Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, And summer's lease hath all too short a date...
— William Shakespeare
Dug! Dug! Dug!
My heart was still fluttering when I saw his shadow. Just like that summer, when the sun shone brightly, the weather was the hottest, and the sound of cicadas were heard all day. That was the time I first time I realised that I had fallen in love.
****
Living in the small town meant that everyone knew everyone. There was no such thing as privacy. If someone knew your deed, it would spread like fire. Yeah, townfolks liked to chat and gossip. It was not convenient, but at least they showed that they care. But I loved it. I spent my precious childhood there.
I lived in a small town near the sea, northern side were mountain area that full of green forest. My father was a fishearman. He would go sailing for months and returned home with huge pile of fishes, shrimps, and crabs. My mother was a simple housewife. But sometimes she would accept freelance job to sew and clean others' house for addition income. And I was the only child in the house.
My family was modest. We were not rich, nonetheless we were never short of anything. We had fish and rice to eat, shirt to wear, and a warm home.
The only school in my town is public school covered kindergarten to senior high school. But, because the low birth rate and the high migration rate, it downsized to elementary and junior high. When I was 5th grade of elementary, our class only had 10 students. That's why we were very close. Among them, there was one particularly close to me. His name was Hoshi Rion.
Surprising oddly, we bornt in the same day, the same hospital, at the same exact time. His mother and mine were friends that they always made us wear the same pair of hats, clothes, pants, and shoes; as if we were twins or couple. Each photo in my photo album was surely had him inside. Believe me or not, our name had the similar rhyme and meaning; his was Hoshi Rion and mine Minazuki Ryoma.
The only thing differentiated us was he came from well-off family. His family owned all fishing ships. Therefore, my father was practically working for him.
Rather than being best friends, we were rivals instead. We competed for every single thing, even trivial ones. Swallowing my pride, I had never surpassed him. He was always the number one, and I was the runner up.
He would sneer at me posing in the peace sign, laughing out loudly to see me lose. Like a normal boy, I will challenge him over and over again, just to swallow my own defeat. And soon, I had become a laughing stock in our circle, the MR.NUMBER 2.
Our competition continued for years, until one day, he was somehow annoyed by my presence and ignored me completely. I didn't know when, but we stop talking to each other, stop hanging out together, and he suddenly moved to the city. He said goodbye to everyone, except me. Maybe he was tired of the competition or... tired of me.
When I was sophomore, our class only had 3 students left. The two were following Rion to the city and other four stopped to work and help their family economically.
"Maybe I will consider to stop coming to school too." Erin said while looking straight at the sea. Both I and Hiroki looked at her puzzledly.
"Why? Aren't you the most diligent one among us?" Hiroki asked in shocked.
"I just don't feel like there is any hope studying in this small town. Besides, my mother has been sick for several months. I pity her for having work to support and my sister's and my education. Someone has to make sacrifice." She continued. I knew that was hard for her. I could feel her misery and sadness from her shaking tone.
It was a normal in the small town like this. After graduating from elementary school, we were free to choose -- continue or quit. Some of us would have chosen to continue studying in the city, and otherwise. But even if we discontinued our study, it didn't mean we were lazy or slaking off. We only prioritized our family's need above ourselves.
"I am grateful to be borned in this town, knowing many good people. Ryoma, Hiroki, Kazumi, Otto, Ryusei, Mayumi, Sendo, Kenta, and Rion, thank you for these past years. You all make my childhool meaningful. Even if some of you are not here with me, I want to say, being with you all were the happiest years in my life." Three of us hugged like koalas at the seasides, crying out loud.
Erin quitted from school to work as sea urchin hunter. She replaced her sick mother. For the next few months, Hiroki was also quitted. He found a job as ship mechanic, following his father's step. Then, there was only me -- the only one student in grade 2nd of junior high.
The toughest part was loneliness and boredom. Yet, I kept coming to school. I thought that was tough for me, maybe it was tougher for teacher to teach one student in a class.
One year had passed. I was in a senior year when a breaking news suddenly hit me like a tsunami. My father had fallen in the sea and they couldn't find his body. According to his crew-mates, the ship had lost control when the storm hit. As he helped one of the crew mate, he fell from the dock.
