Candy tapped a long fingernail on the table, her round breasts wobbling gently as she breathed. Her nipples, pert and pink, poked in front of her with the promise of succulent creamed peaches.
I sat to her right, sipping a gin and tonic Grimsby had only recently placed in front of me.
Opposite, two lawyers in dark suits were eyeing my own with lizard gazes.Their names were Gengritch and Stole. They were overweight, but not ridiculously so. Just enough to give them some social heft. Both late in years, they also exuded wisdom and calm.
They'd also dealt with demons before so weren't distracted by Candy's feminine curves.
Well. Not much, anyway.
Between them, Madeline Westingham scowled deeply. If she could have seared me with her gaze, I'd have been only a small pile of charred ashes by now.
Fortunately, there wasn't an ounce of magical ability in the woman.
Her only real power was the resolutely implacable determination of a stalker.
With this in mind, I glanced at my lawyer as often as I could without breaching the fragile limits of proper social behaviour. Because despite the fact that Candy wore no clothing, I was a gentleman enough to respect her fashion choices and chose not to ogle her like a mook.
Hence the gin and tonic.
Because she made it slightly difficult to ignore.
I wasn't, after all, a lawyer.
"For Heaven's sake, put some clothes on," Madeline snapped. "Shameless hussy!"
Candy placed another line on her notebook, recording each display of rude manners by my ex-wife.
As per the contract, each was costing her over five thousand gold.
Half went to my lawyer, and half to me.
I raised my glass in salute.
"Please, Lady Westingham," one of her lawyers rumbled, touching her forearm gently. "Allow us to communicate for you."
Madeline scowled harder. "But look at her! She's only doing it to seduce my husband!"
"Ex-husband," Candy corrected. "Your divorce was finalised three years ago."
"Don't you speak to me, you whore!"
Candy jotted down another line.
I saluted again before gulping down the rest of my drink. "Grimsby? Another gin and tonic, please."
My empty glass was swiped and another appeared before Madeline could even swing her gaze my way.
"You drink too much," she said critically. "It's not good for your liver."
Candy scored another line as I silently raised my glass in salute.
Talking directly to me was also against the contract's rules.
If the meeting lasted much longer, I would make back all the gold I'd spent on Poppy's pet and my summoning ingredients. It's possible I'd also make a profit.
"Insufferable," Madeline muttered to herself.
Candy let that one go.
"My client is invoking his right to trigger clause 7,980, subsection 12, part A," Candy said solemnly. "We shall be requesting that Lady Madeline Westingham be fitted with a tracking enchantment to force all conditions relating to the Restraining Order portion of the Agreement."
"Don't you think that's a touch excessive?" Mister Gengritch said, trying to sound amiable. "It was a coincidence that Lady Westingham saw your client in the first place."
"An accident we could ignore," Candy said graciously. "But her actions after seeing him are what concerns my client. She gave chase. She hunted him through the streets while he flailed helplessly in search of safety. He feared for the life of his lodger-"
"Tart!" Madeline cried. "Call her what she is!"
Candy scored another line on her notebook and I lifted my glass in salute as I heard the sound of clinking coins in my head. I tried not to giggle as she did.
In my defence, it had been a very trying day and I was on my fourth gin and tonic.
"His lodger has also been traumatised," Candy continued. "And has been in bed all afternoon as she recovers. We are currently searching for appropriate assistance with regard to her mental health as my client is concerned for her wellbeing."
I let out a long sorrowful sigh to punctuate that point.
Poor Poppy.
She'd been utterly exhausted. Then, when I got her home, her lamb was already in her room and the overload of cuteness had caused her to fall asleep yet again.
Candy considered that a favourable outcome for our negotiations.
"Also, a recent infestation of necromancers was discovered in the tower," Candy pointed out, passing across some extra paperwork. "Among the items taken from the recently deceased and re-deceased, was a Communication Stone last seen in the possession of Lady Westingham."
Mister Stole's lips thinned a little. "Lady Westingham has assured us the item in question had been stolen after a recent burglary."
"Oh?" Candy raised her eyebrow. "And was this reported to the guard?"
"Not at the time…"
"Then perhaps we should report it for her," Candy said sweetly with an eager bounce of her bosom. "I'm sure the guard will have many questions."
"Lady Westingham requests that this remain an internal matter," Mister Gengritch said. "We'd appreciate your consideration in this."
