Gorou Amamiya…
Gorou Amamiya…
Gorou Amamiya…
The same two words kept circling in Akane's head as she stood in the middle of her room, with her index finger pressed against her lips, staring at an evidence board with barely anything on it.
Think, damn it, I know you can do it. Where did I hear this name before? I just can't remember it.
Were they just roleplaying? Impossible, not with this tone, in this setting.
Why did Ruby say that to Aqua… "You are not Gorou Amamiya." This could be a new lead to why Aqua feels like he needs to die. I can't prove it, and I don't even know why I think it, but it has to be.
I looked at everything else. I spent days trying to find out why Aqua thinks he doesn't deserve happiness. But nothing ever made sense.
Unless… Maybe Aqua got some kind of condition. A condition I don't know about, maybe it is that Ai's death split his personality into two. One is Aqua Hoshino, and one is somebody else.
Akane let herself fall backwards only to have her fall broken by the soft fluffiness of her bed a moment later. Her eyes stared at the wall as all of her limbs were stretched out in a different direction.
But this wouldn't explain the survivor's guilt.
I mean, sure, survivor's guilt can occur in children.
And I also heard of cases where trauma can split your personality.
But both together?
The chance is just way too low.
Akane's head kept circling, from thinking it could be some kind of weird roleplay Ruby and Aqua did when they're alone, to thinking they knew she was there and played a prank on her, just to go back to it being some psychotic disease Aqua has that Ruby didn't want to entertain any longer. In the end, she gave up; none of what she concluded had a likelihood that exceeded a single percent in her opinion. She rubbed the palms of her hands against the smooth skin of her face for a few seconds before she jumped up from her bed and sluggishly left her room. "None of this makes any sense… Who the hell is Gorou Amamiya?" Akane murmured as she trotted down the stairs to go and grab herself a glass of water.
She pushed open the door that led to the dining room, where, much to her discomfort, sat her mom. Akane didn't dislike her mom; it was actually quite the opposite, but right in that moment, she didn't really need company. She barely looked up from her smartphone when Akane walked over to the cupboard and grabbed herself a glass out of it. She also grabbed a fresh bottle right out of the fridge before she, too, sat down at the dinner table. "Is something wrong?" She had barely managed to open the bottle when her mother already spoke; her head slightly lifted to face away from her screen.
Akane bit on her lower lip and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Not really, it's just… I need to find something out… and it feels like it is right in front of my eyes, but I'm still not able to figure it out, even though it is so important. You understand what I mean?"
Akane's mom turned her phone off and put it with the display down to the. "Do you want to tell me more details?"
Akane thought for a moment as her teeth dug even deeper into her lip, almost enough to draw blood. "So you remember Aqua, right?-" she finally said.
"I remember him, isn't that the guy you got a crush on?" Akane's mom blurted out before Akane could even think about ending her sentence.
"D-Don't interrupt me while talking. Okay?" Akane said as a small blush crept over her face.
"So anyways," Akane said after she made sure her mom would really stay quiet. "I overheard a conversation between him and his sister, where she said something about a guy named Gorou Amamiya. The thing is, I know that name, I just forgot why… I need to remember, but I just can't, it feels like something blocks my memories."
Akane's mom listened carefully to her daughter recite her problem.
"Should I be concerned? This sounds pretty obsessive…"
She took a small break,
"No… forget I said anything… I'm just happy that you're telling me what's going on in your life…It's almost like you're Watson, and I'm Holmes."
Akane's serious expression softened as even a small smile formed on her face, while a dramatic gasp left her lips. "That's like totally unfair, I have been on this case for so long, and now you chime in and decide you can just be Holmes? I want to be Holmes."
Akane's mom smiled back, but gently shook her head. "No can do, not how this works. As long as your feet are under my table, I get to decide that."
Akane shot a playful pout in her mom's direction. "Not cool," she murmured.
