I blinked as I groggily got up from what seemed to be my bed. I rubbed my eyes as my vision cleared. "Well shit, I'm rich.". Either that or this very expensive bedroom belongs to someone else. "Nahhh, I'm rich"
I look around spotting a full body mirror at the end of the room. "Time for the customary time tr… I mean transmigrator
checkout."
I walked to the mirror and boy was I not impressed. I had the same features I had in my previous life but I was younger probably around twelve. I had short black hair and brown eyes. I wasn't a heaping mass of muscle nor was I scrawny I was average as any Italian millionaire.
Huh, My memories finally came through. My names Alessandro Zan Marino. Huh, turns out my parents just died and left their entire fortune to me.
Now normally this will cause some tear shedding and stuff as I also got feeling from this body, but my parents in this world were douches.
Both of them were very business minded and cared little about family which is weird considering Google says Italian children are well loved. Guess Google lies as well.
Any way my parents got murdered by an Italian mafia for some reason, so I got the standard orphan transmigrator package except I'm filthy rich and now my only legal guardian is the Vatican.
No, I mean my parents literally gave me away to the Vatican like five years ago. Turns out I'm leaking holy energy. You know the stuff The Big Man uses to make miracles. Not light energy, holy energy, let that sink in.
So my parents sold me off but I got to stay with them till I was twelve to form bonds or something. Now they're convinienty dead and a representative of the church should be here to ask me what I would like to do.
"So, what to do." I say to myself. 'Well at this point there's only one thing to do.' I think as I let out a smirk.
[Line Break]
A seemingly ordinary man wearing church robes knocks on the door of a mansion. The door open and a well dressed butler greets him. "Ahh, you must be from the church. Come in" The butler says, stepping aside.
The man raises his eyebrow as he enters, taking in the extravagnance of the mansion. "Master Alessandro is in the study." The butler says. "Follow me, I would lead you to him."
The man follows the butler to a door. Butler knocks and a voice answers from the other side. "You may enter"
The butler push opens the door and gestured for the man to enter. The man enters and the door closes behind him. He looks in front of him and sitting behind a table is a kid. "Take a seat"
[Line Break]
"Take a seat" I say to the church representative. He's average is all I can say about him, no for real like the guy literally seems average. I expected Dulio, or maybe father swole, or my personal favorite Griselda.
"I expected Father swole" Was the first thing out of my mouth the moment the man sat down.
"Father swole?" He asked with raise brow
"He was the beefy dude who accompanied the guy who bought me from my parents"
"Ahhh, you mean Cardinal Strada, he has duties that prevent him from dealing with mundane tasks such as this."
"I noticed how you didn't say anything about buying me" I pointed out.
"Well cause we did. Technically we bought the rights to be your legal guardian" Mr. Average explained.
"How? I don't think that's legal." I asked genuinelly confused
"We're the Vatican"
"Okay, I don't think organizations are allowed legal guardianship of a person"
"We're the Vatican"
"Okay" I say nodding.
"So what do we do?" I ask curious about my fate.
"First I fill you in on what the world truly is about" he says before going on a long rant about shit I already know. It all came down to, angels-good, devils-bad, fallen angels-pricks, God all loving, give god killing weapons to dumbass creatures with no body hair and a massive supperiority complex, kill all devils, hunt all fallen FOR THE EMPORER…cough…wrong franchise.
"...And we won. The end" Mr. Average says then looks at me.
"Cool" I say in the blandest voice possible.
"Cool? You know for someone who just had their world view shattered, you look totally fine" Mr. Average points out with a raised eyebrow.
"Oooh noo, how, everything I ever knew is a lie" I say, my voice dripping in sarcasm.
All I receive is a raised brow. You know if he keeps doing that it's gonna be permanent and what can I say, I'm a terrible actor, I cant lie for shit it's why I always tell the truth or better yet bullshit my way to a truth.
"You know what forget it. So you have holy power, this stuff is usually seen in angels or saints and in minutes quantities they exist in some humans allowing them to wield holy swords, but you're overflowing with it. Not only that but we sense a sacred gear in you. So you have two options, you can come with me and be an exorcist or…" "Exorsist, I choose exorcist" I immediately interrupt.
"But I haven't given you, the other option"
"Dude you've got what you wanted why do you wanna talk more" I say
"Alright, but if I may ask why did you choose the exorcist option" He said as he got up.
"Cause I want to say cool shit like. "We're the Vatican" and "I am the instrument of God's justice, no one can escape my wrath."." I say with a grin.
Mr. Average blinks, then shakes his head before he turns to leave. "Oh, an I have a sacred gear that lets's me hear surface thoughts, most of you thoughts are scrambled like what I hear when I listen to the ramblings of crazy people but, I could hear you call me Mr. Average. That isn't my name. I am Denis." He said as he left, his aura level through the roof.
"Sure thing Mr. Average"
Then it all came crashing down.
Mr. Average's entire body twitched as he let out a sigh.
"Your handler will be hear in one week, we'll let one of ours take care of your estate until you're old enough. I hope to never see you again. He said as he closed the door refusing to admit he almost forgot to tell his the extraction date because he tried and failed horribly at aura farming.
'Picolo how do you do it'
[Line Break]
Well that went well in truth the reason I choose to become an exorcist wasn't because of the cool lines even if they were a deciding factor, but because of the training and relative safety.
I mean I have a sacred gear, no human with a sacred gear survives for long without attaching themselves to a major faction.
I'm not going with the devils cause well, no to slavery and everybody hates the Grigori, their leader is a lecherous prick who, as cliche as this is, sounds like a used car salesman.
I already know what the other option was and despite the respect I have for true Catholic priest and Paul, there's no way I'm giving up the joys of a woman's flesh
So the exorcism it is. Despite it's multiple problems, it's not all that bad. I mean, Xenovia and Irina grew up to be relatively normal kids plus I have holy power, I'm pretty sure Big Guy junior, The Angry one, The Silent one and the Bosom one all know I exist so no dark experiment room for me, yay.
Enough monologing time to pack. I feel ike I forgot to monologue about something.
Oh yeah, and what's up with me and mind readers named Denis.