyed it, Tom seemed to forget his original mission, forgot the crisis on the horizon, and got completely lost in the fun. He eagerly prepared his next, even more creative "punishment."
For a moment, this ruin of despair was filled with absurd cartoon violence and a physics-defying chase. Explosions, impacts, Tom's triumphant cackles and frustrated shrieks filled the air. Kyubey was repeatedly "destroyed"—launched as a cannonball, baked in an oven, glued to a rocket and shot into the sky—each time ending in an exaggerated, bloody mess.
But Kyubey was not without its gains. It was collecting samples that Tom left behind: fallen blue-grey cat fur, fiber fragments from the Superman suit, and the energy and environmental fluctuations from his attacks. Its initial objective achieved, and to prevent the situation from possibly deteriorating further, Kyubey decided to offer a reminder.
[So, are you just going to ignore the star of the livestream—Shinichi Kudo, also known as Conan?] The telepathic message sounded directly in Tom's head.
Hearing this, Tom finally stopped. He casually tossed aside the Kyubey he had twisted into a pretzel and looked at the resurrected people. Mitsuhiko? The fat kid? Ran? The long-haired girl? And Mouri? Weren't all these people dead in the livestream? When did they come back to life? Tom tilted his head, his eyes full of confusion. He scanned the crowd again. The little detective in the red bow tie, Conan… wasn't there? What happened while I was getting my foot caught in a mousetrap and picking out an outfit?
"That massive thing in the distance is what the Conan you saw in the livestream has become," Kyubey's voice said.
Tom's movements froze. He slowly, stiffly, turned his head toward the direction Kyubey's paw was pointing. His eyes grew wide, staring at the huge dark thing on the horizon. Then, he very slowly lowered his head and looked at the mangled Kyubey in his hand. He looked back up at the behemoth in the distance.
A few seconds of silence.
Suddenly, Tom forcefully threw away the several Kyubeys he had somehow collected in his hands. He was no longer looking at the little white creatures. His entire attention was now captivated by the new target. It was huge. It was dark. It looked like a "big one."
He arched his back, a low "grrrrr" rumbling in his throat—it was hard to tell if it was a threat or a sound of excitement. His eyes narrowed, shining with the light of someone who had just found a new toy. He bounced on his feet, loosening up his muscles, and tensed his body, getting ready for a big fight.
Then, he puffed out his chest, put his paws on his hips, and struck his classic Superman pose once more. His red cape billowed out with a WHOOSH!
"MEEEEOOOOWWW—!!!!"
With a deafening yowl that echoed through the ruins, Tom pushed off with his powerful legs.
BOOM—!
The ground cracked under the force of his launch. He became a meteor with a blazing red tail, ignoring air resistance, ignoring the laws of physics, as he shot toward the Witch of Truth in the distance. It was massive, terrifying, and radiated a suffocating despair. But for Tom Cat, who had just been using Kyubey as a tennis ball, a rolling pin, and a whip… he was feeling great right now, his hands were warmed up.
When it came to a big toy like this, he had no fear!!!
Kyubey stood its ground, watching the meteor that was Tom disappear over the horizon. It looked down at the few blue-grey hairs and costume fibers stuck to its white fur. It calmly uploaded these samples, along with the observational data it had just recorded, through the contract system.
[Samples and observational data collected. Commencing upload to Incubator Platform.]
[Data upload complete.]
[Contract System · Incubator Platform: Detected samples and interaction data from a high-Karmic-Destiny biological entity with special "Gag" properties. Based on sample data and current observational records, the following new research projects have been automatically created:]
[Special Research Group on Gag-type Biological Individuals' Unique Physical Laws and Causal Interference (Core Mechanism Analysis)]
[Non-Conservation of Mass/Energy Manifestation: Hammerspace Phenomenon Analysis (Research on the mechanism of spontaneously generated objects)]
[Extreme Physical Resistance and Regeneration Mechanism (Research on individual structural stability and rapid regeneration)]
[Projects initiated. Priority: High. Research findings will be synchronized to all Kyubey individuals upon reaching periodic breakthroughs.]
Having done all this, Kyubey turned to the group of protagonists who had served as its bait. Its red eyes were still placid as it wagged its tail and said:
"Now that the cat has arrived, its very existence will introduce an incalculable variable into this world's previously clear trajectory of destruction. Your despair, and the final end of this world, will be diverted as a result."
"Simply put, you remaining people, and indeed… your planet… have been saved."
"Congratulations."