Slowly, I buttered my toast while Mudge lumbered into the room and set down a small pot of peach jam in front of me. "Don't use too much," he grumbled.
"Why not? It's my jam!"
"I'm running out. That's why."
"What?" I blinked at him in shock. "How could we be running out? You made dozens of jars, didn't you?"
"I did," he said, scratching his thick rough nose. "But turns out the ladies like peach jam."
I squinted at him. "The ladies?"
"Don't look at me, boss," he muttered. "They're your guests. If you don't like 'em eating yer jam, that's your lookout, innit?"
"You're right," I sighed. "I'll have to look into getting some more peaches, I guess."
"And licorice."
"And licorice."
"And marshmallow."
"And marsh-" I blinked. "Hang on. Are you going to just list every sweet thing in the pantry?"
"No."
"Mudge…" I growled warningly, as he looked down at his feet.
"I wasn't!" He sucked a deep breath. "I was going to list every sweet thing not in the pantry."
"Which is mostly everything?"
"It might be," he admitted.
"Might be what?" Poppy asked, skipping into the room. Her little lamb pranced along behind her. It glanced my way and let out a happy bleat.
"Nothing important," I said. "We're discussing inventory."
"Oh." She dropped into her chair and plucked a piece of toast from the stack. Splitting it in two, she dropped a piece for her lamb, which took it with another happy bleat. "Sounds boring."
"What's boring?" Violet asked, Clover two steps behind.
"Inventory," Poppy said, slathering on a thick layer of peanut butter onto her toast before cramming it into her mouth.
Clover moaned. "Oh, don't talk to me about inventory. Please."
"Why? Poppy asked, chewing brightly. "What did you break?"
"Nothing!"
Violet rolled her eyes. "She knocked over a vial of Health Potion Arista had made for her homework."
"Arista?" Poppy scowled. "Ugh. I hate her. She made Gertie draw some silly things on my cheek when I fell asleep in class."
"What sort of silly things?"
Poppy's ears reddened. "It doesn't matter."
"She's made Clover give up her Velvet Grass as payment for it."
"What?" Poppy gave Clover a shocked look. "But you'll need that for the exam this week!"
"I knooow," Clover moaned, banging her head down on the table. I winced as the cutlery jangled with the vibrating table.
Poppy gave her sister a sympathetic smile. "Well, I still have a little bit of gold left. We could buy some more…"
"I already checked. The Apothecary's are all out. There's none left."
"Velvet Grass?" I glanced at Mudge. "Don't we keep that in the pantry?"
"Usually," he said.
I gave him another squint. "What do you mean, usually? That implies there's none left."
"Miss Poppy's lamb got into the pantry a few nights ago. It seems to like Velvet Grass."
Poppy winced as Clover let out another long groan.
Her lamb looked at everyone and gave us all a happy bleat. I had a feeling it knew exactly what it had done and was taking great joy in it.
"Well," I said. "We'll have to get some more, then."
Clover raised a defeated finger. "It's only found in dungeons. And the only dungeon close enough is The Gluttonous Hollow. It'd take days to go through it properly."
I frowned. "Days? What do you mean?"
"I already looked it up. Everything in there is so strong, so it takes days to clear without Elite Guards from the Adventurer's Guild to help. And we can't afford those."
"Elite Guards?" I looked at Mudge, who shrugged. I shook my head and spread some more peach jam on my toast. "I don't think there's any need for those. They'd just get in the way. I can go get you some Velvet Grass after lunch."
Clover's head shot up, her eyes red with unshed tears. "Really? You can?"
"It shouldn't take long," I told her. "A couple of hours if I'm slow."
"Hours?" Clover's jaw dropped open. "But the Guild said…"
"Pah," I waved a hand dismissively. "It might take them days, but it won't take me that long."
"Can I come?" Mudge asked suddenly.
"What for?"
"Well, it's the Gluttonous Hollow, innit?" He looked at me like I was silly for asking. Which I suddenly felt I was. "I can restock the pantry as we go."
"Hmm."
"Are you sure it's not dangerous?" Violet asked, looking around nervously. "It's a dungeon, Taran."
