Loki POV:
"My soldiers! My loyal minions!" Loki declares dramatically, standing tall on a rocky ledge. Below him, nearly 4,000 blue minions scream, shout, and chant his name like an unstoppable wave of chaos.
"Yeah! King Loki! Yeah, yeah!" one of them yells.
"King Loki! King! King Loki!" another joins in, hopping excitedly.
"Now… quiet down, my loyal servants!" Loki booms, his voice commanding and theatrical.
The crowd instantly falls silent.
"Your enemies — the yellow ones — have found a wizard as their master!"
"Boo! Boo!" the blue minions shout in unison, shaking their little fists.
"Yes, yes! But you…" Loki raises a finger to the sky, smirking, "…you have found a god as your master!"
"YEEEAH!!" The blue minions erupt into wild cheers.
"And we shall conquer their empire! Loki-topia shall take over this world in a matter of days!" Loki proclaims, chest puffed out. "No mortal can withstand the power of gods!"
The army screams louder than ever.
"Now! Onward to their empire!" Loki shouts, pointing dramatically toward the horizon.
He knows exactly where the yellow minions' base is — because they jumped him last time. And now? It's time for revenge. Chuckling to himself, he leaps down, landing on top of a random minion's head.
"Forward!" Loki commands, pointing forward like a mighty general.
"Yeah! Yeah!" squeaks the minion underneath him, sprinting at full speed while Loki surfs on his head like it's perfectly natural. There are no horses here… so, obviously, Loki improvises.
Steve POV:
"Wait… what do you mean the blue ice army is coming here now?!" Steve blurts, shocked. "How do you even know this? Do you have more powers I don't know about?" he asks, rubbing his forehead.
These past few days have been beyond strange. Practically everything after he got out of the ice has been alien to him. First, he somehow gained fire powers. Then he found a bunch of little yellow minions in a cave. Then they made him their boss. Then they built him a castle. And now? Now apparently there's an entire blue army marching toward them.
And he's supposed to fight a war again… but this time as King Steve.
The yellow minions suddenly start gathering, chanting loudly.
"King Steve! King Steve!"
One screams, "King Steve!" Another joins in. Soon, they're all pushing him out of the cave, marching behind him with little wooden spears topped with fire, banging them on the ground to their chant:
"King Steve! King Steve!"
"All right, all right, we'll go!" Steve says, trying to stop himself from being shoved forward. "But we can negotiate, okay? This is probably just a misunderstanding."
As they exit the cave, Steve squints at the horizon… and freezes.
In the distance, there's an army of blue minions.
"...Wait," Steve says, rubbing his eyes. "They're… just you guys, but blue?"
One of the yellow minions growls.
"Okay, okay, calm down," Steve mutters.
As they march closer, Steve spots their leader — a tall figure standing proudly on top of a blue minion's head.
"Are you the leader of these demons?" Loki calls down, voice sharp, his tone dripping arrogance. He peers at Steve like he's already beneath him.
"Listen," Steve begins, holding up a hand, "this is probably all just a big misundersta—"
"Silence!" Loki roars.
Steve blinks. "...Excuse me?"
"Your followers stole from me. They attacked me. There is no misunderstanding!" Loki declares, pointing his ice spear at Steve. "I will give you one chance to surrender! Bend the knee, surrender your empire… and this fight won't have to happen, wizard!"
"Wizard what?" Steve says, baffled. "You beat this guy?"
He turns to his minions. The little yellow creatures suddenly look guilty, shuffling their feet and avoiding his gaze.
"…Why did you do that?"
One mutters softly, "...Banana."
Steve stares at them. "He… had bananas on him?"
The minions nod enthusiastically.
"I did not!" Loki snarls, having heard everything thanks to his enhanced hearing. "They stole my glorious horns from my crown!"
He glares, shouting: "If you will not bow before the great God of Everything Loki — then you have chosen death!"
Steve just stares at him. "...Who is this guy? Loki? That name sounds familiar… but god? What, is he some kind of escaped mental patient?"
The wind picks up. The air grows colder — unnaturally cold. Steve even shivers a little.
"I will…" Loki raises his spear, frost spiraling around him. "…I will have to destroy your empire!"
"CHARGE!!"
The blue minions scream as they rush forward.
Steve blinks, dumbfounded. "...Charge?"
"RAAAAGH!!" The yellow minions roar, charging back.
The two armies clash violently. The blue minions hurl ice cubes like tiny cannons. The yellow minions counter with little flames the size of pinkies.
BOOM!
CRASH!
BANG!
Punching, kicking, biting, burning, freezing — you name it, they did it. Complete chaos erupted everywhere.
Loki, still surfing on his minion's head, leaps into the air, spear aimed straight at Steve.
CLANG!
Steve blocks it with his vibranium shield, sparks flying.
In his left hand, Steve summons a small fireball — BOOM!
He blasts Loki, sending him tumbling backward, melting parts of his ice spear and even charring some of his skin.
Steve swaps his shield to his left hand, tightens it, and starts walking toward Loki.
"Look," Steve says calmly, "you don't want to do this."
"Ohhh… getting arrogant now, are we, wizard?" Loki smirks, rising to his feet. He's furious, but he hides it well behind his grin.
Then, crouching low, he slams his foot into the ground.
…Nothing happens.
Steve raises a brow. What's he doing?
Suddenly, a massive glacier erupts from beneath Steve, launching him hundreds of feet into the air.
"WHAT THE—?!" Steve yells, landing flat on top of the frozen spire, completely stunned.
Loki bursts into laughter. "HAHAHAHA! You should never anger a god!" He spins dramatically, addressing the minions. "You see that, you little demons? I have bested your leader! Bow to me!"