The demeanor of Akane's mom turned slightly more serious again as she started to think. "Maybe this Gorou guy is some old friend or family member of his…"
"I'm pretty sure that Aqua has no family left, nor does he really have any friends except for a few, but these people are usually also my friends then, and none of them is named Gorou… Who would even name their child that nowadays? That name sounds ancient." Akane said as her eyes looked past her mom.
Akane's mom picked her phone back up while speaking. "Wow… He seems quite lonely to me… Make sure to take good care of him… Maybe we could google this name, a big shot in the industry or something…"
After she had unlocked it, Akane's mom handed her phone over to Akane. "Here," she said, "What was his name again? Gorou Amamiku or something?"
Akane didn't look up from the screen as she replied. "Gorou Amamiya. I thought about googling it, but I don't know the Kanji, I should also know every big shot of the industry too… I mean I am still an actress after all."
Akane handed the phone back to her mother while standing up. "But I think I'll have to try googling anyways, maybe it'll work… Thanks mom, I love you."
Akane's nostrils got flooded by the faint aroma of lavender as she wrapped her arms around her mom and buried her face in her hair. Then she pulled back and quickly made her way out of the room without saying another word.
Gorou Amamiya…
Whoever you are…
I will find you, and I will find out why Aqua acts the way he does…
Even if it's the last thing I will do.
4th of January, 11:00 am, Kana's house
Kana's eyes shot open as she heard soft knocks at her door. She hurriedly got up and walked over to the door while she rubbed her eyes. She had this thing she came up with, when someone knocked against her door, she'd just knock back once to let them know she was still alive; so she did. "Oh, good, you're awake... I hope I didn't wake you up." It was unmistakably Ruby who was speaking on the other side of the door. But her voice varied when compared to the other times she had visited, Kana couldn't really put a finger on it, though.
"Anyways… Miyako is big mad at you. Your tweet was the first thing she saw this morning and she almost collapsed. She was talking about it being some PR nightmare," Ruby said.
Kana could hear Ruby sitting down, leaning against the door like she always did. "I managed to calm her down a bit. Well, it wasn't really me, but I like to think that I had at least some role in it."
Ruby made a small break between her sentences for the first time today, hoping that maybe today Kana would finally chime in; yet, when the silence wasn't filled, she quickly continued without showing any signs of the hurt she felt. "Like I said." She cleared her throat. "I wasn't really the thing that calmed her down… and don't get me wrong, she is still mad… You should just look for yourself… The internet is on fire."
Kana, who had her ear almost pressed against the door again, almost jumped as she heard Ruby hastily get up again.
"I have to go now though," Ruby said, "I still have to do a few things before practice begins tomorrow. By the way, our new member, Keiko, she is totally awesome, you should come along and watch us."
With that, Kana could hear how Ruby walked down the hallway. Her steps sounded faster and less in rhythm than the last few times.
Kana, whose hand had hovered over the doorknob, pulled it slowly away, continuing to stand still for a moment before returning to her bed and lying down.
Why was she acting so weird?
Maybe she's actually mad at me, too.
I mean, my irresponsible behavior probably made her mom's life way more difficult.
She told me I should check social media-
So that's the least I can do.
Kana slowly rose from her bed again; each step towards her PC felt worse than the last. She had actually never planned on logging back into her account, but she couldn't say no to Ruby, not after causing trouble for her.
*incorrect* *incorrect* *incorrect*
She surely hadn't forgotten her password overnight, but no matter how often she tried it, she just couldn't log into her account. "Huh. They really threw me out of my account already…" A bitterness was in her voice. "What else did I expect, though?"
'efpbbweep12' is what was displayed on her screen after Kana had her fingers glide over the keyboard a few times. It wasn't as cute as the last name she had come up with; it wasn't even a good name to begin with, but it was sufficient, and that was what she needed. 5 minutes had passed between sitting down and finally being logged in. Her new feed was flooded by random stuff middle-aged men would watch. Fishing, cooking, hunting… She pressed on the search bar, after following enough accounts to finally be allowed to proceed, typing in the name of her account to see what Ruby meant.
