On the computer screen was a post on the campus forum. The title read: "Young Master Shi Spends a Fortune Celebrating His Girlfriend's Birthday, Live Streaming the Entire Process!" The post included many photos—Shi Mingwei and Xu Bingbing interacting intimately, blowing out candles, making wishes, cutting the cake—each picture radiating sweetness and happiness.
"Third Brother, don't be sad..."
"Third Brother, cheer up. A gold-digging bitch like that isn't worth it!"
"Third Brother! Stay strong! Don't do anything stupid!"
All three roommates were on tenterhooks for Li Pingfan, fearing he'd be upset. But Li Pingfan just smiled casually and asked, "When was the last time you three refreshed this post?"
"What do you mean?" Zhou Zitao asked.
"Hurry up and refresh!" Zhang Fengyi urged.
Li Ming quickly clicked refresh. In the next second, the three guys were completely dumbfounded! The post had updated with many new photos, and every single one could only be described in three words: heavy! taste!
Exiting the post, the entire forum homepage was flooded with this news:
"Young Master Shi Vomits 'Crap'—Girlfriend Gets Sprayed in the Face! His 'Fortune' Birthday Gift Turns Out to Be 'Ten Thousand Tons of Gold'!"
"Into Science: Why Did Young Master Shi Vomit 'Crap'?"
"What Does 'Crap' Taste Like? How's the Texture?"
...
"Damn! The forum's blowing up! Will Xu Bingbing ever be able to show her face again?"
"Serves that gold-digging bitch right! For playing with our Third Brother—karma!"
"Refresh again! I need to see more!"
The three roommates were wide-eyed, completely absorbed in this grossly entertaining news. Li Pingfan smiled without a word, his merits and fame hidden away.
After a quick wash, Li Pingfan lay on his bed, planning to check for more red envelopes. Only he knew that dealing with that scummy couple and rescuing Lan Mengchen had all been thanks to [the system]. The red envelopes inside were treasures—the more, the better!
Just then, his phone vibrated.
Ding—Marshal Tianpeng requests to add you as a friend.
Li Pingfan froze. The first image that popped into his mind was a pig's head: "Second Senior Brother? Why would he add me? Did they discover I'm an outsider?" Today was the launch day of the Three Realms Immortal Network. Li Pingfan had definitely snuck in through a system loophole. If exposed, he'd be kicked out for sure! What to do?
"Right! A fortune-telling!" Li Pingfan had a sudden idea. He immediately pinched his fingers to divine, then sighed in relief: "A lucky omen. Safe to add Second Senior Brother."
He clicked accept and instantly received a message.
Marshal Tianpeng: Fellow Daoist, greetings! (three shy emojis)
"Uh..." Li Pingfan imagined a blushing pig's head and shuddered, forcing himself to reply: Greetings, Marshal Tianpeng. May I ask what brings you to me?
Marshal Tianpeng: Fellow Daoist, you just grabbed three Marriage Talismans, correct?
Li Pingfan: Yes.
Marshal Tianpeng: Could you spare one for me? I'm willing to trade something else for it.
Li Pingfan: What does the Marshal need a Marriage Talisman for?
Marshal Tianpeng: I want to... with Fairy Chang'e... (n shy emojis)
Li Pingfan: I see. (one sweating emoji)
Everyone in the Three Realms knew about Second Senior Brother and Chang'e's little "thing." Anyway, Li Pingfan saw the Marriage Talismans as 鸡肋 —trading one wouldn't hurt. But what should he ask for in return?
Li Pingfan knew next to nothing about immortal artifacts. After thinking, he replied: Does the Marshal have any of Sun Wukong's Magical Monkey Hairs? I'd trade for that.
Marshal Tianpeng: Sorry, no... Elder Brother got carried away sending red envelopes today and plucked a bald spot on his body. It'll be hard to get more of his hair anytime soon. (three sweating emojis)
Li Pingfan felt a little disappointed. But since the omen was lucky and Second Senior Brother was a bit of a fool, he decided to ask directly.
Li Pingfan: Second Senior Brother, do you have anything mortals can use?
Marshal Tianpeng: Mortal items? I don't have any on hand, but I can go back to Gao Village.
A line of black lines appeared on Li Pingfan's forehead—Gao Village actually exists? Thinking about how he was so poor he could barely afford food, he replied: Sure, then bring me some gold and jewelry.
Marshal Tianpeng: Gold and jewelry are useless 俗物 (worldly trinkets). Don't you think it's a bad deal to trade a Marriage Talisman for them?
Li Pingfan: No loss at all. Think of it as making friends with the Marshal.
Marshal Tianpeng: Great! I'll definitely be your friend! Wait, I'll go get them right now!
Li Pingfan grinned, secretly thrilled: "Gold's useless to you, but it's super useful to me! Trading 鸡肋 for treasure—I'm making a killing, heh..."
"Third Brother! Hurry over here! The forum's being flooded by another post!" Zhang Fengyi shouted suddenly.
"What post could be more explosive than Shi Mingwei vomiting 'crap'?" Li Pingfan 好奇 (curiously) jumped out of bed and leaned closer.
The headline read: "Campus Beauty Lan Mengchen Goes Out with Mysterious Man! Returns to Dorm Together Late at Night!" Below it were numerous photos as evidence.
The comment section was filled with Lan Mengchen's die-hard fans, expressing envy, jealousy, and even cursing the "mysterious man's" ancestors.
"Are people this bored? Posting this crap instead of doing something useful..." Li Pingfan felt guilty. Luckily, the photos were taken at night, so his face wasn't visible—otherwise, he'd be in big trouble.
"Third Brother! The mysterious man in the photo is wearing the same clothes as you! Could it be you?" Li Ming's eyes widened in surprise.
"What! You little brat! What's your relationship with our Goddess Lan!" Zhou Zitao and Zhang Fengyi stood up, cracking their knuckles as they walked toward Li Pingfan. These two were die-hard fans of Lan Mengchen—they definitely wouldn't go easy on him.
Li Pingfan swallowed nervously. Explaining now would only make things worse. Better to turn the tables: "Fine! I admit it—Lan Mengchen is my girlfriend!"
The three roommates froze.
"Third Brother, when did you start bragging like this?" Zhou Zitao rolled his eyes.
"I'm not bragging. That really is me in the photo! I mustered the courage to admit it, and you don't believe me?" Li Pingfan said.
"Third Brother! That's a really unconvincing brag..." Li Ming shook his head and went back to reading the post.
"Third Brother, I have to lecture you. You're so poor you can't even afford meals, and you're still fantasizing about Goddess Lan? Remember! The Lan family is the top family in Ivy City. Only the most elite young masters are qualified to pursue her!" Zhang Fengyi said.
"I've admitted it anyway. Believe it or not." Li Pingfan shrugged, silently praising his own quick wit.
Just then, his phone vibrated again.
—Received a red envelope from Marshal Tianpeng!