1:20 AM — The Hour When Toxic Couples Come to Buy Their Mutual Hatred
The Konbini was so quiet you could hear the potato chips whispering. I, Hiroto, was cleaning up a coffee spill that had been drying for three days (a perfect symbol of my motivation), when the door opened with a ding that sounded like the opening of a low-budget anime.
A couple walked in. He, with a wrinkled shirt and the look of a beaten dog; she, with smudged eyeliner and hands that could sign a restraining order. They stopped in front of the drink fridge, and in less than a minute, they started.
"Are you seriously going to buy another beer?" she said, pointing at the can as if it were a bloody knife.
"Are you seriously going to keep pretending you didn't sleep with my best friend?" he retorted, opening the can with a click that sounded like a death sentence.
Aoi, leaning on the counter, smiled like a cat watching two mice fight.
"Bet: he cries in the bathroom in 10 minutes, she texts her ex in 15."
"Too cliché. He hires a JK, she ends up with a stranger in a hotel."
"Oooh, Hiroto-kun, that's so you!" she said, spinning so her skirt brushed against my arm.
The couple kept arguing in front of the instant noodles. He grabbed a pack of condoms and slammed it into the shopping basket.
"Why are you buying that? You don't even want to touch me," she yelled.
"And you? Why do you keep posting half-naked pictures all the time? Your phone beeps every two seconds," he said, pointing to the phone she held in her right hand. Ironicly, it let out a Beep as if supporting his accusation.
The couple kept arguing in front of the vending machine. Aoi, bored of waiting, started her own improvised stand-up routine.
"You know why they last?" she asked aloud to no one, as if she were on stage talking to the cockroach trying to get into the coffee maker. "Because toxic sex is like wasabi: it makes you cry, but you still ask for more."
No one laughed.
"Or because they're too poor to pay two rents," I said, watching the man angrily grab another pack of condoms.
No one applauded.
"Exactly!" Aoi jumped onto the counter as usual, swinging her legs and whispering, "Modern love is based on three things: pride, convenience, and the fear of dying alone like a dog in an alley~."
The cockroach drowned in the coffee. I think it was suicide.
At that moment, the guy approached me to pay for the beer cans and the pack of condoms, while his girlfriend took refuge in the candy aisle.
"Don't you think this is just too stupid?" he said to me, shaking the beer can. "I swear I love her, but every time I hear that phone, I want to run off a cliff."
"And why don't you?" I asked, not looking up from the counter.
"Because the cliff is closed after 6 PM," he replied with a bitter laugh I recognized all too well.
When the guy left, the girl approached Aoi, holding a broken pack of Pocky, cat-ear headphones, and some cheap lipstick.
"Do you think if I make myself prettier, he'll pay attention to me?" she asked, her lip trembling.
"Nah," Aoi snatched the Pocky and opened it with her teeth. "Men are like cats: if you chase them, they run. If you ignore them, they die of curiosity."
"I don't cheat on him, I just want him to see me..."
"And he wants you not to be like the umbrellas left outside the Konbini," Aoi interrupted, pointing at the guy who was now outside staring at the beer can as if it were an interesting book. "But here you both are, buying junk to fill your voids."
The girl looked at her boyfriend, then at Aoi, then at me, and asked:
"Are you two dating?"
Aoi and I looked at each other. And for the first time, neither of us had a joke ready.
The couple left the same way they came, just with more junk.
"Hey, Hiroto-kun," she said, sliding in front of me, still watching the couple fade into the night. "Looking at it... we're just like them, aren't we?"
"We're not a couple."
"That's worse," she smiled, toying with her dog collar. "At least they have excuses to hate each other. We don't even have that."
I had nothing to say to that. She was right.
The night went on, but Aoi, as always, couldn't stay quiet.
"Hey, Hiroto-kun," she said, sliding in front of me with a malicious smile. "What would you do if I were your girlfriend?"
"I'd poison your coffee."
"How romantic!" She leaned in until her breath brushed my ear. "I'd put a tracker on you so you could never hide from me."
"That's not romantic, it's a crime."
"What if we kissed right here, on the counter?" she asked, pointing to the spot where a customer had spilled coffee back when CDs still existed.
"We'd get arrested for public indecency."
Aoi frowned.
"You're boring. Wouldn't it be fun to... I don't know, hug, go on dates, something exciting?"
"A few nights ago I thought about setting this Konbini on fire and running away. That would be exciting."
"Ugh!" She walked away, crossing her arms. "You know what? I'm better off marrying the ice cream machine. At least she understands me."
"Good luck trying to take her to the movies," I said, and for some reason, I couldn't help but smile seeing her frustrated.
At 3 AM, Aoi came back for more.
"You know what's the saddest thing about relationships?" she asked, sitting on the floor next to me (violating all hygiene regulations). "That people confuse obsession with love. As if controlling your partner's phone is a good thing and not a reason to go to therapy."
"Love is a lie we cling to so we don't have to admit sex gets boring after six months," I said, reading a Magical Girls After Line manga just to avoid her gaze.
"Including sex with me?" she asked, taking the manga from me.
My brain blue-screened.
My eyes met hers. Too bright. Too blue. Too close.
"What?" I managed to say, like an idiot.
"Nothing~," she laughed, sliding off the counter. "I'm just saying, if I were your girlfriend, I'd make you suffer so much you'd forget how boring your life is. It'd be fun."
"That doesn't sound fun at all."
"What if I told you I'm good with my mouth?" she said, bringing her face way too close to mine.
The Konbini stopped. Or maybe it was my heart, reminding me why I hated beating.
"Aoi..." I began, but she had already jumped away, waving a box of condoms like a prize.
"Ah! I forgot to restock these. We'll need them for when you decide to stop being a coward."
I had nothing to add to that.
The rest of the night went on normally, or as normal as it could be with Aoi. But every time our eyes met, the Konbini seemed to get smaller.
She bit her Pocky with those shark teeth.
I remembered her face was just inches from mine.
And somewhere, between the aisles of drinks and shattered dreams, one thing was clear.
We urgently needed something to kill the stupid cockroaches.