Both her post as well as her account were gone; they just vanished off the face of the earth. Honestly, she already expected this, yet it still felt weird when she finally got the confirmation.
Is this what Ruby wanted me to see?
Why would it be, though?
Out of spite?
No, Ruby isn't like that.
She must mean something else.
So Kana pressed back, and instead of on the search bar, she pressed on *Trending* this time. Her eyes widened as she looked at her screen. The top hashtag in Japan was #ArimaKana, followed by #JusticeForArima at number 4. Her eyes widened even further as she pressed on the hashtag; her screen flooded with posts. Kana stared at her screen for a good minute before she regained control over her body. With a shaky hand, she began to scroll through the posts.
'And that's what real courage looks like, telling your agency to F off and doing your own thing. #ArimaKana'
'No matter what's your religion, let's all pray to our Gods and wish #ArimaKana a swift recovery. Amen #Pray4Arima'
'Just a few minutes ago I didn't know who #ArimaKana was. After a quick google search I have to admit that I am devastated. To me she seems like a kind soul that doesn't deserve stuff like this happening to her (Not that anyone does). Anyways, what I want to say is, I'm totally one of her fans now if she ever returns.'
Kana's vision became blurred as she read post after post. She tried to pull the hood of her hoodie over her head and all the way down over her face; it was enough to hide her eyes, yet the small smile that tugged on her lips was still on full display.
'Am I the only one that thinks that this is completely fucked up? What has the world become that we just allow this to happen? #ArimaKana is still basically a child, this is so fucked. I hope they find the attacker fast #JusticeForArima'
A small pang of guilt hit Kana as she suddenly remembered the small lie she had told about who exactly had injured her.
'Hey you, if you're the guy that attacked #KanaArima you better make sure to lock your doors and sleep with your eyes open… No matter what the judge says, imo you deserve the death penalty. #JusticeForArima PS: I am not Japanese, but I am on my way to find you!'
Kana scrolled further down, reading post after post until she came to a sudden halt. Her smile faltered a little bit as she read: "She totally got what was coming for her this is what you get for betraying @RubyKawaii @MEM-Cho and us #B-Komachi fans #Deserved #ArimaKana"
The pointer of her mouse hovered over the post for a moment, shifting just micrometers left and right, while her room suddenly felt terribly quiet. After another moment, her eyes wandered a bit downwards: 21 likes and 278 replies, is what were displayed on screen. Her smile reappeared as she kept on scrolling.
The post after was a meme, some people would have definitely seen this as offensive or disrespectful towards Kana's situation, but Kana just lightly giggled as she even liked it. Sure, a like by 'efpbbweep12' with no profile picture and 0 followers probably didn't mean much to the person, but it was the thought that counted here. She continued scrolling for a few more minutes, her smile growing as she spent less and less time on the hateful posts, until she eventually scrolled past them entirely, only focusing on the posts that gave her courage. Then finally, after scrolling through hundreds of posts, she got up, leaving her PC on and social media open.
She slowly marched over to the bathroom with her fists pressed into her side, fast enough to make her red hair sway behind her. Looking down at the white ceramic of her sink made her stomach growl loudly and her palms sweat; however, she didn't come this far just to chicken out now.
She raised her head.
Her unkempt hair, which had lost any resemblance to a haircut, recoiled back as she looked at her own reflection. It was the first time she had seen herself since the incident with Kamiki. The first look startled her a bit, seeing her former beauty tarnished by a cut running through her face, yet it took just a moment for her to catch herself.
That feels so weird…
Like, is that even me?
I can't even tell if I expected it to be bigger…
Uglier…
I think I did.
Maybe this is not beyond savior after all.
Her eyes wandered over her face, left, right, up, down, for far more than just a minute as they intensely examined the soon-to-be scar. Then, when she had finally had enough of this, they locked with their own reflection. A fierce determination that threatened to shatter to mirror into a million pieces poured out of Kana's pinkish red eyes just to seep back into their own reflection in the same moment.
"I'm far from finished," she muttered as she looked away again.