12. "GIMME SOME TIME"
Yeah damn right, I shouldn't be worrying about her anymore nor should I give a fuck about the shit she posts and who she's in love with this season, she's just a girl "falling in love" again & again but really it's just infatuation all over again.
I hate seeing the changes, she's falling in love with somebody who isn't me, got me tripping over an old breakup, now she's kissing somebody else.. these thoughts aren't good for me.
If it was ever love, we wouldn't be communicating as exes, she wouldn't be wasting her time with these fools and I wouldn't be in a moment of isolation. I'm not perfect but I'm perfect for her, she's gonna keep "falling in love", tryna replace me and forget me, all she gotta do is to bring her ass over here.
I guess these days exes don't really go separate ways, a few nights ago, she was telling me I can talk about what's on my mind, she's here to listen.
She's in love again, I'm seeing it all again, she's posting all about it, I wonder who she's in love with this month, for some reason, I feel like I'm realer because I haven't gotten close to anybody since her.
13. "LONG ENOUGH"
It's been long enough, I should've been over it by now, we could've been cool as friends now, I know but I'm just too messed up in here for me to bring myself to that change. I keep shutting down my own thoughts and emotions, I keep telling myself that this is the best way to deal with my demons but it really ain't.
I'm nothing like most people, I've got scars from the past, my flaws made me this vulnerable and this complicated, which normal person doesn't know how to move on and start afresh?
I'm harboring so much shit and it's weighing me down but I just don't know how to detach myself from the past, I would love to start a new life, a new phase with new people but I just don't know how to.
It's been long enough, she shouldn't mean shit to me anymore, she shouldn't have that effect on me anymore but I keep dancing around the same flames with the ghosts of my past. She gave her love to the worst guy..
14. "Start Over (INTERLUDE)"
I've probably heard "Move on" and "Let her go", more than I heard "How are you doing?". Everybody is quick to tell me what to do with my own emotions, sometimes it'd get to a point where I just wanna lift the middle finger and tell them to fuck off, because nobody wants to allow me the time to go through these phases of starting over again. You can be intentional with starting over but the past could be on your shoulders like a shadow, you end up comparing what you had with what you have, so the question is, did I ever really start over?
15. "FUCKED UP (AS I AM)"
Everybody before her and even after her, they've failed to make me love them, they were just not it for me, I was meant to love once and even though she ain't here anymore, I'm cool with being alone for some more time, I don't fuck with the idea of falling in love many times with different girls.
She gave her love to a nigga that was raised without affection, he got attached to her to easy simply because of the things that shse brought to his world, love, affection and warmth.
You can an entire 18 years without somebody and then they come along to change your life as if they've been there since your first breath, even though she ain't in my life anymore, she's the love of my life, as fucked up as I am, she gave me a reason to be better for her, she's always gonna be the girl of my dreams.
We are all fortunate enough to experience first love but we aren't all lucky to keep it, some of us have to go on with our lives with the void that will never be filled, unless the ones we love come back into our lives.