He doesn't even finish before Steve — now engulfed in flames — appears behind him, floating, shield in hand.
"…Guess I'll have to take this seriously," Steve mutters.
BOOM!
He rockets forward, smashing into Loki at full speed, driving him into the ground and dragging his face across the ice for nearly a mile.
"RAAAAH!" Loki screams, punching Steve's flaming face until Steve lets go. Loki skids, then rises, panting, but his wounds instantly begin to heal — his new ice powers rapidly repairing him.
"…So, you have more tricks than I expected," Loki huffs, forcing a grin. "This was supposed to be easy. Why… why aren't you dying?!"
He plants his spear into the ground. "Tell me your name, wizard."
"Steve Rogers," Steve answers flatly,
"…Rogers."
Loki exhales sharply. "Your empire… will soon belong to me."
Before Steve can respond, Loki slams his hand into the ground — BOOM! A cloud of green smoke erupts, swallowing him and his army. Within seconds, they're gone — teleported back to Loki-topia.
Steve exhales, lowering his shield.
"...What the hell is my life right now?" he mutters.
Loki POV:
Back in Loki's palace, he sulks.
He's pacing, muttering, and then suddenly screaming to himself:
"I should have won that! How did some stupid, second-rate wizard best me?!"
He grabs his head, pulling at his hair, spiraling deeper into rage.
"No. Never again. Never again," he whispers, over and over. He's currently self-hypnotizing himself into believing he didn't lose at all.
"I had an unfair disadvantage against the mortal… yes, yes… I could have won. I would have won. I held back! I was being merciful! I was being kind to the Midgardian… to the sorcerer… to the—"
His voice cracks, and then he screams to the ceiling:
"—ROGERS!!"
The name echoes through the palace.
"I will kill you. I will kill you. I will kill you…"
Over and over again, like a madman possessed.
CRACK! BANG!
Thunder rumbles outside. The sky darkens, rain slamming against the windows. Loki groans, rubbing his temples.
CRACK! BOOM!
The sound of thunder again — and with it, a rush of bad memories.
Then… he hears laughter.
Loud. Deep. Familiar.
Suddenly — BOOM! — the roof above him explodes, debris crashing down as a massive head pushes through.
Loki stares up.
It has the head of a camel, huge antlers, long whiskers, and an enormous beard. Slowly, he gets a better look at the entire body:
It's… a giant flying worm.
…With arms. And feet.
"...So… not a worm," Loki mutters, tilting his head. "What in all the Nine Realms…?"
Before he can scream at the beast for daring to interrupt a god's thoughts — and destroy part of his palace — the creature booms in a very familiar voice:
"LOKI!"
Loki freezes. "…Thor?" he says, stunned.
"YES!" the beast roars proudly. "'Tis I — the Great Thor, God of Thunder!"
Thor laughs, the sound rattling the palace walls.
"Brother! I have been searching for you all across Asgard! I could not find you! I was beginning to lose hope and thought you had run away again!"
Loki glares up, offended. "I do not run—"
"But no!" Thor cuts him off, grinning wide. "Heimdall told me you had gone to Midgard… again!"
He laughs, pleased with himself.
"And he also told me," Thor leans closer, lowering his booming voice, "that you ate one of those divine fruits as well."
Loki stiffens.
"Come! Tell me, brother — what did yours grant you?" Thor continues without pause. "Mine has blessed me with the power to transform into this amazing, divine worm-form! I can now wield fire, wind, and lightning — even without Mjolnir!"
Thor laughs loudly… and then, as if suddenly remembering, adds.
"But, of course, I will still use Mjolnir!" He pats an enormous claw against his chest. "Together, brother, we shall be the greatest partners in all the Nine Realms!"
Loki just stares at him, completely stunned.
"What?" Loki breathes out.
This isn't fair. This isn't fair at all.
How is it that Thor gets one of the divine fruits too? It was supposed to be his destiny!
And Thor… Thor gets to turn into some massive, ridiculous beast, wielding multiple elements without his hammer — while Loki… Loki gets ice powers.
Just… ice.
Average durability. Average strength. Average everything… plus frost.
"Unbelievable," Loki mutters bitterly.
The massive worm-creature suddenly begins to shrink, smaller and smaller, until — BOOM! — Thor lands on the palace floor in his human form.
Loki stares.
"By Odin's beard, Thor…" he whispers.
Thor… looks different.
He's towering, now over seven feet tall, muscles practically carved from stone.
Thor laughs and strides forward confidently — before scooping Loki into a bone-crushing bear hug.
Loki screams.
"THOR! PUT ME DOWN! My spine is not a mead barrel!"
Thor only laughs harder, squeezing tighter. Loki's back starts turning to ice from the pressure.
"Thor! LET GO! LET GO!!"
Finally, Thor releases him — only to pat him on the shoulder so hard that Loki drops to his knees.
"Ahhh, brother!" Thor booms, delighted. "We are going to have so much fun on Midgard!"
Loki forces a fake smile, standing slowly, his voice strained.
"Y-yes, brother," he says through clenched teeth. "So… much… fun."
Inside, his thoughts are venomous.
This oaf is going to ruin Loki-topia.
His hands twitch. He's already imagining stabbing Thor.
++++++++
Author Note -
Finally, the first battle between Loki and Steve is complete. Loki lost—obviously. He's basically the god of losing. Steve won, though he was still pretty confused by the end.
Thor has now descended to Midgard after learning from Heimdall that Loki not only ate a divine fruit, but also revealed his location.
That's it for today's chapters you're welcome.