"I bet you would," Candy said. "Which brings us back to clause 7,980. We want the enchantment fitted, and we want it fitted by a third party to be agreed upon within four days or an Enchanter decided by my client will be utilized. As per the Agreement."
"I refuse to be fitted with a…" Madeline struggled for a word she liked the sound of. "A leash!"
Mister Stole winced, speaking quickly over the top of her. "Lady Westingham is instead proposing to allow periodic inspections to resume," he said. "Provided a neutral third party can be agreed upon, of course."
Inspections.
Candy didn't even ask me my opinion on that.
"Absolutely not," she said, tapping the table with some irritation. "This is all a ruse by your client to reintroduce monthly meetings so she can see my client in person. Our previous experience proved she use the excuse of comparing timetables to intimidate, manipulate, and seek further opportunities to breach the Restraining Order. It will not happen again."
Mister Gengritch shook his head. "But-"
"You're thinking this is a negotiation," Candy said, wagging her finger. "But it is not. This is simple courtesy. Your client broke the contract. Penalties for breaking the Restraining Order so blatantly were very clear. Fit the leash, gentlemen. We will accept no other resolution this time."
The two lawyers shared a sour look while Madeline fumed.
Her eyes were on me.
Studying me.
Measuring every little twitch of my fingers.
Every slight movement in my face.
Every single breath.
Judging me.
Candy had told me we would reach this moment. And she'd told me what to do.
Calmly, I took a long swallow of my gin and tonic before following my lawyer's advice.
I slightly turned my head.
And let my gaze slide slowly up and down my lawyer's slim yet perfect curves. The soft delicate waist. The firm plump breasts. Her angular and exotic face.
Back to those magnificent breasts. Milk white skin.
I swallowed hard.
A bead of sweat trickled down my cheek as Candy shifted a little in her seat. Enough for her breasts to jiggle playfully.
She really was a beautiful woman, I told myself. For a succubus. I wondered what it would be like to-
"You wretched slut!" Madeline's voice made the glass in my hand vibrate and I put it down quickly in case it shattered. "How dare you seduce him! He's mine, you hear me? Mine!"
Her parasol appeared out of nowhere and slammed down on my lawyer's head before her own could wrestle her away from the table.
"Lady Westingham!" Mister Gengritch cried. "Please! Calm yourself!"
"She's crazy!" Candy rubbed at her head, tears miraculously appearing in her eyes as blood also magically appeared to dribble down from her forehead. "Keep that madwoman away from me! I hereby call for permanent application of clause 43, subsection 59, part F! Given her uncontrollable outbursts of more than 15 abusive comments and 1 violent attack causing actual physical injury, Lady Westingham will no longer be permitted any direct contact with either my client or myself. Furthermore, she will be banned from participating personally in any meetings regarding the Agreement. Only her legal representatives may attend in future."
Madeline froze.
Her lawyers froze.
Mister Stole's face paled. "That…"
"You can't do that," Madeline said softly, her voice frigid with hate. "That'd mean I never get to see him again. Gengritch. Tell her she can't do that."
"Err…"
"Stole! Tell her!"
"Umm…" He grimaced. "Lady Westingham, I think we should-"
"No!" She rounded on Candy again, lashing out with the parasol. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you evil little slut! How dare you do this to me! How dare you!"
Candy ducked.
I waved my hand.
A void portal ripped into existence and gleefully snapped around the parasol just above Madeline's white-knuckled fingers as the Old Twit tore through his prize.
I felt a flash of his pleasure.
"Give that back!" Madeline screeched like a banshee. "Give it back to me! I'll kill you! Bitch! Bitch, I'll kill you! How dare you touch him and steal him from me!"
The door suddenly burst open and three nervous-looking guards stood behind my stoic-looking butler.
Lady Madeline blinked at them.
Her two lawyers groaned.
"I heard a ruckus and took the liberty of summoning the guard, sir," he said softly. There wasn't a note of pleasure in his voice. But I could feel it in every thrumming vibration of his dry vocal cords. He looked pointedly at the blood flowing down Candy's face. "Oh dear. It appears Miss Candy has been brutally and physically assaulted."
"It hurts soooo much," Candy wailed. "I think I need a Healer quickly or I might die of blood loss! And my neck really hurts, too."
I lifted my glass and took a long final sip as the guards stepped towards Madeline.
"Thank you, Grimsby," I smiled. "Remind me to give you a raise."