We still had a hope that he would come back. We -- my mother particularly weeped all night, praying for him to come back. After three months, they finally found his dead body. Receiving the orbituary news about someone so close to you, just like you were standing on a bridge and it collapsed in a sudden. You had no chance to react except cry out.
The memoirs of him flopped out from my mind. One day, I heard him and mom talking. He was sitting on the couch wearing ragged shirt as my mom came out from the room showing his ripped coat.
"How did you get this? Do you want me to buy new one?" She asked.
"Ah, no need. You can mend it, right? It's better to save more money." He chuckled.
"Are you sure? This coat will protect you from cold when you are at the sea."
"Yes, yes, just mend it. The money can be used to buy you new clothes or save it for Ryoma's education later. I am good because your sewing skill is the best."
"Hahaha... silly husband. I would rather wear old clothes so you can get more comfortable when working. But I do agree. Let's save more money."
I could not help but teary. Each time I saw him, the more patches he used on his back and chest.
There is one time he asked me, "Ryoma, what do you want to be?"
"Can't I just become a fisherman like you?"
"No, no, Ryoma must dream big. Your dad is an uneducated man, but Ryoma is a clever boy."
"I don't know yet. Can I think of it when I get taller and bigger?"
"Yes, yes, Ryoma can be whatever you want. Daddy will support you." He patted on my head.
His language might be broken, but he was the father I would brag and be proud of. He never had formal education, yet striving hard for me to have one. Whenever he was around, laughter and joy came along. He never hesitated to help people in need. Therefore, he was loved by neighbours and associates.
I was overwhelmed by mixed emotion -- grief, sadness, misery, angsty, fury in denial. I ran to the beach shouting, cursing, and crying out loudly. That night, the moon and stars along with the waving sea witnessed how broken I was. I did not know how long I stayed there. I cried until my tears were dried and my feet were limped.
I knew my grievance could not bring him back from the death. I knew whatever I did, his soul would never came back from the afterlife. But that was the only thing I could do, grieving until my heart turned heartless. The feeling of losing someone reliable, someone endeared, was uncomprehanded. You might stop tearing tears, however your heart was still tearing apart. Maybe one day, you would heal, still the shadow of the one who left would never disappear.
On the funeral day, all townsfolks came to say goodbye to him. My mother was still hugging his photos, crying inside her heart. Her eyes were lifeless. The neighbours were the ones preparing the meals. I was at my house enterance, greeting the mourners.
My friends came and hugged me as I cried in their embrance. But I did not see him, Rion. His parents were present. My gaze was spontaneously seeking for his shadow. And there he was, comforting my mother and serving food for the mourners.
He had changed so much. His black hair had turned brunette. He was more stylish and fashionable, more likely a city boy. He had been taller and more handsome since the last time I saw him. Compared to me, the difference was so contrast. Our gaze met for few second, then he looked away. I was careless, for the more important matters colluded my mind.
At night, I sneaked out to the beach, giving space for my mom to grief. Most of the mourners had going home. Some neighbours stayed to clean after the funeral. I was so grateful having them help me passing the dire situation.
The night was solemn, the breeze blew gently, the sea waved calmly in the cold weather. I sat on the rock, gazing at the moon and stars above. They were like grains of the sands glowing above the ocean.
Suddenly, a presence stood beside me, circling my neck with a muffler in silence. Without looking, I knew he was Rion. We did not speak a word, gazing on the stars.
There were a lot of questions in my mind. How are you doing? Are you doing good? How is the city? Are you seeing skyscrapers? Are the city girls beautiful? Do you have a girlfriend already? Do you hate me? Why---?
However, my mouth was sealed. No words could come out even if I wanted. A familiar voice, yet deep was heard, "Today's moon is beautiful. It's straight out of a painting -- dazzling and mesmerizing. You cannot have this scenery in the city."
I dared not to look at him. Two words finally came out of my mouth, "Is it?"
"Yeah, nothing beats hometown. My body was there but my heart belonged here." He sat on the sands, next to me. For the rest of the night, we did not speak a single words.
Only the sound of waves and my own heartbeat...