"Only a small one, though," I told her reassuringly. "And I've been in there before."
"You have?"
"Oh, yes," I said. "I used to dabble in alchemy myself. It's not a bad place to get low level ingredients."
"You'd really get them today?" Clover asked, hope rising in her gaze. I admit I felt a nice warm sensation glow in my heart as I saw that look in her eyes. And it made me want to throw the table aside, scoop her into my arms and give her head a jolly good patting.
"I really will," I said. Then shot Poppy a little smile. "No lawyers required."
"If you do get me some Velvet Grass, I swear I'll be your slave for the rest of my life," Clover swore, rising to her feet. Her hands pressed hard on the table as she gave me a determined look. "And I'll do anything for you, Taran. Absolutely anything…"
Violet gasped. "Clover! You shouldn't say such a thing!"
"It's alright," I said, reaching over to give Clover's hand a gentle pat. "It's a very simple thing for me to do. And I had to go there anyway to replenish some of our pantry's inventory. Didn't I, Mudge?"
"Yes, boss."
"And I don't need a slave."
"That's right, miss Clover," Mudge said firmly. "Boss has already got slaves. Don't need no more right now."
"Slaves?" I choked as the girls looked suitably shocked. "Don't feed her that sort of nonsense. You're not a slave!"
"I'm not?"
"I pay you!"
"You do?"
"Every week!"
He scratched his head. "I don't remember that."
"Yes, you do. Every week I give you some gold. That's your wage."
"Oh, yeah!" He grinned broadly. "The shiny metal thingies."
"Shiny metal-" I shook my head at him. "Mudge, what are you doing with them?"
He shrugged. "Depends."
"On?"
"Well, sometimes I fry them with a little olive oil. Sometimes I boil them with cabbage. Mostly, I dip them in some tomato sauce and eat them like that." He smiled dreamily. "They're crunchy."
"Crunchy?" I thrust out a hand, the shock of what I was hearing making my nerves itch. Immediately a gin and tonic was placed into my grasping fingers and I looked up at the lich who'd placed it there. "Grimsby! Did you hear all that?"
"Yes, sir. Unfortunately, I did."
"And?"
"And what, sir?"
"What are you going to do about it?"
Grimsby sighed, raising an eyebrow and looking over at the Abomination. "Well, for starts, sir, I will be sure to keep my coins as far away from Mudge as possible."
"Mudge, haven't you heard of spending?" Violet asked, her voice slicing through my rising panic like a smooth silver spoon bearing a large helping of deliciously creamy cheesecake.
"Spending?" The chef blinked. "What that?"
"It's the idea of buying something with the coins. Exchanging them with shopkeepers for something you like."
"Oh," he pursed his thick lips. "They'd want to trade, would they? For my shiny metal things?"
"Yes, I think they would."
"Hrrm." He shrugged. "But I don't really want anything."
"What about a new shirt?" She said, eyeing his stained one carefully.
"I like this shirt. It's comfortable."
"Liking one shirt is good," Poppy said helpfully. "But liking two is better. Then you can wear one while you wash the other."
"Wash?"
"Oh dear," Violet said while Clover tried to suppress a giggle. "Mudge, maybe we should have a nice long chat when you get back. We can talk about spending, washing, and maybe saving."
Mudge smiled a genuine smile. "That sounds nice, miss Violet. I'll bake a lemon teacake for it."
"That sounds nice."
I looked from one to the other.
Lemon teacake, eh?
That did sound nice.
"I think I'll join you for that conversation," I said, trying to take back a little control as I sipped my gin and tonic. "I'm sure it'll taste wonderful."
"Perhaps you should," Violet said sweetly. "We can talk about why it's not necessary to drink so early in the morning."
I froze.
I didn't like the sound of that.
Not one bit.
"Stop it, Violet," Clover hissed. "I won't forgive you if you upset him. He's getting my Velvet Grass. Taran, you drink as much as you want. Just, you know, not too much…"
I gulped, feeling a sense of rising dread.
Poppy's lamb let out a happy bleat.